People Try To Be Tactful About These 'Am I The Jerk' Stories

“Today my mom took my sister and me out to eat. I had already been out shopping, so the two of them picked me up to go eat together.

When I got in the car, I playfully pointed out that my mom was wearing one of my coats. She said, “Oh yeah, I just found it and put it on.” By “found it” she means it was on the coat hanger we have near the door at home.

I didn’t say anything else about it until we were actually eating because my mom drowned her tacos in red and green salsa.

So again, playfully, I said “I’m watching you, don’t stain my coat.” We laughed and I thought that was it until I realized my mom had no intention of taking it off to eat her tacos. Mind you, we were inside, it wasn’t cold, and the coat was very big and got in the way.

I tried not to say anything, so I just watched, stressed out, while my mom put the sleeves over her plate with every bite. Then it happened—I lifted my eyes from my own plate to see that one of the sleeves had green salsa over it. Now I’m frustrated, so I pointed it out, not being playful anymore.

My mom exploded, saying “OMG, I’m just gonna take it off since you won’t let me eat in peace!”

By this point, I was very angry and I asked “What is it with you two always wearing what is not yours?!” I said this because my sister and my mom have a habit of taking my clothes without permission. My sister is even worse; she doesn’t give back the things she takes—clothes and more. She brags about the things she “successfully” stole from me since I gave up and don’t ask for them back because they are now worn out and I don’t want them anymore.

She even stole some socks from me. My mom, by the way, laughs with her when she does this.

I did go off on my mother, telling her, “I’m sorry, if I knew you would react this way I wouldn’t have taken it. I should have kept in mind that not everyone’s the same and some people do not like sharing their clothes,” which wasn’t gonna work on me. Now she is crying, literally, on our sofa, with my sister consoling her, and I don’t really feel guilty or the need to go apologize. So what do you think? AITJ?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had every right to be upset since it sounds like your mom has no regard for your belongings.

But a word of advice (which you can take with a grain of salt since I don’t know if you’ve already tried this) – start putting your foot down about your mom and sister taking your things. There’s no need to ‘playfully’ beat around the bush when you see either of them wearing your coat, clothes, whatever. Stand up for yourself!” mediocre_lady

Another User Comments:
“NTJ – put a lock on your door and be more forceful about saying no to borrowing my stuff. They are walking all over you and know they can get away with it. Set boundaries and keep them. Trust me, one day this won’t just be about clothes.” LettuceOverall976

Another User Comments:
“Nope, you are not the jerk here.

Your frustration is completely valid. This isn’t just about a coat getting stained—it’s about an ongoing pattern of your belongings being taken without permission, and when you finally spoke up about it, you were made out to be the bad guy. That’s unfair. Your mom and sister have clearly normalized taking your things, to the point where your sister even brags about it. That’s not playful or harmless—it’s straight-up disrespectful. And the fact that your mom laughs along instead of setting a boundary only reinforces that they don’t take your feelings seriously. Your reaction wasn’t over the top—it was built-up frustration from being disregarded over and over again. And instead of acknowledging that, your mom flipped the situation to make herself the victim. Crying on the couch because you got upset about your own belongings being disrespected? That’s emotional manipulation. Now, instead of them addressing the real issue (their lack of respect for your things), they’re making you feel like you were cruel just for standing up for yourself. You don’t owe them an apology. If anything, they should be apologizing to you—for taking your things without permission, for invalidating your frustration, and for trying to make you feel guilty for being upset about it. If they truly didn’t mean harm, they would acknowledge how you feel instead of making you out to be unreasonable.” User

“My partner and I (both 23) have been together for over 5 years now. I have also known him since high school, as has my family. My parents will not admit it, but I always sense they do not like him. They do not show interest in getting to know him, or spending time with us, and coming to see us (we live together an hour away). However, they love to blame me for not coming to visit and calling them more when they don’t come visit me or call me often either. It just seems like everyone is trying to blame the other person and doesn’t acknowledge that we could all do better.

Recently, I have gotten into an argument with my parents about Christmas and what we are doing.

My family plans to go to Florida and have it be just me and my siblings. I have stated countless times how I would like my partner to be included since he does not have much family around anymore and it’s not fair to leave him home alone. (Both of his parents are gone and he does not have any siblings.) My mom responded (I’m paraphrasing) that she’s not comfortable with her 23-year-old daughter shacking up with “some” guy, even though they have known my partner for almost 10 years now. But they still refuse to actually get to know him, and I called them out on it; they said they feel that he does not like them. It just feels like we all don’t communicate and assume instead of actually talking. I just wanted them to understand how my partner and I feel, how I love him, that he’s a very good guy, and that he feels left out and would like to be more involved. I asked if in the future he could be more involved, and they both flat out said that we will never do this again, that we will never go away again for Christmas because they did not think it would be such a big deal. When all I was asking was if he could be included. My mom went on a tangent about how we are too young, are not married, and so should not be spending the holidays together.

I also understand where they are coming from because very rarely do we all get together as a family, but we are adults now.

Not kids. I’m the youngest. But my parents rarely make an effort anymore to see me, yet it’s my fault they don’t see me. I am also finishing school and working full time, and they are retired, so my schedule is very busy.

My partner and I are now arguing about this, and he said he will move out and break up with me if I go to Florida because it’s been like this the whole time we’ve been together, and he knows it will not get better unless I put my foot down.

What do I do?? Am I overreacting? Am I the jerk for putting my foot down and staying home for the holidays?

I don’t want to lose my relationship with my partner, he’s been there more for me than my parents.”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your partner live together. There’s an unwritten rule that live-in partners should get treated similar to if they were your spouse. I get that your parents want to go on one last “just the family” trip, but it shouldn’t be at Christmas time. You shouldn’t have to choose. If you’re planning on marrying your partner you need to hold your ground and continue to stand up to your family.” Katiew84

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was 18 when my wife and I got together.

We moved very quickly (were engaged within three months) and my family made it very clear they weren’t happy or comfortable with it. The thing is… if you’re actually important to them, they would listen to you when you express your partner is important to you, even if they disagree or dislike him. Forcing you to basically try and exclude him is immature and selfish on their part. It’s them saying (without saying it) that they want you to prioritize them over your partner, which is not healthy behavior in a relationship like this. The person you’re with deserves to feel like YOUR person. They’ve made their stance clear, you need to basically decide what you’re going to do next. Please just make a decision. Don’t do what I did and try to juggle everyone’s feelings hoping to make everyone happy, because you can’t. I waited too long to prioritize my wife and even though we’ve been together 20 years, there are still scars from that period of our relationship. At the same time, if you choose to side with your partner, be prepared for there to be consequences with your family. My family didn’t handle it well when I made it clear she was most important to me. We barely speak now. Good luck!” DungeonMasterDood

“So I (M18) have been friends with my buddy, we’ll call him Mark (M18), for about two years. We have a small friendship circle of about four people who I’m absolutely fine with and have also known for around two years. We have Sarah (F18) and my roommate Josh (M19), who are also always coming along with us. My issue is with the other company that my friend Mark keeps.

So two days ago on Friday, we all decided on a whim to go and have some fun as Josh had managed to land a part-time job he didn’t think he would get.

Now Mark is a good guy, but he also fits into that wannabe gangster area. He likes to get into fights and carry weapons, but he’s never been a problem for me, Sarah, or Josh, so he’s been nice.

So we were at a rooftop bar, just talking and joking when Mark got a call from his buddy Jack (M18). Jack is also someone I’ve met quite a few times, and he was also quite nice to me, but again, very much a wannabe gangster who has been in some legal trouble before. He was with two friends of his who were 17; neither of them were people I knew. Mark ended up bringing us all out to hang out with Jack and these two, which wasn’t an issue as I didn’t know what they were going to do.

Instantly, I could tell they were on some kind of substance, and this was confirmed when I saw the girl and guy each pop a “Pinger.” For those reading who aren’t well-versed in what that means, it’s essentially a mystery pill, which is really dangerous. I was instantly uncomfortable.

Josh, Sarah, and I wanted to leave. Mark, however, had different ideas and kept hanging around and asking us to chill out. Well, we then saw the dude do a line of some nasty things, and we were even more worried. An older bloke saw the girl, who was now panicking and looked at her confused. This triggered the guy who did the snort, and he instantly tried to press the guy, who ran off into a restaurant.

I was prepared to jump to the old fellow’s defense, but luckily, the staff of the restaurant locked the door and called the police.

I’m now very uncomfortable going out and about with Mark as I don’t want to deal with that nonsense, and I’m wondering if I would be the jerk if I was to kind of give him the “Invite those people around me again, I’m not gonna hang out with you anymore” deal?

WIBTJ?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. An old boss of mine had a saying: “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” Distance yourself as far away from these folks as you can.” RaccoonPrestigious81

“So I (22F) live with my partner (25M) in my mother’s house with my two brothers (30 and 25). Let me explain real quick. My mother’s house is a two-story house. My two brothers live upstairs, and the stairs are outside, so basically the house is divided. My brother (30), let’s call him Jay, comes downstairs and goes straight up to the kitchen. Mind you, I’m in the living room, which is connected to the kitchen, so I can see everything he does. He started taking out some food and stuff without saying anything, so I asked him what he was doing, and he said, “Well I’m looking for food.” So I asked him if they didn’t have food upstairs, and he said, “I don’t take anything from him” (referring to our other brother because they have a difficult relationship).

I replied, “Okay, but at least you could’ve just asked first,” and with the most serious look on his face he said, “I don’t have to ask anything,” to which I replied with a shocked and confused face, “Uh, yes you have to because I don’t live alone here and I don’t buy food for the entire house.”

He started questioning me, asking since when he has to ask for food, so I replied, “Since I started living with my partner and buying my own food?” At this point, I’m really confused because I think this is pretty much common sense. He kept arguing that he is not like our other brother, who doesn’t want anyone taking his food or stuff, so that I don’t have to be comparing.

I said, “I’m not comparing; I’m just saying that I don’t live alone here, and this is the food I buy, so yes, you have to ask for it.” Mind you, I had told him from the beginning that I didn’t mind giving him food; I just wanted him to at least ask me first, that was all. He kept arguing angrily, asking if I was seriously fighting over some food. I again told him that I wasn’t fighting over the food; I just wanted to be respected in my own place and wanted him to just ask first. At the end, he put everything back and left, angry, throwing things as he went. So AITJ for doing that? Honestly, I don’t think I’m wrong for setting boundaries on my belongings that neither he nor anybody else helps me buy.”

Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Does Jay have the I’m the oldest brother, I don’t have to ask my little sister attitude? He sure isn’t acting like he’s 30, getting all petulant and tantrumy over the request that he asks before taking something he knows doesn’t belong to him.” Dittoheadforever

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is a jerk misogynist who doesn’t want to ask for anything from his sister. He’s a boy, and he thinks he can give orders to the women of the family because he is a man.

Rid him of that notion with extreme prejudice.” OaktownPirate

“I’m the second youngest of 5 kids – Female (26), Male (23), Male (22, almost 23), Me at 20, and Male (19). My dad’s side hates my mother and always has; I don’t actually know why. My mother was always working while my dad was involved with my mother’s best friend. Anyway, my dad’s side treated my brothers and sister differently our whole life. Besides males (23), any one of us who had my mother’s blood was treated differently. If we asked for Jordans or Barbies, we got Dollar Tree stuff and cheap socks, while my brother (23) and cousin (10) got name-brand items.

When I was six, my grandmother told me I was fat and needed to watch what I ate, and when I was seven, they told me the truth about Santa and the Tooth Fairy, even though I already knew. And I was seven – a dollar was like a million bucks in my child’s mind. When I was fourteen, I moved with my mom to the countryside of our state.

Before that, we only saw them on holidays or when I would stay with my aunt. We barely went to the camper that my grandmother had and barely saw them, but now it’s been four years since I saw them. The only time I’ve talked to my dad’s family was when they needed something, and when I told them how I felt, I’d be told I was being dramatic and that they loved us all the same.

When I was sixteen, I wanted to join a cheer team, but we couldn’t afford it, so I asked my grandmother to pay for it; she told me she couldn’t because she didn’t have the money either. But next week, my aunt posted on social media about how my grandma paid for my cousin to be on the cheer team, attend karate classes and join a dance team, and I think that was my breaking point. Last Christmas, my aunt messaged me about whether my siblings and I were coming for Christmas—mind you, I had not heard from them since—but I caught a cold and wasn’t able to leave.

So I told her no because I was sick, but I had to be petty after seeing all of the gifts my cousin got, and I replied “Why would I want to come when all I’m going to get is cheap socks that fall apart when you wash them?” And my aunt started yelling at me, telling me that I’m being a spoiled brat and ungrateful, so AITJ?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ.

Although the cleverer thing to have said was, “Why should I go if my grandparents don’t treat me equal to the other kids?” It’s not about the quality of the presents, it’s about being treated fairly. But your aunt might not realize that. Honestly? In my experience with crappy grandparents and preferential treatment, it’s best not to go looking for something you can’t have there. That’s what chosen family is for.” blueteamoon

Another User Comments:
“NTJ: You’ve said your word, and now it’s time for you to move forward. Build your life without them. Focus on the good things you make happen for those you care about and who care about you.

Eventually, the rebuke from your sleazy dad’s family put you through will go into the background. It won’t be easy, but forge ahead and stick up for yourself.” User

“I’ve never paid much mind to my own birthday and my partner (“Tom”) of 7 years is the same way with his. We’ve occasionally given each other gifts or planned something special to make for dinner, but we’ve never really made a big fuss over them. I enjoy making others feel special on theirs, but mine is just… meh?

My family knows I’m like this about my birthday and I’m also bad at telling them what I want as a gift when they ask. I’m afraid of asking for things that might be too expensive.

So, many years ago, we solved this issue with an Amazon wishlist. I maintain kind of a… “This would make a nice gift” list and occasionally add items to it. When someone in my family wants to buy me a gift for any reason throughout the year, they just consult the list.

Anyway, my birthday is this week. As per usual, I have nothing special planned. Tom has been eagerly awaiting a delivery so when a large Amazon box landed on the door today, he tore it open (all of our packages come in my name). I came into the living room as he was unpacking the box and lifting out a camping griddle, an item I recognized from my wishlist, with a confused look.

I said, “Oh, neat, that must be for me.” He reached in and read the little gift note (which turned out to be from my folks) with birthday wishes.

He got really irritated and asked why I didn’t remind him my birthday was coming up. I was kinda just ??? and said I didn’t think it was a big deal. He said it’s still something I should have brought up, and that he would have been embarrassed if someone in my family called him about it. At this point, I got a little irritated and asked, “OK, do you know when my birthday is?” He quoted the correct day. I pointed at his phone on the table and said, “OK, so if you know what day my birthday is and you have a calendar in your pocket at all times, why are you mad at me for not reminding you?” He got really defensive and I ended up saying it just sounded like he was embarrassed for forgetting my birthday and was deflecting that onto me, which was silly because it wasn’t a big deal to begin with.

He huffed off, saying, “It’s your birthday, I guess you can be a jerk if you want to.”

Now, something I usually make zero deal out of has become this BFD when it has never once been an issue before (though this may be the first time he’s actually forgotten it, I can’t recall). What else would I have done? Bringing it up out of nowhere would just have sounded like I was expecting something. “Hey, I paid the water bill; also, it’s my birthday this week! Which I am telling you for no apparent reason.”

AITJ for not bringing it up?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ.

If you guys are pretty chill about this, why is he getting so worked up now? Plus, having been with you for 7 years, and knowing the date of your birthday, why didn’t he remember now, and why does he care? I hope it’s not just because he wanted a camping griddle haha. Hope this works out soon!” Legitimate-Ice-9019

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He should be able to handle things himself. How hard is it to put a birthday in your phone and set a reminder? Or even use a calendar on your desk if you are that forgetful. It is not your job to remind him when your birthday is. You also don’t send reminders to your family.” BeomPeach

Another User Comments:
“NTJ.

You already analyzed the situation perfectly. It’s not your job to keep reminding your partner of your birthday; they are old enough to use a calendar. They messed up and then deflected that onto you, because your reasoning backed them into a corner. Likely, they knew their error but did not want to admit it. Bonus jerk points to your partner for upsetting you about your birthday absolutely needlessly. You are in no way at fault here.” KVNSTOBJEKT

“I’ve never done hard substances myself, and he gave what seemed like a beautiful eulogy. He didn’t seem aggressive or jumpy or anything, and I didn’t think he was on anything. The thought just never occurred to me, maybe because I didn’t think anyone would get high at the funeral of someone they claim to love.

He told me after that the only reason he was able to get through it was because he was very high. I assumed he smoked a little bit of substances or something, but then he told me he was on hard substances.

I told him that was completely disrespectful and our mum would have been ashamed of him, and he started crying. The crying makes me feel guilty, of course, but it doesn’t take away from what he did, in my opinion. His partner jumped to his defense (of course), but I wasn’t expecting our sisters to also take his side.

He was the only one living with her until the end, and they were the closest. I moved out when I was eighteen. Apparently, that means he has the monopoly on grief because that’s the main reason everyone has been telling me to cut him some slack. I don’t care how much he loves our mum.

I love her too, and I knew her well enough to know she would have completely freaked out on him if she knew he was doing hard substances at all. We’re a family of very passive and casual Christians, and though I’m mostly agnostic, I can just see her seeing this and feeling that her funeral was ruined.

One of my sisters kept saying that if the funeral was fine before I knew it, that meant the funeral was fine period and he didn’t ruin anything. I get “ignorance is bliss,” but I can’t go back to not knowing this. And he still decided to tell me, like a jerk.

She told me not to add to his hurt, but I’m also hurt. I’m always going to think of this when I think of the funeral now.

His partner told me he cared about our mum more than me because he was the closest with her and that I was picking on him at the most “evil” time. I don’t know. We’re all suffering. Just because my brother cries the most doesn’t mean he’s suffering more than anyone else. I also know this isn’t a good time to be fighting, and I was the one picking it. I do feel a bit like a jerk for pushing the issue.

But can you blame me for being offended?”

Another User Comments:
“YTJ! The funeral isn’t for your mother, it’s for those who outlived her to say their farewell, pay their respect, and as a step in the grieving process. And if he had to be high to be able to do those things and he didn’t cause a scene, then it’s not a problem. You say your mother would’ve disliked him doing substances. First of all, you don’t know that. Second, maybe she would’ve, but she’s dead so she isn’t. As I said, the funeral is for the living. Everyone grieves differently, but if fighting with your brother is part of your process, you need to stop and reevaluate.

Tldr: Funeral is for the living, brother did what he had to do to get through it and say goodbye. Maybe Mum would’ve disliked him doing substances, but since she passed away, she no longer thinks anything about it.” Motor_Squash_9480

Another User Comments:
“Yes, we can blame you for being offended. What the heck? We all cope with grief in our own way. You aren’t even worried about your brother using an illegal substance to get through the eulogy. No, you are over here offended he was using anything at all. The ‘apparently that means he has a monopoly in grief comment.’ So much for empathy. Why don’t you crawl back into whatever hole you came out of?

YTJ. And how did he ‘add’ to your grief? You didn’t even know. Sheesh.” YouthNAsia63

“I (26F) had a bestie, “Kelly” (25F), who lived in another country but stayed in touch daily. We were each other’s support system and shared everything with each other. She knew about the bad relationship I had recently escaped, and the difficulties of starting over, and she would share the stress of caring for her mother who had cancer. We would make each other laugh over a glass of wine while we chatted on FaceTime or in group calls with mutual friends.

After a while, Kelly began to tell me about the guy she had a crush on.

“Eli” was in our mutual friend group, but I never really spoke to him. Kelly was besotted with him. Over time, she would tell me about their blossoming relationship, and swore me to secrecy, because Eli was very private and they didn’t want everyone to gossip, but I was her bestie so she had to tell me. I kept her secret and was so happy for her because she deserved happiness.

Kelly often told me of spats they had, mostly over him not committing to her. Many hours were spent talking her through her woes, then a day or so later she would say that they were back on track, and how much she loved him.

After nine months, things began to unravel for Kelly.

She had health issues that worried me. Her mother was now terminal, another blow. She broke her arm after falling down some stairs. A few other things, but you get it. Kelly was suffering, and my heart was breaking for her. One day she told me she was vomiting blood. After getting it checked out, she told me she had masses in her stomach that may be cancerous, and she needed an emergency operation but it wasn’t looking good. She sent me a “goodbye” message and asked me to forward an email to Eli if something happened to her. I didn’t go to work that day, just stayed home and cried, thinking my friend was dying.

Several things happened after this very quickly, but it came out through screenshots from mutual friends that her diagnosis, her operation, her broken arm, and most shockingly, her relationship with Eli were all lies.

They had never been in any kind of relationship, and all the lies had been created to get attention from the man she was in love with – Eli.

I lost my mind when it all came out and pleaded with her to prove all this wrong, to send selfies from the hospital, ANYTHING to show that we were the crazy ones. She went offline instead. After two days of silence, I DM’d her that I couldn’t believe she wasted my time and friendship like this, that I didn’t believe her about anything she ever told me, and that I didn’t believe that her mother had cancer because she lied about everything else.

She replied that I was such a jerk for slating her mother, and she hated me for not believing her stories, then she deleted all socials and I never heard from her again.

So AITJ for accusing her of lying about her mother’s cancer? I’ve been feeling really bad about saying something so mean.”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Clearly your ex-friend was craving attention. The only way she could get it is through a massive mountain of lie after lie. If she lied about everything else she probably lied about her mother. You are understandably upset, she betrayed you and lied to you. But in a way, I feel sorry for her. What kind of life does she have to create all these deceptions?

I hope she realizes her mistakes and seeks therapy. Don’t continue to seek answers from her because she probably does not know why she does these things.” sunset-tx-armadillo

Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I don’t know why you should even be worrying about you possibly being a jerk. She told so many lies for whatever reason, and I honestly wouldn’t trust anything coming from her. I hope she gets some help for why she did all that, and you can move on.” Severe-Hope-9151

“I, my parents, my aunt, and my grandmother all live within 30 minutes of each other. The other side of my mom’s family (my uncle and his 2 kids / my 2 cousins) live 3-4 hours south of us. My cousin had her wedding a couple of months ago even further south, making it about a 5-hour drive. Now, the issue is that my grandmother is almost 90 and difficult to transport. She’s partially paralyzed and incontinent, which could make a 5-hour car ride, sleeping in a hotel, and an outdoor wedding a bit of a challenge (she’s also rather temperamental, which doesn’t help).

However, my aunt was very determined to get my grandmother to this wedding, spending a very long time looking into the venue and hotel to plan everything out, and planned on getting an aid to tend to her needs.

In her mind, our family would all take turns being with my grandmother for the week we were there, keeping her company and tending to her needs, so there wouldn’t be an issue (keep in mind that all of our family is back up North – the only people my grandmother would know at this wedding would be her 3 kids, 3 grandkids, and my dad).

A month before the wedding, I, my mom, my aunt, my uncle, and my cousins sat down to discuss bringing my grandmother to the wedding. Most of us shared the same concerns about her physical and emotional wellbeing, and decided that while we think she deserves to go, it would be too much of a hassle.

Additionally, whenever we asked her if she wanted to go, she would dodge the question or claim she didn’t want to think about it, which we interpreted as her saying she didn’t want to go but felt bad.

But my aunt did not share these thoughts. She was furious, and started accusing my mother of manipulating my cousins into thinking these things because she didn’t want to deal with my grandmother. She claimed that originally my grandmother really wanted to go to the wedding, but wouldn’t say so because my mom kept telling her about how much of an inconvenience she would be (I have no idea if any of that is true).

Basically, my aunt felt that we just weren’t willing to put the time and effort into accommodating my grandmother, which upset her greatly. But at the end of the day, we decided my grandmother wouldn’t be going (and she didn’t seem too upset by this).

Since then, my aunt has not spoken at all to my mother, refusing to return calls or texts. Two weeks before the wedding, my aunt called my cousin to say she wasn’t going to attend the wedding because of how upset she was, and indeed she didn’t. She still refuses to speak to my mom. My cousin was in town this weekend and talked to my aunt about the situation.

My cousin said she wants to put the situation behind us and move on, but my aunt refuses to. Bringing any of this up around my grandmother results in her yelling at us to change the subject, so it’s hard to get her feelings on the matter.

So are we the jerks for not taking my grandmother to the wedding?”

Another User Comments:
“ESH … for harassing your grandma with that stupidity. “However, my aunt was very determined to get my grandmother to this wedding, ” .. this is good. So SHE volunteered, and you don’t have to do it. “Since then, my aunt has not spoken at all to my mother, refusing to return calls or texts.

Two weeks before the wedding, my aunt called my cousin to say she wasn’t going to attend the wedding because of how upset she was, and indeed she didn’t. She still refuses to speak to my mom. My cousin was in town this weekend and talked to my aunt about the situation. My cousin said she wants to put the situation behind us and move on, but my aunt refuses to.” Why do you even care? Stop letting yourself be drawn into your aunt’s tantrums. None of this concerns you. “Bringing any of this up around my grandmother results in her yelling at us to change the subject, so it’s hard to get her feelings on the matter.” STOP harassing your grandma – solve your petty and childish squabbles without her. You are hurting her by drawing her into this. Aggressive-Mind-2085

“My father passed away recently, and my family was rushing to prepare his funeral. This was the first time we were dealing with these things, and we were clueless about what to do.

My mom heard that a woman at her church wanted to sell a burial plot that she had purchased 20 years ago and didn’t need anymore. My mom contacted the woman, thinking it would be the fastest way to get a burial plot. We met at the cemetery and signed the papers for the transfer, paying her the current cost of the plot.

During the meeting, it came up that she had also purchased a vault and headstone. So then we paid her the full cost of what she had originally paid years ago.

The day before my father’s funeral, she had someone contact us, saying she wanted more money for the vault and headstone as the price has increased since she purchased it. The day my father was buried, she called my mom and blamed us for not offering more at the transfer meeting. It didn’t cross our minds that she would want to make money off of this sale, and the cemetery staff even told us that it is rare for a seller to receive the full price that they originally paid.

A couple of days after the funeral, we went to the cemetery to purchase the headstone.

We had gotten some credit towards the headstone and vault from what the woman had paid to the cemetery years ago, but we paid the difference of the current price to the cemetery, so we didn’t really get any financial advantage, and that wasn’t even our purpose for buying the plot/vault/headstone from her. We really just wish we had known we could buy a plot quickly from the cemetery so we could have avoided all this stress.

My mom called the woman after we bought the headstone to explain everything, but the woman continued to blame us for not offering her more money and said we had no conscience, and snidely remarked that now she knows what kind of people we are.

We think she was incredibly rude to call us the day before and on the day of my father’s funeral about this matter, and she is going too far to insult my family’s character. She could have just told us at the meeting that she wanted more money and how much, but she is insisting we are the jerks. AITJ for not offering to pay her more?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is so ridiculous and she is a rude jerk. When a person is selling something, it is their responsibility to set the asking price at a price they are happy with. It is rude and icky to harass someone after they buy something from you and demand more money, especially when it revolves around a death of a loved one like this.

I have a feeling that she was initially happy with the price paid, but then someone convinced her that she got a bad deal/was scammed and that she could have gotten more and she’s taking it out on your family. I would probably send her a message saying something along the lines of “As the sale was finalized and the purchase price was agreed upon by both parties at the time of the sale, we will not be paying you any additional sums. Any further contact from you regarding this matter will be deemed as harassment and provided to the local authorities.”” dysfunctionalquokka

Another User Comments:
“NTJ!! It’s not like y’all did this to turn a profit.

She was happy with the deal till someone got into her ear about it. Block her. I’m so sorry for y’all’s loss.” justcelia13

“I (F15) went to a camp this summer with several kids, where we travel across different cities and learn more about them. However, it’s hard for me to make friends because of my autistic traits, and my struggle with making friends made me the laughingstock of the whole group for the entire duration of the camping trip. I didn’t mind it, as I’ve learned not to let those superficial comments get to me, but there’s this one boy.

This boy (16M) constantly gets on my nerves. He wasn’t like the other kids.

He constantly gave me uncomfortable stares with his friends and made unnecessary gestures with his hips and hands toward me, definitely implying inappropriate things. I tried not to think about it and thought I wouldn’t think about it for long after the trip. But I made the mistake of giving the group (including him) my socials at the beginning of the trip.

And that’s where we are now. Today, I got a haircut and, like any other high school girl, I posted it on my Instagram story. All went well, and everyone was complimenting my hair until he did the same. He was weird about it. He took a screenshot of the picture from my story and sent it to our camping group chat, which is a group chat with all the kids from the trip.

They usually do this, which I find weird, but I usually pay no mind until I read what he wrote under the screenshot. He kept saying “I definitely like that haircut” and “You look really good.”

It was weird and ultimately made me uncomfortable; it brought back memories I’d rather not remember. Right now, I’m writing a message to send to his father, explaining what his son has been saying to me and how these messages have given me flashbacks to events that happened to me a few years ago.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting. I’ve genuinely been on edge ever since the comments started.

I don’t know if I should even send this message to his dad, adding more fuel to the fire, or if I should just block everyone from the trip and leave the group chat. I just want this kid to be dealt with and have him leave me alone.

For context, this kid lives in an entirely different state than I do, so no matter what I do, I’m physically safe from him.”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ, for how you feel; you are definitely not overreacting. This boy is acting like a crass jerk. You can tell his father and his father may do the right thing and reprimand him, but you have to realize that this boy may have learned his behavior from his father.

I would suggest reporting him to the admins on your social media and then blocking him and all his friends. You don’t have to put up with his harassment or the harassment of any of his friends.” Crazy_Life61

Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at your age, you are doing the right thing to contact his dad with this info. Do you have an adult in your life you can discuss this with? Parent/teacher? They may be able to help. Keep to facts; this is inappropriate and bullying. Good luck.” MudTurbulent8912

“I (29m) asked my partner (29F) to cut off a co-worker, let’s call him Cheese (29m~). Me and my partner are both professionals and work in office environments. Ten months ago, she transferred offices within the company. As background, I never go to my partner’s work parties because her coworkers don’t stop talking about work and one of her coworkers is no joke, the rapist of another of her coworkers, but the victim swore my partner to secrecy and I refuse to act nice to him, so I don’t go to her work parties.

My partner first mentioned Cheese about five months ago.

The first story I heard about him was that he had a three-person intimate encounter with two other female coworkers. I thought this was weird because he told her about this at work. Friends talk about intimacy, that’s totally cool, but I don’t know, this seemed strange.

This weekend, my partner went to an office party by herself. She went to Cheese’s house to pregame with another coworker. My partner got home a good while later than she told me she was going to get home (We live together now).

Anyway, after we get to bed, her phone starts vibrating (It’s late). I get this gut feeling and check her phone (I have only ever done this one other time in three years).

It’s just random emails. But I keep looking and I look at the texts between her and Cheese. There’s a lot of stuff which I would say is flirty but just barely. She also sends him the blowing kiss heart emoji. She then asks him if he’s hooked up with anybody yet. I doomscroll her texts. Lots of their conversations steer into intimate topics—even if it’s just them talking about his intimate life. And they talk a lot, almost every day.

I look at her Instagram DMs and they send each other memes constantly, which is fine, whatever. But I notice that he sends her a lot of intimacy-based memes.

She doesn’t really seem to do much besides laugh at them, but when they do chat on Instagram it is also flirty; they call each other names in a “cute” way, etc. But on this night she is also sending him memes that are intimacy-based—like, for example, this screenshot of a Twitter post that says “Reaching climax is so embarrassing it’s like here is my stuff, lol.” Great meme, but it bothers me that she sent it so late, while they’re both inebriated, and after she sent him a kiss emoji.

I talk to her in the morning. She’s upset I violated her privacy and I agree, that was wrong of me.

But I also give her an ultimatum: I will only continue in this relationship if she cuts Cheese off from her personal life; in other words, if they must interact, it should only be about work—no Instagram, no personal texting, no hanging out. So AITJ for going through her phone and AITJ for giving this ultimatum?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ – or maybe justified jerk. Yeah, you should not have looked through her emails – or maybe you should not have had to look. If you feel the need to give her an ultimatum, perhaps you should break up.” Comfortable-Focus123

Another User Comments:
“How sure are you that your partner wasn’t one of the two women at work that had the three-person intimate encounter with Cheese?

Anyway, this certainly looks like an inappropriate relationship for her to have, and you have every right to make this a hill to die on. Just like she has every right to agree or not with you.” Conscious-Arm-7889

Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I think you had good enough reason/suspicion to warrant a closer look, even if it’s arguably a breach of privacy. Turns out you were proved right as far as I can see.” Rsl120

“I’m a 45-year-old autistic woman who has struggled to make friends my whole life. About five years ago, I met a friend my age (I will call her Jessica) and we hit it off. We work together in the same department, so I see her 40+ hours a week and we hang out every Friday night, too.

At first I loved this, but lately I’ve been really evaluating my life and making different choices and following different dreams. We still hang out every week, but I just want to limit it to work and Friday nights.

Jessica is great, don’t get me wrong, but she’s very needy.

I feel like I need to be on call at all times to cheer her up if she’s feeling down or upset. And when we hang out, we have to do what she wants to do, which is mostly drinking cocktails and watching TV shows that I don’t care about. I feel like this is kind of a waste of time, especially since I’m trying to get a new business off the ground and want to spend a lot of my free time working on that.

When I’m in town on the weekends, she kind of defaults into thinking that I will spend the weekend hanging out with her, and I just don’t want to.

I’m also highly introverted and need time by myself to recharge for the week or I’m moody and irritable.

But when I say no, she peppers me with questions. What am I doing? Why can’t I hang out? Can I do the stuff that needs to be done in the morning so I can hang out in the afternoon? Or can I do it all on Saturday so I can hang out with her on Sunday?

I’m just really tired of it, but if I tell her I just want to be by myself or work on my business, she gets upset and kind of defensive and tells me that she just wants to hang out with me and doesn’t see the big deal.

Maybe I just don’t get adult friendships, but this is driving me crazy!

AITJ for needing weekends mostly to myself, even if I’m not doing anything “fun” besides introverting and working on my other business? I genuinely do feel bad when she asks me if I don’t want to spend time with her, but I feel like it is just too much time that she wants, and I don’t want to spend every free moment with her.”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people are just too much and inconsiderate of introverts needing time alone to recharge. “What am I doing? Why can’t I hang out? Can I do the stuff that needs to be done in the morning so I can hang out in the afternoon?

Or can I do it all on Saturday so I can hang out with her on Sunday? Can she mind her own business??” I don’t think that you’re not getting adult friendships. Most adult friendships don’t involve hanging out all weekend every weekend. If nothing else most adults have partners and kids with whom they want to spend at least some of their free time. Honestly, from the way you describe your time with her it sounds like she treats you as decoration and free therapy. Not as a friend.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had a friend with a wide circle of demanding friends. She moved to another part of the country.

Also have an acquaintance who said she wanted a friend who lived nearby so they could spend a lot of time together. Needy. I think you need to tell her that you need to focus on other things. Minimize your time with her to a couple of Fridays. Just tell her you have plans. And repeat. This is a needy person. Another aspect is that she’s a work friend and you shouldn’t let her know everything about your life. Take time for your business and yourself but also do things that get you recharged and also go places you might meet people, could be cooking class, art opening or whatever.” Emotional_Bonus_934

“Recently I (22F) and my partner (24) decided to move states and rent an apartment near his close friends. The rent where we lived was about $500–800 while the place we moved to is much higher at $1800 (that I didn’t even like or have a say in). We tried looking for someplace cheaper, but there aren’t many options. Where we moved from, I had my own job that I loved, and my own house that I shared with my two friends. From the start, I knew I could not afford to pay anything close to half of $1800, especially not having a job here, and I told him that countless times.

He assured me we would not have to worry about rent, as his friend would be hiring him to work for the costs of rent plus more. He also has a remote job that pays on top. He specifically said, “He has rent covered.” He makes more money each month than I have ever had in my bank account. I told him I did not want to give up my job, and that I decided to move with him because I could not see myself being happy without him.

So I took the risk knowing rent would be covered. Now we are here. I have had multiple interviews and am currently looking for employment. Using my savings, I helped with half the deposit ($900) bought all the groceries, and paid for meals when we ate out.

I also took care of the apartment, furnished it completely, and offered to pay for utilities when I got a job. Today I mentioned wanting to buy a motorcycle and start online college classes, to which he brought up rent. He asked if I still planned on paying rent and said that he wanted me to pay the same amount I was paying for my old house. I was super thrown off because I thought we had agreed I wouldn’t pay rent but would do other things to help out. He told me I was “crazy” for thinking that and that nothing in life is free. It’s not that I don’t want to help out with rent; it’s that I was told I wouldn’t need to, and now I am being told I am a freeloader for thinking I wouldn’t pay. I am really hurt and confused, but I am now figuring out how to adjust to this change—or if I should even have to. I can’t just move back home either. My place in the old house is taken and my work position is full. I’m stuck.”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you should try to get out of there, both the place and the relationship. You are not a freeloader, you cover part of the expenses and have contributed significantly, and him changing his mind and trying to gaslight you is a huge red flag.” 7HyenasHiddenInATank

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s gaslighting you and using you to get what he wants.

I’d have a blunt discussion about what he told you and how much you’ve contributed. If he’s still in denial, I’d get out of there and pull any resources you have to secure a place to live away from him. I’m sorry he did that to you.” Shes_Wicked

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I personally wouldn’t stay with a partner who doesn’t recognize and acknowledge the sacrifices you make for them. Quitting your job for him and saying you want to take college courses, which can help you grow professionally, is not being a “freeloader.” Consider this your sign he will ignore or downplay your contributions to your family unit in the future.

Trust me, there are men out there who would love to come home to someone nice to them, who took care of things around the house, and who want to better themselves and continue learning.” frenchiegiggles

“So I (21F) asked my mom if it would be possible to go to brunch with the family (mom, dad, and 2 brothers aged 17 and 19) for my birthday, and she said yes. I asked maybe 2 weeks before.

Yesterday, I had what I consider a big fight with my dad over something. He and I got defensive, and it ended with him screaming at me to leave. I felt pretty bad afterward. It’s been a while since we’ve had a big fight, and it brought up a lot of past memories from when I was a kid. I really didn’t feel good about it.

I talked about it with my mom, and she proposed that she and I would go to brunch while my dad could go with the brothers. I agreed because my brothers told me they didn’t really care. I didn’t know that my dad was unaware of my mom’s proposal.

Today, I came back from my shift, and my dad asked if he was coming to brunch or not. I said, “Well, I talked about it with Mom and, since I’m still feeling pretty fragile from the situation, I think it’s best if I go alone with Mom as she proposed, and you can go with the bros.”

My dad rolled his eyes and said that I was exaggerating everything, that to him this was a meaningless fight, and that I should just get over it so that I wouldn’t penalize everybody because of it.

I tried to explain that I wouldn’t be comfortable, that I had crap to deal with mentally, and that for me the fight from yesterday was big and I wasn’t ready to have brunch as if nothing happened just because it would make everybody happy. I know from experience that when I just get over things like that, I usually don’t get over it. I knew that my dad being there while I was still feeling strong emotions about the fight was going to make for an awkward brunch.

My dad continued to say he was disappointed and that I was making a big deal out of nothing. The fight started again until I was sobbing, and then I left the room.

I texted my mom, saying that I really didn’t feel good about any of this and that I wasn’t going to go to brunch. My mom said she understood, but my dad says that I’m basically TA because I’m cancelling something that “everybody was looking forward to” and that I am penalizing everybody because “I don’t feel good.”

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your birthday brunch is about you, not him. Two things here: The fact that your father is treating your birthday brunch like it’s meant to be you showing him a good time, and not the other way around (you should paper over the cracks so he can have his waffles in peace, I guess?); and that your father has absolutely no compunction about having hurt you — only that it might screw up his (your!) brunch plans.

Both scream narcissist. I’d set clear boundaries with him, particularly as you come into your own. Sorry OP, this sucks.” aemondstareye

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I totally empathize and your reasons for not wanting to have brunch with your dad are actually really mature. You need time to cool off. Good for you – 10 points for emotional maturity! I’m so sorry you’re not having a nice birthday though, sweetheart. That sounds really tough and I’m sending you lots of internet hugs.” THROWRAhickory

Another User Comments:
“Absolutely not. You are not the jerk here. It’s completely reasonable to set boundaries when you’re feeling emotionally raw, especially after a fight that clearly brought up a lot of past pain for you.

Your dad may see it as a “meaningless” fight, but that doesn’t mean it was meaningless to you. Dismissing your feelings and pressuring you to move on before you’re ready is unfair, and honestly, pretty hurtful. You didn’t demand that anyone else change their plans—you simply adjusted what would make you comfortable. Your mom was on board, and your brothers didn’t seem to care. The only person who made this into a bigger deal was your dad, by refusing to respect your emotional state and pushing you to act like everything was fine when it wasn’t. Your reaction isn’t an overreaction; it’s self-awareness. You know from experience that forcing yourself to “get over it” doesn’t work for you, and you were making a choice to protect your emotional well-being. That’s healthy. What’s not healthy is someone invalidating your feelings and making you feel guilty for taking care of yourself. It’s frustrating when family members don’t respect personal boundaries, but you did nothing wrong by expressing your needs. You weren’t trying to punish anyone—you were trying to make sure you didn’t have to sit through an uncomfortable meal while still hurting. If your dad was truly looking forward to brunch, he could have taken the chance to repair things with you instead of doubling down on dismissal and guilt-tripping.” User

“So about 2 months or so ago I was in my driveway working on some car repairs. One of my neighbors frequently fails to control his dogs. At least once a month I see his dogs using my yard as a bathroom. Personally, I really don’t care about the poop. So, as I was wrenching, I saw his dog running around the yard, coming across the street and proceeding to poop. After watching for a few seconds, already annoyed that the dog was running around, I shouted (across the street), “Do you want to come pick up your dog’s crap?” This set him into a rage, and he proceeded to scream, yell, and frankly behave like a toddler.

He threatened violence, engaged in name-calling, and attempted to belittle me. I am not innocent regarding what was said afterward; however, my focus was “Pick up after your dog and go home.” Eventually, his mother came, got his attention, and he went back to his house after cleaning up after his dog.

In my observation, this man is single, has four or five kids, is staying in his parents’ house, and seems to be a heavy drinker. He is between about 40 and 50 years old. This week, a storm blew through, and there was some minor property damage in the area. I stepped outside to repair a section of my neighbor’s fence that my wife pointed out was broken.

As I finished, I noticed that same neighbor’s son across the street, attempting to cut a large section of a fallen tree with a small reciprocating saw that wasn’t doing the job. I have a small DeWalt battery chainsaw, and I wanted to help. I noticed that some of this man’s kids were also over there. I thought that it had been some time since the previous interaction and hoped that, by helping out, we could squash the issue.

However, as he rounded the corner into the yard, I said “Yo bud,” and continued with the cut I was working on. I was immediately confronted with “How about a freaking apology?” Immediately confrontational and demanding an apology, I decided to collect my saw and spare battery and make my way home.

He followed me to the curb a few paces behind me, again attempting to berate and belittle me, even picking up a fairly large stick at one point. So, I went home. Since then, he continues to give my wife and me dirty looks and seems to be content with this quarrel that exists only to him.”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you did the right thing by trying to move on and be neighborly.” Beginning_Signal8377

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You handled the interaction well. All you can do is model the behavior you expect and hope it catches on.” SecretWeapon013

“I’m sharing an apartment this summer with two coworkers: let’s call them Jack and John. We’re all college students. Now, I have been contributing quite a lot to this apartment: plates, sponges, dish soap, paper towels, trash bags, a vacuum, a kitchen knife, a Brita pitcher of water, baking soda to deodorize the fridge, etc. One of my roommates sporadically contributes hand soap for the bathroom, and the other contributes nothing. They both use my supplies, although they have only ever used the vacuum to clean their private rooms (we’ll come back to that).

Now, I have let this arrangement stand because I don’t like to be confrontational. ... Click here to continue reading