People Have No Filter In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

“I’ve (23F) been away at college, but I still live at home on breaks. I have the majority of my things, bed, etc., in my bedroom at home as my dorm room is very small.

My mom has a habit of taking in troubled kids who need help, which is nice of her. But I got home for break to find out that she had taken in a friend’s teenage son, and he’d been staying in my bedroom while I was gone.

Am I justified for being mad about it? I would have been fine with him staying there if I’d been asked, but it feels like an invasion of my privacy and I’m upset that I was never told about it.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you totally have every right to be upset.

It has been your private space for 23 years now. Your mom should have definitely communicated her plans with you. However, as it is your mother’s home, it’s really within her rights to do what she sees fit with the room. All in all, communication would have been the correct step to keep everyone happy. Maybe share with your mom how the situation made you feel. But also try to remember who pays the bills for your bedroom. And maybe ask her to remove your private things.” AshesAndRoses97

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. You have a right to feel displaced. It’s a reasonable feeling to work through. It’s a big time in your life and that’s been your room forever and is still your part-time room.

And for a lot of college students, their old rooms become their full-time rooms for at least a little bit after college before jobs kick in. But on your mom’s side, she is trying to help and the room is unused a lot. I think you should have a heart-to-heart talk with your mom to get your feelings out instead of letting them build up into unhealthy thoughts.” Formal_Air1697

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, it’s admirable your mom is trying to help troubled kids. Being her home, she has every right, and possibly figured you would be happy that she is helping others. Her house, her space, and all. However, with your belongings there, clearly, since you stay there enough, she could have mentioned it.

Is there not a third room that could be turned into a bedroom for these kids she helps?” JustXampl

“My dad died when I was 12, which was over a decade ago. My parents, who are of different races, both travelled to a foreign country to work, met, fell in love, and so on. Growing up, they never taught me their mother tongue; instead, they raised me to speak the national language of the country, and I learned English from school.

When he passed, however, we moved to his hometown, and although English is widely spoken, people do get angry—upset—that I don’t speak the language. I also look exactly like my dad; I don’t really pass as a mixed kid, whereas my siblings look like both of them equally, and people would immediately know they are mixed, so they aren’t asked as often if they speak the language.

When I used to explain that he simply never taught us; it was never a good enough answer. Random people scolding and berating me became the new norm, and eventually, I just stopped explaining and told them that I was raised by my foreign single mother. Although not a lie, it was not as if he abandoned me as a kid; hence, I never had the chance to learn. He was actually the nicest dad ever, so AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Minority languages are not just about words. They are about a whole culture. Speakers are very protective of their language and culture and see your inability to speak it as a rejection of them. They will instantly soften if you say, “My dad died before he had a chance to teach me.

Can you tell me how to say …” and indicate something around you or give them a phrase to translate. Repeat the word or phrase after them so they can correct your pronunciation if necessary. I am the child of a minority language speaker and have used this technique many times. Shopkeepers know me and are so pleased when I order in their native tongue, even if I completely butcher it. You can start by learning to say, “How do you say?” in the local tongue. All the best to you. I hope you have fun connecting to your father’s roots.” AngryWriterGrr

Another User Comments:

“Maybe a bit, it is a bit sad to talk about your father like this (and you clearly also dislike it yourself).

Just tell them that you weren’t raised there so you didn’t have the chance to learn the language, and if they think it is so important you assume they are willing to teach you?” Naive-Mechanic4683

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re not letting anyone do anything. They’re presumptuous, ignorant jerks. You were raised by a single mother. Why would they be entitled to details of your personal life? I’ve been on the other side, with similar reactions to actually speaking the language(s) when I don’t look as some expect. Jerks are everywhere.” [deleted]

“My ex-husband (we’re separated) gets 2 hours with our son every day. If my son needs to be fed during his time, I make him go into the other room or I take our son into another room. For the first month, he never said anything to me, but I could tell he was annoyed by me doing this.

Yesterday, he finally had a fight with me over it. He said I was being ridiculous since he’d seen me without clothes hundreds of times and that I was purposely cutting into his time with our son.

He wouldn’t leave the room when I asked him to, so I ended up having to feed my son in front of him because he was hungry and crying. He told me today he was going to move back into our home.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“He ‘told you’ he’s moving back in? Nope, nope, nope. He does not have your consent to see any part of your body you don’t want him to see, end of story. Previous consent does not equal current consent. He also does not have your consent to reside in your (not “our”, YOUR) home. Call your lawyer right now. NTJ.

ETA: OP is explaining in the comments that the two hours is “whenever he has the time” and that the dad usually has somewhere else to be so he can’t stay longer.

So it’s clear that OP is not RESTRICTING the dad to a tight 2 hours and then kicking him out. This dad barely makes time for the kid and expects this mom to just let the kid starve because he happened to show up during a time when the kid would inevitably get hungry? I had a baby who REFUSED bottles to the point I had to reduce my work schedule to get home sooner because she was starving even with people constantly trying to bottle-feed her. “Just give him bottles” is easier said than done.” Abba_Zaba_

Another User Comments:

“To everyone saying “just pump in advance.” I just… I can’t explain in a short comment how difficult it is to add pumping to the feeding schedule when you’re feeding a one-month-old on demand.

I started typing it out; it was long. Just. It’s possible, but a huge pain in the behind. And OP shouldn’t have to, when the baby isn’t even away from her. Why should she sit there and watch her baby drink from a bottle? So her ex can feel the scant 2 hours he squeezes into his day is enough time with the baby? It’s nonsense. From her comments, OP isn’t the one restricting the dad to 2 hours; the dad is the one barely making time for his son. And OP shouldn’t subject her baby to confusion and subject herself to discomfort all so this dad can be in the room looking at the baby while he eats. NTJ.” Abba_Zaba_

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but do not let this man back in your home. You have been separated for at least two months; you need to see a lawyer ASAP because in most places, after being separated, regardless of who owns the home, the spouse that left can’t come back in the home while a divorce is processing. He bullied you to get what he wanted – you to not leave while breastfeeding, and then immediately demanded something else. He did this on purpose. I see all the comments about how you should let him have more time when you breastfeed, etc., but that’s not how having children works. Babies nap, babies need to be fed; there isn’t a time clock for actual quality time when visiting.

It also isn’t about the baby; it is about your body and what you want people to see, and you don’t lose that autonomy just because you breastfeed. Sure, next time you can tell him, “I am going to breastfeed and you are welcome to stay longer,” but if he doesn’t want to do that, that is on him. Please get a lawyer and don’t let this guy move back in.” mfruitfly

“I moved in with my current roommates a little over a year ago. They run a landscaping business out of our rented house, so they often work from home. When I moved in, it was agreed that my furniture was nicer, and since they had inherited the previous couch, they didn’t mind getting rid of it.

It didn’t happen right away, but my roommate who has the upstairs bedroom started to occasionally sleep on the couch. I didn’t think too much of it because he often stayed up late watching TV. But slowly, it has ramped up to the point where most nights he sleeps on the couch and doesn’t bother using his room.

It has gotten to the point that when I get home from work or the gym, he’s already posted on the couch and will be there all night.

I feel like I can’t use my couch anymore unless he’s gone. I texted him this morning that I’m now uncomfortable with the situation. He thanked me for telling him and wants to talk about it tonight. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Just use the living room as you normally would. If he’s sleeping or lying on the couch, wake him up and/or ask him to move. If he won’t, sit on his legs. Tell him this is a common living room for doing common area things like reading, watching TV, gathering, etc.

He can sleep in his own room. If he keeps trying to sleep or camp out, then tell him ‘we already discussed this and this is a common area for all of us,’ then turn on the TV, play music, do whatever you were going to do.” Dante2377

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but you’re kind of focusing on the fact that it’s your couch, even though it is in a shared area, so is it reasonable to object? Other issues are hygiene and the use of your couch as his bed, since I doubt he’s putting sheets on it and changing them. That’s reasonable to object to, even if your couch is in a shared area.

But the major issue to me is, if the roommate is camped out on the couch by the time you get home from work and then stays there all evening, basically YOU and the other roommate are being denied the use of a shared area that you pay for.” Constant_Host_3212

Another User Comments:

“You’re NTJ, but I don’t really know what you’re upset about. Is it that the couch he’s on all the time is YOUR couch, or that he’s on any couch every time you turn around? Either way, you’re sharing a house, so if you want to sit on the couch when he’s already on it, just tell him to move over, or to sit up if he’s lying down, to make room for you.

You shouldn’t feel unwelcome in any part of the home or unwelcome to use any piece of furniture.” bbbmine

“My husband and his baby momma have a very, very bad relationship. They have been in a two-year-long court battle because she won’t agree to a child support amount when we are offering her more than the guidelines would require. All that we have asked for in court is a 50/50 arrangement for everything, alternating holidays and just going our separate ways while being able to co-parent. She is extremely high-conflict, and they struggle to plan simple things without arguing over text. It seems like every time they have to interact over holiday plans or even minor schedule changes, she ends up calling my husband all sorts of names and trying to tell him he’s a bad father.

Now, to the real problem, we had my stepson for Christmas, so his mom got to have him on his birthday, and she insisted on having him on his birthday multiple times.

Now, it’s three weeks after his birthday, and she still hasn’t had a party for him. She told him that he can’t have a party this year because she doesn’t have enough money and they will lose their apartment. So, we decided to have a birthday party for him this weekend (our weekend), and he asked if he could invite his mom (mind you, we have never shared any holiday or celebration with her), and we told him no because it’s so small and it’s our weekend, and he had a meltdown about it. I feel like a jerk, but I don’t at the same time. What do y’all think?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This is one of those times where adults have to make the right call, and the kid doesn’t understand because they’re a kid. And that’s in some ways good. It means that you’ve done enough to protect your stepson that he doesn’t understand adult matters yet. Unfortunately, I can tell you that some eight-year-olds would understand perfectly why mom can’t come to their party, and that’s not great. But both happily and unhappily, your stepson is just acting like a typical kid. He wants his mom at his birthday party just like any kid.

It’s important to him like it would be for any eight-year-old. He doesn’t understand the dynamics that make that an unhealthy choice. And likely, he’s stressed about his mom losing her apartment. What eight-year-old knows how to deal with mom telling them they can’t have a birthday party because they might be homeless soon? It’s really not surprising that he didn’t react well. That doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice. I think it’s more of a sign of how difficult this situation is for the kid, and possibly that he might need additional support right now, especially with his mom facing housing insecurity. He might need Dad to talk to him about that and reassure him.” CrewelSummer

Another User Comments:

“Sorry, but ESH. Mom sounds like a nightmare, but a child can’t take that on for you. If he asks for his mom to be somewhere for him, you have to suck it up and try to get her there. It can never seem like an either-or situation because that’s too hard a choice for a child to have to make. Sadly, this will be true no matter what she does, so it has to be a factor in your decision to be a part of this family. Her well-being and presence in her child’s life become your business forever if you take this on.

Because the child will suffer if his mother does. Good luck – a fellow stepmom.” Many_Worlds_Media

Another User Comments:

“INFO: Do you guys generally have separate birthday celebrations for him? Because from the way you wrote this, it sounds like he got one party in previous years, and that’s the one his mom throws for him – and you are not invited to that? Generally, I would say that supporting him means doing things you are not comfortable with, or that don’t seem ‘fair,’ but that are for his benefit and you can tolerate for one day/afternoon. In this case, it might mean being clear with him that his mom and dad do not get along well and that you guys are afraid that if she is there, there will be a fight and it will ruin the party.

Then, leave it up to him if he is willing to risk that. There are no perfect choices here, and if you need to stick to the ‘no’ because you guys are not comfortable with that risk, well, he’s going to be a little heartbroken no matter what happens, isn’t he?” animaniactoo

“I (33F) have been seeing my partner (40M) for about three months. Recently, our city’s football team won a big game. We had a great time celebrating with friends at a bar, and were generally very happy about the win!

Later that night, I opened up IG and saw my partner had posted a story. The first story was nothing big, but then I clicked to the second story.

It was a video through his front house window of a woman in the opposing team’s jacket before the game doing a TikTok dance saying “Before the game…” And then the next story was all of us screaming and cheering at the bar when our team won saying “After the game.”

I understand the idea behind what he was doing and know he personally isn’t creepy or trying to be weird – but watching the video of the girl made me feel so uneasy and odd.

I was really uncomfortable that he filmed someone through his window. It didn’t sit right.

So I called him. I said, “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that video could be seen as creepy. Imagine if someone recorded me through a window?”

He said, “Ummm, okay,” and then not much else. We hung up and he didn’t say anything to me the rest of the night. He texted me this morning saying he was upset.

I’m not sure how to feel in this situation. The video made me super uncomfortable, but I do know he didn’t mean it from a creepy place because he really isn’t that guy.

So I don’t know…. AITJ in this situation?”

Another User Comments:

“Don’t film people without their consent and post it to social media. What your partner did was creepy and not cool and honestly, a 40-year-old should know better. Just, don’t film random women from INSIDE YOUR HOUSE WHERE THEY CAN’T SEE YOU FILMING and then post it to social media. That’s not chill and you made a great point by suggesting that he would not like someone filming you without your knowledge and posting to social media. NTJ, thank you for holding your partner accountable and I hope he thinks twice about posting in the future.” CardInternational753

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here, this is one of those arguments that’ll never really get resolved because there’s the end that staunchly defends the ‘no expectation of privacy in public’ argument and there’s the other side that thinks recording anyone without consent is just wrong.

I am not down to record people without their knowledge; I just think it’s gross and invasive even if we’re in public. But I do understand that the expectation of privacy in public is nonexistent. I would be angry if I found a video of myself in public online without ever having consented to be recorded, but I know I’d have no ground to stand on in getting it taken down because it was recorded in a public space. This comes down to more personal morality and which side of the line you fall on and how okay you are with others doing something different than what you see as morally acceptable. To me, this would be gross and I would have reacted in a similar way to you, but I know for others it’s a nonissue. I don’t think either of you is a jerk from an objective standpoint. Subjectively? I’d say NTJ but that’s entirely a personal choice.” alienhag

Another User Comments:

“Why do people in the comments not get that just because someone is recording themselves in public does not give others permission to record them? People consent to themselves and only themselves to record when they set up a camera specifically for that purpose. They do not automatically consent to you doing so when you record them. Jesus, people have gotten too comfortable with their phones. I think it’s tacky to do TikTok dances in public, but that doesn’t mean someone should have their privacy violated.

‘She was probably planning to post it anyway!’ Oh yeah? Did you ask her? Did you clarify with her that she was planning on making a video of her dancing in public and not on a private account with trusted people? ‘She was in public dancing anyways so I doubt she would mind having it in a public video.’ Videos can have a lot more reach than real life. I feel like I’m going insane in these comments.” ASimpleRopsberry

“My parents divorced when I was a kid. I’m 43 (female) and the second of 4 siblings. After my dad officially left, he secretly remarried and met me at a café to tell me, as I’d always been his “favorite.” I broke the news to my mom, and while she didn’t show it, I know it hurt her.

From then on, my mom raised us on her own, with my dad supporting us financially. When I turned 19, my dad gave me a job at the family business, even though I didn’t want it.

I wasn’t great at managing money, and since I lived with my mom and didn’t have to pay any bills, I spent my salary on travel, luxury, and designer clothes.

My older sister got pregnant young and single. My parents basically raised her daughter as their own and took all the responsibility off her. She lived at home with her daughter, and we all shared the babysitting duties. Then, a few years later, my younger sister, Mona, also got pregnant while young and single. The baby’s father was younger than her, unemployed, and aimless. She stayed with us, too, and eventually, he moved in.

By then, our house was packed—7 women under one roof—and I was 22.

I decided to carve out my own space, but moving out alone wasn’t socially acceptable where we live, so I remodeled a room into a mini-apartment. A few years later, during a work trip, I reconnected with a close friend, fell in love, and got engaged after two months. We married a year later, and although my parents didn’t offer to help with the wedding, I paid for their flights and hotel so they could attend.

Fast forward 17 years: I’m now married with three wonderful kids, living in a comfortable house in a nice area. My relationship with Mona was never super close, but it was good enough. She often said my friends were too snobby and that I was superficial.

Anyway, a couple of years ago, during my mom’s birthday party, my dad made an inappropriate comment about my 10-year-old daughter’s body. My husband and I were shocked. I called Mona for advice, but she ignored me. When I brought it up with my mom, she defended Mona’s decision to avoid us, saying Mona was struggling as a single mom of two kids by different fathers and didn’t need the stress of seeing my family’s “success.”

From that point, things got worse. My family began pulling away. They stopped answering my calls, and visits to my mom’s house became rare. My dad and I still had an okay relationship, but when I invited my parents to celebrate my daughter’s 15th birthday, I received a text meant for my mom where my dad said, “I’ll tell Jane I’m sick, so I’m not going.” That broke me.

I blocked my entire family after that: my parents, Mona, and my youngest sister.

It hurt, especially since we threw Mona’s eldest daughter a lavish 15th birthday party years ago, but my daughter didn’t even get a visit from them.

Am I wrong for cutting ties with them? The Bible says to honor your parents, but I feel like I don’t even know mine anymore.”

Another User Comments:

“Why did you not reply back? Obviously not his favorite if he’s making rude remarks about your daughter and then pretends he’s unwell to avoid seeing your family for your daughter’s birthday. You are not the favorite, my dear! NTJ. Just keep your distance, and if they want a relationship, then they can call or text you.

You need to unblock them and see how it goes.” Even_Video7549

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. What I’m reading here is that through your own efforts, you were able to carve out a fulfilling life for yourself. Congrats. You earned it, and you should be proud. That being said, not everyone will feel that way. That’s on them, not you. If your bio family don’t want to keep up regular contact, then that’s also on them, not on you. If they need your help someday, then you’ll be the one who’ll have to decide if you want to help people who treated you so poorly. Frankly, I wouldn’t.” Srvntgrrl_789

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

It’s called self-preservation. You are protecting yourself, your husband, and your children from the harsh, negative, and jealous attitudes and feelings of your family. They made certain choices during the course of their lives that have lifelong consequences. You made different choices because you wanted a different life, and have led a life different from theirs—one that they are apparently extremely jealous of—and blame you for it. That your mom is also siding with your sister tells me that your mom has been holding a grudge and is probably bitter about her own situation as well. You are better off this way. Even though their attitudes and actions are incredibly hurtful, it is probably best for you to cut them off now instead of allowing them to continue to play with you and your children’s feelings. Remember: People treat you like they don’t care; believe them. Also, never let your heart be so forgiving that it gets comfortable with disrespect.” 1moreKnife2theheart

“My (29F) mother (60F) and I went on a holiday to visit my brother who has moved overseas.

Even before the trip, I was feeling very overwhelmed with her taking control of the entire trip. She would ask if I wanted her to buy something for the trip, like shampoo or a book. I would say no, but she would buy it anyway; that sort of thing. This is something she does a lot, and my siblings and my partner have noticed it as well.

Once we were on the trip and spending every little bit of time together, I began feeling even more overwhelmed and anxious about multiple little things.

These are some:

1. Her insistence that I put my toothbrush away “in case the hotel staff cleaned the toilet with it,” and when I said no, she packed away all of my toiletries.

2. After trying on clothes in the changing room and deciding against it, she asked if I wanted her to put the clothes away. When I said no because I was changing, she opened the curtain to the changing room (while I was half-dressed) and tried to grab the clothes to put them away. She got upset with me for raising my voice at her and snapping that I would put them away as I was changing.

3. We went to a show and I ordered popcorn, but I got the wrong type.

I told her I was going to change it at the bar. She offered to do it. I said, “No, I can handle it.” She came with me, and when we got to the bar, she talked over me and made a big scene with the bar staff about the wrong type of popcorn. I spoke to her about this and said that she needed to let me do things for myself, to which she responded, “Stop talking to me like I’m a child.”

The final kicker was when we were trying to find a venue and I was following the map on my phone. I realized we were going the wrong way and started saying, “I don’t think this is the right–” when she interrupted to say, “Let’s just keep going and see.” When I called her out for interrupting me, she said, “Well, what you were saying wasn’t important.” We continued walking the wrong way for another 15 minutes before we ran into some strangers.

She asked for directions from them, and they told her exactly what I was trying to say. I didn’t speak with her for the rest of the night.

I told her the next morning that I was changing my flight to go home a week early. When she asked me why, I told her that she wasn’t letting me have my own autonomy, that I was a 30-year-old woman (soon) and I needed to be trusted to handle things on my own. I told her that I was feeling overwhelmed and anxious, and she told me that I was being oversensitive. I told her that by saying this, she was dismissing my feelings and that it wasn’t fair.

She said she couldn’t help that she was hardwired to think a certain way and asked if I wanted her to change her brain and the way she thinks. I said yes.

So, AITJ for leaving my holiday early?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for leaving, but the fact that is how you’re going to solve the problem says a lot. I would go off on my own for a week and then fly home as scheduled. You would show her you can survive on your own, get to finish your vacation, and save your sanity at the same time. There’s something pouty about going home. She sounds like a really annoying travel partner.

Is she like that at home too?” IHaveBoxerDogs

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your mom sounds exhausting, like she’s micromanaging every single thing you do and then dismissing your feelings when you try to set boundaries. That’s not okay. You’re a grown adult and deserve to be treated like one, not like a child who can’t handle basic tasks. Leaving early sounds like the healthiest option for your sanity. She might be ‘hardwired’ to behave this way, but that doesn’t mean you have to put up with it. Hopefully, this sends a message that she needs to respect your autonomy. Good for you for standing up for yourself.” SarahWaatson

Another User Comments:

“NTJ!

Your mother is clearly overly controlling. And it finally got to you and you’d had enough. You needed to get away from her. As others have said, I probably would have wanted to stay and extend my vacation. However, if you were sharing a room with her, I can understand why that would be impossible. You might have gotten a different room at the same hotel and done your own thing. Your mother is very controlling and doesn’t respect your independence. I’m guessing this didn’t just start on the trip. I think you probably need to go low contact with her for a while. When she brings it up, just explain that you’re tired of her controlling ways and you’re not going to tolerate them anymore. Also, you’re not going to tolerate her dismissing your feelings. Your feelings are as important as hers. And then, when you are in contact with her, stop her each time she tries to control you. React immediately. She won’t like it, and she’ll probably put you down for it, but stand your ground. Also, use the low-contact and no-contact method of enforcing your boundaries. She’ll either get the idea or she won’t have much contact with you. She can say that’s how she is all she likes, but she’s a human being and humans can change. She’s just used to doing things her way and doesn’t like the idea of having to do it differently. I’m sorry your trip was ruined.” Critical_Armadillo32

“My mom wants me to go to therapy to talk about issues with my stepdad. My stepdad has shown some toxic behaviors and gets really upset if he feels he or his friends are called out or if we aren’t “fun” and light. Basically, he keeps it very surface-level. Anything that could be seen as controversial is a no-go for him.

One night, I went out to dinner with my mom, stepdad, my cousin, and her partner. My stepdad started getting frustrated with the host because our table was taking a while. He said “What the heck, she is so freaking (slur).” He said it loud enough for her to hear.

I was immediately surprised, and my knee-jerk reaction was to say “Don’t say that.” After I said that, he got really upset and started yelling at me. He got really close to my face, staring me in the eyes and saying “Screw you,” then called me a jerk, and said that I think of myself way higher than other people. He added that I’m too woke for my own good and that he’s never going to stop using that word. I was shaken! All of us were shocked. I felt horrible and embarrassed and didn’t feel comfortable being there anymore, so I said I was going to leave and take an Uber home because I rode with them. My mom had no problem with that.

He then said that he was going to leave, and my mom started freaking out, saying “No, no, no, you can’t leave; you’d better not leave,” and threatening him if he did leave. She now thinks that I was the one to start it by saying “Don’t say that.” She said that I antagonized him and embarrassed him by calling him out and that I should apologize and try to repair the relationship. I believe he said something offensive, and when I called him out, he got mad at me and treated me terribly. I haven’t wanted to be around him since this happened.

He has never addressed it or apologized for anything, and this happened two years ago.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, this behavior sounds very abusive! The aggressiveness? The sensitivity to being called out? Threatening your mom by leaving her? It’s understandable that you want to distance yourself from your stepdad. I can see why your mother would want to fix the issue (seeing as she’s being threatened and manipulated too), but after being the victim of such aggressive behavior, you have the right to refuse that, in my opinion. You don’t have to go to therapy with your mom if you don’t want to, especially since she’s siding with your stepdad.

Not only that, but the fact that she’s proposing that the two of you go instead of him makes it look like she believes that the issue lies with you instead of with your stepdad. Although I can’t fully claim that, of course.” floower_thoughts

Another User Comments:

“NTJ… Although, I would think about what you want out of this relationship and if you feel some things need to be talked out. In my opinion, your stepfather was definitely aggressive and wrong here, and your mom is putting too much on you. She likely knows he is in the wrong, but it sounds like he is pretty unreasonable and aggressive toward your mom as well, so she’s trying to avoid conflict and, in turn, demanding that you also put up with abuse to keep the peace.

For what it’s worth, I think a therapist would be on your side, so to speak, and could help start some healthy communication, which likely won’t be possible if you all sit on your own. And consider that the alternative is probably going to be low to no contact with both your stepdad and mom (and this will likely put distance between you and other family members as well). It’s unfair, but unless you’re ready to commit to low contact with your mother as well, I might give therapy a shot. Frankly, I feel like your stepdad will resist therapy and will probably have a blow-up at the session, if he even attends, which will at least allow you to say you tried your best and then it’s on them.” That_UsrNm_Is_Taken

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but if you want to have a better relationship with your mom in the future, it might help.

Being able to talk about the hurt you felt with an experienced third party might help her see reason and seek your forgiveness. For what it’s worth, my mom has been married many times and has also brought her partners home. She always latched on to their weird habits and beliefs and forced us all to put up with it. Thankfully, I never had an experience as severe as the one you described, but I can relate. I still have a good relationship with her today, though.” artichoke313

“I (21f) have been seeing “Ryan” (not his real name) (24m) for 1 month now. We’ve been having fun. We met at work, although he has since found a new job. So far, he’s been nice and very generous.

Yesterday afternoon/evening, we went to a football watch party together at one of his friends’ houses. This was the first time I was going to hang out with a group that was primarily his friends rather than a mixed group or just one-on-one, so I was a little nervous. I like sports, though. I find it relaxing since I grew up in a family with a lot of guys who were into sports, so once we settled in, I started to relax and sat down on the couch.

After a little bit, I had a beer, and a cat came over and snuggled up against me.

I started to get really sleepy and, without thinking, I just kind of curled up on the couch and fell asleep. It wasn’t really a conscious choice… Just no one was really engaging me in conversation, and I just tipped over.

Next thing I know, “Ryan” is shaking me, extremely upset and yelling at me for falling asleep. I apologized and just said that I was really comfortable and got sleepy; I didn’t mean to upset anyone. He said that it was really rude of me and that I was being a bad guest. Then he said, “If you were just going to sleep, then why the heck did you even bother to come?”

We were surrounded by all of his friends, and being yelled at like that is honestly really triggering to me, and my eyes started to tear up.

Before I could start to cry in front of everyone, I got up and ran into the bathroom.

He knocked on the door a bunch as I was trying to calm down. He tried apologizing through the door and said I was overreacting, but I just stayed in there until my Uber came and I went home. He blew up my phone all night since then, and I told him we’d talk about it later. I’ve been dodging his calls today, though, because I’m still really embarrassed about it and can’t face him.

Was I really being that rude? I didn’t think anyone even noticed I was there anyway. Even if I was being rude, I still don’t feel I deserved being yelled at.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Falling asleep during a football game isn’t the end of the world. It’s not as if this was a get-to-know-you dinner and you fell asleep. The purpose of the gathering was to watch the game. That being said, you stated that no one was interacting with you. Did you try to interact with them? Ryan’s reaction was completely out of line. Not only did he yell and swear at you, but he did it in front of his friends. As far as being a bad guest goes, I’d rather have a guest fall asleep than throw a tantrum. Ryan has shown you who he is… believe him.” Consistent-Leopard71

Another User Comments:

“100% NTJ.

I’m shocked that some of the comments are saying he’s a jerk, but it was still weird or rude to fall asleep. I’d think it was kind of amusing, cute, or funny if I looked over and a guest had cuddled up and dozed off with my pet. The cat obviously knew you were the best person in that room. It’s a fricken football game, and you’re on a couch, not sprawled out under a table at a restaurant or something. Sometimes a drink makes you sleepy. Good riddance to him, and I hope his friends thought he was a jerk.” Looneygalley

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But he really sure is.

Yes, you probably shouldn’t have fallen asleep since you don’t know the surroundings very well and something could have happened, you never know, especially if you don’t know the friends that well. But he shouldn’t have yelled at you for falling asleep; also, it’s not the worst thing in the world. You fell asleep—it happens—but he’s the jerk, not you. You do not deserve to be yelled at for falling asleep; that’s absolutely absurd and disgusting that he would yell. Please don’t be embarrassed. I understand how it can be embarrassing being yelled at by your partner, but also he should be embarrassed and ashamed for yelling at you for something so small. I’m so sorry though—you deserve so much better than him!” Eveyy77777

“I, 32 M, have been married to my wife Natalie, 30 F, for 4 years now. We have been living together with our 2 cats, Viktor and Warwick, since. The cats were mine before we got together, both of which I named after my favorite video game. Well, since Nat and I have been living together, she has been begging for a dog. Nat grew up with a Golden Retriever which she adored, and she had been pleading for us to get one. I was hesitant at first. I’ve never been much of a dog guy and I was unsure how the cats would react to having a dog around.

Well, this Christmas, as a late Christmas gift, I caved and surprised Nat with a Retriever puppy. I gave her permission to name the dog anything she wanted.

She chose Witch (but with a B).

She said it’d be funny, and she’d always thought naming a female dog “Witch” was comical. I found it less funny. Not only would vets look down on us, but every Sunday, Nat and I babysit the neighbour’s kids, 8 F and 6 M. What do we say when the kids ask about the fact the dog would have a collar with “Witch” on it? I thought it was stupid and told her no. She told me I had just said she could name the dog, which is true, but I said I paid for the dog and should at least approve the name.

It’s our dog, after all. She said I was a jerk for taking away the freedom to name the puppy. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Seriously, I am the last person to judge swearing, I’m Australian and I swear like one. But that is absolutely dumb as heck. It’s not appropriate on so many levels. Even outside of the vet and the neighbours – what about when she takes the dog for a walk or goes to the dog park? Is she really going to just call out to “Witch”? Does she honestly think no one is ever going to say something? Eventually, you’re gonna get some disgruntled parent coming up to ask why the heck you’re calling out “Witch” in front of their kids.

There’s a time and place and this is not it.” imamage_fightme

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Don’t people recommend giving dogs a name that’s 2 syllables because they find it easier to recognize? Or did I make that up? Regardless, this is trashy. The neighbours won’t appreciate their kids learning this word at your house and probably won’t want you sitting anymore. I think most people would probably find the name in poor taste and just think your wife is weird, not funny. I remember vetoing naming a dog of ours “Buddy,” because I inevitably call all dogs “buddy” sometimes regardless of what their name is, so the dog can still be called “buddy” sometimes while having a proper name.

Your wife could name this dog anything and still call her “Witch” sometimes as an affectionate nickname if she really wants to. This dog is part of the family now, so names should probably be treated at least somewhat similarly to naming kids. A name requires two yeses and can’t move forward if there’s one no, especially a no as strong as this one.” CrimsonKnight_004

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for putting your foot down. Not just the vet – your wife just wants attention. She wants the reaction every time she tells someone the dog’s name. This isn’t about the dog; it’s about her getting more attention.

Not only that. God forbid something happens and this dog goes missing – imagine the lost dog fliers and messages. Not a single person will take you seriously. Vets and groomers are all going to judge you. You’re going to be that couple where friends are like “these are our friends…yeah, the ones with the dog I told you about.” YTJ for marrying a teenager, though. Because I refuse to believe a grown adult is this obtuse.” Carrie_Oakie

“I (32F) live in NYC. I recently moved into a small building, three stories, 6 apartments in total. My apartment is a ground-floor unit. Since moving in, a neighbor (40F and 40M) has been storing their large stroller in front of my front door, which poses problems every time I have to come and go from my apartment. It is also against fire code and explicitly forbidden in the building’s leases. The stroller is there every day, unless their kid (3M) decides he doesn’t want to walk.

One day when I heard them leaving it there, I introduced myself and politely told them that leaving their stroller there was causing me issues and that it was against the city’s fire code, and I asked them to no longer keep their stroller in front of my front door.

The 40F neighbor gave me excuses that they live on the third floor, but the 40M neighbor straight up raised his voice at me while I was holding my infant daughter. The woman said, as a compromise, she’d fold the stroller when leaving it in front of my door.

As time went on, the stroller was never folded up and continued to block my door. As it is against fire code and explicitly forbidden in the lease, I decided to reach out to property management for help resolving this issue. I just want to be able to safely come and go from my apartment.

The day the property management enforced this on these neighbors, the 40F neighbor rang my doorbell and proceeded to refuse to speak to me, and then called her mother.

Her mother then berated me on speakerphone and said I should have spoken to them first, ignoring me when I said I did. She then kind of threatened me, saying I “complained about the wrong people.” I was stunned and couldn’t believe this was happening. All I could muster was insisting that it is against fire code and that no one gets to break fire code.

I am baffled by this behavior. I found it to be a bizarre confrontation, and I didn’t know adults could act this way. I’ve never had issues with neighbors before.

I have a child younger than theirs and empathize with their situation, but their kid is massive and can walk.

They could just have an umbrella stroller, like I do. I just wanted access to my front door. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Tell them that they’ll be liable for the cost of treating your injuries and health care if you leave the house and trip over it. Take a picture. If there’s an apartment manager, report it to them via email so there is a paper trail that you’ve told them to move it. I did this with a neighbor who let their dog run rampant in the building despite rules to carry or leash dogs in all common areas. I told the building manager and neighbor that if I tripped and fell because the dog was running loose under my feet, I would hold them liable and sue the building, building manager, and neighbor for personal damages and health care costs.

It stopped pretty quickly.” bevymartbc

Another User Comments:

“”I have made a polite & perfectly reasonable request. In the future, I will not be so polite.” Hang up on them the first time they yell or even a wee little bit rude. Every time. Shut the door in their face with the same conditions & consequences. If you find it outside your door again, or rather, when you find it, put it outside and deny all knowledge of where it might have gone and how it might have gotten there. Every time.” PdxPhoenixActual

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Don’t even think about it. Each and every single time that stroller is in front of your door, take a picture and send it to property management along with the date and time.

If/when they ring your doorbell, be prepared to record it before you open the door. Record the whole thing, and send it to property management. Involve the police and the court system. It is not your problem that they live on the 3rd floor and don’t want to take the stroller upstairs. Want to really anger them? Put a For Sale sign on it, $75 OBO.” AtlJazzy2024

“I (20F) am a junior in college and I am graduating in May of 2026, hopefully to northern Virginia where I am from. I have a younger brother (17M) who I am very close to. My parents are retiring and moving to Florida within the next two or so years, meaning my brother will not have a home base in Virginia where we are from. He plans to go to school in Virginia too, but with my parents gone, there isn’t anywhere for him to stay for winter or summer breaks.

My family discussed possible solutions to this problem, the most reasonable one being that I would look for a two-bedroom apartment after graduation, and my parents would cover my brother’s half until he graduates college and gets his own place.

This way, he can stay in Virginia, I have an apartment, and my parents can move to Florida.

The issue is my brother and I have very different ideas of what it means to be “clean”. I am the kind of person to have everything in its place and organized exactly how I want it like an infomercial. My brother, being the teenage boy he is, does not see it this way. His room (IMO) is a complete mess—clothes everywhere, old cups and food rotting on his table, scattered items on the floor and chair, etc. I can barely see the floor most days. He also has a hoarding problem. He, of course, sees no issue with this, and I had to explain to him that the black stuff growing on the shower curtain is NOT NORMAL.

I’ve never been tested, but I probably have some degree of OCD, and just looking at our shared bathroom when I come home from college makes me want to break down. I told him that if we are going to live together, he cannot have his room like this and he has to keep his areas of the home clean and at least somewhat up to my standards. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it cannot be what it is now.

My parents are telling me that I am being unreasonable and that he has the right to live the way he does now because he will have his own room (even though I would be the one with my name on the lease).

I love my brother dearly, and I want to find a solution, but I simply cannot live with him if he plans to live like this. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your parents are right and wrong. Yes, your brother would have his own room, but he also would have access to the rest of the apartment including the bathroom and kitchen. Would it not be just as simple to have your parents give the speech to your brother, ‘You NEED TO LIVE LIKE AN ADULT and clean up after yourself’? There are schools in Florida if he doesn’t like it, or he can take his breaks down there if he is not willing to meet a bare minimum in cleanliness.

The choice obviously is yours, and slight OCD or not, it seems your brother has offered no desire to clean up his act (pun intended).” catskilkid

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your parents had one job to do, train you to make it on your own by age 18, and you’re doing wonderfully with that. In no way, shape, or form is there a familial obligation to a sibling; only your parents have an obligation to your brother, for you he’s just a sibling, you don’t have to put up with jack crap. My brother used to beat the crap out of me every day, a year older, 100 lb heavier, and a foot taller, and my parents didn’t stop it because they figured, ‘Let the boys settle it.’ I do not care for my brother either.

So just say no, they can find some other situation with a family friend independent of you and say you do not want to be part of the solution, especially if you’re paying your own way.” R0ck3tSc13nc3

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Tell your parents and him that yes, he has a right to live the way he wants in his own home or their home, but he doesn’t have the right to live like that in your home. That leaves your parents with one of two choices; they rent him an apartment on his own or they stay another year and parent their child. You are too young to become his parent anyway, and he is too old to want you to.

He will be rebelling every step of the way until your relationship is destroyed.” wlfwrtr

“I have a pair of slides that I keep by the door to run in and out or to wear around the house. They are relatively cheap, but I want to keep them nice for as long as possible.

Over the summer, I realized that my husband had also been wearing them on occasion and had even worn them in the pool. I usually don’t have an issue sharing, but his feet are obviously larger than mine, so my toes now hang over the toe of the shoe because they have been stretched out, and in addition, it took three days for the shoes to dry out after he wore them in the pool.

I asked him not to wear them again after the pool.

And he has worn them at least twice since. He put them on tonight to run out to the car in the snow, and I just flat-out told him no. He was on the phone and told me I was demanding and rude, then went outside barefoot. Well, I waited to confront him about it until he was off the phone. He laughed about it and dismissed me, but said he would work on it. I said, “No, I need confirmation that you will not do it again.” And he refused to say he wouldn’t do it again. He said I was being controlling for asking him to just never do it again instead of “trying to do better.” He even went so far as to look up the cost of the shoes. He doesn’t get that it’s not really about the shoes; it’s just about taking care of each other’s things. I wouldn’t expect him to be okay with me repeatedly mistreating something of his, so why should I be okay with it?

So am I being demanding/controlling? Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“No NTJ. It’s not unreasonable to expect him to respect your things. If he wants something to wear to the pool he can get his own slides, maybe buy him a cheap pair in his own size. I DO think the fact that he has done this repeatedly despite knowing it bothers you is kind of a jerk move on his part.

It takes very little effort for him to just not wear your shoes. Being willing to disregard your feelings about something when he doesn’t personally view it as a problem you should care about is really inconsiderate, and that’s the bigger issue at hand.” Reddit User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. “He said I was being controlling for asking him to just never do it again instead of ‘trying to do better.'” Sometimes doing better is to stop doing the thing. ‘Don’t destroy and damage my shoes’ is not abusive. You’re right that it’s ultimately not about the shoes, but the lack of care and consideration for something that bothered you.

Instead of listening, he dismissed you and laughed at you. You’ve already asked him not to wear your shoes and he did anyway – so what exactly is the point of just asking him to do better? He’s an adult and this isn’t an accident – it’s a choice he’s making. And he wants to be coddled like a child with this ‘try to do better’ nonsense? It’s normal to not wear someone else’s shoes! How many times does he expect you to say ‘try to do better’ when he’s already ignored your reasonable request? Three? Four? Five? Forever? Instead of examining his behavior – destroying your shoes – he’s turning it around to criticize you for not being a doormat. Again, he’s an adult; why does he need practice to get it right that he shouldn’t wear and destroy your shoes?” Kettlewise

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. My partner recently wore a pair of my favorite wool socks and tore little holes in them since his feet are way bigger than mine. When I came home and saw him wearing them, I got pretty upset and cried (lol, it had been a long day and I’m picky about socks), but he immediately took them off, apologized profusely, and I could tell he felt terrible. He apologized like six more times, told me he’d never wear my socks again, and then bought me three new pairs of wool socks from the same brand.

In my opinion, that’s how it should have been handled the first time he wore them in the pool and stretched them out.” Tomorrow_Bunny222

“I’ve been staying at a hostel for a few days now, and there are six people in one room. Everyone is respectful and quiet at night. However, a couple of nights ago one of the six forgot his key when he went to the bathroom at 6 AM, so he came back and knocked on the door, waking most of us up.

I opened the door for him, but told him he can’t knock like that at 6 AM. It’s one thing if he knocks quietly—which still isn’t good; he should go down to the front office to get a new key.

It’s his problem. Knocking quietly means that if someone is already awake, they can open it for him, but he knocks loudly to ensure that someone will open the door for him.

Anyway, give him the benefit of the doubt on that one. But then, last night at 3 AM he knocked again, waking most of us up, including me. It usually takes me about an hour to fall asleep, so I was very annoyed. I opened the door and told him not to do that so late at night and that I wasn’t going to let him in. I said he has to go to the front desk to get a key. He said, “what the heck,” but I guess he knew he was in the wrong and that I wouldn’t budge, so he went and got a new key.

We saw each other a couple of times and didn’t say anything, but I just want to know, was I a jerk, was I too harsh?

Should I have let him in, maybe with another warning?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If you ignored him, he might’ve just continued knocking until someone else let him in. If he gets let in—that’s rewarding his foolishness and he’ll continue to do that night after night. Ultimately, I think you did the right thing; it was just awkward and messy all around. He was totally in the wrong for disturbing everyone else to solve his own irresponsibility problem.” TrainingDearest

Another User Comments:

“ESH. That’s hostel life: people with or without keys waking you up. If you can’t handle that, rent a single room in a hostel or get a hotel room.

I agree that it’s super annoying, but realistically, even if he had a key, he would have woken you up by entering, the door slamming, etc.” Momadvice1982

Another User Comments:

“ESH. He’s a jerk for this, but you’re a jerk for opening the door and still not just letting the guy into the room. If you have such a hard time sleeping, get a private room or don’t stay at a hostel. And I’m saying this as someone who backpacked for months and stayed in them. That’s the price you pay for having very cheap accommodations.” redplainsrider

“I (28f) am not close with my mom (53f). I have been low contact with her from the time I turned 18.

She has been trying to mend our relationship, and it seems genuine, so I’ve been more medium contact with her.

I recently got engaged and my soon-to-be mother-in-law offered to make my dress. She is a wonderful seamstress.

I had booked some appointments to try on dresses to find out what styles I liked. I was only able to bring 3 people with me. I invited my sister, my soon-to-be mother-in-law, and my fiancé’s sister.

The appointments went well, and I was able to tell my mother-in-law what I wanted for my dress.

My mom later found out that I did a dress try-on day, and didn’t invite her.

She was really upset, but I explained to her that MIL is making my dress, my fiancé’s sister was translating (my MIL only speaks Spanish, and I only speak English), and my sister is my best friend.

My mom said she understood and was excited to see pictures, and I explained to her what I was going to get.

Fast forward a few days. I went over to my dad’s (49m) house (my parents are divorced) for dinner. My brother (30m) and his wife (35f) (SIL) were there.

My brother and SIL are close with my mom, and I guess my mom complained to them about not being invited to my dress try-on day.

SIL told me I was a huge jerk for not inviting my mom.

She said it is something for mothers and daughters. I explained I could only invite 3 people, and she knew my MIL was making my dress. But she said it didn’t matter and I should have invited my mom instead of my sister. She said she would have been furious if her daughter did the same to her. My niece is 5.

Now, she knows I’m not close with my mom. And my brother was full no contact with our mom for 5 years. So I don’t understand why my SIL is so adamant about this.

While my SIL tore into me, my stepmom (51f), who usually takes my side in matters involving my mom, didn’t say anything.

This made me think I really did cross a line.

So am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I think your SIL overstepped her boundaries. Trying on your wedding dress is traditional for mothers and daughters. But it doesn’t have to be. It’s for you and whoever makes you feel the most comfortable and safe. If your mother isn’t the person you want there, for whatever reason, then that’s okay. Your stepmom probably was trying to stay out of the argument. Whether that’s because she didn’t feel like it was her place, or because she agreed, or because she didn’t want to get your sister-in-law more riled up, who knows.

It’s also possible your stepmom is feeling some feelings because she doesn’t get to do this with a daughter. And that’s okay too. But you had your reasons, and they were good reasons. If you’re confident then stick with that.” Wise-Matter9248

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. When a relationship is being repaired, you don’t get to jump steps. You and your mom are supposed to be fixing your relationship. But it’s not at the mother-daughter relationship level of wedding dress shopping. Mending relationships takes time and boundaries shouldn’t be pushed because they feel bad or like they missed out. They missed out because of their own mistakes and now they have to make up for them.

And that means missing moments. BTW, I think your niece probably won’t be inviting her mom to dress shopping. Because she’s saying she’d be upset at a five-year-old’s imaginary future wedding? That’s ridiculous. That’s how selfish people talk. They only care about their feelings and not the person who matters’s feelings.” ShamrockDragon13

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Tell your SIL that this won’t happen to her because she is a good mom. Any arguments beyond that from SIL let you know, maybe it will happen to her. This is not your SIL’s business. She needs to button it. As far as your mom, “the cat’s in the cradle.” She can’t rewrite history.

Move forward with your wedding ignoring their drama. It’s their drama. Any future drama on this subject should let you know you made the right decision in the first place. If mom wants to be treated like the mother of the year, she should start acting like it instead of continuing to berate you. I am a firm believer in forgiveness; but it needs to be earned, not demanded. Weddings are forging a new family and a new future. Mom and SIL can come with you…or not. MIL is probably just trying to stay out of it. Good for her. P.S. Congratulations.” bontemp420

“I (26F) have two kids, but this post is in regards to my son “MJ” (M7) and my niece (F5), who we will call “Jill.” For some background, my son has some mobility issues that make it extremely hard for him to walk on his own. He uses a walker in most cases, but at home he uses something we call his “scoot-a-round” that his doctor had made especially for him. MJ can sit on it and use his legs to push it. It has wheels on the bottom and looks kind of like an elephant (I hope this description makes sense). It helps him strengthen his legs, is fun, and also helps him zip around the house more easily.

Yesterday, my sister and her kids were over and playing with my son. I noticed Jill on the scoot-a-round and asked her to please get off, as it isn’t a toy—it’s meant to help MJ walk. My son says, “It’s okay, Mom! I’m showing all my cousins how it works,” so at that time I backed off and let them continue. About 30 minutes later, my son texted me while I was in the other room with my sister and asked for help. I ran upstairs and saw Jill playing recklessly with the scoot-a-round. My son was upset because he said it needed to be charged and he needed to go to the bathroom, and she would not get off. I helped my son to the bathroom first, and when we came back, I asked Jill twice nicely to get off, but she refused and whined. I did end up raising my voice at her, which made her leave it alone.

Next thing I know, my sister is running down, screaming at me for making Jill cry. I explained the situation and how MJ’s scoot-a-round was not a toy. My sister said I shouldn’t have it out around other kids if they can’t play with it, and she said my son doesn’t need it because he has a walker. I also explained that the way Jill was playing with it could have broken it, but she doubled down. I made them get out. ... Click here to continue reading