People Feel Worn Out About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

“I was good friends with this girl in college, but now, as we approach 30, she’s invited me to her bachelorette party, bridal shower, and destination wedding in Europe.

She sent invites over a year in advance and was actively pressuring people to RSVP. Initially, I thought, Okay, this could be a good excuse for a Europe trip, so I agreed, figuring I’d have time to save. She also invited me—along with 15 other women I don’t know—to her bachelorette in Scottsdale. Since she lives in Florida and I’m in Pennsylvania, we rarely see each other (maybe once every year or two) and barely text.

From the start, I told her I couldn’t afford both the Europe trip and Scottsdale, which she seemed to understand.

But I wasn’t sure why I was even invited, considering I’m not in the wedding party. Then came her bridal shower in upstate New York, a seven-hour drive from me. I let her know I’d send a gift and well wishes but couldn’t attend due to the long drive, a close friend’s birthday, and my cousin’s wedding the next day. She was rude about it, expecting me to spend $200 on a hotel and bringing up an old party she and her fiancé had once driven the same distance for. She didn’t even thank me for the gift, and when I texted her on the day of the shower to wish her well, she ignored me. Our mutual friend later told me she was upset.

After all this, I no longer want to go to the wedding—especially since I have another one that weekend that’s drivable, where I won’t be made to feel rude for having boundaries. But people say that if I back out now, I’ll definitely be unfriended. The wedding is in August.

Would I be the jerk if I un-RSVP?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This kind of invitation is more of an imposition than a real invitation. Hotel bills, plane tickets, outfits, paying for other expenses, and then gifts on top of that! I am not going to say that it is a rude kind of invitation, but almost!

Come to my wedding and keep your wallets open, friends! The only way so-called destination weddings would be okay is if the hosts paid for plane tickets and hotel accommodation—hello Mr. Rockefeller! But I really do find that it is an unfortunate tendency.” FragrantEconomist386

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For it to be a destination wedding to Europe, and then she expects people to attend pre-events all over the continental US is unreasonable. Not to mention, why does she need all these pre-events??? It seems more about showing off than anything. I can imagine they’re going to end up starting their marriage in massive debt (unless she’s loaded), and that’s not a good sign for longevity.

If she’s already this demanding, what ‘surprises’ lay in store for you in Europe?? I’d walk away, OP… Go on your own trip to Europe instead and have a great time! This woman is not a true friend; she’s all take and no give!” ColdstreamCapple

“I (37F) and my husband (41M) have been together 18 years and have 2 children (3M, 2-month-old F).

I’ll get right to it. I have never been comfortable with my MIL watching our kids. She’s a heavy drinker who binge drinks at least once a week, cannot be relied upon, and doesn’t follow through on plans to come over and see the kids. In short, she chooses to drink and not come over on her days off. There is also high suspicion from the whole family that she is doing substances. She’s made many comments to my husband and the family that she doesn’t feel comfortable coming over because we’re not very welcoming.

Mainly, she’s not a fan of the rules we have when it comes to caring for our children. And she doesn’t understand why I’m not okay with her babysitting.

I always tell her she’s welcome and agree to whenever she wants to come over, and she usually cancels. I let her know whenever we are in town and when I take the kids to the park so that she can come and hang out. I want to make it clear that I’m encouraging a relationship with her, but I’m not going to put their safety in her hands because I don’t trust her.

My not letting her babysit has caused a lot of tension in the family and between my husband and me.

He takes her side more often and says I’m being cruel and mean, and it’s a slap in the face to MIL to not let her, the grandmother, babysit.

I’m blessed to be able to work from home, so I do all the childcare myself. It’s not like we have someone watch our kids every week. It’s only been a handful of times.

This is where I may be the jerk. My husband wanted to take me to dinner for our anniversary this weekend and asked my SIL to babysit. MIL got word of it and called my husband this morning, asking about our plans that SIL told her, and that she planned to come out and visit with the kids while we were out to dinner.

She did this before. I told my husband I’m not comfortable with her coming out if we aren’t there. Needless to say, we got in an argument about this, and now our anniversary dinner has been called off and my husband is very upset with me. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry, the kid’s safety comes first. If MIL has substance use issues, it’s absolutely reasonable to not want her watching your kids without you or your husband present. I get that it’s your husband’s mom, but it’s baffling to me that he is not with you on this. And since she made comments she’s not comfortable coming over because she’s not a fan of your rules, her deciding to come over when SIL is babysitting kind of feels like she’s coming when you’re gone so she can get away with crap you wouldn’t be okay with.” Stranger0nReddit

Another User Comments:
“NTJ.

Is it going to take a babysitting “accident” for him to realize what a dangerous mess his mother is? Or would he still stick up for her then too? Do not trust her with them, and I would have canceled dinner too if she tried to go behind your back to see them. You have 2 jerks to deal with, MIL and your husband.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your children’s safety trumps her feelings. Period. Your husband would rather put a flaky heavy drinker in charge of your VERY YOUNG children than have a difficult conversation with his mother? I can sympathize with his pain of wishing his mother was more stable and able to be a loving, present, and SOBER grandparent, but the risk he is willing to take to pretend is not acceptable.

It only takes one time of her binge drinking for something awful to happen. That is NOT worth it. I’m sorry, but hubs needs a serious come to Jesus talking to…” [deleted]

“Around November last year, we were hanging out with a group of friends, and one guy mentioned that he had a business idea of starting his own YouTube channel. The idea seemed great, and since I run a graphic design and motion graphics agency, I offered to shoot and edit about 4 videos for him completely free, but I expressly said that since it was a free job, I would do it in my own free time. The thought behind it was to help him start while minimizing his expenses, as he is not financially stable.

I went ahead and wrote a draft business plan for him, which he could customize and tailor to suit his business idea.

I also expressly said that I did not want any ownership rights to his proposed business. He never sent back the revised business plan, despite my repeatedly asking him for it. I had also requested him to send his preferred name for his business so that I could create his logo and other artwork to get him started, which he never provided.

Over the December holiday, I was heavily engaged with work and travel, so I really didn’t have any free time. When I got back at the beginning of the year, we bumped into each other at a social place, and he was quite intoxicated. He started shouting at me, saying that I had “conned him” of that opportunity to implement his business idea.

He proceeded to tell anyone and everyone the same, and not in a friendly way. In response to his intoxicated tirade and utterances, I informed him that I had rescinded my offer to help, and he was free to seek those services elsewhere.

Some friends told me to just let it go because he was intoxicated and stressed with other unrelated issues, and to help him, but over the next few days, he continued to repeatedly blame and mistreat me for failing to help him, to the extent of calling me a conman. I decided to part ways with him and even blocked his number because he was also sending abusive text and WhatsApp messages and calls.

So I’m asking, am I a jerk for rescinding my offer to help after he mistreated me, or am I just overreacting?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ.

You can’t con someone if you never got paid.” Petefriend86

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dust off your feet and keep walking and don’t look back.” JMarchPineville

“My mother (55) wants to move away (about 600km). It’s roughly where she lived as a child, and all in all it would be beneficial to her health (major conurbation vs. a comparatively small town at the coast). She even has the promise of a job, which is very good, since she’s been unemployed for at least 28 years, kind of homeless for the past three years, and has no hopes of getting a job around here.

The problem is, moving would cost a hefty sum, which our welfare office denies since “it doesn’t matter” and “Moving in hopes to get a job is pointless anyway” (directly translated).

My jerk potential: I (28) could finance it.

I’d have to access my savings, which I rather not do, since my spouse and I are moving soon as well, need to renovate the house, plan for a family, all that jazz. The usual expenses when a young couple is serious. And moreover, I don’t really trust my mother with that sum. She’s not exactly without blame for the overall situation, and I see no indication that it’s really going to be better.

If I am to believe my grandmother, who has known her for far longer than I have, it has always been like this: there’s a new thing and Mum needs help to get started, so the people around her do their best, only for my mother to drop it after 6 months tops.

Now don’t get me wrong.

I do love my mother and want only the best for her. She’s taken care of me for 14 years and despite her, or rather our situation back then, I never really felt like things were lacking in my life. But I am getting tired of her antics. It feels like she’s running headfirst into a wall, complains about said wall, expects me to show her a way through the wall, all while simultaneously wondering where the headaches come from. Recently, my spouse even developed the saying “You know something is wrong with that woman when an autistic manchild with ADHD [yeah, me] is more reasonable than her.”

Recently, and this is actually the reason for me posting here, she’s even started a fundraiser and asked me to share the link around.

And while I really do want to believe the best, it just screams “Look at what I need to do because you won’t help me.”

So yeah. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ You can help her get back on her feet again by letting her do it on her own. You can’t spoon-feed her. She’s an adult. You don’t mention any addiction issues or mental illness so I’m going to assume that she’s ok on those matters. Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before they can climb out of their mess by themselves instead of relying on others to always give them a helping hand.” LoveBeach8

Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Break away from the madness.

You can still talk to her but not be an outlet for money. My mother is in a somewhat similar situation. Never has money and after I got my first big boy job I flat out told her I don’t have the money to give her when she asked. She also can act quite helpless at times and tries to get me to solve her problem for her. I just give the best advice I can give and say I’ll help with my time if I get the right information and am available, which usually leads to nothing getting done but hey, that’s on her. I feel like you can do that same thing in this situation.” LeglessPooch32

Another User Comments:
“NTJ.

You certainly have the right to subsidize your mother, but you should understand that if you do it now, you’ll do it the next time and the next time and the next time. If you’re okay with this, go for it. If not, say no now and hope your mom understands that she’s accountable for her actions.” ClothesQueasy2828

“I (28F) am getting married to my fiancé (30M) in May. I had made a guest list that resulted in already too many people as I didn’t want it to be that large of a wedding. Growing up, I’ve always had a rocky relationship with my mom as things have happened that made me resent her… a lot of things. All my life, I’ve kept low contact with her. I would go months without speaking to her, especially when she was living in another country for a job. However, as an adult, I had sort of reconciled our relationship.

I would go visit her when I’m in town (I live in a different city hours away), we would talk sometimes but still on the same terms… months without talking. She had helped me buy a car last year, and she agreed to help me financially with the wedding, which was split evenly with other people who are contributing.

Last month, I have given out the invitations to my wedding. On my mom’s envelope, I had only put her and one other guest. She questioned why I only put one guest, since she paid $3k and that was enough to invite more people. I asked her who else she wanted to invite. She said it’s not fair and that I have cousins and aunts who love me and that I’m doing the same thing my dad did when I had my sweet 16s.

(My dad cut ties with my mom and uninvited her and her side of the family.) I told her I had no control, as I was only 16 and unsure what was going on between them. I also said that the only person I talk to in her family is her. The only other people I got along with were my grandma and aunt who had passed away years ago. My one cousin I actually liked didn’t even invite me to her wedding. My other aunt is a total jerk (my mom doesn’t know I don’t like her) and her sons/my cousins have been in and out of jail since childhood. I’ve explained things have changed and I’ve lost contact with everyone, and I only wanted her to go. Especially since she missed important events like my sweet 16 and even my graduation, no thanks to my dad for not allowing her to go. I was sad that she couldn’t go to either event.

So, AITJ for not inviting the rest of my mom’s family?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not inviting guests you don’t want to be there. But you also need to stop accepting mom’s money for helping out with the wedding, a car, etc. Accepting money from someone you have a fairly strained relationship with is never no strings attached. If you truly want your own say without an inevitable guilt trip, then you need to stop asking mom for financial help.” lizzylou365

Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ, OP.

We had a MASSIVE falling out with my dad’s side of the family years ago after my aunt pulled a “Main character Syndrome” stunt at my sister’s wedding, and ever since then, I can’t stand ANY of his side. I can tell you right now, these people won’t be anywhere near my wedding. Basically, what I’m saying is you don’t have to justify yourself. If you don’t like these people and they aren’t a part of your regular life, why would you invite them? If it’s so important to your mom, give her back her 3K and tell her if she won’t accept your decision, then maybe she shouldn’t be coming either.” ColdstreamCapple

“I met my stepdaughter right after her 3rd birthday. I married her dad when she was 5. She moved in full-time with me and my husband when she hit 7 due to a CPS case with her mom, and since then she has been living with us. She is about to turn 14 this year. Not long ago, her mom moved to be closer to her daughter and started picking her up on the weekends. One day while I was home with my stepdaughter, I texted bm, “Please let me know when you’re on your way to get (my stepdaughter’s name).” I honestly just asked that because selfishly I wanted to know if she was going to be there before dinner time or after, so I know if I’m cooking with her in mind (picky eater) or for my husband and me.

Also, she had the habit of not saying when she’s arriving at my house, which I didn’t like anyone doing. I like to know when I should be expecting someone pulling into my driveway. I think of it as a natural courtesy when visiting people’s homes. Maybe it’s just me.

Anyway, I got a text back saying “Ok.” Fast forward, she doesn’t tell me she’s on her way or provide an ETA and just arrives at my door. I was upset, but I didn’t say anything; I gave the kiddo a kiss and said, “Have a good weekend.”

Later that evening, when my husband came home, I learned that she had texted him saying that I was out of place for asking her to tell me when she was coming to my house to pick up “HER” daughter.

She continued in the message stating, “I didn’t become intimate with her; I became intimate with you,” and that she shouldn’t have to deal with me. Like what the heck? It’s my house. I have been helping take care of your daughter, and I get treated as if I am nobody? I literally have been building a relationship with this little girl since she was 3 years old and she has been living with me for almost 7 years now, and her mother still refuses to cooperate with me?

Am I a jerk for asking her to tell me when she’s coming to the house? I don’t feel like I crossed a boundary.

This is my house, and I should have the right to know when someone is arriving at my door, right? I just don’t understand.”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ – And your husband needs to step up and back you on this. There’s a reason he has custody. She needs to respect the boundaries and the rules of your home. Personally, I’d be a little passive-aggressive about it to send a message—like make her wait outside because ‘Oh, we didn’t know when to expect you so she’s not ready’ and things like that.” silentwind262

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s childish to avoid you and bring the issue to your husband instead.

You are both adults, and she should be able to talk to you and work it out as adults for the sake of your kid. ‘I didn’t become intimate with her; I became intimate with you’ gives me the vibe that she isn’t dealing with the divorce and changes to her family well at all—especially after 7 years. If family therapy for all of you together is a possibility, it might help to at least open up communication between the two of you and probably offer the kid a space to discuss how this relationship is affecting her.” toothbrush_wizard

Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If she isn’t okay with texting you when she is on her way because ‘she didn’t become intimate with you’ then she should text your husband and he can text you to let you know.

Yes, she is being super disrespectful and childish, and no, you did not ask for something that is unreasonable. Biomom is just being difficult because she is jealous that you were able to provide a stable home for her daughter when she wasn’t. My parents divorced, and my mom remarried when I was around 11. My dad and my stepdad got along very well and there were never any issues that I was aware of between them. My stepdad’s ex-wife, on the other hand, was awful to my mom and made it very difficult for my mom to help care for my stepsiblings. We are all grown up now and my mom and stepdad are divorced, but my stepsister calls my mom for advice, and they have a good relationship years later because she created a stable environment for us to grow up in.” Happy_Elephant4225

“My partner just went on a 5-day cruise with her family, I was invited but couldn’t go because I had to work and also had to stay to take care of our two dogs. I had no problem letting her go and have fun while I worked and took care of the dogs. Five days go by, she is flying home and asks me if I can pick her up at the airport on Sunday at midnight when her plane lands. I said sure. Forty-five minutes before she lands, I leave our apartment to get to the airport, which is about 15 minutes away.

I’ve only been there a few times, and I admittedly do get easily turned around. So I get to the airport “loop” and I’m following signs: arrivals/departures, short-term/long-term parking … I end up going in a huge loop and ending up on the other side from where her flight was.

Trying to navigate back, I get myself more lost and stuck at curbside for the “blue airlines” (this airport divides all airlines by either red or blue; she was red and I was in blue. I had a 50/50 shot and screwed it up). Then I get a call from her dad, who was there to pick up her mom (my partner and her mom were on the same flight), and he was inside at the gate to meet her (which was my original intention when I left for the airport).

Panicked, I drive very slowly through the loop, deliberately following the labyrinth of signs, merges, and closed roads from construction, and manage to get myself to the “red airlines” pick-up area. I call her to tell her what happened and that I can pick her up on the curb right next to where she had to get her luggage from. She wouldn’t answer me. After that, I drove around panicked six times in the little curbside loop because they wouldn’t let you park until I saw her, and she was very angry at me (saying “I’m a thoughtless person, I don’t care about her, you need to be better…”).

My partner normally takes Ubers to and from the airport when traveling, knowing that I always would offer to pick her up, so she’s more than comfortable using Ubers.

But I thought my volunteering to pick her up after holding down the fort by myself all week would show her I was thinking about her. Despite it not going the way that I planned, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Using her words: she sounds like a thoughtless person, she doesn’t care about you, she needs to do better. Sounds pretty awful to say to someone doing you a favor, doesn’t it? Your partner was very rude to complain, especially after all your efforts. I think most people would have felt sorry to have put you through so much trouble. It’s generous to drive to the airport and pick someone up at the curb.

Trying to park and meet inside is extremely inconvenient for the driver, and only actually helpful for the traveler if there’s heavy luggage. I don’t like that she wasn’t grateful, let alone disparaged you. She actually criticized you personally for doing this favor. She sounds difficult to please and not afraid to demean you. Pay close attention to how she speaks to you, or if she sometimes encourages you to feel lesser than.” Squeakhound

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You left in what should have been plenty of time to find your way, so it’s not like you left last minute. Some people get very confused at airports if they haven’t driven there before.

We almost exclusively do curbside pick-up. It’s a rare occasion that we’d park and actually come into the terminal.” Longjumping-Lab-1916

Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you deserve better. She is rude, selfish, and completely lacks empathy. What you are telling us is that she was willing to catastrophically inconvenience you so she wouldn’t be minorly inconvenienced, and since she was minorly inconvenienced, she now feels she has the right to treat you like crap. There is NOTHING wrong with picking her up on the curb by baggage claim. That was a very reasonable request to make. Her treating it like you were asking her to run a half marathon with all of her luggage is selfishness personified.

You went out of your way to help her at great inconvenience to yourself, and she couldn’t even treat you with a modicum of appreciation because she had to wait a minute. She needs to do better as a person. I want you to step back and really look at the way she treats you in other areas of your relationship because I HIGHLY suspect that she treats you like crap in other areas of your relationship, too. I highly suspect she holds you to a MUCH higher standard than she holds herself.” [deleted]

“My partner’s parents (60s) live in a different country than us (30s), and so regular trips overseas are commonplace for my partner (and for me, when I can get the time off work), and the same goes for his parents, who regularly visit us here. I realised pretty quickly that my partner’s relationship with his parents is incredibly rare: although he lives far away from them, he sees them more often than I see my OWN family, who lives in the same state as me. Most importantly, he NEVER gets sick of their company.

Being flummoxed by that answer and questioning whether it was, in fact, I who was the weird one, I answered my own question, how long could you stay with your parents before you get sick of them?, without hesitation: “More than 3 days and I would go crazy staying with family/them staying with me” – because, unlike my partner, I’m a child of divorce and perhaps that had an effect on one’s ability to spend a lot of time with one’s parents as an adult.

And so I set off to question my whole friendship group, how long could you stay with your parents before you get sick of them? Results, as yet, are inconclusive on my survey of friends – I have some VERY happily married parents, so maybe my hypothesis is proving true.

Anyway, I’ve now come to the internet because I’m 7 nights into my partner’s parents’ stay in our 2 bedroom/1 bathroom house, and I am currently hiding in our bedroom while my partner hangs with his parents in the other room until it is time to take them to the airport later tonight.

FURTHER CONTEXT: I was under the impression that today (Saturday) was a day to myself after a long work week, as the original plan was for my partner to take his parents out for the day before dropping them off at the airport at night.

I’ve spent the week looking forward to today, because despite how lovely and chill the in-laws are, I work from home and NEED my alone time in a silent house (#neurospicy).

So I ask you internet, AITJ for lamenting to my partner this morning: “You said you were going to be out today; I just want to get high and lie in the hammock listening to my podcast” and locking myself in my room to do the aforementioned activities (minus hammocks)…”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The question should have been ‘How long can you live with your in-laws before you go crazy?’ It doesn’t sound unreasonable for you to need your space, plus it’s the weekend now and your partner can take it from here.

Go on and enjoy your alone time, you’ve earned it.” carmabound

Another User Comments:
“No one’s the jerk here. I have MH problems and therefore get a bit stressed quicker and need a bit more time off for myself. That’s a medical condition; expecting someone with mental health issues to be able to constantly perform socially would be like expecting a physically disabled person to keep up with everyone physically. You’re allowed time off and to yourself, and a week of their company is a long time, particularly when factoring in work. The best thing would be to speak to your partner and explain, and hopefully he can explain to his parents that you just need a bit of time to yourself here and there.

It can be difficult as there still is a stigma attached to mental health, but if they can understand then they know to give you your space as well. As long as everyone is on the same page then everyone is happy.” Diagro666

Another User Comments:
“I am 53. I have lived with my parents for 40 years – the 13 years were in gaps of 2–3 years away (for college, university, jobs, etc.) from my teen years to my mid-30s. So, to answer your question, how long can you live with your parents before you get sick of them – there’s one answer. Yes, my parents and I have our own challenges and disagreements, but that is to be expected with any and all adults who cohabit.

By the way, I have a very different lifestyle from my parents, from food to daily routine, etc. Oh! And when I close the door to my room, no one disturbs me.” ProfileElectronic

“I’m super mad at this point and am wondering whether this was my fault.

My suitemates and I are all in the early years of college, and several of us have rooms but share a bathroom. Two of my roommates, Ashley and Jessica, are really annoying. The others aren’t important in this story besides the fact that they’re mildly bothered by this too.

There are a lot of crazy things I’ve seen from them, but the one thing that’s bothering me right now is the shared bathroom. My roommates and I always knock firmly, then wait a second for any reply to make sure there isn’t someone inside before we open the door since the light tends to be left on by everyone.

Jessica knocks lightly and opens the door right after, not even waiting for a reply, and Ashley doesn’t knock at all. I’ve nearly been walked into several times and started locking the door (they told everyone not to “in case it’s an emergency” because the shower is blocked off by a non-see-through sliding door, so technically one can use the toilet while someone else can shower at the same time).

I sometimes leave the door locked from the inside by accident just because of the way the lock works, and if the light is left on then the door is locked with nobody inside and has to be unlocked from the outside with a tool.

I believe this might be the cause of the beef Jessica has against me. Jessica says she nearly had an accident because the door was locked and called me ridiculous when I said if I didn’t hear the knock, it practically didn’t happen.

Honestly speaking, I’m scared of her. My other roommate Isabelle told me Jessica has beaten someone up before for doing something she didn’t like at a bar, and she’s the type who might force the door open just because she cares that little about anyone else’s privacy.

Unfortunately, no authority figure in my building can do anything to them since what they’re doing isn’t illegal, so any advice would be appreciated.

I’ve tried talking to them, but they’re being stubborn. Am I overreacting, and do you think it’s my fault for starting the whole thing by locking the door?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ It is completely reasonable to lock the door when using the bathroom. Even if you were MARRIED, this would be reasonable. But as roommates? Yes, of course you can lock the bathroom door. No one sane could argue otherwise. Figure out how to deal with the door accidentally locking as a different issue. I would suggest finding a tool that works, attaching it to a string, and affixing it near the door. And then move out.” slothmanstu

Another User Comments:
“Wait, are they mad at you because you lock the door at all, or because by locking the door when you use it, it means that the door often gets locked unintentionally when you leave?

It sounds like the fight is actually because they’re mad about the second thing happening. As someone with IBS, I would be pretty furious if this was repeatedly happening to the bathroom I needed to use.” Redsfan19

Another User Comments:
“As it turns out, another reason I believe at this point they’re just arguing to prove themselves right is their attitude. Both of them, but mostly Jessica, are really rude. After they tried entering the bathroom (literally, the doorknob rattled a few times and I had to say “Stop, I’m inside” and “I’m changing” a few times for them to stop, and even then, I was scared they’d unlock it from the outside with me literally exposed), they took their stupid speaker, turned it up, and put it beside the bathroom door, presumably to drive me out faster.

When I told her I’d try to remember to unlock the door before leaving, she said “You won’t try, you WILL remember” as if it were a threat, despite the fact she’s the one who doesn’t knock properly on a good day. I honestly regret being such a pushover. I should’ve told her if she’s not going to start knocking properly, I’m going to continue locking the door.” Apprehensive1559

“I live with my partner and we divide chores 50/50. For the dishes, we alternate days for who does them, and for cooking, we used to cook together. A couple of months ago, my partner temporarily had her work pattern changed, so she started and finished later. This meant she was getting back later, so we agreed that I would cook for this period and we still alternated the dishes.

Three weeks ago, my partner’s pattern went back to normal, so we said we would go back to cooking together. I work from home, but my workload has increased recently, so work has been more stressful and I’ve been working slightly later.

Every time it comes to food, my partner will say she’s tired and go on about how much effort everything entails.

She says she’ll help, and then, once I’ve started, she’ll conveniently take a nap or end up just sitting and using her phone in the living room. She’s said it’s because she’s that tired and needs to, but I pointed out that she shouldn’t be getting as tired as she is each day; maybe she should see a doctor about it, but she refuses.

It’s started getting to me that I’m stressed at work, then expected to go and cook for both of us because my partner wants to take a nap, and then I still have to wash the dishes 50% of the time.

I sat down to talk with my partner yesterday and told her that I’d like her to start helping more with the cooking since we agreed that we’d both be doing it, and so far she hasn’t helped once.

She said it’s not her fault that she’s tired, and I pointed out that she only seems to be tired once cooking has started and that if she isn’t going to help with the cooking, I think she should be the one doing the dishes.

She disagreed and said that I was being unreasonable and that she does intend to help, but I just pointed out that if she intended to help, she wouldn’t go and lie on the sofa or bed when cooking starts. She said I was being unfair and using her tiredness as an excuse to start an argument, but I just repeated that either she helps with the cooking or she does the dishes.

She said that I was having a go at her for nothing.

AITJ for saying I am going to cook less?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have an agreement with my partner that I cook and he does the dishes. It’s the fairest way. I used to work in kitchens, so I clean as I go; he’s often not left with much, but it leaves us with a little extra chill time together. She can’t expect you to take on full cooking duties and still do all the clean-up after while she sits on her butt and claims she’s tired; it’s selfish.” Binky_kitty

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Though, maybe— instead of naming the chore, name the timeframe, then decide what’s best to do within that timeframe?

For example, you have 30 minutes. Decide what’s more pressing—a meal or cleaning bathrooms. Or have a rule that says something like, ‘When one cooks, the other does the dishes.’ Also, invest in a slow cooker—dump everything into the pot and forget about it for hours (or even do this before you go to bed and wake up to a prepared meal for the next day—or a couple of days).” VerbisInMotu

Another User Comments:
“If she doesn’t want to cook with you, dish duty is a reasonable trade-off. If she refuses, alternating days of cooking with both doing the dishes seems the fairest way around, and I don’t see how she can mind.

But why won’t she see a doctor? Do you think she’s suffering from depression? Because things being too much effort and chronic fatigue are both symptoms—although they are symptomatic of so many other things, including early pregnancy. I’m not trying to worry you too much, but maybe you should be looking beyond a simple cohabitation problem and see if there’s something else driving her recent behavior changes. Hopefully, trading off cooking, or another suggestion, will work, and you all will be happily enjoying your dinner time together again. Best of luck to you both.” Drustan6

“I (21F) am really into beauty (makeup, skincare, perfumes, etc.) and I collect perfumes. There’s one perfume I’ve been wanting for quite some time now, but it’s been way out of my budget. I’m a college student working a part-time job at the movie theater, which pays about 13 bucks an hour, and I have other priorities to pay for, so it’s taken a while for me to save up.

I’d finally saved up the amount I needed and was planning on buying myself the perfume as a birthday gift (my birthday was two days ago).

I told my partner (20M) this, and he told me to go spend my money on something else and that he’d buy the perfume for me instead. I told him he didn’t have to, considering it’s expensive, but he insisted. A few days before my birthday, I asked him if he was sure about buying it and told him again that I had no problem buying it myself. He told me not to worry about it and said he’d already bought and wrapped it. I thanked him and figured since he’d already bought it, I could spend my money on something else.

I took my best friend and my younger sister out to a nice restaurant, and then to the movies afterwards.

I wasted more than half the money I’d saved up, but I obviously didn’t think anything of it. So, on my birthday, my partner gave me my gift, and it was a body spray and a bath bomb. I asked him what happened to the perfume, and he told me it was a lot more expensive than he’d expected and way out of his budget. I got mad at him and asked him why he lied to me and told me to waste my money on something else when he could have easily told me he couldn’t afford it and I’d have bought it myself. He called me a spoiled brat and said I was expecting too much from him. I called him a piece of lying crap and left after that. I got a few texts from him and his friends, calling me names and saying I’m using him for money (??). I also got a text from his mom, with whom I had a great relationship, calling me childish for throwing temper tantrums when I don’t get my way. I honestly don’t see how I’m in the wrong here, but I’m not the type of person to not apologize if I am. So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he lied to you and promised something and then didn’t follow through. You gave him multiple chances to change his mind, he promised you it was ‘already wrapped’ and got your hopes up, caused you to spend the money you had intentionally saved up for this item, and then acted like it was your fault you were disappointed and upset.

Also, the way he responded to all of this? Leave him.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was a little, but ehhh, at the headline. If I’m reading this right, you’re not as upset that he didn’t buy the perfume as you are that he repeatedly lied about it, refused to acknowledge the lies, and had his friends try to harass and join the gaslighting he has just taken. A microphone/megaphone and told you who he really is. I guarantee you can do and deserve better. Even if it’s being single and spending more time with your sister and bestie.” MxRead

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And please, please, don’t stay with someone who thinks it’s okay to sic his friends and his mother on you.

That’s the most childish nonsense ever. Plus, I’m guessing the names his friends used were probably highly misogynistic; they pretty much always are in these scenarios. He did that. Your partner, the person who should love and protect you, intentionally set you up for that. You deserve better, all around.” CheckIntelligent7828

“I (22F) got kicked out of my home a year and a half ago. I was staying with family for a month until I found my own place. I got settled in. Then, after a few months, my sister (17) started to visit, and it became more and more frequent until she bought her own bed and suddenly she moved in fully. It all happened really quickly.

It was fun to begin with. However, the house would get messy when I was at work because she would let random strangers into my house. Some of them were her longtime friends; others were just people she barely knew, and it stressed me out.

I said that if she is going to stay in my house, I need rent, so I got her a job at the place where I work.

I thought it would be fun. And it sometimes is, but a lot of the time she is entitled, rude, and misses a lot of shifts. The initial idea was that she would pay me £250 a month, but sometimes I barely get £50 from her. Also worth mentioning, she cannot drive and we live a good half-hour drive away from where we work, and she hates the bus. So I end up taking her or getting her, and I do not receive much of a thank you—let alone any fuel money—because after two weeks she has blown through what little money she gets.

A friend of mine (18F) got kicked out of her house, and I said she could stay with me.

I only have a two-bedroom house, but she was completely chill with staying on the couch. She gives me £350 a month and works in the same place as I do.

My sister gets really moody, and when she does, she takes it out on us by snapping over small things. I have fully had enough, to be honest; she is not helping pay the bills, she calls in for many of her shifts, she expects lifts all over the place, and she lets people—whom I have said I do not like—into my house. It is just a lot. And I am struggling with anxiety and depression, and it just adds to the stress.

Would I be the jerk for telling her to move in with my nan for a while until she gets more money because I do not like that my friend is paying £300 more a month to stay on my sofa than she is paying to stay in the bedroom.”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your sister didn’t even formally ask you if she can stay with you to begin with and just suddenly buying a bed and moving in with you is just too entitled, lol” monkeyleeezard

Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Sis is taking advantage of you.

She is allowing strangers in your house—a big fat no. Sis needs to leave, and the friend paying her share of the bills can move into sister’s room. This is the scenario of ‘no good deed goes unpunished.’ Kick her out—if she wants to live like an adult, she needs to figure it out.” sunset-tx-armadillo

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But maybe before kicking her out, there is room for a serious conversation in which you tell her that she’s an adult now. You’re not her mom, and she cannot keep acting like this. She has responsibilities, and if she cannot fulfill them, it is extremely burdensome for you to keep taking care of her.

Also, you live together as equals, where everyone should feel comfortable and contribute equally, and you do not feel comfortable with the people she brings over. Her lack of contribution is taking a toll. Again, you are not her mother. She cannot expect to be taken care of, handed everything, and expect everyone to just be okay with whatever she does. Time to grow up. After this, she’ll probably want to move out herself, but at least you give her a chance to get her head out of her behind and step up.” Bo_O58

“I was invited to my friend’s wedding at a small restaurant he rented out, so I agreed and he made me a groomsman. My ex and I were all friends with the group, so I figured she was coming either way. We broke up smoothly and we don’t hate each other, so it’s not too awkward. When I got my digital invite, I noticed I had no plus one. Knowing I have been seeing this new partner for close to 6 months, I thought it was strange.

I texted him to ask if I could bring her.

He said the restaurant is small, so he has to wait and see if people RSVP no, and at that time, she can come. (Fair enough). A few months went by and he still hasn’t given me a heads up if she can come or not. With the wedding just after the fall, I want to know if it’s okay for her to come. I got a crap answer, and now people not coming seems to not be the deciding factor. It seems like he just doesn’t want her to come.

So I write him a text that says, “Hey, just a heads up so I don’t make things hard. If my partner is unable to come, I won’t be able to attend.

Don’t move things around for me; I just don’t want to be in the same place as my ex without her being around. If you can make room, awesome; if not, I’ll come down beforehand and take you guys out for dinner and spend a weekend in town.”

He replied with no worries, overbooked, blah blah blah; I’ll let you know. Next time we talked, he snapped at me, saying he couldn’t comprehend why my partner not coming was the deciding factor for my attendance. He asked if I wanted him to uninvite my ex? I said, “No, we have been friends for years, and I have no problem with her being there.” He said, “Clearly, you do, or you would come no matter what.

You are scared she is going to try and touch your private parts?”

At that point, I was done with the conversation and felt like I was talking to a spoiled brat who wanted me to drop my morals and just shut up and fit his narrative. AITJ or is my friend being kind of a jerk?”

Another User Comments:
“ESH, but barely. It’s a small wedding, so he is NTJ for not inviting your partner of six months. You are NTJ for asking if she could come. The sucky parts are as follows: 1. You: Not wanting to be at the same small wedding with an ex where there are no hard feelings without your partner present is not rational or reasonable.

It’s not a moral stance. You’re not a savage animal that can’t control yourself. Whether this is stemming from your partner’s jealousy or some odd, unwarranted, misplaced sense of exaggerated faux propriety on your part, it likely deserved the mocking your friend gave it. 2. Your friend: He should have given you a definitive answer much sooner. Because you were a groomsman rather than only a guest, he should have been appreciative of your willingness to serve in that capacity and worked harder to accommodate your desire to bring your partner, which wasn’t an unreasonable request even if your reason for it was.” Curious-One4595

Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’ve been with this woman for 6 months.

Sure, it might be serious, but given it appears your friend doesn’t know her, it’s reasonable for him not to invite her. I also don’t understand why you wouldn’t go to an event your ex was at without your partner? You mention something about morals. This isn’t a moral question. If your partner can’t trust you at a wedding your ex will also be at, there’s a lot more to this story and you’ve got bigger problems in a relationship. Ultimately, it’s his wedding and he and his partner get final say – you’re the one being a jerk.” Elleketel

Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.

Invites can be declined or accepted. As a heads up: If you, him, and your ex run with the same friend group and they all go but you don’t, the narrative is going to be—you don’t want to be around your ex. That could have repercussions for your stance in the group and your friendships with them.” avatarjulius

“I (32f) am an experienced nurse and my (32m) partner has been having some non-lethal medical issues lately. We’ve been together for almost 3 years, and he’s always been a highly anxious person when it comes to his health (to the verge of panic—believing something is deathly wrong with him). I suffer from my own anxiety, stress, and depression, but I can put it aside at work to take care of my patients. When I’m at home, though, I need to give my brain relaxation time. Anyway—

He constantly asks me to assess him, “feel this area for me,” “can you look at this for me?” and asks me questions that I often can’t answer.

So I tell him to contact his doctor. I’ve helped him set up appointments with his doctor or other providers who tell him that what he’s experiencing is likely non-lethal (but painful for him nonetheless), and they even order tests for him to rule out any major concerns.

For more context, I work at the hospital where he is seen and work with the doctors he should be seeing—he could be my patient because I work with his population (adult general clinic). I know the ins and outs of how things work with patients like him.

He believes what the doctor says, though, but then still freaks out and asks me again to assess him when his problems flare up or his anxiety gets high.

He doesn’t take the medications they offer him to help and delays the tests they order him to give him peace of mind. And I told him, “I’m frankly done.” I said, “No, do the tests your doctor tells you to. Email your doctor instead of waiting to see them (which is extremely easy to do). Try smaller doses of the medications they give you.” He does do some of the things they tell him, like stretching and more osteopathic stuff, though.

I held my ground again last night, and he responded by getting angry at me and telling me not to treat him like a child. I told him I’m done pandering to his anxiety.

He needs to get therapy for this, or something, because frankly he fears that he’s going to die all the time but, at the same time, doesn’t do what he’s told by medical professionals. I am a medical professional, but I’m not a doctor and I don’t always want to be a nurse at home. It’s too much for me.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Two reasons, logistical and emotional: As a nurse myself I don’t like being asked to “look at this rash” or “tell me if my headache is serious.” I’m not a physician and I don’t have the resources needed to work you up.

I’m not going to give you a diagnosis. He’s also relying on you to ease anxieties that he needs to at least attempt to manage himself, which you’ve given him the resources to do. Hold your ground.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe he should look into “health anxiety.” I think it makes sense that you put up boundaries and don’t want to perpetuate his anxiety, although it seems that he’s not responding very well to that at the moment, especially when he’s experiencing anxiety and coming to you for reassurance. Perhaps if you sat him down, in a moment when he wasn’t experiencing anxiety, told him what you’re noticing (that he’s worried about his health in a way that seems to be creating problems for him), and that you’re not going to reassure him anymore since it doesn’t do anything for him in the long run and since it’s not fair on you to be emotionally available in that way constantly.

Maybe with some material/links about health anxiety? He might be angry at you, but it’s not your responsibility to soothe his anxiety. Furthermore, he will never have to deal with it while you keep soothing it. Just some thoughts—what a difficult situation!” Grangerscat

“So my partner (21 M) and I (23 F) have been in a relationship for 2 and 1/2 years and have been in a long-distance relationship for the last year and a half. Everything in our relationship has gone smoothly, and we readily communicate and visit when we can.

Recently, I visited my partner at his place where he lives rent-free through his employer. He let me know that I was welcome to live there as well, assuming I got into nursing school in the area. Once I found out I was accepted to the program, I told my partner I would probably move in around late November so we could have all of December together before my program started in January.

During this conversation, I mentioned that I was interested in getting a cat because they are low-maintenance and it would be nice to have something to cuddle when he is gone. He said I couldn’t get a cat unless he could get a dog, as he had mentioned on many occasions that he wanted one. Therefore, I said I wouldn’t get a cat. I also discussed that we probably aren’t financially able to support an animal if they had expensive medical bills come up, and with my partner having a downstairs neighbor, it might be best to wait until I finish school and we are living somewhere else.

Today, my partner said a friend of his offered him their dog, and he wanted to know if I would be okay with adopting it.

At first, I said I didn’t have an opinion on the matter because I didn’t want to tell him what to do with his money or his house, even though this will be our house in just 3 months. But I did later mention that we had already had a discussion on this matter and he knew my stance. He then explained that he had been lonely living alone, and a dog would really help with that, but it’s only 3 months until I would be there. He also used the fact that the dog was potty-trained as additional leverage for why I should allow him to get it.

I texted my partner saying that he wouldn’t let me get a cat and that I had already made it very clear that I did not want a dog right now, but I could tell he was upset.

I just do not want that kind of responsibility or distraction during my schooling, and I threatened to find an apartment or live in the dorms instead. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:
“A pet is a huge responsibility. I know a lot of people—myself included—who would love a pet, but the responsibility—financial, time, etc.—just doesn’t make sense for us. And I think your solution is really practical. He should get a dog if he wants a dog, but it probably means it makes more sense for you to live elsewhere. You’ll still be able to see each other, but there will be much more of a demarcation that walks, training, and expenses are his responsibility, not yours.

NTJ.” rak1882

Another User Comments:
“I feel you two should live together for some time before taking this relationship to the next stage, for example, considering having a pet together. But if this is HIS dog, then it’s up to you if you want to accept it and if you still want to live with him.” SuperBBBGoReading

“I (38m) am married to a Lao woman (34). My wife was born in Laos, and even after moving to America, her family made it a habit to embrace their culture’s traditions. As a white man born and raised in America, it has taken me a lot to get used to her cultural quirks throughout our marriage.

We have two kids (11f and 7f). Our youngest’s birthday was just this past week, and my wife insisted we celebrate it the way they do in Laos. I was reluctant at first, but in the end, I listened to all of her requests and decided to oblige so we wouldn’t have to fight over it.

My MIL and wife told me that it was important that our kids were “involved in their culture.”

The morning of our daughters’ party, my wife was downstairs making Lao desserts and food before the guests arrived. Some of these items had a strong odor that I recognized and had such difficult names to pronounce. Throughout my 14-year marriage to her, I’ve had to sit quietly and just let her silence my own culture and not teach our kids about their American side.

That day, I made it a point to say something. The guests had arrived, and I noticed some of them skipping over the food she had made. Luckily, some of the kids’ parents brought small sweets along with their gift.

While my wife was socializing, my mother came up to me and pointed out the food.

I was so glad she agreed with me on this and urged me to say something. When guests started to leave, I asked my wife if I could speak to her. She told me I was being rude by interrupting. This was my last straw, and I blew up. I yelled at her, saying “THIS FOOD SHOULDN’T BE HERE. NO ONE LIKES IT. STOP MAKING IT!”

Both our daughters were beside her, and she waved them to go inside. She looked at me and bumped into me as she followed the girls inside. Later that night, I tried to tell her that it’s important our kids know they’re American as well, and she told me that there was “no loving culture to learn about” before sending the girls to stay with their grandmother that weekend.

She’s been giving me the silent treatment this week and only making dinner for her and the girls.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why did you marry and have children with a Lao woman, if you weren’t prepared to embrace her and your children’s culture. She has every right to teach them about it and feed them Lao foods. They learn about America and its culture by simply growing up here, and your views about being “silenced” are problematic. You seem rather racist and xenophobic.” fallingintopolkadots

Another User Comments:
“YTJ OP. What do you mean by silencing your culture? Your kids are in America. Unless she locks them in the house every day, they are exposed to the culture by LIVING IN IT. She has to actively teach your kids the Lao culture, or they’ll lose ties with it like so many second-gen immigrants.

You realize that, right? And ‘things with strong odor and difficult names to pronounce’ and ‘cultural quirks.’ JFC, you married this woman for 14 years. Yet you act like you’re encountering ‘exotic’ stuff for the first time like a bumbling white tourist. Not to mention losing your temper in front of guests. You’re almost 40, but you acted like a 4-year-old toddler throwing a tantrum when you don’t like certain things. That alone makes you YTJ.” Therisemfear

“I adopted my dog from a shelter 5 years ago. He’s now a senior dog. I was informed when I adopted him that he cannot go to a home with small children, because he bit two kids. One of the children he bit was 2 years old, and the other was 4. He has not bitten anyone since, but I am always careful around kids still. I always ask that parents watch their small children when they bring them into his space. We don’t approach children. I also ask parents to not let small children pet him for safety.

I do this because, although I don’t believe he will bite them, he is an animal. I don’t want something to happen to anyone’s child. More often than not, the parents don’t listen.

We have a park downtown that has fenced-off areas separating a basketball court, a kids’ playground, and a dog park with a side for small dogs and another for large dogs. Parents, for some unfathomable reason, think it’s okay to only bring toddlers into the dog park, but they also bring food and toys with them. We have had several incidents like this, but here is one today. A man brought a ball, a toddler, and a five-year-old into the dog park to play catch.

I asked him if he could take his children to the playground to toss the ball so that my dog could come inside. He insisted that it’s okay and that his children love dogs. I said that it’s not safe and I would prefer if he went to the other area. The man started to argue with me and got mad because “they are good with dogs.” I said that this is a dog park, and it is not safe for you to put your kids with dogs that have never been around toys and expect it to go well. So he got even more upset and continued to toss the ball. So we packed up and left to go somewhere else. This is the only dog park in this neighborhood that is off-leash. There were fenced spaces designated for children to play in, located literally less than 20 feet away, and they were empty.

AITJ for asking the man to leave the dog park? I may be the jerk because he can be in the park even though he had no dog with him.”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ – dude is just a jerk that was too busy asserting his dominance to see that you were more concerned about his children’s safety than he was. Having said that, from your story it doesn’t sound like you explained the “why” behind your request to him.

He probably interpreted your initial request as you just being someone who hates kids.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think your thinking is reasonable. Toys can make a dog’s prey drive activate, and they may try to get the ball. I also think it’s quite reasonable that you don’t want your dog to accidentally hurt someone’s kids. If something was to happen, he’d be trying to get the dog killed. I’m really trying to figure out why he couldn’t just go to the kids’ park with the kids.” KOKLOLTGIA

“My (28M) partner (28F) told me yesterday that she wants to work out more and that she’s been feeling really humiliated by my presence sometimes, because she feels guilty/ashamed that she loves eating snacks and she knows that she hasn’t been consistent in doing her workouts. She says that every time she eats a snack and every time she skips a workout, she feels extremely ashamed that I see it, so she has been eating snacks in secret. She was crying over how ashamed she’s been feeling over it.

I assured her last night that I have never thought she was fat, and that I never judged her for eating snacks or skipping a workout, and assured her that everyone goes through this, and it’s normal. I asked how she wants me to support her. She said that all she wants is that I wake her up for her workout when I wake up. I asked her if she doesn’t wake up, does she want me to force her? She said no, after I wake her up, she wants to take all accountability after that. She said she will also set up her home gym and try to work out more at home too. ... Click here to continue reading