People Get Bold In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

“I have this friend. Let’s call him T. I used to always bring him home from school and to the gym, and I would buy him food almost daily while never asking for a dollar. Earlier today, I left my wallet at home and picked him up to get his check from the bank. He received it (about 1400 dollars) and asked to go to McDonald’s.

He initially expected me to pay for it, so I told him, “I left my wallet at home,” then asked if he’d buy me a Big Mac.

He said, “I don’t have money.” I replied, “Yes, you do; you just got 1400 dollars.” He chimed back and said that it was for his new computer and not for food. I’m insanely furious right now, as I’ve probably bought over a thousand dollars of food for him in the last six months. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Absolutely NTJ. You did so many kind things for him, and he can’t even buy you a simple Big Mac?? He’s a bad friend, and I suggest cutting him off now. He obviously doesn’t care about all you’ve done for him, and I’m sure he didn’t even think about using his check to pay you back.

It makes no sense that he had $1400 in his pocket and wanted you to buy him a meal. I guess it doesn’t occur to him that other people are saving their money too. He’s using you. Sorry OP.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“He’s right; you’re not entitled to assign his spending. Conversely, you are entitled—nay, obligated—to teach this brat how the world works by either rescinding the friend privileges of receiving food, gifts, rides, or anything that costs money, or, and I think this is the better option, rescinding the friendship. Absolutely unequivocally NTJ!!!” Godsthetics

Another User Comments:

“I’m going to say NTJ because you’ve bought him food so many times before.

Friends don’t keep score, but it’s rude not to ever pay them back if it’s something they do often, or at least offer to pay for them from time to time. If he can’t afford it right now, that’s okay, but he shouldn’t suggest spending money then. It’s his money, and he has the right not to spend it or pay for you, but expecting you to always pay for him is such a jerk move. You did a favor by picking him up, and he expects you to pay for the food too? It sounds less like a friend and more like being used for free food and free rides. If he never reciprocates the same behavior, you should just stop doing him any favors. Real friends help each other out.” Stars_In_Jars

“I (f26) and my fiancé (m30) are getting married later this year, and we’ve recently begun sending out the invitations. We’ve said from the beginning that we’re only inviting partners of family members if we know them and that we’re not going to be inviting partners that we don’t know or are in fairly new relationships.

We hand-delivered invitations to my fiancé’s family and invited some partners (that we know and get along with well and have essentially been a part of the family, as they’ve been around for a while), but other partners that we do not know have not been invited.

I will note, however, that we haven’t invited my MIL’s partner as he’s awful to my MIL, and we just do not like him for many reasons.

Today, we went to visit my fiancé’s grandparents, and before we were able to properly greet them, his grandmother began yelling at us that we were horrible for not inviting his cousins’ partners (who we do not know and they haven’t been together for more than a couple of months) and that we’re selfish for not wanting to pay extra to invite them all and that “family should come first regardless of how long they’ve been family.”

We told her that we have invited all immediate family but not the people we don’t really know, and I told her it wasn’t her place to decide who should and should not get an invitation to our wedding.

She then began yelling at me, claiming that we were treating my family better than my fiancé’s and that I’d probably invited more people from my family than his (not true, as there are immediate members of my family who we are not inviting). She then called me an awful DIL to my MIL, as MIL’s partner isn’t invited; as I said previously, he’s abusive to my MIL and just makes me incredibly uncomfortable.

So, are we the jerks for not inviting everyone’s partners to our wedding?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your party, your rules. If I received an invite without a plus-one, I would mentally slide you down the family relation scale to be on the level of the second cousin I see every six years for two minutes at Great-Grandma’s birthday.

Then I would not attend without my SO. You get to choose how to manage your wedding, and I get to choose how to respond. Neither of those makes for a jerk. Just realize actions have consequences and own those consequences. MIL and her SO are a separate issue here.” WhereWeretheAdults

Another User Comments:

“About twenty years ago my male cousin married a woman who wanted a larger wedding than they could afford, so her “workaround” was that none of his sisters’ partners were invited (the old “no ring, no bring”), and none of his cousins got plus ones or partners because she “didn’t want people she didn’t know at HER wedding.” My husband was presenting at a conference that weekend, so I ended up going, and we had a “cousin’s table” with the cousins who didn’t decline the invite.

It looked like pretty much all of her side had partners/dates. Our mutual uncle (who has six daughters who all declined the invite) and is quite wealthy (seriously, 1% wealthy) was quick to note the discrepancy, and we had a great laugh cracking jokes about the guest list all night. Fast forward two years, when Uncle’s first daughter had a destination wedding in Italy. All travel and accommodations were covered by Uncle. My cousin was “confused” when the invitation and forms to fill out for the travel agent only had his name on them. My aunt explained that the bride “didn’t want people she didn’t know at HER wedding.” He tried appealing to our uncle, but she didn’t get invited. So far, four high-end, all-expenses paid destination weddings and no plus one for my cousin’s wife. Number five is coming in the Fall of 2025 in Paris for nine days, which includes a river cruise and a private tour of the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam.” celticmusebooks

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. While it is your day, you’re also the hosts, and you should want your guests to feel welcome, comfortable, and have a good experience. I think for many people that includes a plus one. Traveling/driving, ceremony time, cocktail hour, meal, dancing… Attending a wedding is a significant time commitment, potentially costly, with a gift, attire, and travel expenses. It’s just really nice to have someone with you.

There’s only so much small talk that can be made. What do the single guests do when everyone who has a plus one is out on the dance floor? They leave early.” Suitable-Park184

“I noticed that my mom scrolls through social media and sees these AI images and art. Whenever I tell her that it is AI, she always seems to get mad and tell me to stop.

Then, just a few days before the main incident, she told me that Scream 7 was releasing next year (we are both fans of Scream). I was doubtful, knowing the production issues with that film, and when I checked for proof, she got upset. While she was right about Scream 7 coming, she still got mad at me for saying not to trust everything she sees on the internet.

So the main incident happened just an hour ago.

You see, Mom works at a school, and apparently some kids at the school told her about Squid Game and said it was real, and she believed it. I showed her that there was no way the Squid Game show was real, yet she was still being stubborn, and I had enough of her believing all this fake crap and not even believing her own son simply because “she’s the parent.” So, we started arguing over it, trying to tell her to stop believing in dumb stuff like that, even calling her dumb.

Now, I don’t really know if what I said was really needed or if I went too far. So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but pick your battles.

I get it, it’s maddening. But stop arguing over every tiny thing she believes is real and only point out/fact-check when it’s something more important. It’s okay if she thinks AI art is real. Think about what matters in the grand scheme of things, if it’s worth the argument. The fact her students told her Squid Games was real tells me they know she believes everything she’s been told and were messing with her on purpose.” starry_nite99

Another User Comments:

“Hey mate, soft NTJ. I’m a 37-year-old man and still have similar issues like this with my mum. Although mine are more big-picture stuff, I totally understand how it feels to be so seemingly disregarded when you’re simply trying to help them see things for what they are/the truth.

As others have noted, it’s slightly worrying because for now it’s all fairly innocent and inconsequential stuff; the potential for it to become far more insidious is there. I’ve had a few blowouts I’m not proud of with my mum over the years, and while I’ve never called her names or necessarily questioned her intelligence, I’ve come to realize that getting upset and into a heated argument has never really done her, or myself, any favors. I commend you on wanting to protect her from gullibility, so I encourage you to continue to do so. My only advice is to do so with composure. Be as objective as possible, and do your best to not let yourself succumb to emotion. Then, understand and make peace with the fact that you can only do so much, as she is her own person. It will only hurt you more in the long run if you carry that frustration with you into the future. All the best, man.” JimmyCarnes

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but trust me on this, you can’t win. One of the things I’ve learned the hard way is to pick my battles. Any battle you pick with your mother on this subject, you’re going to lose. All arguing with her will do is fill you with resentment, spite, and anger. You will never convince her otherwise. She has made up her mind.

You can’t change a person’s mind; they have to be open to having it changed. So, save yourself the time and trouble. Just accept your mom is an idiot who will believe anything. I mean, really, you could have a LOT of fun with that… But don’t bother fighting her on it. I know it’s hard because you want to correct her or want her to admit you’re right just once, but it’s not going to happen. Save yourself the time and trouble. Next time she comes to you with “something she learned online” or whatever that you KNOW is wrong, just go “sure, Mom” and disengage. It’s not worth the fight. I speak from a depressing amount of experience.” Reddit User

“This ring was given to me by my mum’s close friend when I was about 10 years old. My mum knew about this. I don’t even remember what was said when it was given to me. I hadn’t used it for over 10 years and didn’t wear it because it was too big for me at first and then too small. I decided that I didn’t like the design. It never really crossed my mind to tell them because I had forgotten about it for years. Recently, I decided to take it to a pawn shop in exchange for cash.

Mind you, nobody asked for it back all this time. No one even mentioned it since it was first given to me. And it wasn’t even worth that much; I think I got £75 for it.

My mum and her friend don’t talk to each other anymore. They fell out maybe 4 or 5 years ago, and she’s no longer in my life or my mum’s. They fell out long before I sold it.

Today the ring came up in conversation when I was with my mum and sister. My mum asked if I still had the ring, so I told her what I had done. Once I told her, she had a disappointed look on her face, and my sister looked shocked.

Then my mum told me that it was actually her ring. She had given it to her friend for a bit, and then her friend gave it to me. My mum knew about this the whole time. I had no idea that it was my mum’s ring because she never told me. I thought that it was her friend’s ring, and since she had given it to me and hadn’t been in our lives for ages, I assumed it was okay to sell it.

I do feel guilty, and I probably should have asked my mum before selling it. I’m autistic, so unless someone tells me something specifically, I won’t know what they actually want.

So AITJ for this?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – unless you’re a mind reader?!?! If she ever brings it up again, you can tell her that normal people would let their kids know that it was actually theirs to begin with and that this is a silly and ridiculous topic to continue as it’s now in the past. The lesson for your mom is to be transparent in the future with her family, but that’s on her to realize, not you at all!” whynotImherealready

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You have no responsibility here and you’ve done nothing wrong. Your mom knew where the ring was for ten years.

If it was important to her, she would have told you the history when it was given to you by her friend, but she didn’t. In fact, it’s weird that it never came up at that time. Tell her where you pawned it. Perhaps she can pay you to retrieve it. If it’s lost, it’s on her. Her silence cost her.” CPSue

Another User Comments:

“It was a gift given to you—it is your property. You had no way of knowing that this ring belonged to your mom before this point. (If this is actually true.) The real question is: Is your mom the type that would lie for a few bucks (or to have a reason to give you crap about it)?

Based on what I read, I wouldn’t be surprised if the answer to at least one of those questions is ‘Yes’. Either way, NTJ. There wasn’t some secret etiquette that you were unaware of. They were feeling entitled to YOUR PROPERTY.” magicmom17

“My husband is a nice guy, but sometimes he doesn’t listen to me, and that really triggers me if he does it frequently enough. For example, he will ask if I want some oranges; I’ll say, “No, thank you,” then he’ll peel some oranges for me and offer me some, and then I’ll say, “No, thank you,” and he leaves the bowl of oranges there. But imagine this happens in multiple scenarios daily.

95% of our fights are because he does not listen to me, and he thinks he knows better and keeps insisting on and imposing his ideas on me.

Today, I was holding our baby daughter (2 months) and eating.

He told me to eat first and that he would hold our daughter. I told him, “I’m fine, it’s finger food, and I got it.” I told him to eat first and then rear the toddler/baby after. Well, he insisted that I should eat first and told me to give him the baby. I told him again, “No, I’m okay, I can hold the baby.” He then came over, grabbed the baby, and repeatedly said, “Eat! Eat first! I’ll eat after.” I told him explicitly, “No, let go. No, I’m fine. No, don’t take her. You aren’t listening to me, and this will lead to a fight. This is disrespectful; please stop,” while maintaining my hold on our baby. He kept grabbing the baby from my arms, and I finally let go because I didn’t want to make our baby feel uncomfortable or, worse, hurt her (like, God forbid, we drop her while both trying to grab her). I was so angry that he would not listen to me again and went as far as “starting a tug-of-war” with our baby.

He says he’s always trying to just be nice, and I end up snapping at him. It’s also important to know that what we value most in a relationship is different. He values feeling like he’s cared for and loved.

I value being respected. I told him that by not listening to me repeatedly (multiple times a week), he’s disrespecting me.

So now I feel crazy. I know he’s trying to be nice, but I end up in a fight about how he doesn’t listen to me at least twice a month.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Forceful, yes, nice, no. Steamrolling you when you’re saying no is so far from nice. Doing it multiple times every single day is …I don’t even know what to say. I would lose my mind. Of course you snap at him. What else are you supposed to do? Not that it matters, he doesn’t listen even when you snap.

He’s not trying to be nice. People who try to be nice don’t do things they are explicitly told not to do. …On the off chance this actually is him trying, he is the worst at it anyone has ever been.” dryadduinath

Another User Comments:

“You’re not crazy. The problem is that he decides he knows what’s best for you, and then enforces that over your protests. He’s not being nice; he’s demonstrating that he thinks of you and your opinions/needs as less important or right than whatever he imagines. It’s disrespectful and it’s disenfranchising. It’s manipulative. Next time, could you try a calm question before you get angry and when he first does it: “Why are you ignoring me?”, “Why do you think you know what I need more than I do?”, or a more forceful, “Do you think I’m a child that you need to force to do the right thing?” Or “Are you deliberately ignoring me because you want to start a fight again?” Pick a phrase you pull out each time he starts this that grabs his attention and forces him to question why he does this.

It needs to be calm, before you’re angry, and it needs to make him explain why he’s ignoring you.” No-Sea1173

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He sounds exhausting. I know he’s your husband and you love him, and I’m not suggesting you leave him over it or anything, but my God, if someone were being “nice” to me like that, they’d quickly find themselves out of my life. I suggest you sit him down in a calm moment, not during a fight, and you tell him that your needs differ from his and that this behavior is making you feel invalidated, disrespected, infantilized, or whatever expresses your feelings best.

Tell him that you need him to show you love in the way you can receive it, just like he needs you to love him in a way he can receive it. Make it clear to him that it’s not nice and it’s not loving if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Work with him on taking no for an answer, because “no” always needs to be respected. Do all of this calmly and politely. Do your best not to rise to it if he tries to make it a fight, and make it clear to him that this discussion is not negotiable.” Nattodesu

“My sister (20F) went to university a year ago now, and she’s had her own (box) room since she was 10. I (22M) have shared a room with my brother (19M) since I was 10, so for a good part of my life I’ve never really had that privacy or personal space where I could close the door or maybe talk to a friend on the phone without being listened to (accidentally – my brother isn’t nosey). I shared a wardrobe during that time too and put up with a messy room because my brother is quite messy, unfortunately!

AITJ for “taking” her room while she’s at uni without consulting her?

By take I mean literally just using the bed to sleep in because it would be nice to have my own room where I could close the door and not be interrupted if I wanted some quiet time. It would also mean I wouldn’t disturb my brother, as he works early shifts. I wouldn’t move anything or change anything in the room as she still has some of her stuff here; I’d just change the bedding to my own and use it to sleep in and maybe watch movies on my laptop in the evening. Of course, when my sister comes back she would have it back, and I would move back into my previous room, no questions asked or fuss thrown.

I asked my mother, as she is the house owner and we (sister and brother) don’t pay rent (although my brother and I pay for groceries and utilities), whether it would be okay, and she was all for it.

She was happy even that I would finally have my own space for a while because it makes me quite upset that I never really have had one and it would be nice to have. She even said I could change it around if I wanted, but I’m not interested in making it mine—I just want the private space for as long as I can until my sister returns!

My sister “found out” I was sleeping in her room and called me. She seemed quite upset and angry that I hadn’t asked and assumed I had changed the room and stuff, but I reassured her I hadn’t and that it was just so I could sleep and think in my own space.

She then called my mum and said the same things, but my mum told her what she had told me: that it was okay, that she has her own personal space at university, and that it’s not fair for her to claim both spaces. My mum added that she should be grateful I’ve agreed not to customize the room or make it mine in any way.

One of my friends made me feel very bad and said I should have asked and that it’s “crazy” that I didn’t and that it’s a “violation.” Now I just feel sad because all I want is my own space—even if it’s temporary—and I feel like I’m getting bashed for it.”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

Look, you deserve your own space and it makes no sense to reserve the room for your sister. That said, it’s also reasonable for your sister to feel that her space was invaded and that her privacy was violated. But her being upset doesn’t mean that she gets to keep the room or that you were a jerk. All it means is that you should probably just give her a call and apologize for not telling her you were moving into the room. If she demands that you not use her room, stand your ground and explain to her that both you and your brother need your own rooms given the current situation.” kingofthezootopia

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Quite literally, within minutes of my son moving the last of what he was taking out, my daughters were already moving, one of them into the now vacant room. I doubt my son was even out of our street. Neither my husband nor I had a problem with the girls doing this. It’s absolutely ridiculous to have a perfectly useful bedroom sit empty just in case you have a guest staying.” Over-Ad-6555

Another User Comments:

“So let me get this straight: Your sister spends the majority of the year at uni and basically just goes home on breaks, vacations, or some random visit she might do, and she is angry because the people in the house are not leaving an entire room untouched when it could add comfort for both you and your brother by providing you both some privacy?

Honestly, if it were at my home, that would have been discussed before she went—for example, your mother should’ve said, “Hey, since you won’t be living here 24/7, we will be making a space redistribution so everyone has more space.” Sure, she might feel like she’s losing something because it was her room for so long, but—and I say that as an older brother—she should just calm down and accept that you also deserve a place to yourself. It would be quite selfish to want her room to be vacant while she’s at uni (and she’ll most likely move out officially after uni, so no problems there). NTJ.” PastSalamander1256

“I (M18) upset my mother by telling her that I didn’t want to hug her.

Backstory: My mother has always been a hugger, and when I was younger I used to just put up with it, but as I got older I started saying no more. Back when I was in middle school, my parents sent me to therapy for depression, but another thing that came up with the therapist was my issue with hugging my mother. The therapist recommended that she ask before hugging me, instead of just going in for it or approaching me from behind (which freaks me out even more).

My mother is fine with this in theory but gets upset whenever I say no, often giving me the silent treatment or stomping away.

The reason I think I may be the jerk is that I am fine (sometimes) with hugs from my dad. I feel more emotionally connected with him, and it just doesn’t make me uncomfortable unless I am having a particularly bad day. I try to avoid hugging him in front of her, so she doesn’t feel left out.

Anyway, they were just about to leave after having dropped me off at my college campus. My dad hugged me, and then my mother tried to go in for a hug, but I backed up a little and said I didn’t want to hug her.

She didn’t say anything after that, just got in her car and slammed the door. She hasn’t texted or called me since, although we used to text somewhat frequently.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“This one is tough. You absolutely have the right to bodily autonomy and are not obligated to hug anyone, not even your mother. On the other hand, as a mom, I understand why she’s so hurt, and how she probably figures if you can’t even indulge in a goodbye hug, she may as well not make any effort. Definitely NTJ, but perhaps you can figure out another way for Mom to show affection with which you’re comfortable.

A special handshake, maybe a squeeze of the elbow? Just something that helps her relay the emotions without invading your personal space.” Curious_Vixen_Here

Another User Comments:

“I understand not wanting to be hugged and everything. Just one thing. Did you seriously hug your dad in front of your mum and then refuse to hug her?? Man, that’s kind of crappy. Of course you hurt her. NTJ for not wanting to be hugged. YTJ for how you did it, dude. Also, you may want to try therapy. It helped me with the hug thing. I froze stiff. I don’t anymore. Actually, I am a hugger now. Also, they were leaving you in college and you couldn’t even hug your mum?

Did she do something to you? What you did—allowing your dad to hug you and not your mother when you had just hugged your father in front of her—hurt her, of course. I sometimes do not want my mother to hug me because I have chronic pain and even if she knows that, she’s still a bit hurt.” Quiet-Arm-6689

Another User Comments:

“Yes, yes, YES to your autonomy and freedom to hug whoever, etc. BUT: YTJ for hugging your dad and not your mum. You have now shown her that she is not held in the same esteem as your dad. You pushed her away and rejected her, and now you’re crying on here because she’s decided that she doesn’t need your crap.

You handled this badly by not extending the same ‘love’ and affection to both parents. Think about it from her perspective: Come here, Dad, bring it in. (Hug) *voiceover: I love you, son. Love you too, Dad.* Mum? Ugh (recoil) *voiceover: What are you doing? Screw you!* In her head, it’s ‘He doesn’t want me? Forget it—he doesn’t have me,’ and that’s on you. Your dad is also a jerk for not backing his wife up and calling you out for being a jerk to her. Don’t be surprised if her whole attitude towards you changes, because that was a cruel, hurtful, and downright disrespectful move that may be the last straw for her. The only way you’re going to repair this, if you want to, is with an apology without a ‘but’ at the end, as anything before ‘but’ is insincere. You also need to discuss with your therapist why a basic human instinct and accepted show of affection is so abhorrent to you.

To all the people defending his actions, what would be your response if the headline of this post was ‘My mother hugged my sibling before she went away without us for a few months, but recoiled when I tried to hug her. Now she’s upset because I haven’t called her’?” HoraceorDoris

“I (31f) recently visited my friend (30f) to catch up. We don’t see each other often, so one of the topics was, of course, the start of the new year and our New Year’s resolutions.

I mentioned how I’ve spent the recent weeks learning to actually play chess. For context: By “learning” I mean using chess websites and apps to do lessons and play against bots. I’m not brave enough to play with my fellow humans just yet. I clearly still have a long way to go, but I’m quite proud of my progress so far and enjoy chess puzzles, games, and moving on to stronger bots, etc.

I explained it all to my friend.

Her partner (34m) heard my chess rant and offered to play with me. I got genuinely excited, as it would be my very first time playing over the board instead of on my phone or computer.

Well… I won. My friend thought it was hilarious, so we laughed it off. Her partner disagreed and got angry. I got accused of blindsiding him and trying to humiliate him in his own house. Again, he had offered to play; I had no idea he even owned a chessboard until that point.

My friend was on my side and said he was a sore loser, which only annoyed him more. We ended the meeting soon after.

AITJ?

Was I supposed to let the host win the game?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He wouldn’t have laughed it off if he’d won. He would have told you all about how nothing can replace the time and experience he has, and blah blah blah. Long story short, your friend is 100% right. He’s a sore loser and he’s throwing a tantrum because the girl didn’t let him win.” otsukaren_613

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If anything, the assumption here would be that he was the experienced player going easy on the newbie. The only time I would ever expect to intentionally throw a game would be with people you are trying to teach, where you might make concessions and give them opportunities to learn from – where you are walking in knowing there is an ulterior motive to the game.

It turns out this guy thought a basic knowledge of chess would easily let him show off in front of the newbie…” Nrysis

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. His broken pride is not your fault unless you ripped the crap out of him and mocked him for the rest of the night. Most of us have been there. I remember trying to start a disc cutter and couldn’t get it going. The next guy came along and started it on his first try. I bragged about being good at a game and got schooled. Laugh it off, get over it. Nobody is going to care next week.” underwater-sunlight

“About 3 weeks ago, I (50m) and my wife (46f) put up a basketball hoop in my driveway for my 12f and 10f children to practice basketball (they play on basketball teams). I live in an HOA and checked the CC&Rs prior, and found nothing in there restricting this.

Last week I got the following text:

“Jack”, respectfully, may we get basketball quiet hours from 4-6 pm on weekends and 4:30-6:30 on weekdays? The constant bouncing of the ball is very disturbing to our senior rest time in the late afternoon.

Thanks for considering. “John.”

After checking the county code and the CC&Rs again and consulting with my sister and friend (both attorneys), I wrote the following response a few days later:

“John”, I’ve considered and discussed your request with my wife. While we want to be good neighbors and have met your prior requests, your current request for “quiet hours” during the late afternoon is unreasonably restrictive.

In reading the County Noise Code section (Noise Ordinance) and the CC&Rs, it appears that quiet hours as defined in the County Code are 10 pm-7 am M-F and 10 pm-9 am Sat-Sun. The CC&Rs document is silent on additional quiet hours beyond county code.

You’re asking for a restriction on their prime playtime between school and dinner for your senior rest time. I’m somewhat sympathetic to your dilemma since I work from home mostly. During business hours, I hear all manner of noises. I have found a set of noise-canceling headphones very essential and effective. My children certainly don’t play basketball daily, and while I have not measured the sound pressure level inside the house yet, I have a hard time thinking it approaches anywhere near the 55 dBA limit as defined in the County Noise Ordinance. Thank you for your understanding.

Fairly quickly, that night I received this response:

Wow, “Jack”…. Your response is really over the top.

We were simply asking for some neighborly consideration, and certainly not expecting a legal brief in response. The noises you describe do happen, are sporadic, and cease. The basketball is constantly bouncing on concrete under our bedroom and living areas, which is a completely different experience. Frankly, we were surprised the court was installed without the simple kindness of a conversation as our lot lines are very minimal. The impact to our home enjoyment is substantial, and your suggestion that we live in headphones at the behest of your basketball whims is ludicrous. We are shocked at your unneighborly response, which is lacking in basic kindness. Consideration for the fact that we are over 70 and need some quiet periods to rest in our home is what we were seeking, as well as open rapport so that we may continue to enjoy our neighborhood together. The past 12-plus years have been a very pleasant experience for us. We wrongly assumed that you simply didn’t realize the impact on our living space from your sport court and were opening a dialogue.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Sounds like your neighbors are the classic elderly couple with control issues who feel everyone should bend to their whims because they’re older. Good lord, the message he sent made it sound like you live next door to a retirement home and were disturbing a whole community of dementia patients. They can get a big ol’ lot in the middle of nowhere, or they can suck it up and deal with the reality of living with neighbors.

Putting everyone on their nap schedule is not an option.” JustheBean

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They should schedule their “senior rest time” while your kids are in school and guaranteed to not be playing. Lmao. It’s totally outrageous to try and impose “no basketball at all” during pretty much the only possible time they could be playing it, especially with the current amount of daylight. My guess is that if you gave in to their demands, come summer, the “senior rest time hours” would be significantly expanded to accommodate the terrible potential that they might play after 6:30 (shudder).” Low_Reception477

Another User Comments:

“With all due respect, it is not reasonable in any way to request that my school-age children refrain from playing basketball on my own property between the hours when they get off of school and when it is time to have dinner and go to bed.

As the sound of children playing basketball is something within the reasonable range of expectations when living in a residential neighborhood, I will not give this issue any additional consideration.” NTJ. If a condition of having good neighborly relations with them is to unquestioningly acquiesce to their demands like this, they were never good neighbors to begin with.” [deleted]

“About a year ago I (16M) bought a Nintendo Switch with my money that I earned; however, I let my brother (17M) use it sometimes when I wasn’t using it and he wanted to play. After a while, I didn’t use it much, but he still loved playing. I figured, since I didn’t want it anymore, I’d just sell it to him.

Now, about the Switch: I bought the full Switch package, a storage device, and a controller, which all totaled around $400ish. I offered the Switch to him at what I thought was an amazing deal—all of that for $200, and if he just wanted the Switch, it was $150.

He then told me I was selfish for charging him at all and that I should just give it to him for free since it’s what families do. I said no and that if I did that, I’d essentially be out $400 for nothing. I honestly don’t know if I’m being a bad brother or if he’s being a stuck-up brat; so tell me, am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s all about the money status in your family. If you are financially stable and getting allowances, then maybe your brother has a point, but from what you described, you needed to work to pay for your Switch, meaning that your parents don’t give you major allowances, and if your brother would like a Switch for himself, then he would need to work too—which means that you can’t just give it to him, since you would probably prefer to sell it on eBay and buy yourself your next gadget console.” edebby

Another User Comments:

“Depends on the model, but with the announcement of the next system due later today (Thursday), resell prices have dropped.

Check eBay and trade-in value on Amazon and see if you are overcharging or undercharging. My non-OLED isn’t worth more than 50–75 at a lot of places I looked. I do, however, have controller drift on the one Joy-Con. My OLED is the Zelda version, and the last check was fetching a decent price. I plan on trading both in for the new one if my friend doesn’t get back to me. She was going to swap out the Joy-Cons and give it to her autistic grandson. It’s the only thing he really wants, and with everyone here getting slammed with hurricane damage, I’m willing to hand it over for free. She didn’t know I had one collecting dust. Just wanted me to help find a good deal. Overcharging is a jerk move. Not giving a discount is your business. Check prices and see if you can come to an agreement. But you know how quickly these things drop in price when multiple models are out and a new one is about to be announced.” Alycion

Another User Comments:

“I’m going to go against the grain and say soft YTJ. All of this is mostly based on personal beliefs, but you say you don’t even want the thing, so is there any real need to have it if you aren’t using or selling it otherwise? I think some people don’t realize, but once you start charging family for things you want gone that you would otherwise not put the effort into selling, you are changing the nature of the relationship from trust to transactional.

Maybe you need help from your brother in the future. Would you be happy if he charged you on a per-hour basis for his assistance? To me, that’s the kind of relationship you would be building if you keep this up. If that kind of thing is okay with you (which it is with many people, I’m sure, as I’ve seen many American families charge rent to their own children), then charging him would be fair.” Rawrroar74

“My partner recently started a new job in a call center. He has been doing very well and received lots of positive feedback. He told me again today how good he is at the job, which made me happy to hear, and I praised him for it.

He then continued telling me that a client called him today, telling him that the previous woman he reached in the call center was not listening to him at all. My partner assisted him with his questions and sold him something, too. The client was very satisfied, and my partner now told me that he is so proud that he is better at this job than the woman the client had reached before.

He thinks (without knowing her or the conversation she had) that she is obviously not as good as him since she made the client angry and he didn’t buy anything from her.

I again praised him for doing such a good job, but told him to be careful when comparing himself, since he does not know the full conversation and angry clients do not always reflect the complete truth. For example, I know from my own work experience that sometimes a man does not want to have his problem solved by a woman but rather by a man, and there could be many other reasons that have nothing to do with the talent of his colleague. I think it’s unfair to now make the colleague look bad just to highlight his performance.

I told him that I found it arrogant to do so, and he was mad about it, saying that I should just praise him and that it’s obvious he is just better at the job.”

Another User Comments:

“I feel like I’m in the minority here, but NTJ. I was playing around with E-S-H but honestly, the thing that tipped me away from your partner’s side is that….being proud of a job well done is fine. Having pride in your work is great. But why does he need to assert that he is better than someone else in order to achieve that? He did a great job and was able to help someone, which is amazing on its own – there’s no need to verbally step on someone else to make that valid.

Perhaps that wasn’t the right moment to tell him that, I don’t know, but if it were me I would want my partner to be honest with me on something like this.

Some comments are saying he should be able to freely express himself in the privacy of his safe space with his partner. While I agree with that, when we share something that is possibly based in problematic thinking with our partners, I do think we should be open to our partners being honest with us. Perhaps phrased gently, perhaps at a more optimal time, but I do not think it’s healthy to go about life with the mindset of….beating other people and winning over them like that – even just in your head.” deathandtaxesblabla

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

I don’t see anything wrong with you cautioning your partner about his oversight. Of course, depending on the words used when you cautioned him, it may reflect to him that you are trying to discredit his efforts. You may want to try to let him know again that you are not, but just trying to caution him. If your partner left it at ‘I managed to appease and address a customer’s complaint that my colleague was not able to,’ then I am fine with such statements along that line. But once he added that he is obviously better than his colleague, he will face a tough time in the future since he has set a certain standard unconsciously within himself that as long as he is able to address complaints that his colleagues can’t, he is definitely better than them. So, what happens when the same happens to him? A few customers start complaining about him and his colleagues are able to address their concerns/issues that your partner can’t? This is what I believe you are trying to avoid, and thus cautioning him about. With different people, expectations will be different, and to handle the different complaints with 100% satisfaction from different people will never be easy.” ParkKyuMan

Another User Comments:

“So I think you are correct, we shouldn’t judge the colleague as being bad at her job based on this one incident, and I guess it is possible that the client had a bias against women. However, why try and humble your partner and stick up so staunchly for this unknown female colleague?

Especially when he could be right and be better at his job than her. Your decision to make this ‘a thing’ makes you a jerk. Gotta let the small things go. What is more important? Being right or supporting your partner. I think what happened was he was excessively bragging, and you wanted to tackle that ego a little (understandably), but at least own that and don’t say this is really about the female colleague when, at its heart, it’s not. YTJ.” Storm101xx

“My (23M) first two partners at 15 and then at 17 were abusive jerks. One was four years older than me, and the other kept me off my bipolar meds. However, anytime I’ve confided in anyone or talked about it, I always get weird looks or comments because I’m not a stereotypical victim. I’m not a girl or some scrawny twink; I was 6ft at 14 and a football player. I’ve always gotten weird looks or comments, like how I let it happen or why I didn’t stop it or stand up for myself.

Even my first psychiatrist made really ignorant comments.

My older sister “Tara” (25F) began a relationship with this guy “Tyler” (27M) a few months ago, and I guess she told him about me because, at dinner with our folks yesterday, he kept giving me weird looks. My sister, him, and I went for drinks. We got to talking, and he just blurted out, asking, “Did I really let a guy do that to me?” I was taken aback and was like, “What?” He’s obviously pretty intoxicated, so I was going to let it go, but he kept on asking me why I didn’t defend myself from my partners at my size.

I just started screaming at him in the bar and told him to go screw himself and that he was an ignorant jerk, and then I left them at the bar. I was the designated driver, so I’d only been nursing one beer.

This morning, my sister was upset and told me I overreacted and that he shouldn’t have said that, but I’ve heard stuff like that before, and I shouldn’t have stranded them and forced them to get an Uber. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your sister had no business giving anyone your personal details regarding your mental health treatment, and her partner had no business blurting them out to everyone at a bar.

Did he completely miss the part where you were being treated for mental illness as a teenager? Of course, you can’t be expected to function like everyone else when you’re in that state, especially at that age. That’s the whole point of being on meds to begin with.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I have both a sister and a brother. Regardless of gender or age, I would never, ever, could even imagine telling somebody about their mental health. I would never disclose sensitive information. The information I give to anyone is pretty much limited to their age and dumb stories of how we grew up. Like when my brother accidentally pushed me off my skateboard and left me a scar on my lip (this is mostly because I still have that very visible scar), and a couple of weeks later, he was pushed by someone else from a tree and got a similar scar.

(Karma jerk) That kinda sibling stuff. Your sister is a stupid jerk who has no regard for you. She didn’t care about your mental health or your safety. There is no age, body type, or gender for abuse. Abuse is abuse. She could’ve caused you a mental breakdown or put you in the same room with someone who could use that information to abuse you again. You left them in a bar. They could get a taxi, an Uber, or use any of the 100 apps that are available nowadays to get a ride. You are not in the wrong here. Do not, ever, let her do this to you again. She should have consequences. Either limit contact or go no contact for your own safety. I am so sorry you had to go through this, and I hope you are doing OK, OP.” manik_502

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your sister told a new partner super personal information about you. Then that new partner was a jerk about it and wouldn’t stop bringing it up. This is also a subject that likely brings up past trauma and may be difficult for you to discuss. And others have had a similarly disrespectful take on the situation in the past, giving you an understandable defensiveness on the subject. If she was going to tell the new partner about it, she should have at least had the decency or intelligence to tell him not to bring it up around you.

NTJ. They’re jerks, and they can get themselves home from the bar if they want to victim blame. Gross.” smokey_flutterby

“I’m a 17-year-old woman, I still go to high school, and I have a part-time job as a cleaner at a hospital. I want you guys to know that I’m not a talkative or argumentative person. I just can’t stand up for myself, even though they’re wrong. When I want to talk, the right words just don’t come out of my mouth. That’s why I’m writing this.

My parents are on vacation right now, and I’m home with my brothers (one is 12 and the other is 25 years old).

So basically, I’m the one who cooks and cleans for them while they’re away. I have school to attend, plus I take care of the house and my brothers. Christmas break just ended, and I worked for the whole two weeks.

Today, I finally got paid. And, of course, my mom asked me to “share” with her. I worked eight hours a day to save my money for later, only for her to take it? Isn’t she the one supposed to send me money to do grocery shopping since she is not at home? I’m buying groceries with my own money. I can’t take this anymore. It’s too much responsibility on my back; I have school, house chores, and work.

My brothers do nothing, even when I ask them to; they just wait until I make their food and clean up after.

I also have two sisters who live in their own houses now. One time they came over, I went to sleep early because I was tired from working the whole day. I woke up at one in the morning and saw the kitchen and the living room in a complete mess. They ate and left everything like that. I was so upset. What kind of older sisters are they? Obviously, I cleaned everything at one in the morning while fighting back my tears. And so today, my mom asked me for money. I still didn’t reply, and I’m not going to. I was thinking of sending a message to my mom about everything and how it’s not okay what they’re doing. It’s just too much for me; I’m only 17…”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This dynamic is all kinds of off. “So basically I’m the one that cooks and cleans for them while they’re away.” You’re a minor yourself, why isn’t the 25-year-old adult man doing anything? You shouldn’t be taking care of your brothers, especially the grown man. With all that said, you’re NTJ for wanting to keep the money YOU worked for and earned. You’re not the parent, your mom is. What does the actual adult in the house do? Does he work?” DJ_Too_Supreme_AITJ

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

This is all kinds of wrong. You’re a minor in HS. Your parents have gone on vacation & left you to cook & clean. Your 25-year-old brother should be doing that or watching the 12-year-old. Or one of your sisters. The 25-year-old is supposed to be an adult. “I just can’t stand up for myself even though they’re wrong. When I want to talk, the right words just don’t come out of my mouth.” Probably because you’ve been bullied & put on by your own family. Your parents have a duty to take care of your needs until you’re 18. Your mom has no right to your money or to use you. “It’s just too much for me; I’m only 17…” I’m really sorry. I’d tell them to get back home or you’ll call CPS. As you struggle to speak up for yourself, is there someone you can stay with? And when you hit 18, I hope you make a happy life for yourself & leave your deadbeat, selfish family well behind.” Apart-Ad-6518

Another User Comments:

“First off, I just want to say I’m proud of you for putting this out there. It’s not easy to share something like this, and honestly, it sounds like you’re dealing with so much more than any 17-year-old should have to.

You’re juggling school, work, and essentially running a household while your parents are away. That’s a lot, and you’re completely justified in feeling overwhelmed. You’re not wrong for wanting to hold onto your paycheck. You worked hard for that money—8-hour shifts during your break—and you have every right to save it for yourself. It’s frustrating that instead of helping or supporting you, your mom is asking for money when she should be the one providing groceries or helping with household responsibilities. It also sounds like the dynamic in your family is really unfair. Your brothers aren’t stepping up, your older sisters are being inconsiderate when they visit, and it seems like everything falls on you. That’s not okay. You’re still a teenager, not a parent or a housekeeper, and the responsibility being placed on you isn’t right. If you do decide to message your mom, I think it’s a good idea to lay out how you’re feeling—but in a calm and clear way. You’re not being selfish for wanting to keep what you’ve earned or for feeling exhausted by the amount of responsibility you’re carrying. Honestly, you’re stepping up in ways that a lot of adults couldn’t handle, and that shows how strong you are. But strength doesn’t mean you have to keep putting up with this imbalance. Take care of yourself first. You deserve that.” Previous-Regular-966

“My MIL, husband and I all live together. She can’t drive, so I usually do everything she asks for. She told me she wanted a cat. I talked to her about cats and looked for cats for a few months until we all agreed on a really cute cat. Then, we got a cat. After which, she told my husband and me that she never said she wanted the cat and didn’t even like cats after we brought her home. We kept the cat with us, and we do everything for her, so she’s our cat.

Now, this cat is super attached to me.

She’s on me whether I’m sleeping or awake. She stands vigil while I use the bathroom, and she’s at the door as I leave and return. My husband says it’s like she looks at me as her mommy, which is cute, but I don’t really refer to myself as mommy. However, I heard my mother-in-law refer to herself as mommy… while my husband is referred to as daddy to the cat.

It makes me feel a little weird. I’ve always felt like she has looked at me as competition. I’ve had to tell her before that she’s not married to her son; I am, and the way she tries to overtake my position as her son’s wife gives me the ick.

I have let her step on me before while trying to keep the peace, but I really don’t like how it feels.

So, my question basically is: If I asked her not to refer to herself as mommy with our cat, would I be the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“Is this really the fight you want to pick? It seems there may be legitimate issues you could broach with her, but this is a ridiculous non-issue you’re trying to make into one. Also, are you guys living with her, or is she living with you? Because if you’re living with her and not having to pay rent or only having to pay a small amount in return for running her errands, I definitely wouldn’t pick a fight with her over this.” Kasparian

Another User Comments:

“This is a weird one.

In the surrounding circumstances and context here, you would NOT be the jerk in this relationship. But trying to police the way another adult talks to an animal is an impossible fight. Aside from being wildly unenforceable, you also look crazy. If we were talking about a real child, who would grow into language acquisition and understanding that titles have meaning, yes, for sure. But this is a cat. She could call herself Mommy or Attila the Hun for the cat, and the cat doesn’t know the difference. The other potential here is that it’s a trap, whether it’s conscious on her part or not. Objections to how she interacts with her son will look less like rational and reasonable complaints if you also object to how she interacts with the cat. YWBTJ but not because of how you feel, but because this would be, at best, a pyrrhic victory. Picking this fight is a really bad look for you, and while considering it, thinking about it, dreaming about it, is not jerky; letting those feelings out is so petty and worthless (in this battle with your MIL) that you only hurt yourself. Save your efforts for places where it could actually make a difference.” rockology_adam

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here – but you and your husband didn’t look into why his mother suddenly stated that she never wanted a cat after months of wanting, looking for, or accepting a cat? Is she doing it on purpose to get a rise out of you and your husband and cause issues?

Is she having memory issues? Did something happen between the agreement and bringing the cat home that changed her mind? Like, you guys just accepted this bizarre change of events without question? It sounds like if she’s causing issues on purpose or having memory issues, that may lead to a change in where she lives, so it’s probably a good idea to try to find out why she changed her mind.” IAmTAAlways

“My biological father hasn’t been in my life for probably around 25 years. He was in a very physical relationship with my mother and his ex-wife while they had relationships. He was arrested and deported back to Mexico when I was about 11. I haven’t heard from him at all since.

Fast forward to 2022, I get a random email from a young lady claiming to be my 18-year-old sister. She and I talked after confirming some information about each other and her siblings, whom I had known ever since I met them when they were toddlers.

She sent my information to my dad, and he has been messaging me periodically.

Just a few months ago, he asked for $100. I felt okay sending that to him because I felt this was a step toward possibly rebuilding our relationship. He ghosted me for six months after I sent messages asking how he was, if he was okay, and all that. He messaged me again today asking for more money. There was no response to the other messages when I sent him pictures of his granddaughters. He has been continuously asking, even after I said no.

I explained this all to my brothers, and they said I should just give him the money and that I am being a jerk for just helping him out.

I feel like it’s enabling him to keep asking. I’m torn. I want to help because he’s my dad, but on the other hand, I do not want to seem like a piggy bank for him.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ! He is a money muncher and nothing else. He didn’t really start to care about you (you don’t ghost someone you care about for six months…), and he doesn’t really want you in his life – you are just an easy way for him to get money, which he probably needs because he is a useless loser. Provide him only details about you and your family, and if he really cares, this is all he would really want from you.

You are correct to deny his money requests.” edebby

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re not obligated to send money to someone who hasn’t been in your life for decades and who only contacts you when they want financial support. You already extended an olive branch by sending money once, but his lack of interest in maintaining a meaningful relationship beyond asking for cash speaks volumes. Your feelings of not wanting to be treated like a piggy bank are valid. Helping someone doesn’t mean enabling them, especially when they’ve shown no effort to build a genuine connection.” Younggod9

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I understand the natural instinct to help someone you care about, but your father hasn’t been in your life for 25 years.

And it only takes him a few months after he re-establishes contact to ask you for money? I would have told him to pound sand the first time he asked because he hasn’t earned the right to ask for that after so many years of abandonment. Plus, he ghosts you for six months and only reappears when he wants more money? He’s trying to take advantage of you, plain and simple.” Infinite_Turnip_8491

“I’ve been dealing with my father’s estate for over two years now. Part of the estate is a piece of land. After much wrangling, we put the land on the market and received an offer. My sisters decided they didn’t want to sell, and we agreed to let them buy me out at the current offer price.

One of my sisters is the executor and was supposed to sign to take the property off the market, but she didn’t. A couple of weeks go by, and the agent comes back with a new, significantly higher offer. I say that we should take the new offer or have them match it for the buyout, but they say that we have already agreed to a deal and refuse to negotiate.

WIBTJ if I take them to court to try and make them take the new offer or match it?”

Another User Comments:

“This is a tough one. What would you do if another offer (or an appraisal) came in that was much lower… You’d probably not agree to reducing the price or splitting the difference. ... Click here to continue reading