“I have 2 cars: a 4‑cylinder for work and an 8‑cylinder for fun.

I use the 4‑cylinder for a side hustle that brings in extra good cash, and I drive it daily when I just want a chill commute to and from work.

Said coworker beats up his 6‑cylinder almost constantly, and it has been in the shop a few times already since we met.

When his car is out of commission, he asks and tries to peer-pressure me into letting him borrow one of them.

Both my engine and transmission have been replaced on the 4‑cylinder, but not due to thrashing on the needle every day, and it has been good to me since.

When other people let him borrow their car, he treats it like a toy that he can break without having to deal with the consequences.

We were both in our early twenties, and he tries to say that I suck for not letting him borrow my cars so he can get to work.

I’ll always offer a ride, but I never let him drive.

Am I really a jerk for letting him struggle?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

So by sheer virtue of being your coworker, he thinks he should have access to a free car? Are you at least his boss? Supervisor? Is someone getting the same check as you really saying you suck for not handling his transportation expenses??? Once my car broke down and a coworker offered to let me use an extra, I paid for gas and insurance for both cars. Why should my misfortune net me a benefit at your expense when we are making the same money??” pottersquash

Another User Comments:

“I NEVER lend my car. EVER. I have the kind of car that people like to borrow – it’s not expensive as cars go, and I bought it used.

But it’s my biggest asset. Most of the time, I get around this because it’s a standard – you’d be shocked at the number of people who can’t drive anything but an automatic. A coworker’s kid asked to borrow my car for prom (I still can’t believe she told her kid it was okay), so when I asked if he could drive a stick, he didn’t even know what I was talking about. Problem solved. Just say, ‘No. And I can’t even believe you’d ask.'” ChampionshipBetter91

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – your car, your choice.

Borrowing someone’s car is a privilege, not a right. Your friend isn’t owed a darn thing. There was a period in time, due to a death in the family, when I ended up with three cars. I loaned one to a trusted friend for about six weeks when he was having problems with his. It was returned to me in better condition than I gave it to him. I had another work friend who was having car issues. She hinted in every which way that she wanted to “borrow” my car since, you know, I had three of them. I didn’t take the bait. I didn’t trust her, I wasn’t comfortable loaning her my car, and I didn’t want to go down that road because it would have just resulted in her asking again and again (she was one of those dollar-short and a day-late kind of people).” Pascale73

“My wife is the primary cook in our house, and she’s fantastic at it. I genuinely appreciate her taking on this responsibility. I’m a self-sufficient, picky eater. I have some food preferences, but I never complain or make a scene. I just take smaller portions or try to avoid the food subtly. She’s aware of some of my dislikes from previous conversations.

However, when she makes meals she knows I’m not a fan of, she points out when I take a smaller portion or say I’m not very hungry.

For example, last night she made a casserole with mushrooms, which I’ve told her I don’t particularly enjoy. I took a small serving, and she said, “Oh, not hungry tonight?” in a way that felt a little pointed.

I understand she puts a lot of effort into cooking, and I always express my gratitude. I don’t think I’m the jerk for quietly avoiding food I don’t like, especially since I’m trying to be respectful and not make a fuss.

However, I might be the jerk for not just enthusiastically eating the food, even if I don’t like it, so she feels more appreciated.

Maybe my subtle avoidance is more obvious and hurtful than I realize.

AITJ for not enthusiastically eating meals my wife knows I don’t like, even though I’m always grateful and don’t complain?”

Another User Comments:

“Potentially no jerks here, you clarified that you have kids and try to set a good example by not complaining, and that usually these meals are loved by the whole family except you. If it’s starting to feel like her comments are snarky, I’d suggest having a talk sometime away from the kiddos when tensions are low, making sure she knows you appreciate and love her cooking and that you saying you aren’t very hungry is more for the kids’ benefit of not pushing your texture issues onto them, not meant to be misleading or untruthful to her.

My guess would be there’s been evidence of you eating later after claiming “not very hungry” and she’s leaned into feeling a little hurt or put out like maybe you’re lying about it to her, rather than that you’re setting a good example for the kids on meals that include elements you don’t like.” TheGirlOnFireAndIce

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Not wanting to be ungrateful or come across as ungrateful is understandable. Cooking takes effort and should be appreciated. When it comes to food preferences, I think the way you’re handling it now is how people should handle these situations when the other person is unaware of their issue, can’t accommodate them, made a mistake, etc.

That doesn’t sound like what’s actually happening here, though. It sounds like your wife is just cooking for you two, knows what you don’t like and makes it anyway. What’s the point of cooking for two when you know the other person doesn’t want to eat it? I mean, she’s cooking, so she should have more say over what’s cooked. Having more say still shouldn’t mean disregarding how you feel and expecting you to love being disregarded. And honestly, why should you appreciate that someone made something they know you don’t like? If she wants to occasionally make things that she knows you don’t like, that’s fine, but she shouldn’t expect you to eat them. Shouldn’t it be perfectly fine if sometimes she texts you to say “I really felt like mushroom casserole tonight, so you might want to grab something else on your way home”? Communicate until that is fine in your relationship.” thefanciestcat

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are still eating the food provided. Honestly, this is behavior I model for my kids. They don’t have to like everything, but they can quietly dislike it. No loud groaning and exclamations of disgust.

That’s good modeling. But your wife is being a bit of a jerk over it. If she calls you out in front of the kids, then respond in kind. Wife: Not hungry tonight? (pointed dig) You: I don’t like ingredient, but your food is so good, I’m having a small amount. I would say this is a good way to handle it, especially in front of kids. Let the kids know it’s okay not to enjoy certain ingredients, and also show them that eating things you don’t like is possible, and sometimes necessary. It also reinforces to your wife that while you don’t like the ingredient, you do like and appreciate her cooking.” Minnichi

“My mother has bullied me since I was a kid. I’m introverted and quiet, so when she insults me, I usually stay quiet or tell her that what she’s saying hurts. I’ve tried communicating with her about how badly she can make me feel, but she always says I’m too sensitive, need to grow up, or can’t handle criticism. I have tics, and she’s the only family member who makes fun of them. Whenever I tic, she makes a big show of gasping and says I scared her, then imitates me, claiming she isn’t doing it on purpose.

When I was younger, I had a habit of putting too much food in my cheeks, and she would call me the “queen of the pigs,” yelling that I was disgusting.

She also used to get mad at me for my smile in pictures, claiming I was doing it on purpose. I’m autistic, and for years, I struggled to smile naturally. She’s called me lazy and fat, even though I’ve always been close to underweight and was sick for a couple of years, leaving me with barely enough energy to get up. I’m sharing this to explain why I believe she doesn’t fully understand how her words affect others.

Yesterday, while walking home from the gym on a call with my brother and my mother, she told me to “stop clucking like a turkey” and watch my steps after I laughed.

I told her it wasn’t kind and moved on. Later, I joked with my brother, and he joked about me being too old to act that way. My mother said, “I know, right? She truly doesn’t act like she’s twenty. We should just marry her off to her cousin.” My mother has made many “jokes” about marrying me off or telling me I need to find a rich husband to go anywhere in life. I’ve told her many times that these jokes aren’t funny, but she rolls her eyes and tells me I’m sensitive. I found the cousin comment disgusting and hung up. When I got home, I ignored her, and when I went to make dinner, she said I was being dramatic and it wasn’t a big deal.

This morning, her first comment to me was, “Are you still mad at me?” I didn’t know what to say, so she groaned and asked what she had done wrong. I told her, “I feel like you don’t think about what you say sometimes,” and she responded, “Well, you better watch your mouth. I’ll tell you what I really think of you someday; then you’ll see.” My dad intervened, saying, “Okay, let’s cut the conversation here.”

Later, I asked my dad if what I said was disrespectful.

He said it was, that I can’t speak to my mother that way, and told me to apologize. This doesn’t feel fair because she’s never apologized to me, even though I’ve done it countless times. I don’t understand why I’m expected to be the bigger person since childhood, while she’s never held to the same standard. My dad always justifies her behavior with, “You know how she is.”

I genuinely don’t understand how what I said was disrespectful. Maybe I’m wrong, so am I the jerk for saying that?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you’re underreacting.

What she’s saying is completely unacceptable and you made a mild observation, not even an objection. But also, I want to point out that you’ve told her that her words hurt you and she keeps doing it and didn’t show any remorse for it. That means that it’s on purpose. She knows the effect she has on you and she doesn’t care. Do you have any way of moving out? Finding roommates or anything? Your mom is toxic and dragging you down.” RivSilver

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your comment was, of course, not rude. What it was was questioning her and her motives.

What you need to accept is that your mother has mental health problems. For whatever reason, she has decided that putting you down and making you feel bad makes her feel better. If she can insult you or make you feel bad, it lifts her up a little bit. She is selfish and cruel. You have a couple of choices, and the one you should not pick is allowing this to continue over and over. You could sit down and talk to her, and tell her that she may not realize what she’s doing, but she’s hurting you consistently. If you think she’ll listen. If you don’t, I suggest going the petty way. Every time she says something that hurts you, you clap back with statements like, “Oh, I must’ve gotten that from you,” or “I guess it’s no different than when you do XXXXX.” I would find ways to put her in her place. From today forward, you will take nothing she says personally. You now recognize that she is awful and broken. That is not your fault. You will see her more with pity than by taking what she says as anything more than an 8-year-old angry that his parents had the nerve to have another child, so he’s going to get attention no matter what. Your dad is afraid of her too. That’s why he takes her side. If he takes yours, imagine how he will be attacked later.” OhmsWay-71

Another User Comments:

“You’re NTJ but you’ve misdiagnosed the problem. It’s not that she doesn’t think, and if she thought more she’d be kinder. She doesn’t want to be kind or even fair to you. And she doesn’t need to, because she has influence over you as your mother who brought you up, as the person with age, experience, money, homeownership, and social support for her behavior, and you do not.

You’re right to pick up that there are different standards of ‘respect’ expected from you versus your mother. To quote a random deactivated Tumblr user:

“Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” and sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority.” And sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say “if you won’t respect me I won’t respect you” and they mean “if you won’t treat me like an authority I won’t treat you like a person.” And they think they’re being fair but they aren’t, and it’s not okay.”

Unfortunately, you probably cannot change this dynamic by being rational and/or advocating for yourself.

So think about what you say to her (and within this family system generally) more as tactics for achieving outcomes you want, and less as trying to make them understand or be fair to you.” CityWonderful9800

“I (M28) have lived with my twin brother (M28) for a few years. Our dynamic is typically fine, but he takes advantage of me at times, such as playing on my PlayStation when he didn’t ask, and taking various things from my room without asking. (He gives them back after I have to ask.)

I have weather-related allergies and take a loratadine pill as needed. A few months ago, I bought a bottle of 90 pills for a total of $36 from a local pharmacy.

I don’t take them every day, and there are 90 pills in the bottle, so it’s hard to keep track of them.

A few months ago, though, I did notice that the bottle seemed to be getting emptier despite not taking a pill every day. I thought that was a little odd but didn’t think much of it. However, about a month ago, I noticed it was significantly emptier than before. So, I decided to count them and found that there were about 15 pills left in the bottle.

Fast forward to last night: I wanted to take a pill, so I opened the bottle and noticed that there was 1 pill left. I immediately suspected that my brother had taken them without asking, obviously.

So, I confronted him about it.

He admitted to taking them, but he questioned how many I think he took.

I said I obviously didn’t have a clue, but it seems like it’s been happening for months. He became incredibly defensive and said, “Bro, it’s just loratadine. It’s a freaking allergy pill, not money, not a prescription.”

I said that it’s the principle; it doesn’t matter what it is, you don’t steal.

I then demanded that he replace the product by going to CVS’s website and ordering the exact bottle, because it’s a one-for-one comp. That’s the price I paid for the product. He thought that was absolutely ridiculous, because he can get a bottle of like 300 pills on Amazon for like $15, instead of 90 for $36.

Is it more expensive? Yes. But that’s the price I paid, despite it being cheaper elsewhere. He wouldn’t budge. He said, “I’m ordering you this or nothing at all.” He called me a jerk for demanding this, but he doesn’t see it that way at all.

What are your thoughts? AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You can’t be sure you’re getting the exact same ones from Amazon anymore since convincing knock-offs are a thing. It has some serious safety concerns these days and I’d never buy over-the-counter medicine from there. He owes you the 36 dollars since that’s what he stole.” Mera1506

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

It seems a crazy price for basic loratadine. In the UK, you can buy them 30 for £1 at some pharmacies. So it sounds like CVS is totally gouging people for it. I’m a doctor and if it is generic loratadine from a reputable source, there is no need to pay more. It’s the equivalent of buying branded Tylenol instead of plain paracetamol. In the UK again you can buy paracetamol OTC for 16p for 16 or a branded one for £4-5, and it’s a total waste of money to buy the expensive ones.” DazzleLove

Another User Comments:

“Pharmacist here. Loratadine is loratadine.

It legally has to have the same amount of active ingredient. I would absolutely get the bulk on Amazon. CVS and Walgreens are convenience stores, so everything is more expensive. I worked at both. It is not a knock-off. Hope this helps! NTJ for wanting your item replaced, but you should be happy you are getting more for less!” OGVexys

“My husband and I (both mid-30s) moved recently to a home in a cul-de-sac. Some important context is that our driveway is too narrow to park both our cars side by side, so my husband lets me have the garage and sometimes parks his car on the curb in front of the house if I go anywhere. One of the homes in the cul-de-sac has young kids who frequently play outside. I love this as I miss the days when I would play outside until it got dark.

However, there has been a recurring problem over the last week or so.

It started on Christmas when the whole extended family decided to play a game of wiffle ball in the cul-de-sac. I kept hearing a loud thunk and was curious about what was happening, so I peeked out the front window. Their house is directly across the cul-de-sac, so the way they were lined up had them hitting the ball in our direction. The loud noise I kept hearing was them hitting the car that was parked on the curb in front of our house. If that wasn’t enough, they kept hitting the ball into our yard, and the kids would trample all over our grass and plants to retrieve it.

I walked outside and offered politely to move the car so it wouldn’t be in their way.

One of the extended family members (not my actual neighbor) waved me off and told me not to worry, “it’s just a wiffle ball.” I was kind of taken aback by his nonchalance about repeatedly hitting our car, even if it wasn’t doing any significant damage. I offered again, saying it was no problem to move it in the driveway. He dismissed me again and said they would be finished soon anyway. I loathe confrontation and didn’t want to look like the cul-de-sac Grinch, so I just went back inside.

They finished their game, but later in the afternoon, they started playing again. At that point, I just walked outside and moved the car without speaking to anyone first.

I thought it was a one-off thing they did on Christmas, so I didn’t think much of it after that. But over the last couple of days, the kids have started playing kickball and doing the same thing: kicking the ball towards our house, hitting our cars, and trampling up and down our front yard retrieving their ball. It’s really baffling to me that the adults with them think this is acceptable and have no problem with it.

It would be completely different if they occasionally kicked it on our property by accident, but they are purposefully aiming towards our house for the entire game. The kids are running into our yard to get the ball at least once a minute. I know this because they keep tripping our security cameras. There are two large parks, both within 5 minutes walking distance, so I feel like they should be playing these games there, not in our tiny cul-de-sac. I’m also worried about one of the very young kids potentially tripping or hurting themselves on our property.

So, WIBTJ if I politely asked the kids’ parents to stop letting their kids purposefully hit balls at our property/front yard?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but you are going to need to get used to confrontation.

And if you pursue legal action successfully, there’s a possibility the whole neighborhood will turn on you. This problem could last for years and maybe even cost a fortune over time. If you have issues standing up for yourself and setting boundaries, you may consider just going ahead and moving.” kwyl

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. “It’s just a wiffle ball? Great, so you will have no problems paying for any damage to our vehicle or property caused by that wiffle ball, which we have captured on a security camera.” I feel your pain here. We live in a suburban area with lots of local parks, and our neighbours decided to put a basketball hoop on the road outside their house.

While they don’t come onto our property, constantly hearing the bouncing and rattling of the ball hitting the hoop, usually all day during the school holidays, really sets off my misophonia and anxiety. It makes working from home very challenging too, as my office is at the front of the house and I have to keep the window open (Aussie summer and no air con). I keep threatening to take a chainsaw to the hoop one day.” Pure-Philosopher-175

Another User Comments:

“Info: Did you ever actually say, “Please stop hitting the balls towards my house and car” or “Please stop coming onto my lawn to retrieve your balls”?

In your post, you only say you offered to move your car so they’d stop hitting it, which of course they’re going to be like, ‘Whatever, we don’t care,’ because if you wanted to move the car, you would just do that—why would you ask them if you should? Just be direct and tell people what you want instead of hoping they will understand that ‘should I move my car, you keep hitting it’ means, ‘Stop hitting my car, jerk.’ Just tell them! Yes, they should understand, but they apparently don’t, so spell it out for them. Use your words and explicitly say, “Please do not do X and Y, thanks!” Reasonable kids who are old enough to play outside unattended will listen to you (my kids listen to the rules requested of them by the neighbors and know which yards are fair use for hide and seek, etc.), and if they’re not reasonable, you can knock on the door and speak to their parents. And if neither listens to you, go sit outside while they’re playing and tell them that the second time the ball is in your yard within 15 minutes, the ball is going in timeout and they can have it back tomorrow. That will end the games quickly one way or another. But most people are reasonable.” Errvalunia

“Currently, I live in an apartment with my friend and we split everything 50/50 — rent, utilities etc… It’s not a fancy apartment, but we make it work. I am a student with a part-time job and my friend works full-time.

Last week, rent was due. The day before, she told me she couldn’t cover her half because her paycheck was short and asked if I could spot her until the next one. I was kinda stressed but agreed to help her since it’s a one-time thing.

However, the next day I saw her Instagram story.

She was at a huge concert for one of her favorite artists. I asked her about it, and she admitted she bought the tickets a month ago, and said she couldn’t pass up the chance and didn’t think her finances would be this tight by now.

I was furious and told her it wasn’t fair to make me cover rent while she’s out spending on luxuries. She told me I was being harsh and that her experiences matter too, and I would’ve done the same. I told her I wouldn’t because I actually budget for my responsibilities. And I don’t overspend.

Now we haven’t talked in a few days because she thinks I’m being selfish and cold.

Some of my friends say I should be more understanding because mental health matters and music is her escape.

I don’t want to be heartless, but I also don’t want to be someone’s safety net when they make poor choices.

Aitj for refusing to cover her rent?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She’s defensive because she got caught! She’s mad at you because you called her out for spending money she didn’t have. She needs to learn the old rule: keep half of your rent/mortgage payment amount from your 1st paycheck and put it aside. Then, when you get paid again, add that half to half of your current paycheck and there you go: there’s your rent money.

Everything left over is for utilities, food, car insurance, gas, and whatever other bills you have. If there’s anything left over after paying everything, THAT’S your spending money. She should never spend money for entertainment or extras until her obligations have been met. Even then, she should put a few dollars away in case of emergencies.

ETA: I hope she pays you back plus a little extra for interest. Have her sign a little note in case you have to take her to a small claims court or something. Write down something like this: “I, so-and-so promise to repay (your name) the amount of _____.” Then sign it first then have her sign it.

Put the date on it, too.” LoveBeach8

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Mental health matters? Yeah, so does OP’s mental health. Her roommate is causing her financial stress, and that’s unfair. Know what else matters? Having a roof over your head. If the roommate continues to neglect necessities and prioritize trivial things like concerts, she’ll be homeless. I wonder what her mental health will be like then… NTJ. I’d move or find a new roommate. Don’t ever lend your roommate again. Not even a penny.” Katiew84

Another User Comments:

“Answering your question in the last line: no, absolutely 100% not.

What actually happened here is that she manipulated you into giving her a loan by lying — basically, if you do this to a person in the lending business, this is fraud, clear and simple. If all of this interaction was properly documented, in a lawsuit your roomie/friend would be toast in a second. IOW, what she did was wrong, so wrong that we actually created laws around this kind of thing. NTJ. Stand your ground here; if you capitulate to her manipulation, you will just be setting yourself up for more abuse in the future. Don’t screw around with your finances, that crap can stay with you for a long long time.” Sea_no_evil

“I have a coworker called Caroline, who as you can guess, is disabled. She’s in a motorised wheelchair, and can’t really move a lot but is still very capable of her job (and a lovely, fun person in general btw!). We were talking on a break about our love lives and the apps, how I had never used one and how she did, talking about her experiences. Casual conversation, really, and we were careful not to go into detail or anything or make each other uncomfortable till this came up.

She brought up how she didn’t disclose that she was in a wheelchair/disabled on her bio because it tended to scare people off or make people uncomfortable when they chat through the app.

This confused me because it’s very obvious she is in a wheelchair and if they went out in person they would find that out very fast – there is absolutely no way she can function in daily life without it, so she can’t exactly stash it nearby or something and just sit on a chair during the date.

She also told me that she does not tell them AT ALL until they show up to the date and see the fact that she is in a wheelchair right in front of them.

Anyway, I, maybe stupidly, pointed out that is it not dishonest to not share that she is in a wheelchair on her bio, or disclose it to potential partners before meeting for the first time?

She told me that everyone on apps lies about stuff so she didn’t see the big deal. I told Caroline that it’s not like hiding you have a twin or an accent or a particular way of looking, this is something that will heavily impact their life with you and they should be aware of that going in. She’s a wonderful person and shouldn’t feel awkward about it, and there are plenty of people out there who aren’t phased by their partners being in wheelchairs, so I didn’t think she should lie about it.

She went off in a huff, saying I didn’t understand, but now I’m worried I’ve somehow been the jerk by telling her this.

I know it’s not really my business and I never would have told her this if she didn’t ask me or hadn’t brought the subject up at all. I just didn’t want to lie to her about what I thought and I tried to be tactful, but I think it blew up in my face. Am I the jerk?

Quick clarifications: She asked what I thought when she mentioned how she hid her disability on the app. I’m guessing she saw the surprise on my face when she said that. I would NEVER tell her, or anyone, my opinion on a delicate matter like this if they didn’t ask me first.”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

You’re entitled to your ideals and opinions, and she’s entitled to hers. Her lived experience is that she gets far fewer hits if she adds the information to her bio, so she opts to leave it out because she wants people to at least get to know her before rejecting her on that basis. Feel free to lay all your cards on the table in your personal profile.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m not phased by potential partners being in wheelchairs, I’ve talked to a few on apps. What is an absolute deal breaker is lying about it and hiding it because if you can’t tell me something like that about yourself, I’m immediately going to assume you’re lying about a heck of a lot more and going to be hiding things from me off the bat, and I don’t like to play games like that.” JazzyCher

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here but perhaps you should apologize.

You may have come off like you believe that her disability is the most salient fact about her, which could make her feel like you don’t see and/or value her other traits and features. She’s not really lying unless she’s saying “My hobbies include walking around on two legs!” Perhaps she wants to disclose facets of herself that she finds more interesting. This is totally different than a disability, but I do not typically disclose that I’m a vegetarian the second I meet people. If they invite me to a wing place, I might disclose it then, and perhaps your friend would also disclose that she uses a wheelchair if they invite her to go to a rock climbing gym, but it’s not super pertinent info if they’re just talking.” Ok_Current_3417