People Get Mixed Up In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

“I am a man. 50. Divorced. I live alone and have for many years now. I have cut myself off from my family due to the toxicity of that life. I talk to two people in my family, and that is limited. I was injured some time back and have just received a settlement of $400,000. I have been the sibling that usually helped everyone for as long as I can remember, but I have been stabbed in the back too many times by them and have been deemed the black sheep. I haven’t asked anything of them for over 12 years now and have been doing just fine until this injury.

Only two have even bothered to see how I’ve been.

But now it seems they have found out that I have this money and are asking me to assist them because they are not in a financially stable setting. But I said no. This is money I need to live off for the next 12 years until I retire. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. At any point in the settlement negotiations, did they ask you how many people were in your family? No? Because it’s not relevant or expected to share it. The settlement is for you. The point of it is to support you financially after your injury. I would just politely say no, that you don’t have the extra funds to help them.

If they argue about how much you received, simply say that the money has been budgeted and accounted for to use for other purposes. They don’t need to know anything else; it’s none of their business, honestly.” girlgoals95

Another User Comments:

“No, of course you’re NTJ. First of all, it’s your money, and you got it for an injury you received, so no matter what, you’re not morally obligated to give it to anyone else. And, of course, given the history, there’s zero reason to give them a cent. And do NOT give out “loans” to ANYONE—neither friends nor family. You will never see that money again.

It doesn’t matter how much you trust someone. You’re not a bank; don’t act like one.” witcher_rat

Another User Comments:

“Make sure you know the terms of the settlements. Some say things like pain and suffering and that is your money. Some mention medical bills. And for those, the insurance companies can and will come after you if they find out about the money. And they can and will refuse to pay future medical expenses that relate to the injury, even if it is more $$$ than you collected because you settled for an amount and theoretically they didn’t. With such a large settlement, I would assume you will have lifelong ramifications to this, so most of this money should be invested with you using only what is necessary.

Don’t give a dime to your fair-weather family. NTJ.” Physical_Ad5135

“My sister had 2 kids with her ex-husband. He was unfaithful to her with multiple women throughout their whole relationship and was always a deadbeat type. I never got along with him because of that.

Now he has a new family and barely ever visits my niece and nephew. He went 3 months without seeing them recently and then showed up with new iPads for them, as if that makes up for his absence.

My niece’s birthday just passed, so I went to see her, and he was there. We haven’t spoken in years, so I don’t know why he even tried, but as I was leaving, he said “Bye Op, BYE OP” and I completely ignored him.

My sister doesn’t care, but my parents told me that it was very disrespectful of me.

He wasn’t concerned with being respectful of my sister while they were together, so I don’t see the problem.

AITJ for not acknowledging him?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. As soon as I read the second sentence, I didn’t need to read the rest, I already had my answer. He does not deserve your time or respect.” GhostlyJax

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This person treated someone you love very poorly and in doing so lost your respect. You don’t have to interact with him at all ever. It isn’t like you openly insulted him in front of the children. Your parents need to understand that simply not showing respect is not the same as actually doing something disrespectful.

Carry on!” esmithedm

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. This was a party for your niece’s birthday, a child who has not gotten a fair start in life. It’s wrong for you to start drama there and then. You should apologize to your niece.” Pinkie_Flamingo

“A little over 3 years ago, a coworker approached me and asked me to preserve some flowers from a funeral in resin. I had been working with resin for a while but had never done flowers, and I was completely upfront with that information. She said she understood the risks, wanted me to try anyway, and gave me a $100 deposit for supplies (I needed deep pour resin, molds, and silica gel powder), and said to keep it no matter what, just try my best. And I did. I literally tried everything. I did test flower after test flower, thought I had it, but I failed terribly when I went to do the actual flowers.

I sent her a message and never heard back.

Then suddenly, today, I got a message from her asking for the $100 for the flowers back. She could really use it… Well, so did I, 3 years ago, when I spent that money, plus some, on the supplies. I’m actually kind of hurt, as I didn’t think she was that kind of person. She did just retire and is on a limited income. And she saw I had just opened an online store for polymer clay. Maybe she thinks I’m doing better than I am? Well, I’m not. I’m operating at a loss, not her problem, but then again, I don’t feel like her retirement situation is my problem.

I was also out of work twice this year due to medical reasons, a spinal fusion in my neck and a broken foot, and I’ve been out of work 2 other times for major surgeries in the last 3 years. I don’t think I should be responsible for reimbursing her, especially after all this time.

AITJ??”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Fixed income or not, it’s totally absurd for someone who conducted business with you to come back three years later out of the blue. Like if there had been an ongoing dispute (which in this case there was nothing to dispute to begin with as you did what you committed to do, she knew the risks), then maybe there would be something here, but it’s wild of her to even think it’s appropriate to ask for a refund at this point.” NorthPortDad

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, 3 years has gone by; you’re not responsible and, as per the original agreement, she said to keep it no matter what.

You can either ignore the message, message her back explaining the original agreement you both made and that 3 years have gone by and that money has long been spent on supplies to try to do that project for her, or tell her no that won’t be happening and block her.” dwassell73

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. I’m not sure you’re hurt about it. She needed money, and if this was someone you felt was a friend in any capacity, I could understand the ask. Maybe she was doing better at the time than she is now. It doesn’t sound like the two of you are close at this time though, so I really wouldn’t take it personally, and if you can’t spare the 100 or you really want to stick to keeping it because of the, I’m assuming, verbal agreement you guys had 3 years ago, just say you can’t spare it, unfortunately.

Don’t take this personally; this doesn’t sound like a slight, it just sounds like life.” Duckieshoes101

“Ongoing argument between my husband and me. I’ll be watching a show, and he’ll come in partway through and watch a few minutes. He might watch bits and pieces as he comes and goes. Since he knows a little about what’s happening, when he comes back he’ll ask, “So what happened with the suspect?” “Why did they break up?” It’s not always a one-sentence answer, and it takes me out of watching the show to have to summarize what happened. And I know it sounds silly, but if I’m watching a show to relax, I don’t want to have to sit and think about how to explain what happened.

Our most recent argument was when I was watching Will Trent and he had asked me 3-4 questions already that I answered.

Finally, he asked me another, and I told him, exasperated, to just look online. (Something I’ve started saying to him when I don’t want to answer.) He argued that it would just take a few seconds to answer the question. I told him any reasonable person would agree with me, so here we are.

By the way, this is not a serious fight. I am exasperated with him, but neither of us is seriously upset and we love each other very much. Even if I do want to throw a pillow at him when he does stuff like this.”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. If he’s asking the question about what happened in the show AFTER the show is over and is not interrupting your enjoyment of it, he’s OK.

If he’s asking you to explain DURING the show and interrupting the flow, he’s being inconsiderate. It depends on whether the flow of the program is being interrupted. In your post, you imply that he’s asking in the middle of your watching it, in his perspective, he fell asleep and was asking after the show was over. The difference is that he is interrupting or not. You are correct that this isn’t an earth-shaking situation, but it would be annoying if it’s interrupting you.” LonelyOwl68

Another User Comments:

“Well waking up after the show has ended vs. popping in and out of the room while you’re in the middle of watching the episode are two very different scenarios.

I think it’s reasonable to answer him if he fell asleep because the episode is over and it’s not interrupting your show. But popping in and out is just rude. I think he should watch it himself at another time if he can’t be bothered to sit down and watch it himself. No one wants to watch a show with an obligatory “book report” of the plot mid-episode. ESH.” Loquacious555

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If he wants to know what happened in the show, he’ll need to sit and watch it or look for a recap online. It’s entirely unreasonable for him to interrupt your enjoyment of a show to ask questions about it.

He knows he could find the answers himself, but he doesn’t want to because he LIKES to inconvenience you and ruin your relaxation time to make demands of your time and attention. That’s entitled behaviour, and the fact that you’ve already communicated to him that you don’t appreciate it, and yet he persists, proves that the point of it for him is to interrupt your peace. I’d look into marriage counseling or individual counseling so he can get to the bottom of why he feels entitled to your time and energy in your rest times. Does he feel you don’t deserve time to rest and relax? Is he resentful that you are able to sit and focus on entertainment and he can’t do the same? Something bigger is going on with him that is causing him to continually disrespect your peace.” stoleyourspoon

“I was cleaning the stove, and my roommate left out a pot of three-day-old rice, so I just put it in the sink because I assumed it was bad. Apparently, my mistake was that I also assumed she didn’t eat food left out for days at a time, so that’s on me. Apparently, she does, and that rice was supposed to be eaten.

Anyways, she got mad at me, and I spent the next 10 minutes trying to de-escalate her being upset that I touched her pot and put it in the sink.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“Ew.

Rice that has been sitting out that long isn’t just gross; it’s dangerous. Rice is one of the cooked foods that grows dangerous bacteria and molds the fastest, even though that feels counterintuitive. Assuming rice left at room temperature for long periods of time is not going to be eaten is completely reasonable. I guess now that you know she eats dangerous things like that, you can leave her next experiment in food poisoning alone. If you’re feeling generous or think it might quell the drama, offer her the $0.50 that is the max amount it should cost to replace even expensive rice like Arborio and call it a day. Yuck.” KaliTheBlaze

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and yuck.

But it sounds like you need some kitchen ground rules going forward. One of them, IMO, should be that any pots and pans are cleared off the stove before bedtime. She can put it in a container in the fridge if she’s saving it. IMO, the rule for all roommates should be that all pots, pans, and dishes used that day get washed and put away, or at least left to dry. It’s not just a matter of sanitation; it’s space. No one should have to be maneuvering around other people’s crap if they want to cook something. Plus, food left out draws bugs and mice.” Ok-Position7403

Another User Comments:

“I mean, I guess we could argue that theoretically you’re the jerk for throwing out someone else’s food, sure.

But given all the context – it’s a shared space, they left old dishes and old food sitting out, you were cleaning and they clearly weren’t, plus this particular food is NOT safe to eat after sitting at room temp for 3 days – you’re definitely not the jerk. Your roommate needs to learn how to share communal spaces more appropriately, and thank you for saving them from food poisoning. I guess in the future if they do this, leave it and let them suffer the consequences. NTJ.” SeaThePointe0714

“My partner (37) seems to think it’s no big deal. Her son is 13, almost 14, and this is not the first time he’s stolen from me (39), but it is the first time he has stolen money. I grew up to believe theft is wrong. We have lived together for over a year and a half, and I’ve been in their lives for 2. My reaction was anger, and I told him that I expect him to get a job when he turns 14.

He plays multiple sports, and both he and his mom say they’re too important for him to miss out on while he’s still a “kid.” It’s caused a huge rift in my relationship.

I’ve stood up for my beliefs and have been told by her and everyone in her family that I am in the wrong. I am the bad guy for telling him to get a job. There’s a lot of backstory that I’m not going to put on here. I’ve tried explaining that it’s not because I hate him that I want this. I’m trying to convey the gravity of this path he’s headed down by doing what I would expect anyone who wants him to have a successful life to do. My partner’s ex is a piece of work, a heavy drinker with multiple warrants out for his arrest, and all I’m trying to do is prevent him from heading down the same path. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“You’re not a jerk for thinking the kid needs to learn accountability, but you are also not his parent, not really. You’re in a relationship with his mom and he may or may not like that. The accountability is really on his mother to parent him. If he’s going to be stealing stuff and being a delinquent in general, and you’re not his parent to begin with, you have to make a decision on whether he and his mother should be living in your house. You have the right to decline to have a teenage criminal living in your house. Also, he can’t really get a job at age 14, at least not where I live.

It might be technically legal with a lot of regulations, but no one wants to deal with that; they just hire 16+ as a policy. 14 is too immature for most jobs anyway, for a lot of kids. It’s more babysitting than hiring.” NinjaLogic789

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for wanting the kid to understand that stealing is not the correct way to rebel against you/his mom for ‘trying to replace his dad.’ Because that’s what this is, I doubt he needed the money. He just wanted to get to you. No high school kid should get a job at 14, especially if he is trying to get a sports scholarship. I had a job at 15, but if my parents had supported me when I wanted to try to get an Arts scholarship, I would be in a completely different place.

Instead, I worked, and all of my friends went to college, and then I dropped out of community college because the price got jacked up, and there was no way my minimum wage job would have covered it. And now I’m barely making ends meet. If I had even gotten a partial scholarship, that would have made a world of difference and I would be on a completely different path.” AetaCapella

Another User Comments:

“ESH. This is not your kid. You get zero votes in if he needs or gets a job or not. You do get to demand he return the money within one week and a sincere apology, or you will be filing a police report and contacting his coach.

(Would not actually call the cops unless it escalates further.) An alternative is he works it off by doing work for you—washing your car, mowing a lawn every week for 3 weeks, whatever. See how fast your partner comes up with the money then. He is definitely going down a dangerous path, and his mom seems to be enabling it completely. Not much else you can do but hold him accountable. I’d probably reach out privately to his coach about your concerns regardless, or to a pastor, someone he actually respects. The kid needs help and may respect the coach and his authority a lot more than you. You have no authority over him whatsoever. He doesn’t understand he’s laying the groundwork now for the kind of man he wants to become. Give him some grace—his future isn’t doomed, he’s young, but still hold him accountable.” Antelope_31

“My (18M) mom and stepdad went away for 2 weeks on holiday and said they would bring souvenirs. I asked for a couple of books. One of them is the book ‘YOU’ by Caroline Kepnes. At first, they didn’t find it, but luckily my uncle found a copy. This is where the trouble starts.

On the cover of the book, it says, “Now on Netflix”. My mom decided to watch the first season of the show and has now decided that she doesn’t want me to read it because it is too explicit.

I know it is too explicit, and I don’t give a heck! My mom let me read GONE GIRL even after watching the movie, even though there is explicit content in it as well. I have always loved books in which the narrator is unhinged, and I’ve always wanted to try YOU. I hate how my mom still treats me like I am freaking 13!!!

If my parents show up without the book, then I will buy my own copy behind their backs.

Would I be the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“INFO: In what way is a major bestseller like You a “souvenir” from your mom’s holiday? Did she go on holiday to the city where the book is set (NYC, I think)?

Do you live somewhere that you don’t have access to books? Is ordering from Amazon not an option where you live? I just do not understand how this particular book became a potential souvenir and thus a topic of conversation between you and your mom. Does your mom keep track of every book you read?” Coollogin

Another User Comments:

“NTJ if you’re going to spend your own money to buy it. If she doesn’t feel comfortable buying it for you, that doesn’t necessarily make her wrong, just that she’s setting a boundary. The thing about boundaries, though, is that they’re specifically for the person who sets them.

You’re allowed to use your own money to buy it because her boundary is just for her own actions.” TheMeFo

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here – You’re 18 and legally an adult, so no one is going to stop you from buying a book; however, it sounds like you still live at home with your parents, so you are going to have to abide by their rules for living there. I understand what it’s like to have parents who tell you “no” to this sort of thing, but until you gain financial independence and start living on your own, you are beholden to their rules. Looking through your profile, you appear very immature, so I suspect that your parents’ rules have merit that you aren’t communicating here.

I would focus on growing up and moving out and then you can buy all the smut you want. Financial independence is great like that.” Melphor

“I (25f) have been seeing my partner (27m) for 2 years. We’re talking about moving in together. Right now, my partner lives with his brother, Ty (26m). Last April, they moved in together because Ty was moving out of their parents’ house. This is the first time Ty is living away from his parents. Their lease is up soon, so I suggested that we look for a new place together. My partner wants to live together but is worried about Ty.

My partner expected that when Ty moved in, it would be a hard transition because he’s not used to cooking, cleaning, etc.

My partner has been very patient in helping Ty learn how to do things. However, Ty has taken advantage and now doesn’t help around the house at all. Ty expects everything (meals, cleaning, shopping, etc.) to be done for him and gets angry when it isn’t done. My partner has tried his best to set boundaries, but it always ends in excuses and fights. I have a good relationship with Ty right now, but since I’m at their place fairly often, I get caught up cleaning up after Ty too because I don’t want to see my partner do it alone. I can see myself becoming resentful after being treated like someone’s maid and cook for too long.

Problem #2 is that Ty has religious and political opinions that are very different from mine and my partner’s.

We are happy to just not talk about politics or religion, but Ty likes to pick fights about controversial topics with my partner. My partner tries to ignore or agree to disagree, but this doesn’t appease Ty and he will go on for hours arguing. He’s entitled to his opinion, but we don’t want to argue every week. Tied to Ty’s political and religious beliefs are his views on women. When I’m over there, I often get sexist comments about “my place in the house/relationship.” To be clear, my partner is the polar opposite of Ty, and their family is also not religious and doesn’t hold Ty’s beliefs.

I don’t want to live with a sexist who expects my partner and me to be cooks or maids.

However, my partner is worried that Ty makes minimum wage and won’t be able to afford their apartment without a roommate. It will also be hard to find an affordable bachelor. Ty is pretty anti-social and doesn’t have friends he could room with. His socialization consists of hanging out with me, my partner, and my partner’s friends. My partner and I have had lots of discussions about this, but we can’t come to a good solution. This is stressing me out and I am ready to give my partner the ultimatum that if he wants to live with Ty, I won’t be able to live with him. I am worried that making my partner choose between me and Ty is unfair, but I feel I have no other choice.

WIBTJ for making my partner choose between me and his brother?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but if I were you, I absolutely would not move in with the brother.

That’s not a good idea. It won’t end well. If your partner doesn’t want to move in with just you, then I suggest waiting a year or two before approaching the subject again. It’ll ruin your relationship if you move in with both him and his brother. You’ll end up as a third wheel sometimes, and the brother will end up as the third wheel other times. It will be a balancing struggle at all times. Your relationship will likely not make it long-term. I’m not saying it’s impossible, just unlikely.” Katiew84

Another User Comments:

“So, when I started reading about Ty, I figured he must be about 17 years old or something.

For crying out loud, he’s 26! He is old enough to figure this mess out on his own. Your partner needs to stop coddling him. It is not helping Ty to become an independent, self-sufficient, productive adult. Ty will have to do some adulting and figure out how to either find an apartment he can afford, get some roommates, move back in with his parents or some friends, or get a better-paying job or multiple jobs, etc. Shame on your partner for allowing Ty to behave in such a sexist manner and treat you (and your partner) like a maid of some sort. There is likely a good reason that Ty has no friends of his own! Regardless, you are absolutely NTJ for telling your partner that you will not live with Ty. It’s smart of you to make that boundary clear now, and you should stick to it. I don’t understand why everyone acts like Ty is in kindergarten and needs to be babied, pampered, and taken care of. None of this is necessary or helpful. If your partner chooses Ty, then you know where you stand. Do with that what you will. I hope your partner makes the right choice. NTJ.” mumtaz2004

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but do NOT move in with your partner, with or without the brother. If you move in with him, the brother will never leave, and you will be his new mommy, cleaning up after him. Your partner will get tired of hearing you complain about it, too.

If you move in without the brother, how long will it be before the brother moves in ‘just for a while’ and then never leaves? You need to wait until everyone stops enabling the brother to be a whiny, dependent, babyish, lazy jerk. He can answer an ad for a roommate and move in with people who are not related and might not tolerate his crap. This might help him grow up. Make sure he has stayed at least a year in a new environment so he doesn’t get kicked out and come running to your partner to rescue him.” RavenRaving

“I (21F) am a university student, and my mother was admitted to the hospital due to an infection that made her very ill until she needed assistance getting out of bed. I love her very much and cannot bear to see her like that, so I stayed with her because my dad had to go to work during the day and needed a good night’s sleep. He visits once a day to bring me food and a change of clothes.

My mom has insurance, but it covers the very basics and placed her in a shared ward with three other patients.

Her bed is the farthest from the shared bathroom, and she would only tell me that she had to go when she could no longer hold it in, leaving a trail to the bathroom that I would clean up. I also cleaned the bathroom and washed her soiled clothes. I got to rest on a single-seating couch, but after two nights of bad sleep and having to attend online classes with headaches, I asked my dad if we could upgrade my mom to a single room with a lounge where I could lie down. It costs a lot more per night, and insurance will not cover the cost, so my dad said he would pay it, no worries.

When we changed rooms, my mom was a bit upset because now we had to pay more.

Dad is paying, not her, and he was fine with it. Now, thankfully, she is well and at home. Our relatives were visiting, and when I went to make us something to eat, I heard her recount her experience in the hospital and became annoyed that “I” had asked for an upgrade because I was uncomfortable with the basic ward. She was basically portraying me as a spoiled brat who cannot stand staying in the “poor people” ward. I have a problem with standing up for myself, and I just served them food while trying to hold back tears, feeling so embarrassed.

My judgment is so poor. Was I wrong to do that?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Your mother is promoting the caretaker fallacy—that the needs of the caretaker shouldn’t be considered. And she doesn’t understand that getting her into a place where she didn’t soil herself on a regular basis was a health issue. It’s possible she feels some guilt about the whole thing and is trying to deflect the issue of cost onto you. You might ask your dad if he would try to talk to her about this—telling her how hurtful it is of her to talk about the situation this way to others. But, if your mother is like mine was, that won’t do any good. In any case, you’re a good daughter to have done so much for your mother.” hubertburnette

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

That said, “Dad is paying, not her, and he was fine with it.…” is a bit rich, seeing as how they’re married. But what does it matter whether the private ward was primarily for your benefit and not necessarily hers? You were there taking care of her. She got a bed to sleep on, and you had to sleep on a chair. You could have gone home to sleep and let her fend for herself, or let your dad get a night nurse for her—which I’m sure would have cost him more than the room (if one is even allowed in a shared ward). Just stand up for yourself. ‘Yes, mom, I couldn’t get any sleep sitting up on the hospital chair, and I needed to be there. The only reason you weren’t uncomfortable with the shared ward was that I was taking care of you. Would you have preferred that I went home to sleep and let you fend for yourself, or should dad have hired a night nurse for you—which I’m sure would have cost him more than the room (if one is even allowed in a shared ward)?'” SamSpayedPI

Another User Comments:

“You are NTJ and your feelings are valid. I know it’s hard to speak up in some cultures, and you’ve been brought up not to do that. You were helping your mom, but you don’t have a martyr complex – that’s what a lot of your mom’s generations were taught to be.

That’s part of why she waited so long to say anything. “I don’t want to be a bother” while never paying attention to the actual bother they are creating.

I was brought up to be compliant to my mother also, but I learned to be more open. At your age, I would have said nothing and just stewed in anger. I would have known she was wrong but not felt I could say anything about it. Ten years later, in the same situation, I would be able to say something about what she was doing that caused the room change. More like, “No mom, don’t you remember, you couldn’t hold your bladder or anything and so we had to constantly change your clothes and the bedding and then clean the bed and the floor.

We moved you so that YOU wouldn’t be so embarrassed about it and so it would be easier to help you stay clean.” And then say to the aunties, “sorry about mama, it was traumatic and I think she has tried hard to forget part of it. Oh well, easier to blame me, huh?” and smile.

Also, my grandmother was in hospital and told the family there that “she had to speak to MyName, you have to get MyName here,” and wouldn’t say anything else. I had to fly in from a different state because everyone was thinking this was some big deal. She needed to go to the bathroom and didn’t want anyone else to help her.

She was embarrassed to ask the nurse (good nurses there who did this as part of the job) to help her. She wanted me. I had to take leave and pay for a flight and hotel. I also had to explain to my grandma that I was in no way able to help her out of a hospital bed and onto and off of the toilet and that we were getting a nurse. She moaned but I did it and she was able to go (apparently she never realized she would go at night when asleep and they’d change her adult pullup drawers) and then said to me, “Oh, that wasn’t so bad. Thanks, bye” and she was done and expected me to just leave then. Previous generation adults, am I right?” The1Eileen

“I (34F) often hear of parents being sensitive to receiving parenting advice. Many people do not like to be told how to parent their children, even if it could be deemed more effective. I guess it could be a slap in the face to be told that you’re doing something very important incorrectly. I understand that.

But I was with a group of my friends the other day, and I was speaking about how my toddler kept hitting and biting. I explained that I was doing the usual timeouts and taking away toys as punishment.

It seemed to me to be working until he bit his sister that morning.

One of my friends told me to give him a soft toy and instruct him that when he is upset, he should bite the toy and take a deep breath, as he only bites when someone has made him angry.

Another friend chimed in and told her that offering advice to people for their kids is rude. I told her that I didn’t find it rude because if I was actively discussing it and expressing uncertainty about what to do, that’s kind of grounds for people to give advice. There’s a difference between venting and opening a space for advice.

I dislike when people keep bringing up the same topic, but then claim they don’t want advice… Then stop talking about it!

(I’ve mentioned the biting to them a few times before this.)

I then said that if I didn’t want anyone’s advice or opinions, I would have just kept my mouth shut. Then she goes, “Well, I wouldn’t want anyone telling me how to handle my kid.” And she made the entire outing awkward because she kept bringing it up even once we had moved past it.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I have two young children under 4. I appreciate tips from other parents because parenting is hard! Your friend recommending the soft toy was actually correct, and they sounded tactful in their recommendation as well. Look up ADHD sensory toys; they look like silicone Lego blocks on a tear-away necklace.

It helped both my children with biting and even with putting toys in their mouths. Your other friend has some issues they need to work on by themselves; maybe offer a sensory toy for their frustration next time. I always keep an extra in the purse when we are out and about for just this reason.” waywardwyytch

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your friend probably meant well at first, maybe just thought that you were too easygoing to say something. After you corrected her, she should have let it go, and you didn’t do it rudely or offensively, so NTJ. As for the biting, I’m glad the soft toy is working, but if it fails to keep working, you could also try something a bit harder to bite.

A frozen teething ring or some other type of round baby rattle with chunky wooden or rubber blocks on it might work. I have seen this on TikTok before, and the child actually learned to ask the parent for the item when they felt they needed it. I hope it works out. Good luck.” scorpgirl7575

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I fully believe in letting my partner know if I’m just venting or want advice or asking him which he is expecting, as well as believing that mom-shaming is real and wrong. However, the fact that she kept bringing it up means it’s a ‘her problem’; she probably has crap kids that people try to help her with, but she won’t listen and just wants to complain.

It should have ended with you saying you wanted the advice.” woodlinds

“I (F, 26) moved to Canada three years ago from Germany. A few months after moving, I met my partner, Adam (M, 35), and we have been living together ever since. I work from home three days a week, and in the evenings, I teach swimming at the local community center for extra cash. Adam goes to the office every day.

Here is the thing. I love football, the one they call soccer in North America. I even paid for a TSN subscription so I can watch the UEFA Champions League games. Adam not only doesn’t like football but also constantly comments on how boring it is.

He loves hockey, and we go to NHL games a lot. As you can see, I love watching sports in general, haha.

This afternoon, Bayern München was playing, so it was an important game for me. I had to go to work, so I told Adam I wanted to watch the game when I got home since TSN lets you rewatch it later. I specifically asked him not to spoil it for me. I had been talking about this match all week.

Before my shift started, I texted him, saying, “Dinner is in the oven if you’re hungry. Go ahead and eat. I’ll be watching the game when I get back. If you watch with me, I’d be extra happy.

Auf geht’s, Bayern!”

When I got home, I found out he had invited his buddy over, and they ate all the food. They were also watching a hockey game on our TV. I told him I wanted to watch my game and asked why he had invited his friend over. His response was, “Munich lost! 3-0! Go Leafs go! Come watch the game with us.”

I got so upset. Am I overreacting over a game? Am I just too emotional because Bayern lost? Or is it fair to be mad that he not only ate my food but also didn’t let me watch the game on our TV? I ended up just watching the highlights on my phone while eating crackers.

They are still watching the hockey game on TV.

Am I making a big deal out of this? AITJ for expecting him to care about my interests?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Absolutely NTJ. This was something you were excited about, something you were really looking forward to. For him to dismiss it so easily is extremely rude! From my understanding here, you’re not angry over a football game. You’re angry because he intentionally ruined something you were looking forward to in order to pursue his own pleasure. It’s comparable to spoiling a movie or a book. Bad behavior on his end. You are NTJ and may want to have a serious chat with him about why this hurt you so much.” Top-Concern-5899

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

It doesn’t matter what your hobby is and what brings you joy. If it’s watching some sports or reality TV or whatever, it’s not dumb to you—that’s all that matters. He knows it means something to you and disregarded your feelings on it to selfishly keep doing his own thing with his friend. I absolutely hate soccer, yet I get up at 7 am every week on one of my only two days off work so I can watch my niece play it because I love her. You also expressed that you wanted to spend that time with him, and instead, he invited over a friend and ate all the food without you on top of it. That’s a double slap, in my opinion. I guarantee there are things he does that you think are dumb, but you do it with him anyway to make him happy and put his feelings above yours. The fact he can’t return that is concerning.” Tired_of-your-crap

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but this isn’t just about a football game. 1) He invited a friend over, and they ate all your dinner. 2) He commandeered your TV so that he and his friend could watch non-football. 3) He intentionally ruined your enjoyment of your game. Don’t be worried about whether he cares for your interests. Be worried about why he doesn’t care enough about YOU that he didn’t leave you any of the food you cooked and took over the TV—and brought a friend over to pressure you into not making a scene about him watching his game.

This guy isn’t treating you right.” MutedHyena360

“I don’t work right now. I start a new job on February 1, so I have definitely been doing my fair share of sleeping in. I am also someone who struggles to go back to sleep after I’m woken, but I can usually manage okay.

My partner has been waking up at 7 am or so and setting an alarm for 5:30 am, 6 am, and 6:30 am so he can slowly wake up. I’ve never had a problem with one or two alarms, especially when they’re close in timing, but this pattern has me finally just starting to doze at 5:59 am right before the next alarm, then 6:29 am, etc.

I’ve tried to explain that this agitates me; while I understand his reasons, it would help if he set just one or two. He explains that since I’ve been getting to sleep in, it shouldn’t matter. Fair point.

So anyway, I have been tolerating the alarms for a bit, and I hadn’t mentioned it again until today, when I couldn’t go back to sleep after the first alarm and my partner started snoring, and I won’t lie, I was kind of peeved when he officially woke up. He wanted to be affectionate, which we almost always are (usually cuddles), and I just wanted a bit of space. He asked why, and I did say it was because of how I hadn’t slept since 5:30, and he immediately got annoyed that I was being dramatic about the alarms and that I’m making a problem out of nothing—that he needs to get up at this hour and I don’t.

I genuinely had no intention of starting anything that early in the day, so I apologized and kissed him goodbye.

Ironically, whenever he sets those alarms, I don’t actually get to sleep in like he thinks, lol; he gets more sleep than I do since I struggle after 5:30 and get up when he leaves.

My only goal is to not have tension at the ripe hour of 5:30 am on days he works, but I don’t know how to wrap my mind around communicating about it in a different way. I was hoping that when I start my job I wouldn’t have to deal with it since I’d be waking up earlier than him, but I know for a fact that if I have to wake up at 6 am and he sets his 5:30 am alarm, I’ll be so peeved.

My partner is a fantastic guy and we’re usually good at communicating, but this whole alarm thing has me stumped, lol.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. My husband does the same; it is plain thoughtless and self-centered. If he wants to sleep in, that’s fine. But “gradually waking up” isn’t sleeping in. It’s waking you up repeatedly. It’s waking him up repeatedly. It is senseless, even taking your feelings out of the picture. On that note, “problem out of nothing” and “being dramatic” because you’re not in a good mood when he does something thoughtless that you’ve stated bothers you — thinking that way, choosing to be thoughtless in the face of your feelings, is not okay.

Personally, I either a) get him up when the first alarm goes off, or b) LOUDLY get ready, with lights, hair dryer, radio, etc. If he’s grumpy about it, well, gee, who would have thought? Isn’t that thoughtless and annoying of me? Shouldn’t we all strive to think of others? Maybe when we want to sleep in, we should actually sleep in, hmm.” EmperorMrKitty

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and please, when you start working: For the sake of cosmic justice, make absolutely sure to set at least three alarms 30 minutes apart at least 2 hours before he has to wake up. Actually, set them 10 or 15 minutes apart and set 6 of them. He is being a jerk.

You are not ‘being dramatic’; he is. If it were me, oh I’d show them exactly what dramatic can look like before the sun rises. And another thing—when someone says you are ‘being dramatic,’ 99% of the time it’s a waving red flag locating precisely who the jerk is. It’s that person. Jerk 101.” the_greengrace

Another User Comments:

“I wake up at 4:30 am every day for work. I used to set the alarm every 5 minutes, 4:30 – 4:35 – 4:40, to make sure I didn’t miss any and accidentally sleep in. This was not a problem for my fiance for the longest time, even though she also has problems going back to sleep once she is woken up.

Then we had a baby who was not the best sleeper and we let him sleep in our room for the first few months. Restful sleep got A LOT more precious. When I had to go back to work from paternity leave, I bought a vibration alarm clock on Amazon (marketed for the hearing impaired) in hopes that I wouldn’t wake either of them. And it has worked great for me over the last year. It works by placing it under your pillow and when the time comes, it vibrates instead of playing an alarm. It has 5 intensity settings and it wakes me up every time without fail while only being on the 2nd weakest setting. If he is considerate enough, he could look into one of those. Yes it is another device that you need to charge, but it clearly shows the battery on the device with 4 red dot indicators so once you are on the last dot (only 1 out of the 4 lit up), you know it is time to charge. I have had mine for over a year and I think I’ve only ever had to charge it 2 or 3 times.” KotaSenpaii

“I live with my aunt. I’m autistic, and it’s hard for me to keep a job, and I’m currently trying to get disability. I turn 20 in April, and my father (who’s a deadbeat) pays for my phone (the only thing he’s ever bought me in my life). I had my phone charging on a table next to the couch beside my aunt, and she asked for my password so she could check my cousin’s location on Life360. I had to change my password because she would try to snoop through my phone (private messages, apps, photos, etc.); instead, I signed in myself and handed her my phone.

Her phone was in her room.

I went into the kitchen to do something, and I saw that she was still on my phone. I went over, and she was trying to go through my phone. I tried to take my phone back, but she yanked it away and held it away from me. It locked on her, and she tried to force me to sign back in, which I refused. She then told me she would be taking away my phone and sending it back to my father (to leave me permanently phoneless). She then demanded that I bring her my Kindle (which she got me for Christmas) and my laptop (she did not buy it for me, and I’ve had it since my sophomore year in high school, which was way before I ever moved in with her—I had to move in because I got kicked out at 18 by the woman who raised me.

It was an abusive situation, and my aunt still holds it over my head that without her, I’d be homeless) and she locked them all in her safe in her closet.

I have since gotten them all back, but I’m wondering… Am I in the wrong? She says it’s her right as a “parent” and as someone who owns the house I live in. I told her I was 19, and she said I don’t act like it. They treat me like a child and expect me to act like an adult. They—she and her husband—do not view me as normal because I have autism and have even told me I need to get sterilized, that I should never have children, and that I would make a bad wife.”

Another User Comments:

“You are in an abusive household.

Just a little info regarding SSI/Disability: PLEASE make sure if you are approved for disability that they don’t require you to have a Rep Payee. A Rep Payee is usually needed if SS doesn’t feel you are capable of handling your money (poor choices, possible overspending, don’t understand how to budget and make what little you get last the month, etc). If they do, make Social Security aware that your aunt/uncle or family should not be given the role because they are abusive. If they are made your Rep Payee, they will control your money and will control you even more. Once you’re on SSI, you may be eligible for more help through your state’s Medicaid system to get food stamps, help paying your health coverage, low income rent subsidies, cell phone. Try to find an advocate to help you navigate all of this. You need to keep your aunt out of your business or she will take total control over you.” WishboneMoney3342

Another User Comments:

“When I was waiting for a disability hearing and looking for some kind of government assistance until I could get it, my therapist told me that spending a night at a homeless/women’s shelter could really help jump start the process of getting into those types of assistance programs. The staff at homeless shelters should be able to help you apply for whatever assistance is available and get your application into the system quickly. It’s something to consider that might help you get your footing sooner, especially if your disability takes a while to come through.

Good luck!” DTesedale

Another User Comments:

“Phones are private now. A lot of older people (Gen Y and up) don’t seem to understand that. Unless you’re planning to harm yourself or someone else, your aunt is being intrusive and controlling by looking through or taking your electronics, even if she did pay for one of them. A gift should never be taken back. While we were still married, my ex-husband had some professional photos taken of our children and gave them to me for Mother’s Day. After we broke up, he took them back, right off the wall! But back to you. My first advice would be to move out. Find a trustworthy friend or two and get a place together so you can split the bills.

If that’s not a possibility, have a talk with your aunt. Tell her you truly want to take steps to become an adult. Get a job, even if it’s just part-time at the library or something. Offer to pay her some rent. Take some initiative by doing things around the house without being asked. Be straightforward and tell her that she hurts and insults you when she says demeaning things. Bringing it up and talking like an adult will show maturity.

I have a nineteen-year-old son who lives with me. He has a job and saves his money to buy a car. As long as he keeps that up, I’m not going to charge him rent because he’s working toward a goal.

Still, a little at a time, I make him take steps toward independence. He now makes his own doctor appointments and Ubers to them. He manages his own meds and gets the refills with his own $. I never have to wake him up for work or appointments anymore. He still has a long way to go, but he’ll get there. If my son came to me and said ‘It really bothers me when you say this or that,’ I would give him props for a) bringing it up himself and b) handling it like an adult. Hopefully, this helps. If you do even some of these things, you will get her attention. P.S. I would never go through my son’s phone.” Realistic_Fix4229

“My partner has an 11-year-old lab that has a miserable quality of life. His back legs don’t work often. He often rushes around the house with his butt on the ground, dragging his legs under him. He pants often after short walks from room to room, which he doesn’t do often because he just sits or lies on his bed. He eats with significant encouragement and doesn’t drink water. Her mom, who has possession of the dog while my partner is finishing school, is feeding him snow in a bowl instead.

There are pee pads all across the house, as this dog needs to go out every 30 minutes and is borderline incontinent.

Every time we go to her mom’s house, both of them are so loving and doting on this dog and seem completely oblivious to the obvious misery the lack of functioning is causing him. Every time my partner says, “Aw isn’t my bubby so cute?” I have to bite my tongue, as he is not cute. He seems miserable. His hair is falling out, and he had a spat of pooping blood earlier this fall. He is on multiple medications, which are fed to him in pieces of cheese that he correctly identifies as a trick.

Her mom is recovering from lower body surgery and has a tough time caring for him already. My partner loves this dog, as he was with her during a very tough time. But now she doesn’t seem to realize that this is not normal behavior for a dog. Both she and I grew up with dogs, so this isn’t a totally unfamiliar situation.

I don’t want to overstep my boundaries, but this dog seems miserable, and it is really dragging her and her mom down. We’ve been together for enough time for this level of conversation; this kind of feels like it would be uncalled for. Yet I can’t stand to look at him and watch her love on him one day like he’s a puppy, then just cry when his condition gets worse by surprise.

Please weigh in.”

Another User Comments:

“Dogs with hind end issues typically are incontinent because they can’t make it outside or to their pad on time, or their organs aren’t working properly. If this girl is serious about giving her dog a better quality of life, she’d take him out of her disabled mother’s care because it’s unfair to expect a disabled woman to care for a very disabled pet right now. She also needs to figure out how to get a proper mobility aid for the dog so that he has more freedom. If she can’t swing it, then she needs to reevaluate if she’s the best person for this dog because mobility aids of any kind cost a pretty penny.

Overall, she needs to get him to a vet for a quality of life check, because you’re right, this dog is suffering and it isn’t cute. NTJ.” crocodilezebramilk

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I work in an environment that provides euthanasia for pets. It is my job to hold the pet as it dies in my arms and confirm death. The unfortunate fact of the matter is that she is allowing this animal to suffer for her own feelings. She cannot let go for her own sake, not the animals. It is a common misconception that death is the worst thing that can happen to an animal (humans included), but it isn’t. This dog is suffering.

Does it love her and her mom? Of course. It may wag its tail weakly when petted or cooed at, but its quality of life is very bad. He can’t walk, he has incontinence issues, and his body is slowly giving up on him. All she is doing is slowing down the inevitable and making him hurt and suffer the whole way there.

Another part of my job is breaking this news to people. She definitely needs to be spoken to about it for the sake of her best furry friend, as she may be in denial or not even have realized it has gotten this bad as time has passed. My advice? Approach this gently, without any air of judgment and from a place of understanding.

Lay out all the ways in which he’s suffering. This dog has been with her through times, now it’s time for her to be there for him, and to help him by letting go. 11 years is an amazing age to live to for a large dog like a lab. But watching him waste away is doing a disservice to him, especially considering all he’s done for her as a loyal pet and friend. If you can get her to see that she is helping her dog, saving it from months of continued suffering, she may be able to let go. But make sure to be there for her, it is not an easy decision to let go of your best friend. Best of luck. It’s not an easy conversation to have but please think of the dog’s suffering and pain and what you can spare it from by having this tough talk with her. Seeing how she handles these kinds of conversations will also clue you into how she will handle other difficult choices as a life partner, something you’ll want to find out sooner rather than later.” Chemical-Less

Another User Comments:

“We’re on “death watch” with our 15.5-year-old dog, who has dementia. She can’t get around as good as she used to (her back end gives out easily, so if she’s trying to turn around without moving her back end, she’ll fall), but as long as she’s eating and drinking, not in pain and still getting enjoyment out of life, we’re not ready to call it time yet.

Our last girl, also with dementia, was on “death watch” for 8 months before we called it when she had what the vet assumed was a heart attack. Still able to get up and around, but that was our limit. Things that aren’t worth putting her down for? Her incontinence (we go through a box of pee pads from Costco every 2 weeks, but this is more than we did during the summer because she’s too thin to take out in this cold). Occasional bloody poops because of IBS. Her sleeping more than normal. You say the dog still eats cheese, with multiple medications. I guarantee you that dog is getting far more calories per day than they normally got with the cheese medications, so of course it’s not going to want to eat its full amount of food. And it wouldn’t surprise me if the bloody poop that happened wasn’t around the time a new medication (and more cheese) was added to the diet. If you’re truly concerned this dog is in pain, bring that up. If you’re bringing up “it’ll be easier on you to put it down,” you would be the jerk.” u1traviolet

“I (now 28F) met my ex-fiancé (now 31M) when I was 19. We bought a house together and had two dogs (one of which was a task-trained service dog). I left a job I loved to be with him, and we were together for around 7 years.

He very abruptly left me. He just came home one day and told me he was done. He said I could take my time to pack and move out and that he’d help me get settled somewhere new.

But he went from being cooperative and supportive to threatening me to move out. He quickly took about half of my stuff to my parents.

He dropped everything else off in my parents’ driveway, with a few sentimental things missing. These things are as good as gone.

After the break-up, I am out the savings I used for the house. He refused to give me my service dog by changing all the dog’s documents into his name (the police said there was nothing they could do). Anytime he sees me around the neighborhood or at my best friend’s (his neighbor), he yells at me to move on and get a life, and I’ve lost my most sentimental things.

Long story short, the job I left to be with him offered me a position and moved me out of state ASAP.

It’s been 2 years, and I realize now how toxic it all was, and I am much better off.

So here’s the question: I’ve found photos of my ex and his childhood dog, niece, and nephew. These are the only copies. Would I be the jerk if I just threw them away?

I don’t think he knows they exist, but if he did, I know he would want them. I don’t hold any resentment towards him, and I feel like the mature thing to do would be to give him the photos. If the roles were reversed, I would want the photos. But I don’t want to give them to him and have him make a big deal about how I’ve been holding on to them and haven’t moved on.

I feel like I would be a bad person if I threw them away just because it was the easiest route for me to take.

So would I be the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“Treat him how you would want to be treated and not how he treats you. Don’t make a big show of doing him the kindness because he’ll think you’re doing it for points. But when you do him the kindness without any thanks required, there is a possibility he will be shamed for how he’s treated you. But regardless of how he responds, your mental health will only improve by taking the high road.” TheWallDoctor

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You owe him nothing. Whatever you do, do it because it’s the right thing for you, based on the way you choose to live your life.

That said, if you do decide to return the photos, I’ll echo what other commenters have said about doing that through a 3rd party. No need to give this person even the slightest opportunity to disrupt your peace.” BriannaBazie

Another User Comments:

“Honestly, I’m still stuck on the fact that you were a co-owner of that house and just let him railroad you out of it, as well as YOUR service dog. The house needed to be sold and the proceeds split 50/50. You need to hire a lawyer and start putting on your big girl pants. Please do not enter into any other relationships until you are able to act like an adult, stand up for yourself and set some boundaries.

Go get that lawyer hired asap and no, his sentimental items do not go back to him. The lawyer can use them as leverage to either get your service dog back or the items that you are missing.” Hope-maaven2378

“My 79-year-old grandmother owns 15 acres and lives by herself. There are five horses on this property, two of which are mine. She lives a state away from most of our family, and I’m often the only one that visits. I help take care of her, the land, and the animals. I moved to this state just to be closer to her. She’s currently out of state visiting family for 11 days.

Many of my family members have guns, and they like to come to the property and shoot. The property is not designed for shooting; it’s for livestock. There’s a single large pasture in the back and a small paddock next to the house with a horse shed where I feed the horses.

For the past few years, they have come to shoot and leave. I’m always cleaning up shells, casings, and live rounds and once filled an entire 5-gallon bucket with them. Last year, they shot up a tree in the paddock, and it collapsed near the horses; they crashed through the fence in a panic. The tree had to be removed and the fence replaced. Luckily, the horses only had scrapes.

On New Year’s Eve, they were at the property and shooting. I’m taking care of the horses full-time while my grandmother is gone. I had trimmed most of their hooves the day before and needed to finish the back feet on my QH yearling. Shooting makes the horses skittish, and the horses were nervous when I arrived. It’s difficult to clip and file hooves on a young, nervous horse; it took me longer than usual. I arrived at 2:10 and finished at 3:16 PM (I have cameras) and left while there were still a couple of hours of light remaining and had a wonderful New Year.

Yesterday, I got to the property, and it was a disaster. The trees are full of holes and are going to die. There are chunks of shredded metal cans, wood, and plastic everywhere. I find out that my brother posted a video on social media of them exploding tannerite in the paddock.

I don’t have social media, so I commented on the video from my spouse’s profile (with permission) that they are jerks for leaving such a huge mess. I’m the one who always has to clean it up.

I haven’t read the replies, but I have been told my cousin is outraged and blaming me for the mess; he is claiming that if I hadn’t taken so long with the horses, they would have had more daylight to clean up.

I think this is absurd. There are spotlights, and they could have used flashlights. I often clean up at night with a flashlight after working with the horses. I was also never informed that they needed daylight; they had been shooting for a couple of hours before I arrived, and I assumed they were waiting for dark to pop fireworks.

Am I the jerk for calling them jerks? ... Click here to continue reading