My birth mom, Aurora (39F), had me when she was 19. Even now, at 20, I’m still hearing stories about how checked-out she was back then – not malicious, just… absent. She had my little sister, Sienna, a year later. Our childhood with her was a mess, plain and simple.

When I was about 6, we got pulled out of her care and placed in foster homes until our grandma, Evelyn (73F), took us in. We were supposed to have visitations with mom, but out of the dozens scheduled, I can count on one hand the times she actually showed.

I remember bawling in Evelyn’s car, begging to know why my mom didn’t want me. It took until I was 13 to finally accept that she wasn’t coming back.

Cut to me at 17, hanging out at my aunt Bianca’s place with Sienna and Evelyn (who I’ve called “mom” since forever). Out of nowhere, Bianca goes, “Hey, I’ve got a surprise for you guys!” Before I can even blink, she shoves me and Sienna out the front door and locks it behind us. And there’s Aurora, just… standing there. My brain short-circuited. Anger, confusion, this weird flicker of hope – all of it hit me at once.

The rest of that night’s a blur, but long story short, Aurora ended up moving in with us.

At first, I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. Big mistake. Living with her is like babysitting a moody teenager. She won’t lift a finger unless someone yells at her, and even then, it’s a coin toss whether she’ll actually do it. Evelyn, Sienna, and I end up picking up her slack constantly.

Then, last April, we had this massive blowout fight. Evelyn was there, and at one point, Aurora tearfully insisted she was “trying to make up for everything.” I snapped.

I told her five years of lazy effort didn’t erase over a decade of abandonment. Every word was true, but watching her cry and hug me while I just stood there… I can’t shake the guilt, even though I know I shouldn’t feel bad.

Another User Comments:
Dude, you’re not wrong for feeling how you do. Aurora had years to step up, and she didn’t. Just because she’s back now doesn’t mean she gets a free pass. Trauma doesn’t magically undo itself, and her “effort” sounds like the bare minimum. If she really wanted to fix things, she’d be doing more than just existing in your space and waiting for praise.
The guilt you’re feeling?

That’s normal, but it’s not your burden to carry. She’s the parent. She’s the one who should’ve been there. You don’t owe her forgiveness just because she’s trying now—especially if “trying” looks like weaponized incompetence. Therapy might help untangle some of this, but don’t let anyone tell you you’re overreacting. Your feelings are valid.

Another User Comments:
Nah, man. You’re totally justified. Aurora doesn’t get to waltz back in and play mom after ghosting you for most of your life. And the fact that she’s still acting like a lazy roommate instead of an actual parent?

That says everything.
The guilt’s rough, but remember: crying doesn’t equal accountability. She can be sad all she wants, but if she’s not actively changing, those tears are just manipulation—intentional or not. You don’t have to hug her back. You don’t have to pretend. Focus on yourself and the family who actually showed up for you.

Another User Comments:
Okay, unpopular opinion here, but… have you considered that Aurora might genuinely not know how to do better? She had kids really young, clearly wasn’t equipped to handle it, and now she’s flailing. That doesn’t excuse her, but it might explain why she’s so immature.
That said, you’re not obligated to be her teacher or emotional crutch.

If you’re open to it, maybe set clear boundaries (like “you do chores without being asked” or “you go to therapy”). If she won’t meet them, then yeah, cut her loose. But if there’s even a sliver of hope she’ll grow up, laying down rules might help.

Another User Comments:
The audacity of your aunt Bianca to ambush you like that?? That’s some next-level betrayal. You didn’t consent to that reunion, and it’s no wonder you’re messed up from it.
As for Aurora, she’s giving “I want the title of mom without the work.” Real parents don’t get to clock out for a decade and then demand a standing ovation for microwaving a meal once in a while.

Your guilt is proof you’re a decent person, but don’t let it trick you into thinking you owe her anything.

Another User Comments:
Man, this hit close to home. My bio dad pulled the same disappearing act, then showed up years later expecting a parade. Spoiler: he didn’t get one.
Here’s the thing—people like Aurora love to say they’re “trying,” but trying looks like consistent action, not just showing up and crying when called out. You’re allowed to be angry. You’re allowed to not forgive her. And if she really wants a relationship, she needs to put in the work without making it your job to manage her feelings.

Stay strong, OP.

I’m 36 weeks pregnant, which means I could literally go into labor at any second. Meanwhile, I’ve been watching my SIL Alexis’s two youngest kids – Oliver (5 months) and Chloe (1.5 years) – Monday through Friday since February. Oliver’s easy; he just eats and sleeps like a tiny potato. Chloe, though? She’s a tornado. Constantly getting into stuff, climbing things she shouldn’t, and I’m hauling her 25-pound self around all day because she’s too fast to just let roam free.

Nap time is its own nightmare.

Her room’s downstairs, so I have to lift her over the baby gate and carry her down. Same routine in the morning. It was exhausting before, but now? I’m huge, sore, and running on fumes.

Originally, it was just these two, and it was supposed to be temporary. But then Alexis got custody of her three older kids (all in school/daycare), and suddenly, her schedule changed. She used to be home by 5 PM. Now? 6:30 PM at the earliest because she’s picking up the others. Oh, and she pays me $300 every two weeks from her paycheck. No extra cash for the two days I watched all five kids over Easter break.

I’ve told her multiple times that she needs to find daycare ASAP.

I could pop any minute, and I still need to prep my own house for this baby. Weekends are my only time to rest or get anything done. A few weeks ago, I texted her saying I need to stop by early May. She replied two hours later with, “Okay, thank you.” Cool. No follow-up.

Two days ago, I asked about daycare progress. Her response? “Still looking.” Apparently, one place she checked had no spots.

I’m beyond frustrated. I don’t want to go into labor at her house. I feel like she’s taking advantage of me—she makes around $4k a month but pays me peanuts.

And she has no plan if I suddenly go into labor. No backup sitter, no car big enough for all her kids (she’s “looking” for a 3-row SUV). I’m the only one who watches them, and she can’t take time off because she’s the breadwinner.

At this point, I’m ready to say, “No daycare by May 1st? I’m not coming.” I’ve given her months of warning. It feels like she’s waiting until I’m in active labor to panic.

So, WIBTJ if I stick to this ultimatum?

Another User Comments:

NTJ at all.

You’ve been more than patient, and she’s had plenty of time to figure this out. Yeah, childcare is expensive and hard to find, but that’s not your problem. She’s had months to prepare, and it’s not like your due date snuck up on her. If you don’t put your foot down now, she’ll keep pushing until you’re literally in the delivery room. And let’s be real—she’ll probably try to dump the kids on you postpartum, too. Stand firm. You’ve got your own baby to worry about.

Another User Comments:

Yikes.

NTJ, but your SIL sure is. She’s paying you next to nothing for backbreaking work while you’re heavily pregnant. $300 every two weeks for two kids? That’s insulting. And now she’s dragging her feet because she knows you’re reliable. If she hasn’t found daycare by now, it’s because she doesn’t want to. Stop enabling her. Tell her May 1st is the hard deadline, and if she shows up at your door kid-less after that, too bad. You’re not her free babysitter.

Another User Comments:

Soft ESH. Hear me out—your SIL is absolutely taking advantage, but you’ve let this go on way too long.

You should’ve set a firmer boundary weeks ago. Now you’re stuck in a mess where she thinks she can just… not figure it out. That said, you’re not wrong to bail. You’re about to have a newborn! But next time, don’t wait until you’re at your breaking point to enforce limits.

Another User Comments:

NTJ, but have you considered she might be overwhelmed too? Five kids is a lot, and if she’s the sole provider, she’s probably drowning. That doesn’t excuse her lack of planning, but maybe she’s paralyzed by stress.

Instead of an ultimatum, could you help her research daycares? Not saying you should, but it might get things moving faster. Still, if she doesn’t step up, you’ve got every right to walk away.

Another User Comments:

NTJ, and honestly? Stop showing up now. You’re 36 weeks! What if you go into labor while watching Chloe and can’t safely lift her? Or worse—what if you’re alone with the kids when your water breaks? Your SIL is playing with fire, and you’re the one who’ll get burned. Text her today: “Effective immediately, I can no longer watch the kids.

Here’s a list of daycare centers.” Then block her if you have to. Your health and baby come first.

I never thought I’d be posting something like this, but here we are. My husband, Ethan, passed away suddenly a few months ago, and it’s been… well, heck. Absolute heck. I’m still trying to figure out how to breathe without him.

He had a life insurance policy that left me with $180,000 after covering funeral costs (which, by the way, are insane—$25k just to say goodbye). Now, his family is coming at me like I won the lottery. His parents, Charles and Diane, want $50k to fix their cabin in Colorado after a wildfire wrecked it last year.

Problem is, they didn’t have insurance. And his sister, Rachel, is demanding another $30k to pay off her credit card debt because she “helped raise him” or whatever.

Look, I get it. They’re grieving too. But Ethan left this money to me. We never had some deep conversation about it, but we joked about using it to finally take that trip to Japan or maybe put a down payment on a house. Now I’m sitting here, trying to figure out how to rebuild my life without him, and they’re acting like I’m hoarding their money.

When I told them no, they lost it.

Said Ethan would’ve wanted them taken care of, that I’m being greedy, that I’m “disrespecting his memory.” But here’s the thing—Ethan hated how irresponsible his sister was with money. And his parents? They had years to insure that cabin. Why should I bail them out when I’m just trying to keep my own head above water?

I’ve got student loans, medical bills, and a car that’s one bad day away from the junkyard. This money could actually give me some stability. But now I’m drowning in guilt, wondering if I’m the worst person alive for not handing it over.

Am I wrong here?

Another User Comments:

Dude, no.

Absolutely not. Life insurance isn’t a family piggy bank—it’s there to replace the income of the person who died. Ethan wasn’t funding his sister’s shopping addiction or his parents’ vacation home when he was alive, so why should his death suddenly make that your problem?

The fact that they’re guilt-tripping you while you’re grieving is disgusting. If Ethan wanted them to have the money, he would’ve put them on the policy. He didn’t. End of story.

And let’s be real—if you give them even a little, they’ll keep coming back for more.

Next it’ll be, “Oh, the cabin roof needs repairs,” or, “Rachel’s car broke down.” They’ll bleed you dry and still call you selfish.

Stand your ground. Use that money to take care of yourself. Ethan would’ve wanted you to be okay, not to light yourself on fire to keep his family warm.

Another User Comments:

Okay, unpopular opinion incoming, but… ESH.

Yeah, the family is being pushy, and yeah, the money is legally yours. But grief makes people do weird things. If Ethan was close to his family, I can see why they’d assume he’d want them helped out.

Doesn’t make their demands okay, but it’s not totally crazy for them to ask.

That said, you’re not obligated to hand over everything. Maybe there’s a middle ground? Like, help the parents with a smaller amount if you can swing it, but tell Rachel to kick rocks. Or set up a payment plan for them so you’re not wiped out.

But if you’re really struggling yourself? Then nah, don’t set yourself on fire. Just know this might nuke your relationship with them forever.

Another User Comments:

NTJ, and honestly, I’m furious on your behalf.

The audacity of these people!

First off, sorry for your loss. Losing a partner is brutal, and the last thing you need is vultures circling your bank account.

Life insurance is for the beneficiary—you. Not for every relative with their hand out. If Ethan’s parents didn’t insure their cabin, that’s on them. If Rachel can’t manage money, that’s her problem. You’re not Ethan’s estate manager; you’re his widow trying to survive.

And the whole “he would’ve wanted it” argument? Manipulative nonsense. If he’d wanted them to have cash, he’d have given it to them while he was alive.

Keep the money.

Block their numbers if you have to. You deserve peace.

Another User Comments:

Man, this is tough. I lost my dad young, and my mom went through something similar with his side of the family. Money turns people into monsters when grief’s involved.

Here’s the thing: you’re not wrong for keeping it. But ask yourself—what would you feel okay living with? If you give them nothing, will the guilt eat at you? If you give them something, will they ever stop?

Maybe sit down (or Zoom, whatever) and lay it out: “This is what I can afford to do, and that’s it.” But only if you want to.

Don’t let them bully you.

Also, therapy. Seriously. Grief plus money drama is a nightmare combo.

Another User Comments:

Nah, screw that. You’re not a charity.

Ethan’s family is treating his death like a payday, and that’s gross. Funerals are expensive, life without him is expensive, and you were his priority, not their bad decisions.

If they keep harassing you, tell them to take it up with the lawyer who handled the policy. Then block ’em. You’ve got enough to deal with.

Also, Japan sounds amazing. Go book that trip.

So, my mother-in-law, Tessa, lives like eight hours away. My husband, Liam, and I have two kids—a two-year-old tornado named Noah and a newborn, Sophia. Tessa’s got this idea that she needs to stay with us for a whole week every two months to see the grandkids. Sounds sweet, right? Except she’s zero help. Like, negative help. She doesn’t lift a finger with the kids or housework. Instead, she adds to my already overflowing plate.

Now, Sophia’s barely here, and Tessa’s already planning her next week-long “visit” right after we get home from the hospital.

We’ve tried the whole, “Hey, maybe a hotel would be more comfortable?” thing, but she claims she can’t afford it—even though she makes decent money but blows it on who-knows-what. We even suggested crashing at her sister’s place (Aunt Beth, who’s actually pretty chill), but nope. Tessa insists she only wants to see us.

Look, I don’t wanna cut her off from the kids, but hosting her every two months is exhausting. Am I the jerk for telling her she can visit a few times a year, but this every-two-months nonsense has to stop? Especially when I’m gonna be knee-deep in diapers and sleep deprivation?

Another User Comments:

Honestly, you’re not just NTJ, you’re a saint for putting up with this as long as you have.

Boundaries aren’t just important—they’re necessary, especially with a newborn in the mix. Tessa’s acting like she’s entitled to unlimited access to your home and kids, but that’s not how this works.

Your house, your rules. If she wants to visit, she can either help out or find another place to stay. And if she refuses? Well, that’s on her. You’re not keeping her from the grandkids; you’re just refusing to be her free bed-and-breakfast while you’re recovering from childbirth.

Also, Liam needs to step up. This is his mom, so he should be the one laying down the law.

If he’s not backing you on this, that’s a whole other issue. But stand your ground. If Tessa really cares about seeing the kids, she’ll figure out how to respect your boundaries.

Another User Comments:

Nah, you’re totally in the right here. Tessa’s being ridiculous. She’s got options—hotel, sister’s place—but she’s choosing the one that inconveniences you the most. That’s not love, that’s control.

Postpartum is hard. You don’t need a houseguest who treats your home like her personal vacation spot. And let’s be real, if she actually cared about helping, she’d be pitching in instead of adding to your stress.

Stick to your guns.

If she throws a fit, that’s her problem. You’re not a bad person for wanting space during one of the most vulnerable times of your life. And if Liam won’t handle it, you’ve got every right to put your foot down yourself.

Another User Comments:

I’m gonna play devil’s advocate for a sec—hear me out. Maybe Tessa’s just lonely and doesn’t realize how much of a burden she’s being. Some people are clueless about how much work kids are, especially if it’s been a while since they’ve had little ones.

That said, you’re still NTJ.

Even if her intentions are good, the impact is what matters. You’ve tried to compromise, and she’s shot down every suggestion. At this point, she’s making it clear that her comfort matters more than yours.

Maybe give her one last chance—lay it out bluntly: “If you stay here, you’re on kid duty for X hours a day and helping with meals.” If she balks, then you know it’s not about family—it’s about her getting her way.

Another User Comments:

Tessa’s 100% taking advantage of you. She’s not “just visiting” — she’s treating your home like her personal Airbnb while you do all the work.

And the fact that she’s planning to camp out right after you give birth? That’s next-level audacity.

You’re not wrong for saying no. In fact, you’d be wrong if you didn’t. Postpartum is about you healing and bonding with your baby, not catering to a grown woman who can’t be bothered to lift a finger.

If she can’t afford a hotel, maybe she should’ve saved some of that “good money” instead of spending it all. And if she refuses to stay with her sister? Tough. She doesn’t get to dictate the terms of your family’s life.

Another User Comments:

I get where you’re coming from, but I also see Tessa’s side.

Grandparents often feel like they’re missing out, especially when they live far away. Maybe she’s just trying to stay connected.

But here’s the thing: connection shouldn’t come at your expense. You’re not saying she can’t visit — you’re just asking for reasonable limits. And postpartum is not the time for week-long guests, period.

Maybe suggest shorter visits? Like, instead of a week every two months, how about a long weekend every three months? That way, she still gets time with the kids, but you’re not stuck hosting for days on end. If she can’t even meet you halfway, then she’s the problem, not you.

Right before the wedding, I moved to Europe to be with Elena while she was wrapping up her PhD and applying for citizenship. Since I was doing my master’s at the time, I naturally took on more housework. She’d cook sometimes and handle organizing stuff, but cleaning? Nah. Scrubbing? Forget it. Even then, it was barely manageable.

Then the baby arrived.

I was pulling full night shifts every single day, plus full weekends on baby duty. Elena breastfed during the day and cooked meals when I had classes, but that was pretty much it.

To be fair, she was great at networking—scoring second-hand baby gear, setting up daycare, and arranging government-subsidized help (like 4 hours of cleaning/cooking per week). But anything involving actual manual labor? She’d either put it off or just ignore it completely. After a few months, my mom moved in to help full-time. We survived until the kid started daycare at 4 months, and things slowly got better…

Then I started working.

We were supposed to move back home after my master’s, but thanks to Europe’s glacial bureaucracy, the whole process got delayed by a year. I ended up taking a mediocre job last-minute, and right around then, baby number two came along.

Before the second kid arrived, my days started at 5:30 AM to catch the train and ended around 11 PM after putting the first kid to bed and finishing all the chores.

Now the second kid’s here, and my mom’s helping out again. But even with more help, Elena keeps delegating less to herself. I’m still running on 4-6 hours of sleep, and any extra time from my mom’s help just goes straight to Elena’s personal free time.

Since finishing her PhD, Elena’s landed a work-from-home research gig, started freelancing (totaling about 30 hours a week), published three papers, aced two language exams, and made a ton of local friends.

Meanwhile, I’m stuck in a dead-end job in a foreign country, struggling with the language, watching my career prospects fade, and losing touch with everyone back home. Recently, she suggested I switch to 80% work hours and take an extra day off each week to “spend more time with the kids.”

Every time I try to talk about this, her responses are:
– “You’re too pessimistic about your future, just try harder.”
– “We have a dishwasher, so ‘cleaning the kitchen’ doesn’t count as a chore.”
– “I arranged 4 hours of cleaning per week, so I’m doing my part.”

Now she wants to scrap our plans to move back because she’s “comfortable here.”

Am I wrong for expecting my spouse to pull her weight when it comes to housework and family responsibilities?

Another User Comments:

“Man, you’re drowning, and this isn’t just about chores.

You’re being sidelined career-wise and slowly funneled into the stay-at-home dad role. This happens to women all the time—suddenly, they’re expected to drop everything for the kids while their partner’s career takes priority. You’re scared, and rightfully so. No one wants to feel trapped in a role they didn’t sign up for.

Before you talk to her again, get your thoughts straight. Make a spreadsheet if you have to—break down chores, work hours, childcare, everything. Show her the imbalance. Right now, it sounds like Elena’s living her best life while you’re barely keeping your head above water.

And dude, the language barrier and dead-end job?

That’s brutal. You’re isolated, overworked, and unsupported. This isn’t sustainable. You’re not a jerk for wanting fairness, but if you don’t address this soon, resentment’s gonna eat you alive.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This isn’t just about chores—it’s about respect. Elena’s treating you like a live-in nanny, not a partner. She’s crushing it career-wise (which is awesome for her), but she’s leaving you in the dust.

The fact that she dismisses your concerns with stuff like ‘just try harder’ is a huge red flag.

Marriage is supposed to be teamwork, not one person climbing the ladder while the other holds down the fort indefinitely.

And canceling your plans to move back? That’s a major decision she doesn’t get to make unilaterally. You’re allowed to want things too—like a career, a social life, and a fair division of labor. If she can’t see that, you’ve got bigger problems than dirty dishes.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Look, I get that you’re overwhelmed, but come on—you saw how things were with one kid and thought, ‘Hey, let’s add another!’ That’s on you.

Also, Elena is contributing.

She arranged cleaning help, handles childcare, and brings in income. Just because she’s not scrubbing toilets doesn’t mean she’s not pulling her weight. You’re hung up on traditional roles, but she’s clearly not that kind of partner.

The real issue? You two want different things. She’s thriving where she is; you’re miserable. That’s a fundamental incompatibility. Instead of resenting her, ask yourself if this marriage still works for both of you.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but you guys need serious help. This isn’t a ‘who does more chores’ fight—it’s a breakdown in communication and partnership.

Elena’s dismissive attitude is a problem, but so is your passive acceptance.

Why did you have a second kid when things were already strained? Kids don’t fix marriages; they amplify existing issues. And your mom stepping in to save the day? That’s not a long-term solution.

Couples counseling isn’t optional here. You need a neutral third party to help you both see the imbalance. Otherwise, this’ll just keep spiraling until one of you snaps.”

Another User Comments:

“Soft YTJ. Hear me out—Elena isn’t perfect, but neither are you. You’re both stuck in a cycle of resentment, and it’s poisoning your marriage.

Yes, she should do more around the house.

But you also need to own your part. Did you ever clearly communicate your expectations before the kids came? Or did you assume things would ‘just work out’?

And the ‘moving back’ thing—it’s not just about her being ‘comfortable.’ She’s built a life there. You haven’t. That’s a tough spot, but blaming her won’t fix it. Either find a compromise or accept that you’re on different paths.”

So my boss, Mr. Thompson, has this thing where every year he gives out a scholarship to a high school senior who’s related to an employee. It’s super low-key—basically, you just gotta mention the kid’s name to him. If more than one kid gets nominated, he picks whoever has the better grades. But honestly, most employees don’t have relatives in high school, so it’s usually a free-for-all.

When I first found out about this years ago, I told my siblings, Alex and Jamie, about it and said I could put their kids’ names in.

All I asked was that they remind me when one of their kids was a senior. Between the two of them, they’ve got, like, six kids, and I can’t keep track of who’s in what grade.

Fast forward to now—my partner’s son, Ethan, is graduating this year and planning to go to college. Since nobody else at work had a senior relative, I told Mr. Thompson about Ethan, and boom, scholarship secured. Easy.

Then, out of nowhere, Jamie hits me up like, “Hey, remember my daughter, Chloe? She’s graduating too, you should tell your boss.” When I told her Ethan already got it, she lost it.

She thinks I should’ve checked with her and Alex first to make sure none of their kids were seniors before offering it to Ethan. Alex’s siding with her, saying it’s messed up that Chloe’s the only one who won’t get the money when all her siblings and cousins did. They even said she was “promised” this scholarship, which… no?

Jamie also pointed out that Chloe’s grades are better than Ethan’s and that she’s “real family” since I’ve known her since she was born, unlike Ethan, who’s technically not family because his mom and I aren’t married and don’t live together.

And yeah, that’s true—we’re not into marriage, and we live apart right now because Ethan’s school is way across town from my job. But here’s the thing: Ethan and I hang out all the time. I’ve only known him for about three years, but we’re tight. Meanwhile, Chloe and I barely talk. If I’m being real, even if I’d known Chloe was a senior, I probably still would’ve pushed for Ethan. He just means more to me, blood or not.

Another User Comments:

Okay, let’s break this down.

First off, your siblings are acting like this scholarship is some kind of family trust fund, when it’s literally just a work perk. If they’re so pressed about Chloe missing out, maybe they should’ve, I dunno, reminded you earlier? You told them to give you a heads-up, and they dropped the ball. That’s on them.

Second, Ethan’s your partner’s kid. Even if you’re not married, you’re clearly involved in his life, and that counts for something. If helping him out eases the financial burden on your household (even indirectly), then yeah, of course you’d prioritize him.

Your sister’s whole “real family” argument is just guilt-tripping. Family isn’t just about blood—it’s about who actually shows up for you.

And let’s be real, if Chloe’s such a stellar student, she’s probably got other scholarships lined up. This one isn’t the be-all and end-all. Your siblings need to chill and stop acting like you owe them free money just because you’re related.

Another User Comments:

Man, this is messy. On one hand, I get why Chloe’s parents are upset—if all the other kids got the scholarship, it sucks that she’s the one left out.

But here’s the thing: you didn’t forget about Chloe. You just didn’t know. And you made it clear from the start that it was their job to remind you. If they couldn’t be bothered to keep you in the loop, that’s not your fault.

Also, the whole “academically better” argument is kinda weak. If your boss was gonna pick based on grades, sure, that’d matter. But since there was no competition this year, it’s irrelevant. And the “promised” thing? Nah. Unless you sat Chloe down and pinky-swore she’d get the money, that’s just emotional manipulation.

Another User Comments:

Your siblings are being ridiculous.

This isn’t some legally binding inheritance—it’s a casual scholarship from your boss. The entitlement is wild. “You should’ve checked with us”? No, they should’ve reminded you, like you asked. And the whole “real family” dig is just gross. Ethan’s clearly important to you, and that’s what matters.

Also, let’s not pretend this is about fairness. If Chloe had been nominated and lost to another kid at your job, would they still be this mad? Doubt it. They’re just mad because they assumed they could cash in whenever they felt like it.

Tough luck. Maybe next time they’ll actually communicate.

Another User Comments:

I’m torn here. On one hand, yeah, your siblings should’ve reminded you. But on the other, if this scholarship has become a family tradition, I can see why Chloe feels left out. It’s not just about the money—it’s about feeling like the odd one out. That said, their reaction is way over the top. Guilt-tripping and calling Ethan “not real family” is a low blow.

Maybe there’s a compromise? Could you talk to your boss and see if there’s any wiggle room?

Or help Chloe apply for other scholarships? At the very least, your siblings owe you an apology for how they handled this.

Another User Comments:

Nah, you’re good. This scholarship isn’t a right—it’s a perk. Your siblings treating it like some kind of entitlement is baffling. And the fact that you have a better relationship with Ethan than Chloe says a lot. Family isn’t just DNA; it’s who you actually care about. If your siblings wanted Chloe to have a shot, they should’ve spoken up sooner. End of story.

This summer, I (31m) get to spend an amazing 8 weeks in Thailand with my partner, Amber (34f). We’ve been together for almost 3 years, and she’s originally from Vietnam. Due to some visa complications, she can’t go back home right now, so she really wants her mom, Clara, to join us for part of the trip. Amber hasn’t seen her in over 4 years, and honestly, I’m excited to meet Clara too.

But here’s the thing—I’ve never met her before, she doesn’t speak a word of English, and Amber suddenly wants her to stay for a full month instead of the 2 weeks we originally talked about.

I’ve got pretty bad social anxiety, and the idea of being “on” around a stranger for that long is exhausting. Like, I love my own parents, but even with them, I’d need breaks after a week or two.

I totally get that Amber wants as much time with her mom as possible. Four years is a long time, and they’ve got a lot to catch up on. But I also don’t want to completely wreck my mental health just to make it happen. When I suggested that Amber and Clara could do some solo trips together to give me space, she got really upset.

She thinks I’m being selfish for even suggesting it and that I should just suck it up because “family comes first.” I tried explaining that 1–2 weeks is my max before I start shutting down, but she took it as me putting a “time limit” on her family time. (For the record, I have zero issue with her spending the whole month with Clara—I just don’t think I can handle being part of all of it.)

We’ve argued about this so much that it’s starting to ruin the excitement of the trip. I’ll be working remotely for some of it, but even then, just knowing I’ll either feel guilty for “failing” as a partner or completely drained from forcing myself to socialize is giving me major anxiety.

This was supposed to be the trip of a lifetime, and now I’m dreading it.

Am I the jerk here?

Another User Comments:

Honestly, you’re not wrong for feeling this way. Spending a month with someone you’ve never met, especially with a language barrier, is a lot—even for people without social anxiety. Amber’s reaction might be extra intense because of how long it’s been since she’s seen her mom, plus the fact that they’re meeting in a third country instead of Vietnam. That’s gotta be emotional for her.

But here’s something to think about: culturally, in a lot of Asian families, it’s super common for parents to live with their kids or visit for long stretches.

There’s often an expectation that you’ll be super involved with your in-laws, financially and otherwise. If Amber grew up with those norms, she might see your hesitation as a rejection of her family, not just a personal boundary.

This might be a bigger conversation than just the trip. Have you guys talked about long-term expectations with family? Like, if you get more serious, would she expect her parents to live with you someday? These cultural differences can sneak up on relationships, and it’s better to figure them out now than later.

That said, your feelings are valid too. Maybe there’s a middle ground—like planning some structured activities where you can all hang out, but also scheduling downtime where Amber and Clara do their own thing.

Another User Comments:

NAH.

Amber isn’t wrong for wanting time with her mom, and you’re not wrong for needing space. But man, this is a tough situation. Clara’s probably nervous too—imagine being stuck in a foreign country for a month with your daughter’s partner, and you can’t even talk to them.

My advice? Try to set up some natural breaks in the trip. Maybe Amber and Clara can take a weekend trip to a nearby city while you stay back and recharge. Or you could book a few days in a different hotel just to get some alone time.

Also, don’t underestimate the power of non-verbal bonding.

Even if you and Clara don’t speak the same language, small gestures—helping her with her bags, sharing food, showing her photos—can go a long way. You might not become best friends, but it could ease the tension.

Another User Comments:

Dude, you’re not the jerk. Vacations are supposed to be fun, not a month-long social endurance test. Amber’s being unfair by acting like your anxiety is some kind of personal insult.

That said, since she’s dead-set on this, maybe flip the script. Instead of framing it as “I need space from your mom,” try “I want you two to have quality time without me third-wheeling.” Plan a few days where you “have work emergencies” and need to hole up in your room.

Or find a local coworking space and pretend it’s mandatory.

Is it ideal? No. But sometimes you gotta play the game to keep the peace.

Another User Comments:

I think this is less about the trip and more about compatibility. Amber’s reaction—getting mad at you for setting boundaries—is a red flag. If she can’t compromise on this, what happens when bigger family stuff comes up?

You’re not asking for much. Two weeks is generous, especially since you’re paying for part of this trip (I assume). She’s acting like you’re keeping her from her mom, but she’s the one making it all-or-nothing.

Maybe suggest Clara comes for the first two weeks, then you and Amber have the rest of the trip alone.

If she refuses even that, I’d seriously rethink the relationship.

Another User Comments:

NAH, but you both need to communicate better. Amber’s coming from a place of love and longing, and you’re coming from a place of self-preservation.

Instead of focusing on the time limit, try focusing on activities. Maybe agree to join for dinners and weekend outings, but opt out of the day-to-day stuff. Or set up a signal with Amber for when you’re hitting your social battery limit.

Also, consider learning a few basic Vietnamese phrases. Even just “hello” or “thank you” could make Clara feel more comfortable, and it might help you feel less awkward too.

So, I (34F) recently joined this gym near my place, Peak Performance. I picked it ‘cause they’ve got a dedicated circuit training zone, and since I’ve only ever done circuits, I figured it’d be an easy transition. The circuit area’s got these rules plastered everywhere—1 minute per machine, no exceptions. There’s even a giant timer on the wall so you can’t pretend you didn’t know.

Here’s the thing—the machines in the circuit zone are identical to the ones in the main gym.

So, when the regular machines are taken, some people hop onto the circuit ones. Fine, whatever, if no one’s using the circuit. But if someone is doing the circuit, you’re supposed to move. I’ve had to ask a few folks to scoot, and most just go, “Oh, my bad,” and that’s that.

Then came Alex.

Alex was planted on one of the circuit machines like he owned the place. I skipped over him, figuring he’d be done by the time I looped back. Nope. Still there. So I asked nicely if he could just let me use it for one minute to finish my set.

Dude straight-up said no. I pointed to the rules, the timer, the whole deal. He exploded. Started yelling about how he’s been a member since the Stone Age and how some “newbie” (his words, not mine) wasn’t gonna tell him what to do. Then he called me a few choice names that I won’t repeat here.

I flagged down a staff member, who told Alex to move. He grumbled but eventually did, and I used the machine for exactly 60 seconds. Still, getting screamed at by a grown man in public? Not fun.

I emailed the gym owner later, just to let them know what happened.

Next thing I know, Alex’s membership’s been revoked. Some of my gym buddies think I overreacted, but honestly? Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

Another User Comments:

Honestly, you did nothing wrong. The gym reviewed the footage before banning him. They don’t just kick people out because someone complained—they saw his behavior and decided he wasn’t the kind of member they wanted. Dude was breaking rules, yelling at you, and probably making a scene when staff got involved. That’s on him, not you.

And let’s be real, if he’s been a member for years, he knows the rules.

He just didn’t care. Gyms have policies for a reason, and if he can’t follow them, he doesn’t belong there. You didn’t “get him banned”—he got himself banned by acting like a toddler who didn’t get his way.

Also, your gym friends need to reassess their morals. Why are they defending a guy who verbally assaulted you over one minute on a machine? If anything, they should be mad at him for making the gym a hostile place.

Another User Comments:

Nah, you’re 100% in the right here. The circuit area has clear rules, and if Alex wanted to camp on a machine, he should’ve used the ones in the main gym.

The fact that he doubled down and yelled at you? That’s unhinged behavior.

I’ve been going to gyms for years, and people like Alex are the worst. They think paying for a membership means they own the place. News flash: it doesn’t. Everyone’s there to work out, and basic courtesy isn’t optional.

That said, I’d keep an eye out for a while. Dude sounds unhinged, and if he’s petty enough to scream at a stranger over a machine, who knows what else he’s capable of. Maybe switch up your gym schedule for a bit or go with a friend.

Better safe than sorry.

Another User Comments:

Let’s break this down:

1. You followed the rules.
2. He didn’t.
3. You asked politely.
4. He yelled and insulted you.
5. The gym chose to ban him after reviewing the situation.

How is any of this your fault? You didn’t make the gym do anything—they made their own decision based on his actions. If Alex didn’t want to get banned, maybe he shouldn’t have acted like a total jerk.

And honestly, good on the gym for taking it seriously. Too many places let entitled members walk all over everyone else. It’s refreshing to see one actually enforce their policies.

Another User Comments:

I’m gonna go against the grain here and say… yeah, maybe you did overreact.

Was Alex being a tool? Absolutely. But getting his membership revoked feels extreme.

Couldn’t you have just let it go? Skipped the machine and moved on? Yeah, it’s annoying, but gyms are shared spaces, and sometimes you gotta deal with inconsiderate people. Now this guy’s lost his membership over what was basically a 60-second inconvenience.

That said, he was being a total jerk, and if the gym decided to ban him, that’s their call. But I can see why your friends think you took it too far.

Another User Comments:

Nope, nope, nope. You didn’t overreact. People like Alex rely on others being too polite to call them out.

If you hadn’t said anything, he’d keep doing it to you and everyone else.

Gyms are supposed to be welcoming, and his behavior was the exact opposite of that. The fact that he couldn’t handle being told “no” says everything about his character.

And let’s not forget—he escalated it to yelling and name-calling. That’s not just breaking gym rules; that’s being a straight-up bully. You did the right thing by reporting him.