People Stick Their Noses Into These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

“I (55F) have an older sister (58F) who is a functioning heavy drinker. Over the years, she’s had several incidents of intoxicated driving with little to no consequence. In 2022, while turning into her neighborhood, she ran over a curb, hit a sign, and caused about $7,000 worth of damage to her car—all in full view of a police officer sitting in her complex. She was eventually arrested for DWI.

My concerns escalated when I learned that she often drives intoxicated with her grandkids in the car. There was one particularly frightening incident: When her grandson was just a few months old, she was supposed to be watching him, but ended up passed out intoxicated on the couch.

The baby rolled over and ended up face down on the couch. Luckily, my daughter (who had recently moved in with my sister) heard the baby crying and quickly called her cousin to come get him.

Before her court date, I emailed her lawyer to express my deep concerns about her severe heavy drinking and urged that she get inpatient treatment. Unfortunately, as usual, nothing significant happened because she’s managed to avoid any lasting repercussions for her actions.

Despite these incidents, my sister refuses to acknowledge that she has a problem. I knew her attorney wouldn’t take any real action because he’s on her payroll.

Out of sheer desperation and concern for her safety—and the safety of others—I left a voicemail for the state attorney’s office, simply stating that my sister is a heavy drinker in need of help. I didn’t go into specifics, but apparently the state attorney’s office then called her lawyer, and now my sister is furious with me. She believes I’m trying to get her locked up, which is not my intention at all.

I truly believe that if she doesn’t get the help she desperately needs, someone is going to get hurt—either her, or someone else.

So, AITJ for taking this step?”

Another User Comments:

“INFO: Do your niblings know that your sister is watching and driving their kids while she’s that level of intoxication? That it’s an ongoing problem and not a one-off that they can safely sweep under the rug? Because if you are even a little uncertain about whether they know that, I think you have an obligation to tell them. They can’t protect their kids if they don’t know they’re in danger. Other than that, I’d say you’re NTJ. Your sister‘s behavior is making her a menace to society, and one of these days it may be a person she hurts (or, heaven forbid, kills) and not just replaceable things.” KaliTheBlaze

Another User Comments:

“Unfortunately, you can’t force a heavy drinker to get help.

If they are not ready to admit they have a problem and need help, there is nothing anyone can do, including the courts. Can the courts force her into rehab and/or AA? Yes, they can. But unless she admits she has a booze problem and wants to get better, odds are she will head to the nearest bar once the forced treatment is over! I can’t really say YTJ, because your intentions are good. But you’re NTJ either, because your actions are so misguided and 99% doomed to fail.” TrainsNCats

Another User Comments:

“Yeah, that’s the crappy part… There is nothing you can do to stop your sister from doing what she is doing.

However, you can call state patrol or local police or highway patrol, and report a suspected intoxicated driver when you know she’s been drinking and is or going to be driving somewhere. That will be the best thing that happens, being pulled over and charged with DWI. If there are kids in the car, then that becomes child endangerment… It might be enough for her to get some serious charges and spend a night or two in jail to get some clarity on things. But maybe it won’t be enough. I would strongly recommend contacting state police or highway patrol (depending on your state) rather than local police or sheriff’s dept. State police deal with roads and road safety, are trained in signs of intoxication, and are less likely to have the small town deal to keep it quiet or charge with a lesser offense. Hopefully, this makes sense to you.” FlightFrosty4133

“I was on a train (it was a 4-hour ride). I took my seat and put my bag in the dedicated space. In front of me, there was a girl who had not put hers, but instead had it on the floor, in the space between me and her. The thing is, that space is not that big and none of us could stretch our legs.

After an hour or so, I started to feel some pain in my legs and decided to try to stretch them, and accidentally touched the girl’s bag a few times.

Note that I couldn’t stretch them sideways because there were people both next to me and her. She didn’t say anything then, but at the end of the ride, she told me that I was deliberately kicking and dirtying her bag.

Was I the jerk in this situation?

Like, I could have tried to move a bit but I didn’t want to bother the passengers next to us, but at the same time she could have placed her bag in the designated place and not on the floor.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s a foot space, not her bag’s personal suite.

You just stretched your legs, didn’t boot it. If it really bothered her, or she was on the right, she could’ve piped up sooner instead of saving the drama for the end. You were being considerate of the folks next to you. She wasn’t. She could’ve used the proper storage. That’s on her.” ruyrybeyro

Another User Comments:

“Here’s the golden rule of shared public spaces like trains – putting your bag in a shared space doesn’t somehow reserve that space for your bag (especially when there are bag racks). Especially when it impinges on other people’s comfort.

You could have gone the full nine yards and used her bag as a footrest and you’d still be NTJ.” SlappySlapsticker

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Even if you had kicked it on purpose, she could have solved the issue by getting her stuff off the floor. People need to learn to be more considerate on public transportation. I can’t stand people like the girl who thinks they can hog up extra space even when it’s crowded.” mewmew34

“I (23F) am in a sticky situation here. My “SIL” (context: SIL is in quotes because she’s a close family friend—like a sister to my hubby, though not by blood—and we’ve always gotten along well until now), whom I’ll call Nancy, has a wedding coming up in four months. Very exciting, and I’m happy for her.

The problem arose about six weeks ago. Nancy and MIL were talking about wedding plans at the end of a family dinner.

At that time, I was over everything and emotionally drained from stress and personal matters, and I had not been participating in most conversations through the night in order not to snap; in simple terms, my social battery died.

She asked me about dresses and if I had gotten one yet; for context, I’m not in the wedding. My only ‘job’ is to keep the bride’s mom occupied so that the bride doesn’t stress. I can do that, and I’m happy to. I told her that I might have one but would buy one. She had been asking me every time she saw me, so I admit my tone could have been nicer.

Then she asked me if I could just go get a dress.

I couldn’t because I was in the middle of buying a house with my husband, and I didn’t have the extra finances for that. I kind of snapped and told her, “Nancy, I’m sorry but I can’t right now. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I have so much on my plate that I don’t have room to stress about this dress. Once the house is finalized, I can focus on the dress, but right now isn’t good for me.” She said it was okay, and I thought we were good.

We closed on the house (yay), and I’ve been looking for dresses between unpacking.

Well, I was wrong… I was told yesterday that I hurt her feelings by brushing her off and being rude about her big day, so now I’m wondering if I was the jerk. My intention wasn’t to be mean or rude. My wedding was a little bit of a disaster and I didn’t want to cause any unnecessary stress for her. I just knew that if I didn’t say something now, I’d bottle it up and become overstressed about the things in my life. So, AITJ for telling Nancy I didn’t have time to stress about a dress at that moment?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You aren’t a bridesmaid, and this wasn’t a matching dress with a fitting. This is just a dress as a guest. Not to mention, the wedding isn’t for another four months, so I’m guessing the August time frame. You have plenty of time and had to deal with the house purchase. If a bride were nagging me about my dress as a guest, I would have lost my mind.” LowBalance4404

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for feeling the way you did. We only have so much bandwidth, and there’s no shame in prioritizing your house over her wedding. However, I suspect you were a lot harsher about it than you’re letting on.

Nobody talks quite like you wrote it out. That probably contributed to her sensitivity. Plus, I know you don’t hold her in nearly as high regard as your husband does, or you wouldn’t have put “SIL” in quotes and made a point to explain it. And that’s okay. You don’t have to, but it’s probably contributing to how you draw up your list of priorities.” Saberune

Another User Comments:

“I think you can be excused if the wedding was still four months away, you weren’t in the bridal party, and she was asking you about the dress every time you saw her.

All of this, along with buying a house and tight finances, could have caused anyone to snap. I love people who are rude and insistent to the point they drive you crazy about something; then, when you respond to their nagging in a way they don’t like, they are the ones with hurt feelings. Maybe she will disinvite you, and you can forget about the dress altogether. NTJ.” Vibe_me_pos

“My sister (26F) and I (22F) have never been close. Between the ages of 10 and 18, she used me to lie to my parents when she went out on the sly, asked me for money every week (money she has never paid back; she owes me approximately 600 euros now), and rejected me when I tried to get closer to her. She always spoke badly to me, insulted me, and did other things; fortunately, it never came to blows.

Two years ago, I went to live in another country. I met my fiancé there, and we came back to live near my parents.

I found a job that wasn’t very rewarding, but it was just until I started my studies again. As my job is a 40-minute walk from home and I don’t have a car, I sometimes ask people to give me a lift home in the evening because I don’t feel safe going home alone at night. One day I asked her, and she said yes without any complaints. That was four months ago, and I haven’t asked her again since.

Tonight, my mum came over because she was next door, and she suggested that she pick me up from work. I said yes.

I was surprised to see my sister in the car, but I didn’t have any particular feelings about it. We were chatting, and suddenly my sister asked me why I had never invited her to my house. I told her that she had never invited me to her place either, and she retorted that one month ago she had asked me once to come and eat at her place with my parents (in reality, it was my mother who sent me a message to say that she was eating at my sister’s and to ask me if I would like to come, to which I replied no because my partner was very ill). So I told her that if she wanted to come over, she could; all she had to do was send me a message. She said no—it should be up to me. I’m someone who doesn’t like sending messages; I’m a bit shy, so I don’t often talk to my other brothers and sisters.

My sister and I have nothing in common (no hobbies, no friends in common, nothing), so I don’t send her any messages and she doesn’t send me any. She then told me that I should make an effort. I told her that the phone works both ways and that the last thing I want to do after getting home from work in the evening is to invite someone with whom I have nothing in common over to my place.

I also told her that we were never close and that I didn’t really see any problem with that. No one is obliged to be in a constant relationship with someone, family included. She didn’t speak after that. My mother asked me to apologize by message after I had gone home.

Was I too blunt, too mean? It was the first time I had ever talked back to her, and I don’t know if I did wrong; all I know is that it felt good not to back down for once. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Of course not!

I am sorry you have had such a relationship with your sister. Even if she hadn’t been so horrible to you while growing up, trying to shame you for not making an effort to engage with her when she has made none herself with you is absurdly self-involved and offensive. Stand your ground. Parents often desperately seek harmony in their families and try to downplay offenses on either side. Don’t be shamed by your mother into wasting energy on a sister who has never cared for you. Do not weaken your self-esteem by apologizing or prostrating yourself in front of the altar of “let’s all just get along”. The only way forward to true family harmony is for your sister to take responsibility for past actions, apologize, and make true change. Which is unlikely.” Fantastic_Extreme_74

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for me. What you said is true. But I don’t know the words you used exactly, or how you said them, so if you feel you were harsh and want to apologize, I advise you to do it. Also, we don’t know—and I don’t feel you know either—how your sister feels about you. Maybe she wants to amend for what she did, or just to build a relationship with you?

She might not know how to do it; she might not want you to feel obligated to come if she sends you a text; she might be afraid of rejection. All these are theories, of course. But if you have a doubt and are curious, maybe you could ask her? If not, then keep your ground, politely. You are not a jerk for making your barriers clear.” Gaillice

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – To be fair, you understandably, for good reason, sound like you don’t like her at all anyway. And after what you’ve been through with her, you have actually kept the peace between you both by not having a relationship.

She pretty much pushed you to be that blunt with her, as she didn’t take the shy texting approach and continued to invalidate your response. If she wants to continue a relationship with you, then you will have to set boundaries about how she’s going to treat you going forward, and that’s also going to feel like a blunt conversation. I get it because I also like to just keep the peace and avoid conversations; when standing up for yourself, boundaries seem very harsh, but they’re not. You deserve to be treated with respect by her because she has proven through your lives that she doesn’t respect you or your feelings. It actually feels like in your situation that if she would put aside her ego, apologize, and respect how you feel, you would be more than happy to have a good relationship over time. But that’s up to her. Best of luck, OP!” Chasethedoggo86

“My (17) aunt recently went to prison for fraud. This put a lot of stress on my mom, who not only has to deal with her older sister being in prison and make sure my grandparents, her parents, are handling it okay, but has also taken in my cousin (13).

There are two things my mom is concerned about: diet and habit. My cousin eats all the veggies that my mom tells her to, but she turns down some of the fruits. She also prefers video games to reading.

At first, she only ate apples, bananas, and oranges, but I was able to convince her to try pomelo, pineapple, and melon, and she ended up liking them.

So that’s a total of six fruits she eats. My mom asked me to see if I could find books my cousin would enjoy. I ended up getting her hooked on a particular author. She read six of her books and just started the seventh one.

But my mom said it isn’t enough, and that she should eat more fruits and read books by other authors too. I don’t want to push since she’s still processing all the changes that have happened, but my mom accused me of coddling her and said that we’re a family and I should cooperate.

She said that she wants what’s best for my cousin but can’t do everything on her own.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Mom is still in a freak-out stage, I think. It’s great that she wants to be sure to take good care of your cousin, but she’s kind of missing the big picture. Or – was she like that with you? Overly controlling? These are weird things for her to be focusing on. Cousin reads, eats veggies, and 6 fruits. In no universe is this a problem. Does Mom open up to you about how this is all affecting her? I’m sure there’s anger and grief regarding her sister, and panic regarding your cousin.

Almost like she’s overcompensating – she thinks she has to get Cousin to be “perfect” to prevent her from ending up like Aunt, or something, but weirdly focused on these 2 issues. I think your instincts are good not to push cousin. Try to give Mom opportunities to vent, and give her all the emotional support you can. This is a lot for her to take in and take on. She obviously treats you as an adult since she’s enlisting your help, so hopefully she’ll be open with you. You sound kind, mature, thoughtful, and level-headed. Maybe if she can talk through all her stresses, worries, and fears about the situation, she won’t have all the anxiety about being “perfect.” Take care of yourself; this is a lot of stress on you, too. I hope you all adjust and find a way to support each other through this.” Ok-Position7403

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. What the heck does your mom want? The poor child, whose mom just got tossed in prison, is trying to adapt to a brand new reality, and your mom is working on making that as hard as possible. You are doing great. There is no magic number of fruit someone has to eat. As long as her diet is varied and she is at a healthy weight, she’s fine. And good job on getting her reading. Sure, it would be nice for her to branch out into other genres and authors, but getting her started on that path is a huge step.

You are doing great with her. Your mom, for whatever reason, is being overbearing. I would gently suggest therapy while she struggles to come to terms with her new reality. Unfortunately, your mom has put you in the situation of protecting your cousin from her demands. Even though, on face value, her demands seem like they are in your cousin’s best interest, they are still overbearing, and your cousin doesn’t need someone trying to control her diet and leisure activities to this extent.

Can you find an adult to help regulate Mom? She’s doing too much if she is accepting a child into her home AND trying to manage her parents.

She can support them, but they are the ones who are responsible for navigating this situation. I almost think she is in a manic state to avoid confronting everything that has happened. By focusing on others, she is avoiding focusing on the fact that her sister just went to prison and, in a very real way, just blew up your mom’s life. Like I said earlier, Mom would benefit from therapy as an outlet. She’s trying to be the mom to everyone, including her parents, and she needs someone to vent to at a minimum.” WhereWeretheAdults

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mum wants too much change too fast.

She is well-meaning, but people don’t change that much that quickly. Your cousin is doing fine. Also, video games are a great hobby that can teach you a lot about different things like economy and strategy (no kidding). And RPGs are a great way to learn to like stories and move on to books. If your cousin likes those, I would suggest, in time, stirring them towards some novelizations or towards the original books, depending on the game. Maybe you can sell it to your mum that way. But right now it sounds like your cousin is behaving normally for a 13-year-old, and your mum is overly worried. I can see where she comes from, though. Maybe you should suggest therapy if that is not already happening, as it must be pretty traumatic to have your mum in jail (and, as Dad is not mentioned, I assume he is either unfit or not in the picture).” Certain-Business-632

“My FIL was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer back in September. We knew he had less than a year.

Since then, my husband has spent every single night FaceTiming his dad while I’d chase after our toddler by myself for most of the evening. Our weekends were spent at his parents’ house (they live 2 hours away across the border in Canada). So we’ve essentially spent 0 time alone together for 6 months, and most evenings I feel like a single mother.

Throughout this time, his father is just slowly decaying.

He needs way more attention and care than my toddler. So, when we visit, I am alone with my child again while my husband, his mother, and his sisters are all tending to his father.

Before his father got sick, we were talking about trying for baby #2. I wanted to wait until his father passed, because selfishly, I was thinking of what a difficult time it would be to be pregnant while chasing after a toddler alone, my husband grieving, the whole family grieving, etc. My reasoning to my husband was that I didn’t want him to feel torn between two families, and when I’m pregnant, I will need him with us, but right now his father needs him.

He insisted everything would be fine, and finally I caved and got pregnant in January.

All that said, his father has decided to end his life this coming Monday.

My husband is not handling it well, and is already grieving a loss that hasn’t happened yet. He does not handle loss well.

Yesterday and today, he has asked me to leave work early to go pick up our daughter so he can go home and drown in his sorrows. This weekend and all of next week, I fully anticipate doing everything on my own and leaving him be, because I can’t tell someone how to grieve.

My problem right now, and where I might be a jerk, is I’m arguing with him for grieving “in advance” before it has even happened, and he swore to me months ago (when I didn’t want to get pregnant yet) that I wouldn’t be left to pick up the pieces.

Now he’s telling me I’m not being understanding or sympathetic when he’s about to lose his father.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“This is a tough one.

You are absolutely right in that he pushed for the pregnancy, promised you wouldn’t be on your own, and is not holding up his end of the bargain. But a long, drawn-out end-of-life scenario is something you can’t really prepare for emotionally until it happens to you. It’s most likely he did mean what he said, but just isn’t able to meet his end of the agreement right now. It’s possible that having this time to prepare for it will help him recover more quickly afterwards. Either way, he’s speaking from a place of immense pain right now and you’re speaking from a place of exhaustion. I actually think this is no jerks here because you’re both under so much extra stress. Can you at least get a few hours’ break over the weekend? Maybe he can take the toddler to his family this weekend and you can stay home and rest. Give them some space for their grief. Or find a sitter for a day and let him go alone. I hope your family and extended family find peace soon and that you get some much-needed rest time.” Puzzleheaded-Age-240

Another User Comments:

“TBH no jerks here – your husband is going through a major trauma and life event. I understand how difficult it must be for you to handle a lot of stuff on your own.

It’s got to be extremely frustrating and exhausting. I feel for you. Do you have other family or friends you can lean on during this time? But saying he can’t grieve before it’s even happened? Grief doesn’t work like that. And I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but if you already had reservations about being pregnant again when your husband was going through all this, why did you agree to get pregnant again? You absolutely should not have caved and should’ve held firm. Your husband is obviously in an emotional state and cannot make good decisions, having another baby shouldn’t have even been on the table.” icerguy0211

Another User Comments:

“You are the jerk and I knew it when I read this, “My husband is not handling it well, and is already grieving a loss that hasn’t happened yet.

He does not handle loss well.” You need to read a book about grief and loss. Your husband is experiencing anticipatory grief. And he does not handle loss well? I don’t think anyone does. This is one of those times in life when you need to shoulder more of the burden in your marriage as a parent. I would suggest you lean on your family and friends for help. I also don’t know why you rushed to get pregnant at a time like this? That was poor decision-making.” hopefulrealist23

“I (22F) yelled at my dad (50M) yesterday after he lit firecrackers indoors, just feet away from us while we were having dinner. He’s not mentally ill.

Hearing yelling itself makes me super anxious, let alone hearing the sound of firecrackers just a couple of feet away from me. I yelled at him and told him to grow up, which isn’t like me at all. I never lash out or get angry, but right there, I lost control.

However, he looked at me with a grin and said, “The next one will be aimed at you.” I looked him dead in the eyes and told him to try.

In my head, I was sure he wouldn’t do it, but he was about to actually do it; then Mom stepped in and threatened to leave the house.

He stopped after my mom yelled at him and acted like the victim. Now he is giving everyone the silent treatment.

My mom told me today that I should apologize for raising my voice at him. I refused, and she said, “He’s your father; doesn’t he deserve an apology even if you didn’t do anything wrong?” I was speechless. I know I’m not in the wrong here.

I’m sick of apologizing for not doing anything wrong, low grades, not greeting him properly first thing in the morning, hiding bad grades, hiding good grades because it’s never enough, laughing loudly, making jokes, laughing to myself… I’m done, this is ridiculous.”

Another User Comments:

“”Doesn’t he deserve an apology even if you have done nothing wrong?” No.

Apologies are not free. Give them when you have genuinely wronged somebody. Do not give them because someone is upset or sulking. In this case, the apology is a humiliation, meant to determine who ‘wins’. He lost his standing because (a) he was wrong, (b) he was told so in public by someone lower in the hierarchy. Your dad is trying emotional blackmail to get the apology, which will restore his standing. That is not what apologies are for.

On apologies: If you really did something wrong, learn to make a proper apology. Too many people feel an apology is a humiliation and avoid giving them. It’s like that way in your family.

Your father should give an apology and he probably does not know how to properly do it. It’s acknowledgment that you did something wrong, caused someone harm, and you are sorry about it. It is not an explanation, it is not downplaying the damage, and it is not victim blaming (“but you are so sensitive!”). Here’s one for your dad: “I am sorry I set off firecrackers in the house, which hurt your ears and upset you. It was a mistake.” It is not: “I am sorry you got upset when I lit a FC in the house” (see the subtle victim blaming?)” LightPhotographer

Another User Comments:

“It sounds like your parents’ house is no longer a comfortable space for you to reside.

Do you have options for moving out? Not sure if your dad is this kind of guy… any chance he’s keeping these behaviors up, hoping you’ll move out? Maybe it’s time for a conversation about where else you can live and how your folks can support you to make that happen.” SlappySlapsticker

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Once ‘culture’ is invoked, it explains a lot. I guess your dad sees himself as the king and all of you, except his sons if he has sons, are the peasants. Your mom is shocked that you would defy the king; your mom has been indoctrinated well.

Given the situation, my recommendation is to try to be as invisible as possible until such a time as you can leave their home. You will not win against them; the challenge for you is to survive long enough to become independent of them one way or another.” Deep-Okra1461

“I went to his party. I made a proper effort to look nice. I wore a cute top and jeans. I felt really good in it.

The first thing my partner said when he saw me was, “Oh, I thought you’d dress up a bit more, maybe do your makeup or something,” and then he laughed and said, “Nah, I’m joking, chill.”

Everyone else laughed too, and I just stood there like, “Oh, okay, cool.

I didn’t realize I looked that bad.”

I stayed for a bit, tried to act normal, but ended up leaving early. Now he’s saying I embarrassed him and made it a big deal for nothing.

Am I the jerk, or was that actually out of order?”

Another User Comments:

“How old is he? If he is older than 16, he should know better. That was a jerk move and someone who is supposed to care for you wouldn’t do that. I don’t see how what you were wearing would embarrass him, unless he is truly that superficial. That “joke” had too many specific points for it to really be a joke.

Tell him that he now knows how he made you feel with the joke and that he might need to toughen up a bit if he is going to joke like that. What the code means is that it was not a big deal to him, and that you didn’t matter. NTJ, he is.” Grymflyk

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Ok, first him doing that out loud was nonsense. If he had an issue, he should’ve waited until the two of you were alone. That was very immature of him and he owes you a lot of kissing up and apologizing. Beyond that, we probably need more context before completely going nuts on your partner and telling you to end things.

How long have you been together? Where was the party? Why didn’t you go together? Was there a reason why jeans wouldn’t be acceptable? How was everyone else dressed? What was the communication between the two of you beforehand about the party? Did you actually wear no makeup? (Not that that is horrible or something, but trying to gauge how big a jerk he was being). When you left, was it quietly like “Hey, I’m going to get going,” or was it obvious drama to everyone there? Personally, I’m really used to my wife being the sort of girl who would probably go out and buy a new dress and do herself all up for a party like that. Which is nice but totally not necessary and I wouldn’t mind at all if she wore jeans and a cute top.” DarthKaep

Another User Comments:

“You’re all good, girl! You made an effort to make a good impression on your part and he still wants more. “Maybe some makeup and nicer clothes.” He needs to check himself and not try to impress everyone around him. Then you left the party because you felt uncomfortable, rightly so; I don’t blame you. The only reason he was feeling embarrassed was that he was the center of attention in a bad way. You feel good because you are confident in yourself.

Don’t lose that quality as a young woman, especially over someone who is threatened by that behavior. Good job standing up for yourself!” ILoveJunior1

“This happened yesterday morning around 6:30 AM. I run most days, usually while it’s still quiet out. There’s this one intersection I pass through regularly — it’s a standard city intersection with a crosswalk, and I always wait for the walk signal before crossing.

Anyway, I had the walk signal, started jogging across like usual, and a car turning left on green just blasts through the turn as its wheels screeched and its engine roared, cutting right in front of me. Like, easily within arm’s reach.

If I had been half a second faster, they would’ve clipped me.

Similar situations have happened a few times before, but never this close. This morning I was kind of in a bad mood and just thought, “Man, screw this,” so I smacked the back of the car with my hand as hard as it passed. Not hard enough to damage anything, but clearly the driver heard it. The car screeched to a halt, the driver rolled down the window and started yelling at me about “touching their freaking car.” I just kept running while flipping the finger, and continued on.

I told my friend, and he said I was “asking for trouble” by hitting the car and that I should have just let it go.

I guess it was a safety risk, and escalation is never a good outcome, but I personally felt justified in this instance.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ because (a) there was no way your palm was ever going to damage a vehicle, (b) it was a knee-jerk response that your hand performed before your brain could have stopped it, and (c) let’s face it, you weren’t wrong. On the flipside, as a general rule, it is never a good idea to go human against machine when the only information you have is that the machine in question is piloted by a bona fide crap-for-brains aggressive jerk.” Slaator

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Your reaction was reasonable. Unfortunately, other people’s reactions can always be unreasonable. I had a similar situation, a car honked at me while I was skating, so I flipped them off. They ran me down in their pickup and sped off while I was on the ground. Luckily, their honking drew attention, so somebody else was able to get the plate. He ultimately got like a month of house arrest and a suspended license for a year, basically screw-all. And no, I didn’t get thousands of dollars out of the deal or anything despite him pleading guilty. In actuality, it really ruined my mental health; I’ve been like a tightly wound spring ever since then. So it goes.” PhoenixRisingdBanana

Another User Comments:

“You should have an expectation of safe passage when crossing a street with the walk signal in your favor. The operative word is should, unfortunately. Something similar happened to me a number of years ago. I was walking my dog on the sidewalk, and a driver blew out of a parking lot and came this close to hitting us. Like you, I slapped the back of his car and went on my way. The driver slammed on his brakes, popped out of his car and started screaming at me. I told him he was at fault for almost hitting us and moved on.

He got tied up in traffic, but I saw him a couple of minutes later trying to find us. Fortunately, I was in an area where I could safely hide, which I did. I watched out for him, and he drove around looking for us for a good 10 minutes. This was in the days when people were still relatively sane! I doubt I would risk it today with the unhinged responses people now have to even the smallest events. NTJ. “And Hey!… Let’s be careful out there.”” shattered7done1

“My sister is in the ninth grade at a private school. She is at a private school because she just wasn’t doing well in public school. She’s going to be there all four years, and they don’t have a prom.

So my mom said she wanted me to take my sister to my senior prom. I told her she wouldn’t know anyone and it wouldn’t be very fun for her. My mom just told me that she’ll know me, and I’d better stick with her and not go off anywhere without her.

But it’s my senior prom. It’s not just any old dance. I don’t want to have to look after my sister the whole night. And I don’t think my friends will really want a 14-year-old around the whole time either. We’re all 17 and 18. I’m afraid no one will want to hang out with us.

Even though my sister won’t have a prom, I don’t think this will make up for it. She won’t know anybody, and her friends certainly won’t be there. She’ll also be 14 at a dance with 16, 17, and 18-year-olds.

I don’t know. Am I being petty?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ: Your senior prom is a special night for you. You only get one, and your mother is silly as heck for expecting you to sacrifice that so your sister gets an awkward night with no one she knows, making it an awkward night for you as well. Absolutely silly, and she should read these comments. You’re not the jerk here. She is. Your sister can make her own friends and do her own thing. She still has 4 years ahead of her. This is your last year. Make the best of it. You’ll remember it for the rest of your life!” ThuhWolf

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all.

Your prom is a reward for all the hard work you’ve put into studying and doing well at school. Your sister’s inability to work hard, resulting in her having to move school, is not your problem. She shouldn’t be rewarded for her failures. If she wants a proper prom experience, then she can make an agreement with your mother to study extra hard, put in the effort, and if she does well, she can move back to her old public school and enjoy the rewards of prom when she reaches your current age. Nobody is “entitled” to a prom – it’s a nice thing to have but if someone hasn’t worked hard at school, they shouldn’t reap the same rewards as those who have worked hard to keep their grades up. Also to add… Prom is that last experience to enjoy with your peers, who have faced that journey together alongside you – that final collective experience before you part ways and embark upon your next chapters, separately. It’s about spending time together and relaxing. Your sister would require your attention to be elsewhere, and also you wouldn’t be able to truly relax because of the fear that she might tell on you for behaving differently. Keep family and friends separately.” majesticjewnicorn

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Tell your mother prom is not open to the public. Mine was only open to seniors and juniors who were invited as dates.

You had to fill out a form to attend and there were a bunch of faculty chaperoning; you couldn’t even get into the venue without checking in with teachers at the door who’d obviously recognize non-students. Your school probably follows similar guidelines. Ask around to see if you can get it in writing, because there’s no way they’d let a freshman attend, much less one that doesn’t even go to your school.” clockstrikes91

“I (29M) have a friend, let’s call him Jason, (26M), who invited me to his birthday party this weekend. Jason and I have been friends for a few years, and we hang out often. We usually go to bars or hang out at someone’s house, nothing too fancy. So when he invited me to his birthday party, I was excited and assumed it would be the same kind of thing, a chill get-together.

But when I got the details, I found out that he had rented out this really fancy, upscale club for the party.

It’s the kind of place where you have to dress in designer clothes, and the drinks are super expensive. I’m not into that scene at all—I’m more comfortable at dive bars or house parties, and I can’t really afford to spend a lot on drinks at places like that.

I messaged Jason and told him I wouldn’t be coming because I didn’t want to spend money at a place like that, and I wouldn’t be comfortable there. I suggested we hang out another time and maybe go to a more casual place where we could just chill.

He was really upset and tried to convince me to come, saying that it was his special day, and he really wanted me there. He even said I could get in for free, but I still didn’t want to go.

I ended up going to a friend’s house to play video games and grabbed a drink at my local bar instead, and Jason found out I didn’t come. He’s been really cold to me ever since and now some of our mutual friends are saying I was being selfish and that I should have just sucked it up and attended, even if I wasn’t thrilled about the venue.

I get that it’s his birthday, and maybe I should’ve tried to make an effort, but I just didn’t feel like pretending to have fun at a place I hated.

AITJ for skipping his party because of the venue?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Telling your friend you’re not going, even though you’re free, and you said you would, because the party doesn’t align with your preferences is crappy. It’s not your party, it’s not about you and what’s ideal in your mind. The place is too expensive? That would be fair, but your friend waived the cover fee. Drinking to excess is not mandatory, and pregaming exists. It’s not impossible to make an appearance for a little while to be there for a friend and then move on.

It was never your whole night and all your money or nothing at all, you just made up that situation.” JustheBean

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. It’s his birthday and this was something he clearly cared a lot about and went all out on. In my family & friend group, your birthday is the ONE day a year that is allowed to be completely about you and your preferences. I try things for my friends that I would never do on my own, and they do for me too. If the cost of drinks was genuinely cost-prohibitive, you could have still gone and just not ordered anything, or capped it at one drink.

Not going shows that you are only willing to be this person’s friend when your preferences are being accommodated.” Automatic-Sky-3928

Another User Comments:

“YTJ and a pretty obvious one. It’s HIS birthday, not yours, and it isn’t about what you like or want to do. He waived the cover fee, meaning your attendance would be free, so budget isn’t even an issue. If there was a large table minimum or a dinner cost you were being forced to split, that’s a different story. But it sounds like there wasn’t, since you didn’t mention it, and you easily could have pregamed, shown up to show your support, and called it a night without having to spend a penny at the venue.

Incredibly selfish move on your part.” lks1867

“Last summer, my friend unexpectedly announced that she was pregnant with her partner and the baby was due in December. I was really excited for them, since I knew they were planning to have children in the near future. We had discussed before about me being a godmother to their first child, but I really didn’t agree to it, because I’m not exactly fond of children or babies.

Shortly after their announcement, they wanted to come by my house as usual, so I didn’t expect anything of it.

When they arrived, they gave me a card in an envelope and waited for me to open it. My friend had a thrilled look on her face, so I kind of guessed what it was about. In the card, they asked me to become their baby’s godmother. I really wanted time to think about this decision, but the look on her face made me agree to it. I knew I would hurt her feelings if I didn’t. When they left, I tried to calm my anxious mind by thinking that it wasn’t such a big deal and maybe I should try to be around children more, since several of my friends were having babies.

Fast forward to a couple of months ago, when it was time for the baby’s baptism.

Everything went well and I became his godmother. After the occasion, his mother, aka my friend, asked me when I’m available to babysit my new godson. I was extremely surprised by her question and didn’t initially know what to answer, so I kind of just laughed awkwardly and answered, “I don’t know yet.” I got really anxious again, thinking she’s kidding, right? Of course I will sometimes babysit him when he’s older and we can actually do something, but right now as a newborn? She asked again a little bit later and I told her that I don’t know how to take care of a small baby and couldn’t do that for her. She got really upset with me and raised her voice, clearly mad at me. When I left a little after that, I could feel how hurt she was. I never meant to hurt her feelings, but I simply cannot agree to what she’s asking from me.

So here comes the question, am I the jerk for not agreeing to babysit my newborn godson? I’m not sure if it’s just our culture/religion, but in my opinion, being a godmother doesn’t mean that I’m a free babysitter for a newborn baby, especially when I don’t even know how. Also, at the baptism, the baby got a few other godparents, but my friend hasn’t asked the same thing from them.

I have always thought that being a godmother means showing up to birthday parties and bringing gifts, maybe sometimes taking the kid out for ice cream or to play in the park.

What is your view on the matter? I don’t want to be a jerk to my friend, but I feel like she’s asking too much from me. I haven’t been able to visit my godson since then, because I’m so afraid of her asking me again. And please let me know if an important part of my story is missing, so I can fill it in.”

Another User Comments:

“ESH, the entire post is about you not being honest about your feelings in order to live up to an image others have of you.

You absolutely have a right not to have children or care for them. But you need to own those feelings and communicate them. Instead, you continually lied and avoided the truth and are now trying to avoid the consequences of your deceit.” honorthecrones

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for refusing to babysit. But you are for not getting more info about what she expected. In my family and my parents’ circle, godparents offer spiritual guidance and are mentors in life in general. When I was questioning my confirmation, I asked my godparents for advice and both said to wait until I was ready and helped answer some of my questions.

I told my parents and told them who I talked to and they were in agreement because a godparent should have value in the faith. My daughter’s godparents are 2 of my siblings and because they were aunts and uncles, I called on them so so much for help. My brother was definitely more for life guidance and my sister the spiritual.” Difficult_Ad1474

Another User Comments:

“ESH. Your friend, for not accepting no for an answer (and subsequently for still wanting to leave her newborn with someone who clearly by their own admission doesn’t know what to do) and you for not saying no in the first place.

It sounds as if you wanted to, but caved in due to emotional pressure and sadly, those chickens have now come home to roost. It might be time to work on being more assertive as a whole.” Helena_Handcart1

“My friend (16) and I (also 16) have been friends for a while, and I like her, but we recently got into an argument about dogs being unleashed. I live far from school and have to walk, so I found a shortcut through a big field near a community center. The field is huge—sometimes people play basketball there or have picnics—but to get to school, I have to take the stairs on the far side.

A lot of people bring their dogs there, and many of them keep them leashed, which is fine.

Unfortunately, some do not, and I have been chased by dogs about four times. Most were friendly, but I have been terrified of dogs for years. Where I’m from, dogs are not kept as pets but as protectors, so seeing one run toward me freaks me out. I know I should stay calm, but I panic and do not have time to think, so I end up running, which, of course, makes them chase me.

One time, a man, probably in his 50s, stopped me to talk about his dog for nearly eight minutes in the dark. I had stayed after school, and his dog was barking and sniffing me the entire time.

I was really annoyed because he had a leash in his hand but did not use it, and I was also creeped out by the man himself.

A few minutes later, my friend called me, and I ranted to her about how much I hate unleashed dogs in the field. She told me I was overreacting and that dogs deserve to be happy and run around just like children. I told her they are still animals and can harm people, but she called me a scaredy-cat and said I should not be bothered by dogs being happy. Then, she admitted she lets her own big dog run unleashed. I told her that just because she loves dogs, including hers, does not mean her dog’s happiness should take priority over other people’s comfort and safety.

She lost it on me for insinuating that her dog does not matter as much as people’s feelings and said he is important to her, so I should not say that.

I told her an unleashed dog can hurt people, but she hung up. Later, she told our other friends that I said her dog is not important, and now people are texting me, saying I was insensitive because she got the dog after her brother’s death and that he means a lot to her. They think I should apologize.

I do not think I was in the wrong, but what do you guys think?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I know people who think their dogs are entitled to run free. They have killed animals of endangered species and gone to fenced fields to chase livestock. Just yesterday, I saw a TikTok where an off-leash dog had attacked another dog, and the leashed dog’s owner had gotten injured when protecting their dog.

Only dogs with reliable recall should be off-leash, for the safety of themselves and others. Dog parks are a fine alternative. If there is not one near, a long lead is another safe way to let your dog run without having to let them free. Canicross is also very fun for dogs. Of course, the owner is responsible for making sure their dog is happy and gets enough exercise. But they are also responsible for their dog’s actions, and it is on them to make sure their dog does not disturb or hurt others, be it other dogs, animals, or people. So yeah, absolutely not in the wrong to say that other people’s comfort and safety come before the dog’s happiness. And I love dogs just like your friend. Or, well, not just like her since I have basic respect for other living beings around me.” ForgottenChangeling

Another User Comments:

“Absolutely, dogs deserve to run around and be happy, but in a controlled space—like a dog park or the like. No dog deserves to run free wherever and whenever, especially if their owner cannot control them. Don’t get me wrong, some dogs definitely always come when called, and that’s great. But a lot of dogs do not, because even the most well-behaved dogs can have moments of ‘I can’t hear you.’ My previous dog would nine times out of ten come to me when called, but because there was that one time, I never let her off leash unless we were in some rural spot.

(I live in a small town surrounded by woods and trails, etc.) So you’re NTJ. I get equally annoyed here when people let their dogs off leash and they cannot behave. And I love dogs. And yet… I do not want a strange dog near me because I have no way of knowing if they are nice or not.” AltruisticCableCar

“I was raised in a family-oriented household, so I grew up close with my cousins and other extended family members my age.

After the following years, we grew and had our own lives, but the bond was still the same, if not stronger.

Some of these members settled down and had a family of their own. While I am close with their kids, having my own, I feel, is not for me. I don’t think that I want to have that responsibility, or at least not yet.

Since I am single, have a low-maintenance lifestyle, am childfree, have a stable job, some passive income, and extra money, I try my best to share my blessings with everyone, including the younger generations of the family.

Fast forward to last weekend, we celebrated my grandmother’s birthday, so it was kind of a big deal and nearly every family member was going to be there.

With that in mind, I prepared some goodie bags filled with chocolate, candy, and cookies. I also baked some extra, just in case more kids attended the reunion than planned (family friends), as a separate set of goodie bags, which include three assorted cookies.

After the day ended, I handed every kid a goodie bag to take back home. Everyone was happy and appreciative of the gift, or so I thought. My cousin’s stepdaughter, 10, approached me complaining why her goodie bag was smaller than her younger sister’s. Luckily, there were two extra cookie bags. But she complained that she wanted chocolate and candies too, like everyone.

I said that since she had 12 cookies—more than anyone else—if she wanted, she could trade some of her cookies with her sister or ask to share. She said she didn’t want to and insisted that since she’s older, she deserved the extra cookies as well as the other goodies.

I said that I couldn’t do that, and I promised her that I would give her some next time. She started crying, and my cousin, her stepdad, came to try to calm her. I explained the situation and apologized. He understood and took the kid away, along with the extra packs of cookies I had planned to give her.

That evening, my cousin’s wife called me and told me that I was a jerk and accused me of mistreating her daughter just because we aren’t blood related.

She also said that wasn’t the only time I treated her differently. She called me some unpleasant words, cursed me, and hung up before I could speak for myself.

Admittedly, I do treat her differently. Initially, yes, it was because we weren’t related, but after a few years, it was because of her attitude and personality. She’s super spoiled, entitled, rowdy, nosy, and just plain misbehaved.

But what happened on Grandma’s birthday was an honest mistake. With her personality, had I known my cousin planned to bring her, which he normally doesn’t do, I would have given her exactly the same as her sisters and the other kids to avoid the drama.

So am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“No offence but YTJ.

At first, I was in doubt because you said you made a few extra cookie bags for random kids that might turn up, but then you clarified that this girl has been a part of the family for years. She is not some random kid that you weren’t expecting to be there, so it is actually really nasty to purposely treat her differently because you don’t like her. She is just a kid.” Humble-Can-4229

Another User Comments:

“As a former (because I cut them off) step-CHILD whose bonus fam did this repeatedly (but told me I was spoiled or entitled when pointing this out) YTJ.

Sorry. She was singled out at an event, most likely not for the first time. She is young and likely sensitive to rejection, not to mention has insecurity and past experience being shown she does not belong. If anything, extra effort to make sure that something like this doesn’t happen in the future will go a long way.” WickedAsh111

Another User Comments:

“INFO: I’m confused. Was she the only unforeseen child or were there others? I remember being an older child and being frustrated that little kids were given more than me. It made me feel like people didn’t like me anymore because I wasn’t so “cute” anymore.

It also just logically didn’t make sense because an older kid can eat more than a little kid. Was it a little selfish/spoiled? Yes. But there was more to it than that. Insecurity about how I looked. Frustration that growing up often meant more responsibility without more reward. Granted, I did act grateful and didn’t throw a fit (usually. I am autistic and I think these feelings may have contributed to some meltdowns because I wasn’t able to fully understand my own emotions, and struggled with the expectation to “act my age” as a neurodivergent person.) Personally, I think you should try and make all the goodie bags identical, including the extras. Don’t give kids less because of their age or genetic status.” breezychocolate

“A few months ago, I found a baby squirrel in my (25F) (now) 32M ex’s backyard. I called a wildlife rescue and they told me to wait for a specified period and, if the mother did not come back within that timeframe, to bring it into their center. Momma squirrel never came back, so I scooped up the baby squirrel and took it 45 minutes to the rescue.

When I came back to my ex’s house, his father was irate to the point that his behavior was abusive.

He asked me if I “was mentally challenged” and told me I put his family at risk of rabies. He told me that he didn’t want me around ever again because I was clearly stupid and dangerous. He said a few other things, but these were the worst.

It’s his house that his son is living in, so I obliged, but not before I told him that I will always help anything/anyone who is unable to help themselves, and I won’t let anyone speak to me like that. He demanded that I leave and called me a “disrespectful brat”. This was the first time that I ever spoke back to him, but it is not the first time that he had bullied me into allowing him and his son to treat me poorly.

I volunteer in animal rescue, so I am very aware of the signs and symptoms of rabies, and the likelihood that this animal was rabid was slim. I also have protective gear on standby in my car that I used when handling the animal. Additionally, I was the only person in the household who had handled said squirrel, and I was not in contact with any body fluids, nor was I bitten or scratched. I understand his sentiment that I could have been bitten, but in the event that I was, I would receive guidance and treatment from a physician and I do not need someone else making decisions for me. ... Click here to continue reading