People Start Arguments In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

“I (39f) and a friend, let’s say Beth, were invited to a mutual friend’s destination wedding. I booked my flight and hotel room immediately. Eight months before the wedding, Beth hinted at how we could save money and split a room, and I told her I had already booked one and encouraged her to get one with her husband. Two months after that, she said her husband wasn’t going and that we could make it a girls’ trip. I hesitated and insinuated I might want to bring a partner (knowing that might not be the case, BUT I wanted my privacy).

Now, two months before the wedding, she’s asking how much she owes for the room.

I feel awful because she won’t be able to afford it on her own. Her flight is free because of a pilot in the family, but the rooms are $2K (edit: for 5 nights). So I, somewhat, will determine if she gets to see our friend get married. I’m nearly 40 and like my privacy, space, etc. She’s very sensitive, and I know that being honest and explaining I’d prefer not to share the room is the right thing to do, but I know she will be heartbroken.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She should talk to the bride about any other guests who might appreciate sharing the lodging costs.

I don’t feel you should feel obligated to make this happen, and I really dislike Beth’s tactics here, which involve ignoring your words and asserting herself on you, knowing you are not interested. If she’s so ‘sensitive’ she wouldn’t be doing crap like that. So she uses pity and ‘being sensitive’ to make other people accommodate her and treat her with kid gloves. Not cool. She didn’t even give you the courtesy of being direct in what she was asking. Lots of people choose not to travel for weddings due to the expense. It’s unfortunate, but not really a catastrophe. Beth has options. Don’t worry about it.” owls_and_cardinals

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. ‘Beth, I never agreed to share a bedroom with you. You brought this topic up several times in the past months, and every time you did, I tried to politely decline as I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I’m not comfortable sharing a bedroom with you as I am a light sleeper, and I really value my privacy, so I won’t be sharing a bedroom with any of my friends. You can reach out to any other guests you know to ask if they’d want to share their room with you, or you can find accommodation for yourself that fits within your budget, maybe Airbnb or a hostel?'” wandering_salad

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You told her no the first time, but she kept pushing anyway. Then she deliberately and willfully ‘misunderstood’ you, and didn’t bother to book a room for herself because she was planning on crashing with you the entire time. Now she is putting it on you as an obligation because ‘you weren’t clear,’ and now it’s ‘in your power to decide if she goes or not?’ Crap. This is manipulative as heck, and she’s not your friend. Friends don’t act like this. I would tell her in no uncertain terms that you never agreed to share a room, and she is a grown woman who was perfectly capable of finding someone else to room with and making her own arrangements.” GrrrYouBeast

“I’m (18F) in my school’s volleyball team, and we had a match scheduled for the day of my sister’s (24F) wedding. The game was early in the morning, and the wedding would be at night, so there would be no conflict.

Anyway, some relatives of ours who were in town just for the wedding heard me talking about the match and chose to go. It was their own decision; I only mentioned the game but didn’t invite anybody personally.

After the game, I came home. My team had won, I was excited, and some of our relatives were asking me about the team, and whether I plan to continue playing when I’m in college, etc.

My sister was already there – she chose our parents’ place as her HQ – and I could instantly tell she looked upset. When we were alone, I asked her what the problem was (I thought something was wrong with the wedding planning at first), and she went off on me about how this was supposed to be her day and I made it all about me when I chose to play and when I told our family about it.

I told her I can’t control other people’s reactions and that I didn’t insist on anyone coming, but she was still upset.

We couldn’t continue the conversation because she was about to get her hair and makeup done. We got to her wedding and, of course, she had other things on her mind. But after the ceremony, I went to hug her and her husband during the party, and I told her a brief “I still want to talk to you about today,” but she just said, “Now is not the time.” And that’s where we are now; we didn’t talk any further. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. This is a niche call, OP, and I acknowledge that, but in the morning, with the stress of wedding prep, your sister had a bad reaction to attention being focused on you.

That’s her bad, and she’s out of line. But bringing it up at the party later as something you wanted to talk about? That’s really distracting. It’s also very self-centered, and does make me actually wonder about the volleyball game earlier in the day. While, without that context, I don’t care about the volleyball game, it’s a strange call on your part, but not wildly out of line. Within the context of trying to call her out about it at her wedding party later that day, I really don’t like it. Why on earth did you try to talk to her about it at the wedding party? What about the situation made it imperative that you talk about it there and then? I can’t imagine a reason for you to mention it at the party that isn’t self-centered or petty. It wasn’t urgent. It was past and unimportant for the evening. Why bring it up at the party at all? There’s no reason to go to your sister and try to pick up a fight from earlier in the day except to pick a fight with her.” rockology_adam

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here, but you’re slightly immature (your sis may be too). You really really should not have said “I still want to talk to you about today” after the ceremony/during the party.

Although it was a brief comment, why remind her of something negative right then? Bring it up a while later, if she still seems upset from it, after you let them enjoy the newlywed high. It really wasn’t necessary to say it right then. Your comment should have been about how beautiful she looked or how wonderful the ceremony was or how much you hope she enjoys the party, etc. The fact that you needed to make a comment to shift attention back to yourself does have me wondering ever so slightly if you did make sure to talk about the game so others came to it.” ActiveSufficient3944

Another User Comments:

“Errr, a little bit ESH.

At first I thought just your sister because she overreacted to people being excited about your volleyball match (a bit narcissistic of her). And you were fine until you said that you still want to talk about what happened while you were at the wedding. Not appropriate, even if you meant you wanted to talk at a later date. You already knew she was upset, so you should have kept the peace and let the rest of the day be about her without mentioning your argument. The time to bring that back up would have been days or weeks later, after things settled, if she was still upset. Even if she was still upset with you at the wedding, you shouldn’t have reacted and just given her space. Now, just leave it alone and see if it all blows over. Don’t bring it up again unless you see an obvious need to.” Els-09

“My roommate and I moved into our apartment with two others in August 2024. She and I split the payment to have a cat here, $300 total. We are only allowed one cat, but we both wanted to have ours here. We registered her cat because my cat is my ESA, and we figured we could contest the leasing company if they discovered my cat.

However, in November, my cat began urinating outside of her litter box, so I took her back to my parents’ house until we could figure out what was wrong with her and she stopped misbehaving.

Immediately after I returned her home, my roommate got another cat.

It’s been months, and anytime I mention bringing my cat back, she gets quiet or starts being mean about her urinating on the carpet (even though her new cat has also urinated on the carpet multiple times). I feel bad asking for my money back, as I know she has to pay for her tuition and rent all by herself, whereas I have a savings account established by my family when I was a baby that covers those expenses for me. But I still don’t think it’s fair that I paid her $150 to have my cat here; I don’t even have her anymore, and they don’t want me to bring her back either.

I don’t know what to do.”

Another User Comments:

“Specifically regarding the money, yes, YTJ. You both chipped in to have your cats in the apartment. The issue here is not the money, but that you won’t bring your cat back without her permission, which is unnecessary. Your roommate is out of line here, OP, but it’s not the money that’s the issue. You need to stand up for yourself and your cat and bring your cat back to the apartment. If your roommate doesn’t like it, she can pound sand. If you’re not willing to do that, to avoid confrontation or conflict, then that is a choice you are making, and your roommate doesn’t owe you money for that.” rockology_adam

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

The $300 is like an extra for the DAMAGE that cats do, like urinating on the carpet. You paid half because you also had a cat there. And that cat has already done damage. There’s nothing to stop you from bringing your cat back, but I can almost guarantee that the behavior will be worse with 2 other cats there. If you want to do the ESA thing properly, then go to the landlord and figure out what you need to do to make that happen, irrespective of what your roommate does. And if you want, you can report her for having 2 cats when only one is allowed. The cat fee is probably not refundable, and in any case, I very much doubt they would refund it if there’s any odor or stain at all when you move out. But if your roommate got some of the $300 back, she should share it with you.” 1962Michael

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You paid a pet damage deposit, and your cat caused damage by urinating on the carpet. If you didn’t use the enzymatic cleaner right away, that carpet will need to be replaced. Cats will smell that urine and continue going in that same spot. Whether it’s your cat, your roommate’s cat, or the next tenants, both you and your roommate seem like poor cat owners. Cats will often go out of the box because the litter is unclean or the cat is stressed.

Cats are very territorial critters, and they will constantly be in competition, stressing each other out. You did nothing to try to remedy the situation and just shipped off your “ESA” (for which there are generally no protections anyway). That territorial competition is likely the same reason her new cat goes on the carpet. You two should really spend more time learning how to properly care for your pets. If your cat is living a better life with your parents, leave it there. The cat was not misbehaving; it was being neglected.” gofor7ormore

“My daughter (2.5) was diagnosed with peanut allergies (and pistachios and cashews) a year ago. She became almost unconscious, vomited, and landed us in the ER (not anaphylaxis). It was terrifying to see my baby go through that.

I love my mom so much. We’re really close. And she loves my daughter like crazy. Ever since the diagnosis, everyone in my family has been in agreement to not eat those nuts around her. It seems so obvious and easy to my brothers and my dad, but my mom keeps making what I think are dumb decisions.

When we go on vacation, she will go out of her way to bring big bags of nuts and nut candy with her. She brought a little bag of pistachios when she stayed at my house one time and started shelling and eating them in my living room after my daughter went to sleep. She bought peanut M&Ms to eat on a plane ride we all took together. On these occasions, I kept my cool as I asked her not to do these things and pointed out the ridiculousness of her having to eat the one thing that my daughter is allergic to.

Well, we’ve been staying at her house for the past few days and this morning my mom was eating a sandwich.

My daughter went over and asked for a bite, and my mom said, “Sorry sweetie, you can’t have this. It’s peanut butter.” And I kind of completely lost my crap. I asked her calmly why she was eating peanut butter, and she said, “I don’t know” as she dumped it in the garbage. And then I kind of lost it. I got very emotional and raised my voice (something I never do), and I chewed her out for always eating nuts around my daughter, even though she knows she’s allergic, even though I’ve asked her not to multiple times. I told her I want to trust her so badly to watch my daughter without me there, but I just don’t. I can’t. And then I cried and stormed out of the room.

Anyways…AITJ for yelling at my mom in her own house over this?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This really sounds like one of those scenarios where the older generation refuses to take a food allergy seriously or has some weird idea that it’ll go away if the person with the allergy is just exposed to the allergen enough. It’s not like this was a first offense or a one-off, and you blew up at the first sign of non-compliance.

She’s showing a pattern here. Even if this is all unintentional and she’s just that absent-minded about it, you obviously can’t trust her to care for your daughter unsupervised, which is disappointing. It might be time to go low-contact for a bit, until she gives you some clear indication she’s going to fix her behavior. Seriously, though. Kids DIE from crap like this. Protect your daughter. Your mother is too much of a hazard.” Ippus_21

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. My nephew has a level 4 peanut allergy. No peanuts around him is the rule. If you eat peanuts before going over, you have to brush your teeth and wash your hands.

We go on vacation as a family, eat as a family. Etc – NO PEANUTS. Everyone agrees. My nephew is now 11. He’s had several reactions over the years that have resulted in ER visits. How will Grandma feel when she causes a reaction? My sister’s MIL kissed my nephew after eating peanut butter, and his face swelled up. MIL felt terrible and hasn’t forgotten the rules since. People don’t understand how serious this is. They think an EpiPen is all that is needed. They don’t understand that the EpiPen is not an antidote for a serious reaction. For a serious reaction, it only gives time to get to a hospital. Even a hospital may not be able to reverse a serious reaction. It’s stressful and heartbreaking. Even being careful and knowing exactly what to do, serious peanut allergy sufferers are one small mistake from death. It’s not a joke!” Minute-Actuator-9638

“It was one of my friends’ birthdays and she invited me to her dorm. I showed up, and it was sort of a vibe where everyone bought their own pizzas and ate them. I wasn’t feeling too hungry or in the mood to spend money, so I just bought a can of Pringles. Everyone instantly took to eating from my can, and I did not mind sharing.

My friend then offered everyone, including me, a brownie. I initially politely declined, insisting I was fine with the Pringles.

But when she insisted, I gave in and ate one. After the party, she called me up seven times the next day within a span of an hour, asking me to pay for the brownie I ate. I told her I didn’t have enough cash and that she’d have to wait, but she still kept calling. Finally, I got mad. I had a cup of noodles worth the same as the brownie, and went to her room and gave it to her.

After this, she said I was in the wrong and that she still wanted the money. I refused since she offered the brownie to me on her birthday, after I declined without making it clear I had to pay for it.

We never talked after that, but I wonder if I’m in the wrong.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Honestly, I can’t imagine being that cheap about a brownie, especially given the circumstances. When I opened the thread, I expected to read about a super expensive gourmet brownie that you ate without asking for permission. But if someone offered me something to eat, I would NEVER expect to pay for it. I have never charged friends for a can of soda or ice cream or other food. I regularly have a friend come over for lunch, and we split the cost of the food as we mutually decide on a restaurant to pick up from, and she gets it on the way and we split the bill.

However, everything else that I have in my house is offered to her free – wine, soda, iced coffee, ice cream, cookies, chips – just running down the list of incidental food that I never dreamed of charging her for. FWIW, we tend to over-order by choice to get a good sample of the restaurant, and she generally brings leftovers back to her home for her husband, and we never do anything other than split the restaurant charge 50/50, as anything that goes home with her is “free” to her. I am so glad that I have reached a stage in life where I eliminate petty people who irritate me from my life.”
laurazhobson

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You are absolutely not the jerk here. Who invites people to a birthday gathering, offers them food multiple times, and then demands payment after the fact? That’s weird and tacky. If she expected people to pay, she should have said so beforehand, not hunted you down like a debt collector over a single brownie. You even tried to make up for it with the cup noodles, which was more than necessary. If she cut you off over this, she wasn’t a real friend to begin with.”
cmrtl13

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I would have been petty and bought a packet or box of brownie mix that has to be baked, that is like $1-$2 at the dollar store, and dropped it in front of her, and walked away with a crap eating grin.

Like “Here, I know how much you wanted the brownie money, but I’m being nice by giving you a whole pan’s worth of them. Make sure you don’t burn yourself on your Easy Bake Oven.””
Jacayrie

“I (31, F) and my ex (30, M) were married for a couple of years, and we divorced in 2021. Divorce was messy, and I shall tell you more about it later, but we divided our assets, except for our shared home and a car. My ex, whom I shall refer to as John, wanted to buy our shared home and car for himself. And I was fine with it. I just wanted to get rid of everything that was our shared property.

I moved to a rental unit and began to wait.

First, he said it would be a couple of months, then half a year, then a year, and so on. He told me he was saving money, his financial situation was hard, etc. And I just gave him time. John needed to save approximately 4000–6000€ to get the loan. And I believed that he could save that pretty quickly. But then the waterworks started; he got laid off, he was burned out, and so on. Although throughout all of this, he had money to visit abroad and to buy a nearly brand-new motorbike.

Amid all this, he wanted me to pay for the house renovations, upgrades he made to the house, and he tried to get me to pay for some electrical renovations.

I declined to make any payments because I did not benefit from the renovations (he said the house would still be sold to him at the same price), and I didn’t even get any rent from him staying there. I also didn’t pay the mortgage because he was living in the house rent-free.

Now, four years have passed, and still nothing. Same songs. He lost all the money and didn’t have anything. He needed more time. I said I’ve had enough, threatened legal action, and found myself a lawyer. He tried to settle things, but there was no answer. Now John was mad that I made him ask for a bank loan or possibly remove him from his home.

Because the settlement didn’t work, we are going to court over this. And with that, either he buys the house and the car or he moves and sells them all.

So, AITJ for only waiting four years and not giving him enough time to save approximately 5000€?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I got divorced in 2006; my ex was supposed to refinance as well. I quit-claimed the house to him to get off the deed, but he didn’t refinance until I was ready to buy again in 2010. Thank God he paid the mortgage. I finally demanded (through my attorney) that he refinance, as it was supposed to be done 90 days after our divorce.

He was upset as well, but I didn’t care. He refinanced and I bought my home I’m in now on my own. I would never again wait that long. I had so much going on after my divorce.” Cta2rlm

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Time to put an end to his manipulations. He’s benefitting from this financially, not you. And he had the outright audacity to try to get you to pay for repairs to the home he is occupying. This man is a user. Remove the refinance offer from the table and put it and the car up for sale. This should have been settled in the divorce; that’s the proper amount of time to have waited.

So you are, what, 4 years past that? Just sell everything, split the profits, and move on with your life without this leech continually dragging you down. Also, figure out a way to pro-rate the car. He’s been using it for 4 years and the price is nothing compared to what you could have gotten 4 years ago. You need to be made whole for that. Take him to court and be vicious. He deserves no latitude and no mercy. He is just using you.” WhereWeretheAdults

Another User Comments:

“I would like to point out that the ex’s inaction has also resulted in a change in the value of the assets.

I assume his buyout of your portion of the house was based on the market price at the time of the divorce. Same for the car. The car has now drastically depreciated, while I am pretty sure the house’s value has increased (overall, real estate values have gone up over the past 4 years). If your lawyer has to force a sale, make sure that you are getting half of the higher of the two values for the car and house.” 2dogslife

“When I was in Year 8, my parents moved us from our hometown. Since moving, they would yell at each other over things as simple as what’s for dinner; my dad would threaten to divorce, and my mum would end up crying so much that I wished he really went through with it.

I tried to tell my parents about my own struggles on various occasions, but I was always too scared to tell them in person, as they were almost always ready to snap at me or each other.

So, I wrote them a letter. I put it on their nightstand and expected them to take me to therapy. Nothing changed. I assumed they might have lost the letter or thrown it away by accident, so I wrote an email. Weeks passed, and nothing changed. One day, I was just curious—maybe my mum hadn’t seen it. But to my horror, when I opened her Gmail, it had been read. I was mortified.

A few months ago, I told my school counselor in tears what I had been going through. They contacted my parents and explained that I was struggling with mental health, and they suggested that I see a psychiatrist.

My parents finally agreed. However, after a few weeks of sessions, my psychiatrist suggested that I be diagnosed with both depression and ADHD, as I exhibited many of the signs. Since that comment, I have not been back to the psychiatrist. My parents stated that it was ridiculous that I struggled with any of that, as I had never brought up my struggles or shown symptoms to them.

At that point, I snapped. I was crying and could barely contain myself, and I said, “You should just get a divorce already. I feel like you don’t even love me.” I ranted through tears. My dad responded, “Your mother and I are working through our own issues; we don’t have time for your self-diagnosis.”

At this point, I was so done that I called my older brother, and I am now staying with him.

I feel bad; I still love my parents. I have some good memories with them, and I don’t want to believe they would intentionally hurt me. Should I apologize and go back?”

Another User Comments:

“I have more or less been in that situation. My parents eventually got divorced, and only then did they pay attention to me. At that time, it was more of a competition over who could get my attention the most, so I mostly ignored them. I have an okay situation with my mom today, even if there are things she said or did/didn’t do when I needed her that I cannot forget.

I barely speak with my dad today. Many parents don’t understand the damage they do when they stick together, while it is evident that they should get a divorce. And if you want to apologize because you will feel better, go for it, but in my experience, it won’t change anything from your parents’ side. They may never understand this, or it needs a lot of work—work that you shouldn’t have to do. You are NTJ, stay with your brother if you can and try to get back to therapy; it will help. I wish you the best!” LadyGhoost

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Never go back to where you are being neglected, if you have a choice. Check in briefly with your dad to see if he knows about the letter and the email. If he, in any way, acknowledges them, then you know it is both of them. Maybe mention that these two things are evidence that you have struggles that a professional has acknowledged. No need for apologies. Most people put their children above a failing marriage when the child makes it clear they need help. Your parents may be struggling with something major, but that does not reduce their responsibility to you. Side note, if you’re not sleeping well, you will benefit from fixing that as much as possible first. We need sleep to restore our brains and store data.” GrumpyGirl426

Another User Comments:

“I’m sorry to hear you are struggling and feel unsupported by your parents. While they may have their own issues, they still have an obligation to look after you and seem to be failing at doing that. How old are you? How are things with your older brother? If you are safe and happy there, I would stay for a week or two just to get some reprieve from the situation at home. It doesn’t have to be forever. Don’t worry too much about what you said in the moment.

They have been dropping the ball for a long time now, and honestly, it sounds like they might be happier apart. NTJ.” AlwaysAnotherSide

“I’m (31f) 25 weeks pregnant and have a baby shower planned for May. This is also my first pregnancy.

My mother told me she would buy me the travel system or a car seat that I wanted. I found the perfect one on Amazon. The travel system I picked out actually fits all makes of their car seats (baby trend). If my husband needs the stroller, the other car seat would be compatible, and we wouldn’t have to swap out car seats if one of us had to take the baby.

It was convenient for us.

I sent my mother the link for my registry and told her to buy from there so that nothing would be bought in duplicates, and I could see exactly who bought what. I could thank them, and it would be sent directly to my house so I could get things set up faster. (Baby shower is more so for people who want to buy little things off the registry.)

I sent her the link about a month and a half ago, after we found out the gender, but she didn’t buy anything.

A week ago, I got two notifications from Amazon that the car seat was bought by my aunt and uncle, and that the travel system was bought by my sister.

I messaged my mom to let her know, and I offered to buy the other car seat that would fit our baby after it reached the 35-pound weight limit.

I also explained that I still needed a few other big things, like a tub (our house only has a shower), a bassinet, or anything else that was still listed on the registry.

She was more than welcome to contribute towards those items since I know she wanted to help, but I explained that I no longer needed the travel system or the separate car seat.

She sent me a long message telling me that I blew her plans, that she feels like she is no longer part of this family, and that I should have told people not to buy those two items until she bought them.

I told her I wasn’t going to tell people not to buy the things that I listed that I need, and that she had over a month to buy them herself.

She then told me she refuses to buy anything from Amazon, and thus won’t buy from the registry I posted.

Now she’s saying she’s not coming to see me in April to go shopping (I live in another state) and that she won’t be here for the baby shower, but she might come to visit after the baby is born.

(I’m due in July.)

She then sent me a check in the mail and told me to buy what I needed myself.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Congratulations on your baby, my best wishes to you and your family. I’m sorry your mom threw a tantrum like a little girl. Is this a recurring behavior or an isolated event? If it’s a recurring thing, I would consider talking to her when you feel more comfortable about how this type of behavior affects you. Think about whether you want to expose your child or children to it in the future and how you will handle these types of situations.

My intention is not to alarm or stress you out. I say this with the best of intentions. It’s annoying and frustrating to grow up with impulsive relatives who don’t know how to react appropriately, and you have to be the adult in the conversation. One question: How much money will she send you so you can choose what you need for your baby? I’m just curious. Feel free not to answer.” No_Diet5474

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If she wanted to, she would have. Do not allow your mother’s problems to become your problems. Pretend you don’t notice her attempt to punish you for her failure to buy what she wanted within 6 weeks.

Let it go in one ear and out the other. Don’t plead with her to come to the baby shower, trying to placate her for a crime you didn’t commit. Just thank her for letting you know, as you’ll have to give the final head count to the hostess of the shower. If your mother is actually toxic and will create problems for you, then do not allow her to come visit too soon after the baby’s birth. You won’t want any stress. If she’s not too bad, then just keep changing the subject, scroll on your phone, or walk away when she brings up any unpleasantness.” Shdfx1

Another User Comments:

“ESH OP – look, I don’t get a registry for everything (unless it’s a wedding).

Clearly, I’m from a different culture. However, if my parent told me they were buying me x item, I would leave it off my registry. I can’t understand why you didn’t leave it off, knowing she expressly stated she would buy you the travel system you wanted. You are treating her like she’s everyone else when she upfront told you that she is doing this and you just ignored her and put it there for anyone else to take or didn’t remove it. I might have done exactly as your mom did; here’s a check, sort yourself out since you can’t seem to respect me as well. Family is a partnership, not a dictatorship. I truly can’t understand you. My coworker was informed by our team that we were buying her a tub/shower system she mentioned liking for her new baby. Guess what, she removed it from her registry to allow us the opportunity to purchase it for her. If you can do that for work colleagues, why not your mom?” Kami_Sang

“I (19F) and my brother (16M) recently moved from Pakistan to America. I signed him up for a nice school, and I currently have a small job at a clothing store. My brother has recently met some really nice white boys (I won’t share names), and they are really respectful and kind toward me and my brother; they always include him and invite him over.

However, one of the boys, Jason (fake name), has been acting “moody and angry” (words from my brother) and has been hanging out with the group less and less as the days pass.

I did not see it as a problem because if he doesn’t want to hang out with my brother, I won’t force him to. But while I was making pizza for my brother and me, he came running up to me with his phone, beaming with happiness, and he squealed, “Jason wants to hang out, can I go to his house after school?!”

I was skeptical because Jason had been annoyed with everyone, and now he wanted to hang out. I was confused, but I didn’t want to make my lil bro sad, so I just let him go, though I told him to be back by a certain time, and blah blah blah.

I dropped him off, went home, watched some OBx, then I went to pick him up.

I knocked on the door, and J answered. He smirked at me, but I didn’t think much of it. Then I asked, “Is my brother here?” Jason just kept smirking and said, “Yeah, he’s here. Wanna come inside?” I was actually weirded out, but I stood my ground and asked him to call my brother down. He scoffed, grabbed my arm, and pulled me inside. I am a very religious Muslim, and I don’t like men touching me or my hijab, so I gently pushed him away.

But he acted as if I had just killed his whole family. He cried for my brother, and my brother ran down and was angry at ME?! I was taken aback when he screamed, “What are you doing?!” Then he ran to Jason to see if he was okay. Jason was still being a drama queen. I just sighed, told my brother I’ll wait in the car, and walked away.

The next day, my phone was spamming with texts from my mom and all my brother’s friends calling me a jerk, but I didn’t think I did anything wrong, especially since I barely nudged Jason—I just backed away.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, he touched you first, after you had told him you didn’t want to come inside. I’m surprised your mother was okay with a strange young man touching you. Even though he’s a minor, he’s plenty old enough to know that you don’t touch people without their permission. Tell your mom you’d be happy to ship your brother right back to Pakistan so she can parent him her way if she doesn’t like how you are caring for him, but if she wants him to stay in your care, you will not be letting his little friends put their little grabby hands on you whenever they want.” Boysenberry

Another User Comments:

“They instantly believe him because on a subconscious level, they will believe a white man/boy over their own daughter.

Now your entire family is gaslighting you regarding your interpretation of events. Both you and your brother need to stay far away from him. First, it’s lying on you to your family. Who’s to say that he won’t lie to the police in a way that implicates your brother, who is still a minority in America? Maybe it’s because I’m Black, but the moment a white dude or white woman pulls something like this is the moment I protect myself and have myself and my family avoid them like the plague. I’ve dealt with too much racism from white people growing up to brush off something like that. If it were my younger brother, I’d tell him to stay away from Jason. Nothing good will come from hanging around him… I promise. NTJ.” ProjectSuperb8550

Another User Comments:

“How does your mother think your brother will learn respect and care for women if he doesn’t permit his own sister to defend herself? How does your mother expect your brother to grow up to be a real man if he is chasing the feet of this Jason and groveling for his attention? Seriously, he gives away his honor to get good regard from this boy? What kind of man can he grow to be when that attitude is permitted?

The religion that you and your brother share has standards on how to treat hijabi women like sisters, doesn’t it? If you are in a local religious group and one of the spiritual leaders is trustworthy, I would ask to speak to him and lay out your problem and your concern for your brother. He is at the age when young men need a non-family male to look up to as a mentor, and you have to be concerned that he is attaching to this worthless boy rather than someone worthy of respect. Perhaps your religious leader can speak to him and be respected? NTJ.” HappySummerBreeze

“The holy rollers in my family caught wind of my wedding plans and told me on the family social media chat that I was being selfish and not considering how the holy rollers would feel about it. I explained to everyone that my wedding was going to be 2-3 hours after the reunion was over and in a completely different part of the park. I had rented my own pavilion 1/4 mile away from where the family reunion would be held. I thought I was being considerate of them by not inviting them to the wedding at all.

I wasn’t going to advertise my wedding at the reunion because the people who were going already knew.

The holy rollers posted that anyone going to the reunion would be condoning the gay lifestyle and would go to heck. I didn’t want the reunion to be canceled because of me, so I told everyone to still go and I would stay away from the park until my wedding started. Needless to say, the reunion was canceled and we haven’t had one since.

AITJ for ruining our family reunions?”

Another User Comments:

“INFO: Did you pick this park on this day after the reunion was already set?

It seems that way. I’m not saying you’re wrong for throwing it in the face of your holy roller family members by making that happen, but it is EXTREMELY petty, and absolutely jerky to set your wedding up for the same park and same day as your family reunion. Sometimes jerkery can be a force for change, and you are within your rights to use it that way, but it’s still a jerk move.” rockology_adam

Another User Comments:

“ESH. Your homophobic family members are jerks for obvious reasons. But you made a misstep scheduling your event on the same day and in the same location as the family reunion (as much as you want to argue that it’s in a different section, it is essentially the same place) knowing there could be drama.

And even if some of your relatives weren’t problematic, you’re asking your guests to show up to two separate major events within the same 12-18 hour period and that’s actually pretty inconsiderate.” PawneeGoddess11

Another User Comments:

“I think a lot of people are thinking of little local parks where ‘the other end of the park’ is a place you could fairly easily throw a baseball. I’m thinking more Central Park or Hyde Park, where ‘the other end of the park’ means a discussion of whether public transport or a cab might be a good idea. NTJ for taking advantage of everyone being in town or for using a nearby venue.

And the homophobes deserve no catering to. But why has this ruined multiple family reunions? The one I can see, pearls were clutched, a flounce ensued. But the next year? So long as you weren’t doing a vow renewal, they should have gotten back on track…” Viva_Veracity1906

“I’m 29. I was adopted by my grandparents, and I’ve been living with them ever since I was 6 months old. My little sister is 16; we have the same biological mother.

I don’t have much of a relationship with my birth mother. My little sister lives with her, and today I went over to help them unpack and decorate their new condo.

My little sister was making grilled cheese for everyone (my other family member was there, the biological sister of my birth mother, so I guess she’s my aunt), and my birth mother started getting really upset at her, telling her she burnt it to crap, that it’s not freaking hard, and saying she’ll do it instead, etc.

I didn’t like seeing my little sister getting talked to that way, so I intervened and said to my birth mother, “You don’t need to get so upset over grilled cheese.” Both relatives (minus my little sister) started yelling at me, saying that I have no right to tell my birth mother how to parent and that I’m being crappy and that my tone was snarky.

My birth mother says that I’m messed up like her, screaming in my face, which sends me into a panic attack.

All my life, it has felt like my birth mother’s behavior is excused because she’s going through something, has mental health problems, trauma, etc. So she can do and say whatever she wants with no real consequences; her sister seems to especially be the one to coddle her. I’m tired of doing that, so I decided to stand up for my little sister today, even though I feel it is wrong, and I’m often made to feel crazy.

They told me that I need to learn to have a filter.

I call it walking on eggshells, and only my birth mother’s emotions are seen as valid.

Her sister/my aunt was saying that I was using it as an excuse to make my birth mom feel like a bad mom, and asked me if I would go up to strangers and make them feel bad about themselves.

AITJ over grilled cheese, and standing up for my little sister, who will likely have lifelong trauma because of her mother?

I believe I may be the jerk because I reacted to a mother parenting her child. But, it felt out of line to me and brought up old feelings related to how she used to treat me.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You weren’t interfering with “parenting”—you were standing up for your little sister against verbal abuse. There’s a huge difference between correcting a kid and tearing them down over something as minor as grilled cheese. Your birth mother and her sister sound like they enable each other’s behaviour, and it’s completely unfair that your emotions are dismissed while hers are always justified. You’re not crazy for recognizing a toxic pattern and refusing to let it continue unchecked. Your sister is lucky to have you!” Els-09

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The fact that they screamed at you over an innocuous comment suggesting she shouldn’t be berating a child over making imperfect grilled cheese just shows how in the wrong they are.

You were absolutely correct and it doesn’t matter if she is her parent, that’s borderline verbal abuse (not as in cursing and screaming at your sister per se, but as in telling her she isn’t good enough, that she’s doing everything wrong, that she should stop trying and let Mom do it instead—I definitely think this borders on abuse since it’s instilling traumatic core beliefs into your sister that she is incompetent).” Kitten_Merchant

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I don’t know where to start here. 1) Getting really upset over burnt grilled cheese and humiliating a child is not ‘parenting.’ Parenting would be ‘Let’s look at why it’s getting burnt.

Hmmm. You’ve got the flame too high so the bread is getting burnt before the cheese melts. Let’s try again.’ 2) ‘You don’t need to get so upset over grilled cheese’ is not a comment you particularly need to filter. ‘You’re an emotionally manipulative crappy person who is verbally abusing my little sister’ would be. 3) Bringing in ‘would you go up to strangers and make them feel bad about themselves’ is just weird. No, you wouldn’t, but that doesn’t invalidate your wanting to protect your little sister from verbal abuse. 4) You don’t need an ‘excuse’ to make someone feel like a bad mom when they are, in fact, being a bad mom. You might try getting your little sister alone and telling her that it isn’t normal parenting to have a parent get so upset and verbally abusive over a burnt sandwich and if she needs to meet up and talk about what she’s experiencing, you’re there for her.” Constant_Host_3212

“My roommate (19M) acts like a child sometimes. A little context before I continue: this is my second year living in a dorm after being randomly paired with him. Overall, we get along very well, but sometimes we get in fights. Furthermore, my roommate is autistic and lacks certain social awareness, but overall, he holds his own really well and lives his life as a normal college student.

Tonight, when I got back from a night out, I did substances with him and gave him some Chinese food I ordered the night before.

I gave him some last night too. All for free, and as a broke college kid, I could have used the money. He doesn’t say thank you. When I gave him the food tonight, he started whining about how he only got a little chicken. I told him he should say thank you because I would have finished it, but I saved some for him since he asked. Then he started complaining about the rib, so I completely called him out, called him ungrateful, and told him he’s welcome, then left to heat my food up.

When I get back to the room, he immediately starts complaining about how there’s no sauce.

At this point, I almost lost it on him, telling him he should say thank you or nothing at all, and that he should stop acting like a brat. He keeps complaining, so I put my headphones on and ignore him because I’m tired, hungry, and don’t need the crap. After a mere two minutes, he signals for my attention just to ask about the rice. I tell him I don’t give a crap and go back to ignoring him. He throws his leftover food in the trash and goes to bed.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see him sitting upright, doing nothing at all, staring blankly at nothing.

He sat like that for about 10 minutes before he just went to sleep. He never said thank you or sorry or anything besides his complaints and demands. I’m angry because I know he’s going to bring it up tomorrow and try to play the victim. I’m sick of it. This isn’t the first time this has happened. So please let me know, am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He’s very, very ungrateful. In the future, though, if you want or expect money from him for something, you need to tell him before you give him the thing.

There are a lot of people who wouldn’t think to offer money for it, sadly.” Plastic_Chemistry769

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You seem so generous and considerate; what a shame that your roommate doesn’t appreciate your gesture. In the future, please stop giving him food even if he is hungry as well. He is disrespectful and takes you for granted. As you stated it so well, he’s a brat and you’re not his caretaker. You tried to be kind so many times; it’s okay to set boundaries (aka stop giving in to his demands). I also read that he was hitting your cart…lol.

I don’t know if you can move out and find another roommate, but hopefully you’ll find something that makes you feel good!” Lilirain

Another User Comments:

“ESH, you’re right to be upset, but you’re both 19, you’re both children, and your inability to have a discussion with him about it is proof. He’s being ungrateful absolutely and has no leg to stand on, but you’re throwing a fit and giving him nothing but contempt, so yeah, you both suck. Find new roommates and grow up.” Pure-Rooster-9525

“My parents (60M/F) recently got my sister (19F) a new car so that she would be able to drive to college. However, since buying her car, my parents have not let her drive from Long Island through NYC. One of them would drive her car for a couple of hours, and the other would drive another car. They would stop somewhere, then go home together, while my sister would drive the rest of the way to college through rural upstate NY. My parents said they were concerned about her driving past the city as she was inexperienced.

At the time, I thought that this would be a one- or two-time thing and that they probably wanted to let her not only get used to the car but also get used to driving through NYC.

Flash forward to today: My dad was diagnosed with vertigo and is unable to drive at this time. My mom asked me (22M) to do the drive with her instead. However, I objected. This will be the fourth time this has happened, and I would not be compensated in any way (gas money, etc.). If this were the first time, I would understand; however, she has had her car for almost a year and drives frequently to school.

I asked my mom if this is what my sister wants or if it is what she wants, advising that my sister has a nice, new, safe car and, in my opinion, is more than capable of making the drive. I feel that it is also a little wasteful in terms of gas and time. My mother responded, saying that she is uncomfortable driving through that area.

Then, my mom asked if I had driven on the parkways with my sister, because if I had, I would not want her driving through the city. My parents both tried to get my sister to practice driving on parkways so that she would be more comfortable when doing so; however, she refused to practice, and my parents did not force her.

This is another reason why I do not feel responsible for helping my sister avoid driving past NYC. Furthermore, I personally feel that if this is what my mom truly thinks, my sister should not have received a new car.

Additionally, I feel that my parents’ plan does not provide for my sister to grow as a driver, as there is no exit strategy that would allow her to eventually drive to school, including through NYC, on her own. In the past, my mom has always emphasized to me that one day she will not be here and that I will have to do things on my own, claiming, “What would you do if I were dead?” However, I feel that this sentiment was lost with my sister because she is the youngest.

Also, I want to stress that it is my parents who want me to do this, not my sister.

She wants to drive on her own, but she does not want to fight with my parents over the issue.

However, my objection to this request has been met with my parents saying, “This is only 4 hours of your life,” and “Do it for us, not for your sister.” I personally feel that the request is frivolous, holds my sister back, contradicts the purpose of buying her a new car in the first place (given the fear of her driving ability), and warrants some degree of compensation for driving 4 hours.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your sister is an adult. She’s a licensed driver.

Getting herself to and from school is her responsibility, not yours. She needs to learn to drive in all conditions. Your parents are simply babying her and preventing her from becoming more independent. I know NYC is always busy, but there are times when there is less traffic on the freeway, relatively speaking. A better solution would be for your sister to return to school on a weekend or in the evening when traffic through the city is lighter.” Wild_Ticket1413

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. My son is 19 and goes to university 5 hours away in Chicago. He drives all over the city and drives himself home on breaks.

We gave him the car because he’s capable of driving and has learned to drive in the city. Either your sister is a capable driver who has the ability to learn to drive in the city, which means she’s responsible enough to have the car, or she’s not. If your parents don’t feel that she’s responsible or capable of driving in the city, then they shouldn’t give her a car. They aren’t helping her in any way by putting limitations on her like this.” CrazyPirate79

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. My sister is 23, and is exactly like this.

She spends a lot of her extra money on Uber everywhere to compensate for her fears because she knows that all of us are done helping her unless it’s a true emergency. Your parents are not doing your sister any favors by not allowing her to drive through the city. City driving is a skill that can only be acquired through experience, and the longer she puts off gaining that experience, the more it’s going to blow up in her face at some point in the future.” desert_red_head

“I (18m) am in my last year of secondary school and am about to take my A-Levels. Recently, my parents started renting an allotment, as they picked up a hobby of gardening and farming after they retired. Because of that, they decided to build a greenhouse at the allotment.

Now, here’s the issue: they “asked” me this morning to help out at the allotment tomorrow with building the greenhouse, etc., and I agreed. I understand that it is my duty as their son to help them with things they might struggle with due to their age, but at the same time, what they are asking me to do would require me to spend the entire day at the allotment—a day that I could otherwise have spent studying.

Here’s where I might be the jerk: they asked me if I wanted to see the allotment today before I go to help out tomorrow.

I refused. One thing led to another, which ended with me telling my parents that I agreed to help because it was my duty to do so, but that didn’t mean I had to be happy about it. After I said this, my parents responded by saying that this attitude was what would make me never able to find success once I find a job. Since then, they’ve been throwing passive-aggressive jabs at me every time we’ve spoken. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, it’s good to uphold your duties to your parents. It’s also good to maintain boundaries.

It’s also good to remember to focus on your own goals and desires as well. It’s weird that they made that comment about your career for two reasons: 1. You are actively trying to prioritise studying for the sake of your career, and 2. You are not their employee. I would say to them, “I agreed to do this work because of the love I have for you as my parents. If you want to treat me as an employee and boss me around and expect an obsequious smile, you will need to pay me like anyone else would.”” rememberimapersontoo

Another User Comments:

“Well, this sounds like a case of an overly dramatic teenager.

Unless there is information you haven’t shared in your post, you’ve made a mountain out of a molehill. First of all, you don’t need to study every waking moment for your A-Levels. In fact, overstudying can be as counterproductive as not studying. Second, if you really feel you need to study, could you not have said, ‘Sorry, I really need to study for these exams. How about I make time and help you at the allotment after I’m finished?’ Or you could have said, ‘I’ll help for a couple of hours, but I really want to do well in my exams, so I’ll come home then.’ And referring to helping out as your ‘duty’… honestly, that’s just going to put people’s backs up.” history_buff_9971

Another User Comments:

“Helping your parents is important, but how you do on your A-Levels affects your future.

I would suggest that you let your parents know very directly that after you’ve taken your A-Levels, you’ll have more time to help, but for now, most of your time must be devoted to studying. (And then actually spend that time studying.) Your parents’ comments about your attitude sinking you in the job market are frankly absurd. They’re just trying to make you feel bad for not wanting to do what they want you to do when they want you to do it. If the family were relying on that allotment to have food to eat, that would be different. But this is your parents’ new hobby. Your future and your A-Levels are much more important for you, and it’s a bit selfish and shortsighted of your parents for not placing your studies above their hobby. NTJ. Go study. They can develop this allotment a few months from now and have a reduced harvest this year. This is what markets are for.” Nester1953

“I (31F) have a SIL (whom I will be referring to as Opal in this post) who is 10 years old. My husband and I have been together for 16 years, so I’ve been around for Opal’s entire life. As a result, we are very close.

Opal texted me the other day and asked me if we could go get mini donuts. This is something we have done together for years; nothing new for us. I told her that my pregnancy sickness was severe, so I couldn’t do it this time, but when I’m feeling better, we can go.

But Opal didn’t like that answer, so she kept texting me, spamming emojis and the word “please?” over and over again.

I told her firmly that I’m not feeling well, so if she wanted donuts, she’d have to go with her mom or her dad. Again, more whining and complaining. I tried talking to her calmly again, and she wasn’t having it. So eventually, I snapped and told her to stop texting me.

Cue the “you hate me!” texts and the running to her mom, crying about me being mean. MIL is mad at me now. She says that I was too harsh with Opal and that I should “respect her feelings more as she grows into a young lady.” And that I’ve “ruined the lines of communication” by asking her to stop texting me.

AITJ for telling my SIL to stop texting me?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Opal’s behaviour is unacceptable and proves that she’s clearly not ready for a phone at all. Your MIL needs to do some serious parenting and teach Opal how to text properly and how to speak respectfully to someone. ... Click here to continue reading