People Risk It All In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

I (F) live with three other girls. Two of them are super friendly, but one of them never talks to us, never helps, and never cleans. We have a rotating weekend bathroom cleaning schedule, and she constantly skips her turn unless we remind her days later.

She’s also left used period-stained toilet paper on the floor twice, fake eyelashes stuck to the carpet, and her hair clogs the shower. It’s gross. She didn’t buy toilet paper or soap for months, even though we all share them.

I’ve tried being nice—brought her cookies, tried small talk—but she ignores us.

Last week, I texted her a reminder (polite, I thought) that it was her turn to clean, since it was already Tuesday. She freaked out, told me I’m not her mom, accused me of micromanaging, and said I’ve “elected myself leader.” I said I wouldn’t have to remind her if she just did her part, and that I’m tired of cleaning up blood, hair, and eyelashes.

Now she hates me, things are super tense, and I’m questioning if I was out of line. AITJ?

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – When you’re older you’ll be more able to handle being disliked.

It’s not fair but on the bright side, it’s not your problem. She can feel however she wants to about this but the fact is that you didn’t make unreasonable requests and you weren’t particularly salty when she accused you of micromanaging (though you’d have had the right to be Dead Sea salty about it). You’re ok matey. Carry on.” Puzzleheaded_Rule134

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She’s acting like a petulant child. She should be embarrassed that you had to bring this up. If anything, I’d take things up a notch and mention it every day that she doesn’t clean.

Mention that she has to pick up the period paper, eyelashes, and hair every single time. I’m petty enough to keep TP/soap in my room instead of sharing, but it might be better to collect money for it and just buy it together instead of taking turns buying. Lastly, you can’t be the only one suffering here. Are the other two roommates as frustrated? It might be time for a group intervention. Will she like it? Nope. She might even hate it enough to move. Yay!” EvilCodeQueen

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I once lived with two other people in college, Person A was my dorm roommate and friend, and Person B we thought was our friend (turns out she was not).

Person B did not clean. It got to the point where A and I had a sort of intervention and asked her to please clean her own dishes and sometimes the bathrooms. She said, “Well, why would I clean the bathrooms if they never get dirty??” like she thought that was some “gotcha” moment. A and I looked at each other in befuddlement and responded, “Yeah… They don’t get dirty… Because we’ve been freaking cleaning them…???” Anyway, B never did clean, just moved all her crap into her room (including couches and dishes) and then spent most of her time at someone else’s apartment. I think about it a lot. After she moved out, I heard she destroyed her friendships with the people she moved in with, stole their cat, and called the police on them. I could go on.” goddessdiaana

“We broke up back in the fall. She needed time to figure things out and find herself, or so she said. We were pretty far apart geographically, but we made an effort to see each other. I left to go on a job for four months in another country, but the pay was good, and I was planning on taking her somewhere nice when I returned.

Out of the blue, I got the text telling me she wasn’t ready to be in a relationship because of problems she had going on.

Fair. Ended it amicably.

I’m moving, and she still has a lot of her stuff at my house, so I’m sending it all back, along with a few items she spent a good bit of time making for me because they still have feelings attached to them, and I don’t want to just throw them away. AITJ by sending them back? I feel kind of bad knowing the effort she put into it, but it’s better than the crap is how I’m justifying it.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, although you won’t be able to control how she interprets it.

Your options here were sending them back or donating them somewhere, and while I probably would have gone with the latter (especially since she’s not in the area to encounter them, really), I’d have donated them to a shelter or drive or something. Sending them back to her allows her to keep the product of her hard work and make her own choice about whether she can detach enough from emotions to continue using them, donate them, or trash them, so NTJ.” rockology_adam

Another User Comments:

“Crafter here. NTJ. It sounds like you really aren’t on speaking terms. If I broke up with someone I had gifted handmade things to and they weren’t keeping them, I would want them back, even if I didn’t have immediate plans for them.

Obviously, it would have been good to ask, but not at the cost of your mental health. You did the kind thing by sending them back. The people who say YTJ because you don’t send back gifts have probably never knitted. As an aside, my reply is assuming amicable parting/no bad behavior on her part, which, it sounds like she behaved very badly indeed. In this event, YWNTBJ if you used the scarf to dress up a snowman, and then beat that snowman’s butt, followed by fire.” malmirav

Another User Comments:

“There is a lot of pertinent information missing from this post. Needing to go with the assumption that these are pieces of art given over the course of a several-year relationship.

Other information that would be helpful: How far apart were you? What countries are you in now? How often did you see one another, and for how long? Are you back? If you cannot keep them and look at them and smile, it is likely it did not end super amicably. For you, in which case you need to let her know why you are sending them back. If they are items that she herself would never want back, and you cannot bear to look at them, donating or disposing of them is the only real option. You are NTJ, but you need to move on spiritually. You broke up 6-8 months ago. You HAVE moved on physically, as you are in another country. Everyone looks back at what might have been, but you can’t stare at it too long. Move on.” elvisthree16

“I, 26F, have been estranged from my mother for 11 years. Last month, she had a health scare and decided to get a will. She reached out to my dad to ask me if I wanted to be in the will, and I refused straight away. I don’t want money from her death just because we happen to share some blood. However, my younger brothers think I’m a jerk for refusing to be in the will. I told them that, at the end of the day, it’s her money and it’s her decision what she wants to do with it.

I couldn’t care either way.

What is annoying me is the fact that she reached out to my dad to ask me; it just feels like a power move to me. And the fact that my family can’t see that and act like I’m a jerk has me second-guessing myself. So, am I a jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. There are so many reasons that your mother may have reached out to your father and not you — not having your contact details (or maybe she did and lost them), the fact that you were 15 when you became estranged, who knows what her reasons are.

I’m sure you also have perfectly good reasons for feeling how you feel about her and the situation. Keep in mind that it’s perfectly normal for parents to include children in their will (estranged or not). You’re still her child. If the family wants to question you, just tell them what you’ve said here — it’s her decision, and you don’t care either way.

Tangent for a bit of perspective: my husband is his mother’s only child. Her partner has three children. Neither of them speaks to any of the total four children. We tried to have a relationship with her, but she preferred to treat us like garbage and then she tried to treat our child badly.

He was so little and her behaviour was unacceptable. We expect that when my husband’s mother and her partner are both gone that they will leave their estate to charity. We don’t care — like you, my husband doesn’t want money from death just because of shared blood. If his mother wants to include my husband in her will, that’s her choice. Just like it was her choice to be estranged.” SleepDeprivedMummy

Another User Comments:

“NTJ — the whole fact that you are even being asked is some kind of power play. A will doesn’t need anyone’s permission or input other than the person/persons making it.

Either she is trying to get you to have contact, is trying to create a divide in the family and make you the problem, or she planned to exclude you from the will regardless, but in this way, she doesn’t look petty. I would just go with the answer of ‘I can’t tell you what to put in your will, that’s entirely up to you.’ Also, wills can be changed as many times as you want, so this whole conversation is irrelevant.” Famous_Account272

Another User Comments:

“I’m sure there is a lot of back story here that one post is too short to go into.

This sounds off to me. In my experience, a person writes their will based on where they want their estate to go. That does not involve asking the recipients if they want to be included or not. Asking you beforehand, given that you are estranged, does sound suspicious. The other odd thing is that your brothers are now jumping on you. Why is this any of their business and why does this make you a jerk? I think this confirms your suspicions. I read this as mom using your refusal to stir the pot against you. This was a lose-lose from the beginning and mom showed her true colors when you said no. NTJ. Too much questionable behavior going on here on your mom’s part to see this request as genuine.” WhereWeretheAdults

“I, 44M, work from home and am fortunate enough to earn enough that my wife, 43F, does not need to work. I would love it if she could find a job, but it is not easy, as we live in a foreign country and employment is tough. She hasn’t worked for 10 years and has given up on looking for a job. To be clear, I’m fine with that (honestly, even proud that I can support us both).

I work 10–12 hours per day from home, and I am the one cooking, going grocery shopping, taking out the trash, and also participating in the house cleaning (mainly the vacuuming part).

My wife handles the dishwashing, laundry, and feeding the pets. I don’t want to sound chauvinistic, but it’s hard to ignore the time I need to invest in a week in work, cooking, shopping, etc., versus the time she spends on chores that basically rely on a machine for the heavy lifting and/or take only a few minutes a day.

I’m finding it hard to even get some “me” time for my hobbies and to unplug. I work from 9 a.m. to 7 p.m., sometimes later, after which I start cooking, eat, and then it’s basically bedtime. During the day, if we need groceries, I use my lunch hour to dash to the supermarket and get whatever we need.

I might get about 1–2 hours of potential me time, but it’s frustrating that this time only comes at the tail end of the day, right before bed, when all my energy is gone.

Lately, I’ve tried talking about it because I don’t think this is fair. All I ask is that, since she is not working, she cooks more, gets groceries now and then, and helps me so I can also enjoy a proper weekend.

She says I “sound like a toxic alpha male.”

Mind you, I love cooking, and I believe we should share chores; I just don’t feel like we are sharing.

I feel like I do 70% of the work. I am not seeking sympathy; I’m looking to understand what others think about this situation, as maybe I am wrong. In my view, if I’m working this hard to support us, cooking, buying food, etc., and she is basically only needing to load and unload a dishwasher and a laundry machine, this is not balanced. Her not working is not my fault, and I’ve told her that she doesn’t need to work unless she wants to; but at the same time, if she decides not to work and not even look for a job, I believe she should reciprocate with support (both physical and emotional).”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – For the record, I’m a woman and I hate it when women weaponize the term “toxic masculinity.” I might have a different judgment if you had children, but with no children involved, what the heck does she do all day?

Is she isolated? Does she have hobbies or friends? I understand she may be restrained from getting a job due to international laws, but I also know how hard working from home is because of the lack of separation between work and home. I’m curious to know her justification for not being a better partner.” olive_us_here

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – You’re not asking your wife to take over all of the household chores/tasks, nor are you rubbing in her face that you’re working and she’s not. When talking about managing the household, it’s also rarely just about doing tasks; it’s about the effort and value that this represents.

Maybe propose switching up what household tasks each of you is doing (if you haven’t already), so that you can still be contributing but also have time to fit in hobbies and downtime. More than anything, it’s about having the conversation and approaching it using “I” statements so that it doesn’t come across as accusatory or negative. For example, “I feel that I don’t have a lot of time to be able to unwind or start a new hobby because of the hours I’m currently working. Can we look at how we divide household tasks to find a better balance, as I want to keep contributing towards maintaining our home, and I’d really love it if you could help me work on a way to do this?” It doesn’t blame anyone for the current situation, but clearly communicates what you need, and by asking your wife to help you find a solution, it externalizes the issue as something you can work on together as a team. Good luck with it, and I hope you can both find a solution that will restore some harmony.” Charliitown

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. What is she doing all day? It’s not about male/female, it’s about how much each person is contributing. She’s not contributing money OR contributing to the unpaid “work” around the house. Her comment about toxic masculinity is manipulative. She knows she’s not pulling her weight and it’s clear she aims to keep it that way with comments like that. I’ve been a stay-at-home parent for 10 years and take care of ALL the household tasks, minus taking out the trash, making our morning coffee, and anything that would require tools/handyman-type skills.

It’s very traditional, but it works for us. This allows him to have hobbies, quality time with the kids, and moments to relax outside of his work hours. I tackle everything while he’s working and still have time to spend doing other things outside the home.” MarvelousMapache

“I, f (22), was friends with this guy (25, brain fully developed by the way). He was telling me about his work crush and he said “She has the perfect body and her face isn’t that bad.” I work with him, so I know he has never spoken to this girl.

Two days later, this girl becomes friends with me and I find out she has a partner. So I tell my friend because I thought it would save him the embarrassment of trying to ask out a taken woman.

Then he texts me and says he’s really disappointed and wishes he hadn’t told me he had a crush on her because he didn’t want to know she had a partner. He had told me he was going to ask her out, so he would’ve found out eventually anyway. And this makes me upset because why are you so upset when you never spoke to this girl and we’ve only worked with her for three days? She also rarely talks at work, so it’s not like he could appreciate her personality from that. And now I’m friends with her, and I actually like her a lot, so it makes me even more upset that he would depersonalize her like that.

I responded, “You don’t know her.

How could you ever care?” I then realized that was a bit mean, so I said, “It’s okay, I’m sure you’ll find someone eventually.” He proceeds to ignore me for two days, so I text him and ask if we are still on for hanging out tomorrow since we said we would before that text. He responds, “No,” so I tried to call him so we could talk, but he declined. I texted him, and he told me he was upset because of the comment.

I explained that, as he knows, since I have told him, I have been used for my body multiple times by men who don’t care about my personality.

So when he made that comment about her body, it upset me. He responded, “Stop texting me,” and I was confused and asked if he was serious?! He said, “Stop texting; it’s bothering me.” And now I’m confused because that feels like a crazy reaction in response to my text. I know it wasn’t nice, but to stop being friends with me altogether?!”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You did him a favour by telling him she had a partner. It would’ve come out either way, and probably more awkwardly if he had tried to ask her out.

His comment about her body and that her face isn’t that bad was already a red flag, and your reaction to that was valid, especially considering your own experiences. He’s upset not because you did something wrong, but because his fantasy got popped before he could project more onto it. Ghosting you over a reality check? That’s not emotional maturity.. that’s a fragile ego in action.” RearEngineer

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He doesn’t like this girl. He doesn’t have any actual feelings about her. He doesn’t care about her life or her personality or her wants or her dreams.

All he cares about is her body and how attractive he finds her. Let’s just be honest here. He straight up told you “her face isn’t that bad”. WHO SAYS THAT ABOUT SOMEONE???? A jerk. A jerk says that about someone. Let’s not act surprised that the guy who said that is butthurt to find out this girl has a partner (aka a gatekeeper in his mind) and would rather shoot the messenger (you). This guy is not worth your time, or that poor girl’s time.” imamage_fightme

Another User Comments:

“While I wouldn’t tell someone they’re not allowed to be upset, disappointment is perfectly valid.

He was out of line for telling you off for letting him know she has a partner. The disappointment would have happened anyway; he is just lashing out at the messenger. The only thing I would say is that you should probably leave him alone for a bit when he asked to be left alone. When I process something like this—embarrassment or disappointment—my instinct is to isolate myself in a cocoon and sleep it off, give myself time to get over someone. If I don’t want to talk to a friend, it’s not because I’m angry at a friend, but I will get annoyed if they don’t respect my need for alone time and needle me about it. Was he a jerk for initially lashing out at you for letting him know? Yes, absolutely. That wasn’t very mature. Was he a jerk for objectifying her? Probably, if that’s what he was doing. But you probably want to give him time to lick his wounds before trying to have a constructive conversation about it.” genomerain

“I (20F) and my mom (58F) still live together. One morning, I woke up and started getting ready for work. I go into our shared living room to get my shoes from under the bench we have beside the door when my mom says, “What are you doing?”

To which I respond, “Getting ready for work. Why, what’s up?”

She then says, “Oh, you’re not going today. I called out for you.”

I thought she was kidding and laughed while putting my shoes on.

She then says, “I’m not joking.

I miss seeing you, so I told them you were sick” (I wasn’t).

Keep in mind, we still live together.

I responded and said, “Then how am I supposed to have enough money for gas this week?”

She responded, “I don’t know, figure it out.”

At this point, I was not very happy, especially with that comment. So I asked, “Are you going to pay me the money I missed out on while not being at work?”

She responded, “No, that is not my responsibility. Why would you even ask that? You know how broke we are?”

I just stood there, kind of dumbfounded.

AITJ for expecting my mom to help with my gas after she called me out of work for me?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mom asked how it was her responsibility to pay for your gas. It’s her responsibility because she was responsible for you not going to work. Your mom said ‘you know how broke we are’ – exactly why we don’t call in sick. You know all this already though. Congrats on becoming a responsible adult. Out of interest, is the reason ‘you are broke’ due to poor financial decisions (such as calling in sick to work) of your mom’s?” Jealous_Scale

Another User Comments:

“You need to politely go to your mom’s friend and tell them that your mom called you out without your knowledge and that it’s causing you a TREMENDOUS financial hardship, to where you’re not sure how you’ll be able to fill your car with gas to come to work next week.

TELL them that going forward, ONLY YOU can call yourself out of work and that you would be extremely grateful if they could find you a shift for your next scheduled day off. Obviously, you should have left the house for the entire day so that your mom didn’t benefit from her dishonesty, and I would cut back on your financial contribution this week in the same amount as the take-home pay she basically stole from you. Isn’t your mom normally this childish and irresponsible?” celticmusebooks

Another User Comments:

“Something tells me Mom is afraid that you are going to move out soon. This is her way of sabotaging that.

You absolutely need to make it clear to your manager and their direct manager (in writing) that unless you are incapacitated and in the hospital, which your mother can prove with a call from a doctor or a faxed-over letter from a hospital, she is not to call out for you. If she does and your shift gets replaced without confirmation, your employer needs to pay you for the day. This is absolutely unacceptable. And as someone who grew up with a child of a mother, I get it. It sucks and I’m really sorry. If there’s anything that she is not emotionally attached to or desperately needs, I would consider at least pawning it. And when she starts asking where it is, tell her you had to pawn it for gas money and she should just figure out how to get it back.” That_One_Chick_1980

“I (23, female) am getting married next year. One of the first things I decided was that I would not be inviting my dad. He was very abusive to my siblings and me when we were children, and I haven’t seen or spoken to him in years. He doesn’t try to reach out to me either; the only time he calls is to let me know when a family member passes away. My mom passed away when I was 18, so obviously she won’t be at my wedding either.

Some of my family members are saying that I should have at least one of my parents there, and that I need to invite my dad.

They keep giving me ideas like maybe he doesn’t have to walk me down the aisle, or maybe just invite him to the ceremony, but I just don’t want him there at all. I get that they feel sad for me that my parents won’t be there, but honestly, I don’t feel sad about it. If he were there, everything would just feel tense and awkward, and I don’t want to put my siblings in an uncomfortable situation where they feel like they have to interact with him. As for my mom, the last time I spoke to her was three years before she passed, and I don’t think I would have invited her either if she were alive. I love my mom, but she struggled with addiction and was not around very much. I feel like I didn’t really know her that well.

My family members seem to be kind of put off by my lack of mournfulness over it all, and it makes me feel like an emotionless robot. I just want to enjoy my wedding with the people I genuinely want to spend time with. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Take a deep breath and count to three. You know what is best for you in your heart, and you have made peace with it. There is no need to defend this decision with your family members.

If they are of a different opinion, that’s okay, but if they intend to extend him an invitation without your consent, there will be consequences. Focus on your bond with your siblings and your husband. You’re going to build a beautiful life together. Best wishes on your upcoming wedding, dear.” ErrbodyMom

Another User Comments:

“Your wedding. Your choice. If your family members have an issue, uninvite them too. They will sneak him or cause unnecessary drama on the day by saying to guests, I wish ‘xyz dad was here’ or ‘she never invited her dad’. Weddings tend to show people’s true colors, and they love to get involved as if it were their day.

You want people who support you, not dictate your life. I wish you all the best.” Ok_Pen5399

Another User Comments:

“Your feelings are valid. I will not invite either of my parents either. Some people don’t understand how disconnected you can be from a parent who has shown so much mistreatment and presently chooses to be the same person. Your feelings are valid. You’re choosing to put your happiness and comfort first. I get a lot of hate from my family for not speaking to my parents, but no one has experienced the things I did, nor do I have to explain. I chose peace, and they weren’t a part of that.

I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself with your loved ones. It takes strength.” Altruistic_Expert69

“My mom (50+F) had a bunch of medical problems in 2024. She had four strokes and lost both of her feet due to her diabetes. I’ve been her sole caregiver since 2023.

We got evicted and lived in an RV. That was when my mom lost her feet and had her strokes. I’ve had to take care of her while juggling a full-time job and being a full-time student (working on getting my GED and degree).

Recently, at the start of the year, my mom went to a physical rehabilitation center.

She constantly blows up my phone and my father’s. She’s constantly trailing off and sometimes completely drops the conversation when someone walks into her room, or she asks for things constantly, knowing well that I’m struggling to keep things afloat—asking me to buy her smokes or to come see her right then and there, even calling me during class and work. I’ve been working on having her work on her disability, and recently, I just found out she’s been neglecting it so badly that they had to reject her and we have to start all over again. (Over a year of filing for disability and food stamps, wasted)

I got home from work today, and my mom calls me and tells me that she’s being kicked out of her rehabilitation center in three days because her insurance won’t pay for her stay anymore and she needs a place to go and someone to get her.

I’m still trying to figure out where my dad and I are going to go because we have to move out of the apartment I’m staying in soon. I want to tell her that she can’t stay because she’s going to get worse, but I know she’ll start crying and it breaks my heart.

But I’m about to be homeless, and I don’t even know where I’m going. Plus, I feel like I’m going to be more mad at her than happy to see her. She constantly asks for stuff even though she knows I’m broke.

Even when we lived in the RV, she’d wake me up just to ask if my daily pay had come through so I could buy her smokes or soda, not groceries, not snacks, not even booze. Just smokes and soda. I’m finally getting into the habit of waiting two weeks for my next check instead of using daily pay every time I work.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They have an instruction on airplanes: To put on your own breathing mask for emergency oxygen before you assist others. You’re drowning, and these folks are not being parents; they’re dragging you down.

It’s very sad, but it’s hard enough when you’re a younger person trying to get started in life, let alone when you have a mother who is not helping herself because she’s on a self-destructive path and doesn’t see or care that she’s taking you down with her. You have to be your own priority from now on. That said… What’s up with your father? Why is he letting his child take on all of this? It’s his job to take care of your mother, not you. You’ve done enough. Just because you prioritize getting a place on your own to live doesn’t mean you’re forcing them to be homeless.” inturnaround

Another User Comments:

“If you are in the USA, look up your center for independent living at virtualcil.net.

These are advocacy organizations, and they help people with disabilities for free. They can help her apply for disability. They can help her transition safely out of a nursing home. Services should be free. NTJ.” CJsopinion

Another User Comments:

“You said you’re in Indiana, right? You need to call whatever their welfare office is and see if you can reapply for benefits for her. I assume your dad used to work, so she should be able to collect off of his SS. Get an attorney for this. Most of them will do it for a percentage and will only collect if she wins her case. Your mom is a double amputee and stroke survivor with short-term memory issues, so I would think her state disability (SSI) would kick in first, and she should be eligible to get into some form of senior/disability living, as should your father.

It sounds like they are very low-income and that neither of them could live in a homeless shelter due to medical issues. The bad part about being in a rehab/nursing facility is that once insurance stops paying, they’re going to kick her out regardless of circumstances, so have your dad talk to a social worker there about options for housing. It could be that Medicaid will pay for her to remain in the facility as a long-term resident, but no guarantees on that.” Rezolution20

“My 21F friend, let’s call her Maddy, invited me, 21F, to hang out for her birthday. Long story short, on this day, I told my friend that I would be busy until our meeting time, which was supposed to be 7 PM. Anyway, I texted her before and asked her to let me know when to come so I could leave my outing and come see her whenever she became fully available. I asked her if I should come right now; this was at 6:50, and I would have been there at 7.

She said, “Yes, come right now and text me when you’re here.”

I arrived around 7 and went inside the lobby. I texted her that I was there and that I was sitting and waiting. She doesn’t open my message for 10 minutes, and then she texts me saying that she is still busy with some people because she went to this gathering; I just said, “Okay.”

Then 10 minutes passed, 20 minutes passed, and she texts me again saying she’s so sorry she was busy showing people around. At this point, I was fed up. I had come to see her and she told me to come at that time; she was so inconsiderate knowing I was waiting for her in the lobby while she was “showing people around.” I waited and waited for up to an hour until I had had enough, and I texted her that I was going home.

I left and I was really hurt that she prioritized “showing people around” over her friend who came to see her and waited that long for her.

So, am I the jerk for leaving my friend’s birthday?”

Another User Comments:

“You waited an hour? Wow. On one hand, it sounded like she was somewhere else (“because she went to this gathering”) and hadn’t even left, and that is all sorts of poor planning and disrespecting your time. But if I’m wrong (she was home), that’s even worse because she was obviously with other people and could have had any of them take her keys and go get you from the lobby while she played hostess. You didn’t bail on your friend; she bailed on you.

NTJ.” HarveySnake

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I wonder if this was a power play. Maybe she thought you were rude for having other plans on her birthday and telling her when you could fit her in. I’m not saying that was right of her, but just thinking it all through because it seems really odd for her to confirm that you should come by but then leave you waiting in the lobby for an hour. This would be enough for me to distance myself a bit and see how it plays out with her moving forward. No reason to bend over backwards for someone who doesn’t treat you well.” blueswan6

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

But why did you wait so long? That’s nuts. I would have given her 20 minutes after arriving tops because then I’ve got better things to do than be somewhere I’m not wanted. There are easy ways to simply text/call, “I’ve waited ten minutes, that’s my max, kiddo. I’ve got to go. Have a happy birthday and let me know how it went!” Then leave — on an up note. Now you’ve let yourself stew for an hour, been disrespected, and forgotten. She’s clueless. It’s difficult to recover that friendship if you even want to anymore. Maybe if you showed up unannounced, or… no, even then, if someone makes you wait for longer than 10-15 minutes, you’re not wanted there.” MISKINAK2

“I, 24f, have a mom who’s 50 who completely blew up the family and, in the process, stole my car (which got impounded). Turns out she has been doing hard substances and hanging out with homeless people. A man gave her a fantasy and left her. She has now been homeless for over a year. She has gone to jail 4 times for trespassing. This is the fifth time. The entire family has cut all contact with her; all she has is me. I went extremely low contact.

Right now she is in jail in another city for trespassing.

She has been calling my brother (who refuses to help her) and me. She is getting released “by herself,” and she called me a horrible daughter and said that she will end her life (she has used this threat plenty) because I am not going to. I have no gas and no money. But my conscience is eating me alive. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are absolutely, unequivocally, and inarguably not the jerk. I’m sorry that your mom is having such a tough time of it. I can’t imagine how sad and angry and frustrated you must feel. But you can’t set yourself on fire to keep another person warm – even if that person is your mom.

You are not a horrible daughter, regardless of how many ways she tries to guilt you into believing. (Sending you lots of Internet love.)” JustAnotherOlive

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. When someone spirals into addiction, they often don’t find their way out until they hit rock bottom. Where that is varies for people; some folks get arrested or end up homeless the first time and are horrified enough that they work on why they’re addicted and get free of it. Unfortunately, some people are emotionally messed up enough that they die before they hit rock bottom. As hard as it is to do, letting them hit rock bottom faster seems to be more likely to get them to deal with the addiction before it kills them.

Maybe losing your help will be rock bottom for her – losing relationships sometimes does it. Maybe it won’t, but without your help she may run into whatever situation makes her decide “this is rock bottom” and get addiction help faster. The kind of help you can provide is just a band-aid over a self-inflicted bullet wound. Until she decides to get real treatment for the wound that makes her seek substances, no help you provide will really do her good.” KaliTheBlaze

Another User Comments:

“Your mother is manipulating you. She’s causing you a lot of pain and stress in order to get you to do what she wants.

That’s who she is and what she does, and why others have cut her out of their lives. She wants something from you, and she knew that if she hurt you in this way, you were more likely to give it to her. There’s nothing you can ever do that will make her a good mother. There’s nothing you can ever do that will make her treat you like you’re a good daughter. Because if she did, it would be harder to manipulate you. That’s all other people, even you, are to her. Tools. That’s not your fault. “I’m sorry mom. I can’t do it.” She’ll throw a tantrum and say terrible things to hurt you. When she does this, know that it’s because she thinks maybe she can change your mind by hurting you. Honestly, you’re not ready to deal with her in a safe way for you yet. You won’t be until she can say those hateful things and you can just shrug like she’s talking about the weather. NTJ.” BigBayesian

“I honestly feel so stupid for asking this because I thought it was an unspoken social rule in public transport to let people get off before you get on. But there was a pregnant woman trying to worm her way into the metro before I could get off, and she started yelling at me for being in the way? I told her to just step back and let me get off, but she called me a jerk and told me she lost a seat because of me and that she can’t stand too long because her feet are swollen from her pregnancy.

I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong, but people gave me nasty looks when I finally did get off.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You were doing it right. It’s explicitly stated in many places. But common sense says the platform is less crowded than the train. If the train is at all full, there’s no ROOM for people to get on until people get off. She wanted to rush on to get a seat. Instead of being nasty to you, she should try politely explaining her situation to those in seats.” 1962Michael

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. What actually happened here, assuming by the sounds of it, is that she clocked a seat and wanted it so badly that she disregarded you and your need to get off by trying to push her way through (already an awful idea for a pregnant person).

When she wasn’t fast enough because she couldn’t push her way past, she got mad and took it out on you as you engaged with her. I’m not going to give her the green card because she’s pregnant either; she was most definitely a jerk here. Although that being said, she is pregnant and will be hormonal and emotional, so it at least gives you an explanation for her behavior, so don’t take it personally. To add, you’re right. It’s an unspoken rule that you keep the door clear and allow all passengers to get off before getting yourself on, pregnant or not.” EngineFourDome

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

If I’m by myself in an elevator, I’ll start at the back and try to time it so I’m at full walking pace as the door opens. Watching people jump out of the way or apologize for bumping into me is one of life’s little pleasures. I’d feel bad if I bowled into a pregnant lady at full speed, but so far I have been lucky in that.” Cczaphod

“Tonight, I was at a party with a group of friends we’ve been partying with for about 5 years. Some of us are closer than others, and I’m closest to Tyler, who has a history of getting way too intoxicated at parties. He’s been in ambulances and intoxicated tanks before, so I always worry about him when he drinks too much.

Tonight, it was just a smaller group of us, about seven people. I was the only sober one and left the party around 12:30 AM.

An hour later, either Tyler or someone else had the idea to walk to the bars, but Tyler was already too intoxicated. Though he could still walk well and was answering questions, he was belligerent and insisted on going alone. The other friends tried to stop him, but he refused and said he would go alone if he had to. It was about -10°C outside, and Tyler wasn’t dressed warmly, just a thin hoodie and jeans. I can’t understand why no one took his condition seriously, especially knowing his history.

Eventually, they let him go, despite knowing he was in no condition to be alone, and the bars were closing soon anyway.

I’ve had a similar situation with Tyler before, and I knew he wouldn’t be able to make it on his own. I had once forced him to come back to my house for his safety.

About 20 minutes later, Tyler called me, panicked and knocking on a stranger’s door. He wouldn’t tell me where he was or give me any details, and all I could hear was a car alarm in the background. I kept begging him to give me his location, but he wouldn’t. He was too intoxicated to think straight but still somewhat responsive. I started walking toward the party, hoping I could hear the car alarm and find him that way.

Some guys heard the commotion and started talking to Tyler while he FaceTimed me, and I managed to ask them where he was. They told me his location, so I ran to him.

When I got to him, Tyler was sitting on the curb crying, saying he didn’t know where he was and was freezing. I gave him my jacket and walked him back to my house, where I put him in a bed to sleep it off.

Afterward, I messaged one of my friends, telling them it was irresponsible and that they were all crappy friends to let Tyler leave on his own in that state. They replied asking why I was lecturing them, saying they tried to get Tyler to stay, but he refused.

I feel frustrated and hurt by the way my friends handled the situation.

I think it was wrong to let him go alone, knowing how intoxicated he was and his past behavior. I’m worried this will weaken my friendships with the friends who let him leave. Am I wrong for being mad at them? Please let me know.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ and so is Tyler. Tyler can’t hold his liquor and gets belligerent when he drinks, but somehow you are blaming everyone else. The truth is that the other people can only do so much to save Tyler from himself. They told him not to go to the bars, and he just got angry. What did you expect everyone else to do?

Hold him prisoner? Tyler has a serious booze problem and needs to get treatment before he harms himself.” UteLawyer

Another User Comments:

“I feel judgment is beside the point. Tyler has a serious booze problem if he frequently drinks to excess like this, and that’s not debatable. And the problem with addiction is that it turns everyone into jerks. The addict for putting themselves in danger. Everyone gets to choose between…

• Burying their head in the sand and letting things continue as normal
• Endlessly trying to convince the addict to stop
• Constantly rushing around after the addict so they never truly have to face consequences
• Resigning themselves to what’s going on and praying the addict finds their way out
• Distancing themselves from the addict completely.

Because I can tell you from bitter experience, you’re almost powerless unless Tyler takes steps to help himself.

Please reach out to whatever services are available nearby for support. If you think your friends are genuinely naive to the risks, have an honest and judgment-free chat. They can decide how much support they’re willing to offer. Best of luck.” combatwombat1192

Another User Comments:

“The person you need to be mad at is Tyler. Tyler put himself in this situation. Tyler drank too much and then chose to wander outside while the other people at the party tried to stop him. Tyler has a history of drinking too much and forcing people into the position of babysitting him, or else getting into the kind of trouble that lands him in intoxicated tanks.

Tyler has a problem and needs to stop drinking. I can understand your frustration with your friends; an intoxicated person wandering around in the cold is genuinely dangerous (and there have been cases of people freezing to death). But it sounds like they did try to stop Tyler from going out, and if he is intoxicated and “belligerent,” I’m not sure what they were supposed to do – fight him? Physically hold him down? Chase after him? Since you were the only sober one at the party, maybe your other friends were also too intoxicated to make the best decisions, but you seem determined to hold them accountable, but not hold Tyler accountable for his own actions. (Incidentally, why didn’t you follow Tyler out when he first left, if you were also at the party? Were you in another room or something?)

Edit – never mind, I’ve been corrected, you left earlier. I think the only real jerk here is Tyler, and he needs to stop drinking. Your other friends should ban him from parties at this point, it would actually be safer for him.” Thesafflower

“I (23f) live with my fiancé (25M), our 3 kids, and my BIL and his partner. We live in a 3-bedroom 1-bath home. When my BIL and his partner moved in a year ago, it was under the pretense of getting back on their feet since they had just moved back from TX after my BIL’s car got totaled.

The agreement was that they would help with housework, groceries, and the occasional bill if needed, since we were providing everything else: food, water, electric, etc.

After they moved in, it worked out great until around Sept. At which point, everything fell onto me and my fiancé. They became freeloaders in the house.

Now, mind you, the only chores we asked them to do were to keep their area clean and take out the trash. It will help to pay the WiFi bill since it skyrocketed another $200 after they moved in because they are on it with several different devices. I take care of all the housework while my fiancé takes care of bills.

They recently found out they were expecting, and now I’m at my wits’ end as it’s hard enough trying to provide food for two extra mouths, let alone 3.

Especially since they tend to eat literally everything they can find with no regard to it being for the kids. To make matters worse, anytime we allow them to get groceries with our card, they will spend $100 on one dinner, more often than not purchasing something specifically for them and no one else. (Adding excess spices, things the kids won’t eat; my son is autistic and has dietary restrictions.)

WIBTJ, if I asked them to leave after taking care of them for the last year?

Small clarification: BIL and his partner both work. They have been working for about a month after they moved in. At the time, it wasn’t a problem because they were helping.

However, anytime I’ve brought up helping out, it leads to a fight. My fiancé is very much a pushover, and anytime I bring it up to him, he’ll agree and then give in to them being here in order to avoid a fight with his mom. Also, we stopped allowing them access to our foodstamps card because of the fact that they lied about making Alfredo for everyone, causing us to fund their “date night dinner.” The only thing they do to contribute lately is watch the kids for an hour or two so we can go to the store. They both suck at saving money so much that they took a trip to Biloxi just because they wanted out of the area instead of saving.”

Another User Comments:

“I’ll tell you now… the answer is to simply say you cannot afford to have them, and they cannot afford to live there and need to find other means of housing.

I’m doing this for my aunt, who offered to pay the mortgage on a house I had but was contemplating selling off. I told her I didn’t want to be a landlord and didn’t want a dime over my mortgage. Now they call when anything breaks, and I’m out thousands before I can sell. Defend your kids and your sanity. You’re NTJ.” CalmInteraction884

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You should have kicked them out months ago. Why have you put up with this for so long? Either they immediately start pulling their weight with chores & financial contributions or they can get the heck out now.

Check to see if they have any rights where you are; you may need to issue a formal eviction notice. And even if they do miraculously change their ways overnight, you should still be telling them that they need to be out of your home BEFORE that baby is born. They were stupid to get pregnant before having their own place! Clock’s ticking now! It’s time for them to step the heck up & provide for themselves and the baby they are choosing to bring into the world.” MrsSEM84

Another User Comments:

“Start formal eviction RIGHT NOW. They will stall, beg, plead, and then refuse to leave.

If MIL wants to start an issue with your fiancé, MIL can have them at HER place…problem solved! You’ve been more than generous to date. In fact, so generous that they walked all over you and your fiancé. Get them out. If they’re old enough to decide having a kid is a good idea, they’re old enough to provide for themselves and that kid. If you don’t do this now, you will be their provider until you’re 73!” No_Yogurtcloset_1687

“I (23m) am in grad school and I started renting a house with a few other students (all males, some undergrad, some grad). When I first moved in, I admittedly didn’t know roommate etiquette. I hung out around the house in my undergarments and sometimes just a tank top or nothing on top. Before you come at me too hard, I am in shape and it’s how I was raised. I don’t know if it’s a regional thing, but it’s something I picked up from my dad and brothers back home (born and grew up in NY, but my dad is an Aussie).

Anyway, my roommates shut that down pretty fast (within a week of me moving in, lol).

They said that it was too much, and I complied. It admittedly took some getting used to, but I sucked it up because it’s not the end of the world.

Anyway, one of my roommates likes to hang around in pretty short shorts. Most of us in the house are runners (it’s how we met), so that isn’t out of the ordinary. But today he had on what was very clearly boxer shorts—like plaid and everything, in my opinion. I called him out (this guy talked so much smack when I moved in), and he questioned what the big deal was. It turns out that all the shorts he’s been wearing in the house have been boxer shorts; he just hadn’t picked up on it because they were solid colored.

To be fair, he says he did sew the fly closed, but I don’t see why he can walk around in his that while the rest of us have restrictions. Anyway, I brought this up to the rest of the house.

Most of them were against me, saying: 1. I wear briefs, so that’s different; and 2. If none of us noticed, it’s clearly not a big deal. I just think the same rule should be applied to everyone. Either we all have to wear shorts or not. One guy agreed with me (we’ve had conversations about how we don’t like the rule).

Before any of you come for me for wanting to wear the V-shaped undergarments again, we’re all runners. I’ve seen these guys in shorts not much longer than my undergarments. We go for runs shirtless in compression shorts. I don’t see the big deal.

AITJ for calling this hypocrisy out and WIBTJ for just ditching the pants again without waiting for their input?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. This isn’t about the length of the shorts. It’s about how tight they are. It’s kind of wild that you actually need this explained to you. It wouldn’t magically be okay for you to wear boxer-briefs that go down to your knees, because they’d still be able to see the complete outline of your private part.

I don’t know why you’re confused that this isn’t something your roommates want to see, lmao.” Fairwhetherfriend

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. There’s absolutely a difference between briefs and boxer shorts, and also short shorts. Now, if your roommate is wearing those boxer shorts that are skin tight and very nearly briefs (similar to women’s boy shorts), he could be called out for that. But when it comes to most boxer shorts, they’re definitely pretty different than briefs when it comes to being around roommates. So are short shorts. Trying to argue that you should be able to wear briefs around when people are uncomfortable with it is silly.

Also, it’s a bit odd of you to (a) not be aware that walking around in just briefs with roommates who aren’t, like, partner or best friend level, might be weird, and (b) mention that you’re in shape, as if that would make any difference in making people you’re not super close to uncomfortable by walking around in your undergarments.” cheesecup6

Another User Comments:

““I’m in shape” – Bro, no one cares. You can’t be in shared roommate spaces in your tighty whities. It’s clear you think being fit excuses your lack of clothing because you correlate physique with attractiveness and acceptability.

Your attitude shows clearly through this post and your comments; you’re so dismissive and disrespectful. Your roommates don’t want to see your private parts. Wear normal clothes or get your own place. YTJ.” catsweedcoffee

“Last year was really hard for me because I lost my mother to cancer. Then, not even two weeks later, I lost my grandmother to old age/a broken heart. My mom was my best friend. I seriously could tell her anything. My grandma was always like a second mom and would always make sure that I was taken care of (my parents weren’t the richest while growing up). After losing both of them, I spent some time in a mental health clinic because I had a mental breakdown.

Since then, my MIL has been making rude comments about people who are in the hospital for the same thing.

Saying things like “People like that just need to suck it up and stop being so dramatic.” “Those people are just there for meds. Stop giving them meds and they’ll miraculously be better.” There’s worse than that. My stepmom makes comments along the same lines and agrees with MIL every time (they’ve known each other for nearly 15 years and are partners).

Last Friday, we had our weekly family dinner at my dad’s house, where my stepmom, of course, always invites MIL. Long story short, they started making fun of mental illnesses and even tried imitating some of them.

I tried to ignore them by going outside with my dad, but not even a minute later, here they came, saying that I was disrespectful for leaving while they were talking to me. I just snapped and said some horrible things about them (basically calling my stepmom a promiscuous person and my MIL the Devil incarnate). I immediately walked to my husband and said that I’m leaving. If he wants to stay, then stay, but I will not be mocked anymore. He, of course, came home with me, and I even had to stop him from going back and having his own words with his mother (their relationship has always been kind of rocky but has gotten worse since we got married).

Of course, my stepmom started crying to my dad, saying that I was being rude and that she was just being honest about her feelings regarding mental health hospitals.

My dad sent me multiple texts, saying that he raised me better than that and that I needed to apologize for calling his wife a promiscuous person. I refused, and he sent a message saying that I’m no longer welcome in his house until I apologize. I said that was fine, and not to hold his breath waiting for me to apologize to her.

AITJ? Should I apologize just to keep the peace?”

Another User Comments:

“Ask your dad if he expects stepmommy dearest to apologize for mocking the death of your mother and grandmother. Or are you supposed to just allow her to be that dense?

Then tell him he didn’t realize he hated your mother that much. Then say you are going no contact for a while because you no longer know if you even want him as a father. Let your husband deal with MIL, but she would be skating on very thin ice.” Ok_Resource_8530

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. And keep that apology filed under things I won’t say until heck freezes over. You keeping the peace sounds like them expecting you to lick their boots after they wiped said boots with dog doo before you start cleaning them off. They obviously don’t give two bits for your feelings, and it sounds like your dad is more worried about access to his member receptacle than he is about your mental health.

Why bother keeping a peace that is basically like the equivalent of you being the one to get hit over and over again and being expected not to make a noise when their metaphorical fist breaks your nose, and then being expected to apologize for letting them tie you up to do it in the first place before they will even consider granting you access to their presence so they can do this all over again? You know you don’t need to keep putting yourself in those ropes, don’t you?” Candid-Sense-7523

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – So your dad and husband both know you were in the hospital and, since then, have been around when this has happened, and at no point have they stepped in?

Why did it take you blowing up for your husband to grow a pair? Ask your dad why he hasn’t stood up to her about her words or comments at any point. Ask why he hasn’t been a dad to protect his child from someone being evil, but expect you to be the bigger person just because he’s sleeping with her. Tell him to step up as a real father and stop her from bullying his daughter. If he says you are an adult, then say so is she, and you want your child to apologize to a bully.” Ok_Objective8366

“I (27F) hit one year sober (from booze) at the beginning of the year. This was a huge accomplishment for me. It meant more to me than finishing college. I told my family that next time we were together for a family dinner, I had something to celebrate. This all happened at my mom’s. The kids were playing, and the adults were hanging out. I took the moment to share that I’d reached one year sober and how good I felt about it.

They responded, “Oh, that’s what you were talking about,” and “Has it been a year already?”

I am embarrassed to admit that I had hoped someone would say they’re proud of me.

My BIL Steve looked at my sister, and they both said “Well…” at the same time. Then she said, “Since we’re all here, (Niece) just got into (a specific gymnastics thing). It’s been a long road, but she did it!”

Steve popped some wine they had brought and started giving everyone glasses/cups. He made eye contact with me, and his face fell. I had this gnawing feeling, so I got up from the table. I took a walk.

I tried to work through the moment mentally so I could be present for my niece to celebrate her success. But when I got back to the house, my sister asked me why I left without saying anything. I said that I needed a minute to myself.

She looked at me oddly and said, “Okayyyy…”

I said that I’d shared something I was very proud of, but she bulldozed over it. My mom put her hand up and asked me what my news was. I said that I’d told them: I hit one year sober. Mom said that my generation always wanted praise for doing the bare minimum, and that it wasn’t an accomplishment but just what I needed to do, like graduating high school.

I tried to make it through dinner, but I just wasn’t in the mood anymore. I decided to go home.

Here is the direct thing I am being called a jerk for: I’d brought a small berry Chantilly cake (my favorite) to share after dinner. It was the thing I decided I had earned. The kids had definitely seen it. On my way out, I decided to take it home with me.

I guess when they realized that the cake wasn’t in the garage fridge anymore, my sister called to ask me why I took it. I said that I did because it was my cake to celebrate my accomplishment.

She said, word for word, “Are you freaking serious? ... Click here to continue reading