“Last year, I (19F now) celebrated my 18th birthday on January 5th. In the Philippines, this is a “debut,” which is similar to a quinceañera. It was a huge event for my family, especially since everyone was already together after New Year’s. I had professional photos taken for the occasion, but I also wanted a special picture with my cat on the special day. I have a male orange tabby who was once a stray and is now fixed, named Tang. He’s a huge part of my life, and I always keep him inside the house unless I’m with him.

On my debut, I was looking for Tang to take that special photo, but I couldn’t find him anywhere.

I started panicking because he is an indoor cat and never goes far. I asked my cousins to help me look for him, but it was difficult as there are a lot of orange strays in the area. Eventually, my cousin (25M) came up to me and said he had “found him.” He pulled what looked to be meat out of a bag, and my heart dropped; I thought he had killed my cat. I completely broke down, crying and freaking out in front of everyone. (As much as I hate it, both dog and cat still get butchered for meat here but hidden away from the authorities.)

As it turned out, my cousin was pulling a prank.

What he had was actually rabbit meat to be cooked for my birthday (rabbit meat also made me fully uncomfortable. I didn’t eat that dish.) It just seriously looked like a cat’s anatomy and it freaked me out. I found out that he had taken Tang to my uncle’s without asking me because my family thought Tang was “getting in the way” while food was being prepared for my party. I was furious. I yelled at my cousin, told him to return Tang immediately, and demanded that he leave the celebration. He left. I was upset, but I didn’t let it bother me as Tang was safe.

Fast forward to this year.

I didn’t want my cousin at my birthday party because of what happened last year, and I made that clear to my parents. Despite this, my aunt insisted that I was being dramatic and said my cousin should be allowed to come. He showed up uninvited. I confronted him and told him again that he wasn’t invited. He told me to take a joke and that it was in the past. I snapped and told him I didn’t ever want to see him again. My aunt jumped in, calling me a “big jerk” and accusing me of being narcissistic for making my birthday about myself. (Isn’t it supposed to be about myself?)

The argument escalated until my dad and granddad stepped in. My aunt and cousin eventually left, but it didn’t end there. A few days later, my aunt started posting in the family group chat, calling me rude, difficult, and selfish. That I couldn’t take a joke or that I don’t know how to forgive and that I will be sent to heck. She claims that I ruined my debut and this year’s birthday celebration with my behavior.

AITJ for refusing to see my cousin after what happened last year?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ op.

I was ready and willing to throw hands with my mother a few years ago because she said she wanted to put my old boy down ‘because he wasn’t cuddly enough.’ That non-cuddly cat slept by my head and purred so loud for four more years, cancer took him, and I was ready to fight God himself for my boy to live. I’m not kidding, Ace will always be my soul cat. And if anyone messes with his little urn, I will also throw hands. No one messes with my little marshmallow boy.” Caffeinedlaughter

Another User Comments:

“NTJ! I am really sorry you had to go through that.

What makes it worse is that the Filipino culture of where the elders are always treated as if they are right, even when they are not. You now get seen as the child who cannot take a joke, instead of her as the aunt who cannot act her age. That being said, you have a lot of self-control. If anyone made me believe they harmed my furbabies, I would have shoved my fist into their face and followed it up with another when he showed up again. Stay strong, ignore your aunt and the idiot cousin… and you know Filipinos, strong belief in karma! So enjoy every moment with Tang while you guys wait for karma to hit!” District_Secrets

“I (24F) had been friends with B (24F) since freshman year of college. We met in the same class and instantly connected and soon became best friends.

About a year ago, B met her current partner and started seeing someone. As any friend would be, I was excited for her. I wanted nothing but the best for my friend, and she seemed enamored with him, even telling me that she thinks he’s the one. Over time, flaws in the relationship started to show. He was unfaithful to her, and they broke up and got back together.

They argue almost constantly, he always criticizes her, he gets very jealous, acts immaturely, and has hurt her on so many occasions.

As a friend, I hated seeing my friend like that, but I offered advice and listened to her for hours on multiple occasions. I had long calls with her, reading over texts that she would send to me in which she asked for my opinion on the situation. I was always honest with her and told her that being treated this way is not normal. It hurt me to see my friend accepting being treated like this. I want better for her.

One day, she called me crying.

He told her he didn’t care about the relationship anymore. I told her that love shouldn’t be this hard and that a lot of the traits he showed were narcissistic and emotionally abusive. I gave her the push and confidence to know that this was not okay. She said she understood and agreed with me, and they broke up.

I spent the next month trying to cheer her up: hanging out at cafes, going to the mall, checking in on her to see how she’s feeling. Whenever I would ask her about how she’s feeling about the breakup, she would be a little quiet and say, “I’m doing okay, I’m fine.” I did not push it because I wanted to give her space.

One month later, I find out from another friend of ours that they got back together hours after that fight.

She never told me, and I felt betrayed. I had been nothing but a good and honest friend to her, but she had basically kept this from me. I confronted her, and she essentially said that she knew I didn’t like her partner, so she did not want to tell me. She said that she was too quick to judge his actions and felt like my only advice was to break up instead of solving their issues. (Which was not true, as I tried to help them with their issues on many occasions.) I was incredibly hurt and told her that I no longer wanted to speak with her about her partner moving forward.

I felt like the advice I was asked for was being taken advantage of.

I spent so much time trying to support and help as a friend, but I felt like she did not appreciate my honesty. Yet, somehow, I feel guilty and that it was my fault, almost as if I tried to tear them apart. Since that day, despite us trying to remain friends, our friendship has undoubtedly changed. Our conversations have become drier. We don’t hang out as much as we used to. Part of me feels like putting that boundary up was wrong of me because I should support a friend no matter what.

Am I in the wrong as a friend to do that?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, I get people telling you to be a safe space for her but honestly I’m against that.

You gave her your time and energy when she was being treated unfaithfully and horribly by her partner and then she lies and gets back together, all the while blaming you. Personally, I’m not having that because now it’s clear she’s choosing the pain, so let her have her fill. It’s not your job to follow her around and make sure she’s okay; she’s a grown woman making dumb decisions that will mess her up, but you’ve done your part. Let her ruin her life. You can just move on with uni and make new friends who don’t show overly negative qualities like she does.” Pimp-Juggernaut21

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You just walk away from this. Some people are just going to ruin their own lives and there’s nothing you can do about it. She loves this jerk, and nothing you say will change that. Allow me to give you a metaphor: She is in a car right now, driving towards a cliff. You can try to get into the car and take the wheel, but you’re fighting her the entire time and there’s every chance you go down that cliff with her when inevitably she keeps driving. If she ever comes to her senses, you can be her friend again. But for now I’d just walk and move on. You’re getting too embroiled in the drama.” Vargoroth

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here, except the jerk partner. You’re definitely not a jerk and your friend is in an emotionally abusive relationship and has been taken advantage of too badly to realize how nonsensical it is to lie. This guy definitely knows you don’t like him and likely told her she didn’t need to tell you they got back together. I had this situation with two friends post-college, and friend A told friend B the same thing—she didn’t want to hear about her lousy on-and-off-again partner anymore.

It definitely killed their friendship because friend B felt more offended by friend A saying this than she ever had been about her lousy partner being unfaithful to her. Unfortunately, things like this happen; friends mature at different ages and can grow apart. Friend B stayed with a lousy partner for years; they moved in together, he gave her many hints that he wanted to marry her, and then he dumped her and told her he’d just been stringing her along and had no intention of marrying her. She’s doing so much better now that she doesn’t have the dead weight. Like I said, people mature at their own paces, and hopefully your friend figures her stuff out in the next 10 years.” MustangTheLionheart

“Personally, I felt I was scammed by a rescue. This is a statement I never thought I’d make, because usually I regard a rescue as a very honorable and respectable organization that only intends on helping.

However, I ran into a particularly unfriendly rescue helper who responded to a post I had made requesting help with two kittens I had rescued from outside. (In AZ, where temperatures get up to about 120 degrees).

I had mentioned in the post that I am a young mom who just bought my house and cannot afford to spay/neuter them, and if there’s anybody out there who could help me help them, to please reach out.

She contacted me, asked me to explain why I felt that I needed the help, and then proceeded to ask me to bring the kittens for the procedure.

I thanked her profusely, and she never mentioned once that I would have to pay her back.

She also blew up my phone the day of the procedure, telling me I must call her back NOW or else she will not see the kittens, even though I had sent her a text message the night before letting her know that I would be there.

Anyway, now that the kittens have found a new home, she sent me an invoice saying that I owe her $120 for the spay/neuter. She charged me more for the male kitten than the quote I got at a local clinic, and I would have definitely declined her offer for “help” had I known she would charge me at this price.

So, WIBTJ for ignoring her texts or reaching out to tell her I didn’t agree to pay her back at this price?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You would not be the jerk. What most people are missing is that you didn’t go out & get these cats on purpose. You took in 2 strays to help them, & not to get yourself some pets. You were clear that you couldn’t afford to fix them and needed help. At no point did she tell you there would be a cost to you. Then, instead of burdening the rescue with further care, you were proactive about finding them homes. You were an unofficial foster home. You did exactly what rescues say they want, stepping up to the plate to help animals in need. I would absolutely say you aren’t responsible for the costs. It would be nice if you could donate whatever you received from the new owners, but that’s it.” kris3343

Another User Comments:

“This is all very unusual, and I don’t know that we have the full story. I’m a veterinarian, and I’ve donated a lot of spays/neuters in my area. The one thing I don’t understand is why there was no paperwork. I’ve always had the owner, rescue, or foster sign a standard anesthesia release form and a form that shows the fees if there are any add-ons. Even though they are also done at a low cost, it still should be documented and agreed upon before the service is performed.

The whole thing is just odd. I’m not sure why the rescue didn’t discuss this with you beforehand, but it is also a little weird that you handed these kittens over to a random rescue person without getting more details. Was she with a legitimate rescue? If so, can you not contact that rescue’s board members to find out what their policies are on this type of thing? If this were a local shelter or veterinarian, they definitely should have had you sign some sort of paperwork.” gingrbreadandrevenge

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You asked in the post for a rescue to do it for free.

Her agreeing to get it done and not mentioning payment means she was agreeing to your request. You stated your terms, she agreed, and now she is claiming new terms. By not stating new terms originally, the obvious conclusion would be that she agreed to yours. Also, I will say that the people arguing that nothing is free and that, of course, you have to pay, tend to deal with rescues other than the ones with which I am familiar. My friend rescues and fosters cats and even once fostered a cat because the owner could not afford its medical care. The owner was not told, “You can only surrender if you also pay for the medical care.” Some rescues do things for “free” (aka through donations).” I-hear-the-coast

“I married my wife five years ago. I have two daughters from my first marriage, Rose (15) and Nicole (13), while my wife has Becca (16). Becca’s father is absent, so her grandfather played a big role in her life until he passed away a year before I met my wife. It was very hard on Becca, and though she’s doing better, she still carries that loss. I’ve stepped up as a father figure, and we’re very close.

Becca has a necklace with her grandfather’s wedding ring on it, gifted to her by my wife when she was 13.

She wears it only on special occasions or when she wants to feel close to him. Rose and Nicole know its significance. Rose once asked to borrow it because she found the ring beautiful, but Becca refused, and Rose seemed to respect that.

Last week, after Rose and Nicole returned to their mom’s, Becca noticed her necklace was missing. She was frantic, insisting she hadn’t taken it out since a dance a month ago, but had seen it in her jewelry box since then. While searching, Nicole called, overheard the situation, and passed the phone to Rose. Rose hesitated but eventually admitted she had borrowed it for an upcoming romantic outing.

I told her she needed to return it immediately and that we’d discuss how wrong it was to steal it. Becca calmed slightly but was still deeply upset.

I went to my ex’s house, where Rose, looking embarrassed, said she couldn’t find it. We searched everywhere—her room, bag, my car, and her mom’s house. I even brought her back to retrace her steps. When Becca saw her, she exploded in anger, calling Rose a brat and saying she’d never forgive her if it wasn’t found. Rose was crying, looking to me, but I just told her to keep looking and hope we found it.

Eventually, Rose thought to check under her mom’s car—it was there, thankfully undamaged.

I grabbed it and told her she was lucky. I grounded her, and while she kept apologizing, I told her I appreciate that and know she feels bad but it wasn’t okay. She later called Becca to apologize again, but Becca said she’d never trust her again. We got Becca a locking jewelry box and a door lock at her request.

My ex thinks we’re being too hard on Rose and that we should have comforted her. She says Rose is just a teen who made a mistake. I disagreed, saying this wasn’t a simple mistake—she knew the necklace’s importance, was told not to take it, and nearly lost it.

If it had been run over, it would’ve been gone forever. I told Rose I love her, but any more comforting would be coddling, and she needs to learn from this. My wife, Becca, and even Nicole agree with my approach. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ After a cooling-off time, you might sit down with Rose. Talk through what she did and why (is she feeling jealous of your relationship with Becca?). That is the time when you tell her that she made a huge mistake, hug her, and tell her you love her. I’d do the same with Becca. But in this conversation you need to talk about that people in our lives sometimes screw up, that you understand her anger (and that it WAS warranted), but also explain that continuing to be angry is only punishing herself.

My mother used to say that fine China, once broken and mended, is stronger. While it was your job to discipline Rose, it is also your role to try to build a loving and trusting relationship between your daughters.” SkiPhD

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are absolutely not being too hard on Rose. She coveted the necklace for some reason. And when she asked for it, she was told no. Becca had every right to refuse to loan it because it has a tremendous amount of sentimental value to her, but even if it didn’t, it was entirely her decision to make. I have no idea what made Rose think it was okay to steal the necklace.

This is a very worrying trait for her to have. Yes, I realize she is a teen still, but she is absolutely old enough to know right from wrong. And obviously Becca was right to refuse to lend it because Rose promptly lost it! Not on purpose, but she was careless. The fact that her mother thinks she should be comforted rather than punished is concerning. That may be part of the reason why she figured it was okay to steal it. Has she done something similar in the past and mom comforted her instead of punishing her? She is not doing that child any favors. If Rose doesn’t get the message that stealing is very wrong when she is still young, even though I’m sure she planned to slip it back in Becca’s room before anyone noticed it was missing, she is going to end up with more than being grounded to worry about.

Adult thieves don’t start stealing as an adult, they take things as a child, doing more and more, building up their confidence and technique.

They become proud that they were able to get away with it. Then it could snowball into taking things from a store, just for the thrill of it. I wouldn’t want to take that chance with my daughter. You only have a limited number of years to teach kids to do the right thing. I am not sure grounding her is enough of a punishment. Maybe have her write an apology letter to Becca? Having to think of the wording and writing it down will reinforce it in her mind.” 77Megg77

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Rose is 15 years old, not 5. She knows the difference between borrowing and stealing.

She and your ex need to explore the concept of ‘not yours.’ You may not always know who owns something, but you always know who doesn’t. You. Even toddlers get the concept of not yours, so it begs the question, why didn’t your ex or your daughter understand that taking something that is not yours had another name. Theft. She’s lucky your stepdaughter didn’t call the cops.” PomegranateReal3620

“I live in a townhouse community. My neighbor recently installed a high-pitched whining noise device, allegedly to “keep out bunnies.” I’m on the East Coast, so it’s 12:30 am while posting this. He has a weird obsession with the local rabbits… not because he has a garden or anything. To my knowledge, these bunnies have not wronged him in any way. Nothing seems able to explain his vendetta, and his thick accent makes it really hard for me to take him seriously when he’s ranting about “the bunnies.”

The noise is loud enough that my dogs go nuts, and people who sleep on the front side of the house have great difficulty sleeping.

I’m usually a “just talk about it” kind of guy, so earlier this evening I knocked on his door and asked him if he could turn it off so people could sleep. He said to get lost and joked that I should call the cops.

So I found the non-emergency number for the local cops and called. I’ll update this if anything fun happens. As a person who generally isn’t a fan of police, AITJ for calling them?”

Another User Comments:

“Guy probably doesn’t like dogs, so he got a device to make them the problem, so that after a few nights he could file a complaint, but you beat him to it so now it’s on record that the reason your dogs make noise is him….

So he’s salty and now trying to drive your dogs crazy with the noise or drive you out… or both. NTJ.” Sheylenna

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but I’m wondering if it’s not about rabbits, but your dogs. Yes, you say they’re sweet and suggest that they only bark sometimes at the high-pitched noise. But is that true, or are you just used to it? I say this as someone who is considering anti-bark devices for my neighbor’s dogs. They can bark for ten minutes without apparent notice from the humans. Or more, if something catches them. Especially if the dog four houses over barks, then, let’s all do it…” Available-Love7940

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You tried the diplomatic route, and Elmer Fudd Neighbor told you to buzz off—literally. If his anti-bunny siren is loud enough to drive dogs crazy and keep people from sleeping, it’s a noise complaint waiting to happen. Also, the fact that he has no garden and just hates the bunnies for sport is unhinged. Glad the cops actually handled it, but yeah, something tells me this isn’t over. Maybe start pricing out that Elmer Fudd sign now.” _imjustarandomdude_