People Just Want To Get Back To The Norm After These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

“I (13m) have a mom who is in her early 30s, and she has a partner who is in his 30s as well. He and I have gotten into yelling matches in the past. He and my mom were arguing yesterday, and my mom came into my room hoping he wouldn’t follow, but he did, and I told him to get the heck out of my room. Then he and I got into it, which led to the police being called.

So today, when he wanted to come back, I told my mom no and she was okay with that.

For context, she is the mom who does not put anyone or anything above her kids, and she respects her kids’ opinions. So I’ve been getting texts from him and his family stating that if I don’t let him back then he will be “homeless” even though he has his mom and brothers to fall back on. So, everyone has been calling me the jerk. So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If this guy is getting into fights with 13-year-olds so badly that the police are involved, he’s got to go. Also, I get that you’re loyal to your mom and see the best in her. But if this is how far things have gone, she should not even be putting you on the spot to have to make the call.

SHE should be the one saying “keep this man away from my son.” I’m a big fan of giving kids autonomy and a voice. It’s important. However, she should be fielding this one.” ElNachoDelFuego

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. “For context, she is the mom who does not put anyone or anything above her kids.” She already did this when she started seeing him and had another kid with him. She proved that she was 100% willing to put her needs before your needs. Enough so that she brought this jerk into your life and a whole other kid into this mess, despite the fact that she had a responsibility toward raising you.

She places herself first. And then made you do her dirty work by telling him he can’t come over. No self-respecting mother would ever put her 13-year-old child in this position. Your mom is not a good mom. She’s self-involved, and you’re having to make sacrifices because of that. But you’re also strong. Keep being that way. You’re too young to have to be thinking about these things, but this strength will save you later. Don’t make the same mistakes as your mom. Your mom doesn’t know how to choose a partner. She’s failed more than once at choosing a viable partner. Be wiser than her, and set higher standards for yourself.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Those are the consequences of his own actions. Your mother is putting her child above a romantic partner, as she should. I do take issue with the fact that she allowed him to argue with you to the point of the police getting involved. That is a huge issue. If the family continues to harass you, you may want to consider getting a no-contact order.” YeouPink

“I (34f) broke up with my ex-partner (40m) last June, a little over 7 months ago. There wasn’t any big blowout reason; the relationship just didn’t work out for me. I put in all the effort while he always provided the bare minimum, and at some point, I just didn’t feel like taking care of a grown man anymore. It was really hard on him, and he kept texting me for a while. I replied politely but also told him he needed to move on. It was just too little, too late.

I know I may sound coldhearted, but I had my reasons for breaking up with him and I didn’t really want to stay in constant contact or keep being friends.

So yesterday, I was out with my siblings, and he randomly called me. I tend to please people, so my sister took my phone, rejected the call, and texted him that I was unavailable because I was out with them.

He texted back asking me to call him when I was available because something bad had happened. So I finally grew a spine and told him I couldn’t provide him emotional support and asked him to please understand.

He then texted me that his mother had passed away and that he just needed someone to talk to, asking how I could be so cold towards him.

This is where I might be the jerk because I still did not want to call him and be his emotional support.

I just want to stay out of this, and as sad as I am for him, I don’t want to be involved. So, am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. No kids + no common friend group = no need to ever talk to each other again. He needs to lean on someone else. If he doesn’t have anyone else, he needs more help than you can give. Don’t engage and give him any opening. I don’t know if you knew his mother well enough to say goodbye, but if you did, I think you have to forego the wake so as not to reengage with him. For both of your sakes.” Pale_Cranberry1502

Another User Comments:

“It’s unfortunate that your need for boundaries happened at the same time as his mother’s passing, but he needed to understand eventually that you’re just an ex.

He needs to start leaning on friends/family or hire a therapist because an ex is an ex for a reason. Sure, the timing is awful, but if you didn’t place firm boundaries now, he’d be leaning on you during the whole grieving process, and often, when it comes to losing a parent, that grieving process never ends. My grandmother cried about her mother’s passing until the day she herself passed. NTJ.” Remote-Passenger7880

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are no longer together. You do not owe him anything and you have the right to not be involved in his affairs anymore. He may miss you and may honestly want support, or he may be using this to get you back into his life—who knows.

But you are not in his life anymore. He needs to learn to accept this and find another support network. Besides, this looks like the old pattern repeating. You said that he did nothing while you put in all the work. For seven months, he did nothing, but the moment he needed something from you, he contacted you and expected you to drop everything to do what he wanted. Nothing has changed. And if you take the call from him now, it will tell him that you will take the next one, and you will forever be “on call” for when he needs something.” bamf1701

“My (35F) little sister (31F) gave birth to her second child late Dec ’24. She asked me to be her 2nd birth partner to support her and her husband, and I was stoked to agree. Mom thought it was great, too.

Some background on my parents (65F, 71M). Mom loves to play the victim. We used to be close, but I don’t like playing her therapist anymore. My dad was a workaholic with zero emotional regulation and was quick to anger.

Jump to Dec. It was the most amazing and emotional experience to help my sis and she had a calm, natural birth.

They made the baby’s middle name my first name, total honor. I tried leaving to avoid overstaying, but my sister wanted me to stay at the hospital overnight to help her while her husband went back home to their toddler, so I did. It was super special caring for her.

In the lead-up, my sis told my parents she’s not sure if she wants them visiting the hospital or when they first get home. She also set the “don’t come if you’re sick and no kissing baby” rule. They’re miffed. The next morning, Mom messaged me and invited her and Dad to have coffee at the hospital. I said I’ll come to our family home but she said no because they are in the middle of packing to move to their property 3 hours away.

When we met, my dad was coughing/sick and he said, “So we are going up to meet the baby now?” I said, “No, that’s not the plan and you can’t meet baby if you are sick.” Dad started yelling in the middle of the hospital café, saying yes he can because baby already has an immunity from my sister and heaps of babies are born in disgusting conditions around the world.

He then accused me of subterfuge for being at the birth. He wouldn’t stop yelling and demanding to go up to the ward. I told him he doesn’t have my sister’s permission, and she needs to know he’s unwell. My mom was all, “I told you not to say anything.” Dad kept escalating. I told Dad I’d rather he be NC with me than I go against my sister’s boundaries when she’s so vulnerable after birth.

He carried on about my conniving subterfuge and manipulation, I think, for not saying I was at the birth. I then told Dad that my sister asked me 6 months ago, and sis had told Mom multiple times since, and sis told Mom yesterday I was on my way.

Dad looked confused and Mom said, “I must have forgotten.” I went back to the ward without them, warned my sister, said goodbye, and made a hasty exit to drive back home, crying the whole way.

My sis ended up letting my parents come into the ward, though Dad wasn’t allowed near the baby… I then found out they drove back to their property the next day. So, it was zero about supporting my sister and her husband. I haven’t spoken to my parents since. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but your parents sure are. It’s really sad that even in this day and age, parents can’t just be respectful of their kids and their wishes or understand that the ways of the world have changed for reasons, like oh I don’t know, modern medicine has come a long way and we know foreign germs on a fresh baby can be deadly???

Your parents were entirely self-motivated in this situation. It was not about their deep care or concern for your sister or her well-being, because if it was, they wouldn’t have pulled any of this crap. It was exclusively about them wanting bragging rights about being “first” to meet a new baby, which is ridiculous behavior but also tracks for them being boomers, unfortunately. It may not have been fully “your place” to try to keep your parents from seeing the baby but your sister was in a vulnerable position, physically and emotionally, after giving birth and you absolutely did the right thing by standing up for her. She clearly trusts you and wanted you by her side for a reason because she knew you would be exactly the support she needed in more ways than one. I’m sorry your parents were so out of pocket with you. I hope you can understand that it’s not you or anything you did but rather a symptom of their generation’s general emotional stunting. Focus your energy on being a sister and an auntie, and know you did the right thing. I hope your sister and her family are doing great with their new addition!” SeaThePointe0714

Another User Comments:

“Nothing brings out bad behavior and disrespect like weddings and babies. No… You are NTJ. The new parents get to make the call regarding who is in the room for the birth, who visits them and their new baby, and when they get to do so.

Even if others think the guidelines established by the parents are silly, it’s still up to the parents to decide. Good for you for advocating for your sister and her wishes. Your dad owes you an apology for yelling at you in the middle of a public place. NTJ.” Quick-Fan-406

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but I’d suggest doing what my parents had to do with my grandmother. She had four sons and treated all their wives fairly badly, except for Mom. Because when Grandma would say or act mean to Mom, Dad would have us leave. For years, he warned her about behaving and then he decided we would just leave. I was warned Grandma sometimes misbehaves and if she does, Dad will deal with it and Mom and I just pack up.

So if she did something rude or mean, Dad would calmly tell her that what she was doing was inappropriate and we would pack up and leave. We would not come back until she apologized. Yes, she threw fits. Yes, she yelled and played victim to other family members. Once, it took over a year for her to apologize. But she learned to treat all of us with respect and my dad is the only one happily married as a result. It’s up to you, but I’d calmly explain to your parents that you will not tolerate them treating you badly, calling you names, and screaming at you. Going forward, if they do that, you will notify them that it’s not appropriate and leave every time. Don’t engage. Just go. Obviously, it’s up to you, but your parents’ behavior is abhorrent and you do not deserve this treatment. I’m sure lots of people will tell you to go no contact, but this might work. It takes time and sticking to it, though.” KimB-booksncats-11

“I (25M) told my partner (22F) that just because she gets her period, that doesn’t mean she can be as mean and rude as she wants. We normally have a great time together, and I love being around her, but then that time of the month comes around, and it feels like she becomes a different person. She gets really upset at me if she doesn’t get exactly what she wants, she will ignore me, ask me nonstop for inappropriate pictures and will get really freaking bratty if I say no, respond to my messages with “K” and basically treat me like I’m nobody to her.

I’ve done my best to be understanding because I understand it’s a difficult time for women, but we’re going on 4 years together now and I’ve gotten to that point where I literally dread her getting her monthly visit because it literally makes me feel like she hates me and, of course, she gets angry when I bring it up.

Was I wrong for telling her?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. A period is no excuse to mistreat people. The severity you’re describing sounds like either she may have an actual medical condition that would benefit from treatment (like PMDD or severe dysmenorrhea) and is taking it out on you, or the period is just an excuse to treat you badly. Even if she does have a medical condition, that still is no excuse to treat you badly. It would be something she has a responsibility to manage so she isn’t behaving in a way that hurts you every time her monthly makes an appearance.” KaliTheBlaze

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This is genuinely abusive.

Punishing someone with the silent treatment or rude behavior just because you didn’t send her pics or do what she wants is so weird. If this was a situation with a man, it’d be so easy for people to decide who was in the wrong. She’s a grown adult. She needs to be able to self-regulate her own emotions even despite her pain. No good partner would be comfortable with putting you through that and not immediately working hard to fix it.” Nynasa

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but this sounds extreme – she may have a genuine medical condition that is causing these mood swings and making it harder for her to regulate her emotions, like PMDD.

That doesn’t excuse her treating you this way, as when you have any kind of condition, it’s your responsibility to manage it (with medication, therapy or other means) in order to minimise its impact on others. But it does mean that right now, because it’s undiagnosed and unmanaged, she doesn’t have the tools to manage her emotions and outbursts, so they might not be an accurate reflection of how she feels about you or how much she cares – in other words, she may not be choosing to treat you this way on purpose. The good news is that if it’s something medical, there will be options to treat it. Like changing her birth control or mood stabilisers. Encourage her to see a doctor.” BeatificBanana

“The neighbor-friend that I am referring to is less of a “friend” and more of an acquaintance through our daughters who are friendly. Nearly 4 years ago, the father of my daughter’s friend reached out, looking to borrow a power washer. The guy is a reasonable guy and generally seems to be trustworthy, but it has been nearly 4 years and I have yet to get my power washer back. Every 3 to 6 months, I text him requesting that it be returned. He responds indicating that yes, he will do so, but he never shows up. I’m perfectly fine with just having him leave it at the house by the garage (in case he’s too embarrassed to confront me), but he still has not returned it.

So, my thinking is that I will send him a Venmo request for the replacement cost of the power washer, with the hopes that I either get a swift return or that he just pays for the replacement.

Of note, he’s a lawyer, and I have no desire to take him to small claims court or anything like that, but I don’t want to just let it go.”

Another User Comments:

“ESH.

He should have returned your property. You should have jumped in the car and picked it up years ago. Both of you. Escalating won’t help anything. A passive-aggressive Venmo request is, frankly, cowardly. Go talk to the man in person. Look him in the eye. Tell him to return your property or pay for its replacement. …Or look your spouse in the eye and tell them you told him to keep it and then go buy the new one you want.” Zahrad70

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Escalating to ‘this is the cost please replace’ in the most passive-aggressive way before trying, ‘Hey, I need my power washer by Friday. What day and time is best for me to come over and grab it?’ is a jerk move.

The steps are as follows: ask for someone to return what they borrowed; if they never do, then tell them you’ll be coming by to pick it up, and then if you still can’t get a hold of your item, start talking about ‘hey, if you lost or broke it, could you contribute to replacing it?'” Kittenn1412

Another User Comments:

“At this point, you don’t want it back. The condition of what 4 possible years of usage could be is basically not worth getting it back since it won’t be returned in the same condition. Since he’s a lawyer, he also knows you can’t charge the price of a new unit since he would only be responsible for up to the amount of a unit he was originally lent.

Here’s where it might get difficult: he’s probably going to argue there was something somewhat wrong with it to begin with, and now 4 years later, that chance is going to be much higher unless you have a video of it running in good condition the day you turned it over to him. He might not even have the thing anymore. I’d ask him directly if he still has it in working condition and, if not, what his plans to replace it are, with the full knowledge that he’s going to try to spend the least amount. But if you can’t prove the cost when you turned it over, you’ll probably have to just deal with his offer if it’s fair.” selrix

“My best friend (I will call her K) is pregnant, and we’ve been friends forever, like since middle school. We’ve been talking about baby names for weeks, just throwing out ideas for fun. She even joked about some really insane names, and we laughed about how some people pick the most cringe stuff. So I thought we were on the same page about what was reasonable…..

Fast forward to a few days ago, K tells me they finally picked a name. And it’s something straight out of Genshin Impact or Skyrim.

Not the real name, but think Zephyr Rocket or Banjo Fox. I honestly thought she was messing with me, so I laughed. Not like a mean laugh, just a genuine reaction like… Wait… shut up, what is the real name?

But nope. That was the real name. She got super quiet and was like… That is the name. I could tell immediately that I had messed up, so I tried to backpedal, but she looked kind of hurt and changed the subject. Later, a mutual friend told me she was upset and thought I was being rude.

Now, the real tea is that she had a small get-together with our friend group and didn’t invite me.

Like, literally everyone else was there. I found out after the fact, and it’s hard not to feel like it’s because of the baby name thing.

I really didn’t mean to be rude; I just genuinely thought she was joking based on our past convos. AITJ for laughing? Or is she overreacting?? This is my best friend.”

Another User Comments:

“More people need to be checked on ridiculous baby names. I get that in the grand scheme of things, a) all names are “made up,” and b) just because a name is “traditional” and commonly used doesn’t mean people can’t go off the beaten path.

But surely there is some sort of happy medium that can be reached where people don’t have to pick John, or Bob, or Mary or whatever, but also don’t have to go with the “guaranteed to be teased for life” name like, say, Pilot Inspecktor, or Khalesi. Or going so far as to make their kid “unique”. Your unique name will likely not have the effect that you intend. People who aren’t typically “creative” should not be trying to exercise a muscle they don’t have by saddling their kid with a ridiculous name. They don’t seem to realize that the kid will have to live with this name. Further, people should also face the fact that traditional names (i.e. those families where “Every first born son must be name Bort!”) serve little purpose other than pinning an old embarrassing name that, again, a kid will have to live with. Anyway, NTJ.” SoImaRedditUserNow

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are allowed to laugh at a joke. And she is making her child a joke. I think the only mistake was backpedaling. She took that as a sign of weakness and used it as a weapon against you. I wonder how many other people around her smile and let her believe she’s not setting her child up for failure.” Scruffy42

Another User Comments:

“Sometimes being a good friend means being honest about things, even when it’s difficult or may hurt someone’s feelings.

If that was your reaction as a close friend, it’s going to be many other people’s reactions as her child is growing up, and no one wants their child to have to constantly explain their name or have to put up with teasing or bullying. Yeah, kids will always manage to find something to tease another child about, and name fashions change all the time, but adults are going to judge your child and their parents too by what you choose to name them. This is how they will be known for their whole life (barring changing it by deed poll as soon as they are old enough) and will be the first impression everyone has of them, whoever they turn out to be. I saw someone on one of the name groups on here suggest once that a parent spent a day answering the phone and introducing themselves to other people using the name they chose so they could judge how people reacted up close. It’s a very good suggestion. I think that after your friend has cooled down from being embarrassed by your reaction, OP, you will find that they are able to set this aside and maybe reassess their choice, too. If this is all it takes to destroy a friendship, then perhaps you weren’t such good friends after all…. NTJ, though it’s not always the best response to laugh at someone’s choices unless you’re sure they’re joking!” the_esjay

“I (38M) was married to a guy for six years. We got divorced, he moved out, we stayed friends. After a couple of years, he needed a new place to rent. I had a spare room, so he moved back in as a lodger.

We’ve both had severe mental health problems. I’ve suffered from depression for years, which has flared up over the last few weeks. He has various issues, and on top of that, substance issues. He also drinks way, way too quickly on social occasions, which has caused embarrassment for me in the past.

He also often takes out his own negative feelings on me when he’s intoxicated.

Tonight was his birthday, so we had a couple of people over to play games. One of them I’d never met, the other only a couple of times.

He was getting intoxicated way too quickly, to the point that I pulled him quietly aside and told him to slow down, but he didn’t listen. One game, Game Off, consists of a series of challenges where two players face off in a series of fun challenges. On my turn, I got drawn to face off against him, and we had to do impressions of each other, and the others would judge whose was best.

He went first, and his impression was this, verbatim: “Oh, I’m so depressed; I’m so down all the time; I’m really depressed, even though my family is great, rich, and does everything for me, but I’m just so down and depressed.” I instantly got up and walked out without saying a word and went to my room.

He came and followed, trying to say it was just a joke—that one of the other guests he knows, whom he met in a psych ward, mentioned that we’re open about mental health, etc.

But I felt utterly humiliated that his first thought of an impression of me, in front of people with whom I have never discussed my mental health, was to mock my mental health issues.

I refused to come back out because he’s still drinking, so he will only be worse, and I’m too embarrassed to face the others. He has since come to try to talk to me again (despite me telling him to go away) and told me that my refusing to come back and hang out is “really insulting” to him, and asked me “why I’m being such a jerk.”

In response, I told him I don’t want to share a flat with him anymore, and have given him his month’s notice.

I’ve given him multiple chances before when he’s been intoxicated/high and acted up, or made me more depressed, and finally, I’ve had enough. Despite this, he was incredulous, saying, “What, one chance and that’s all I get?”

So, am I the jerk for not going back out to socialize with the others and for kicking him out of my flat?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ with the caveat that it depends on how clear you’ve been that you’re not okay with his behaviour previously. Otherwise, what seems like many chances to you is only one chance to him. That doesn’t mean that you still need to put up with that and can’t kick him out, though.” Lilac_Gooseberries

Another User Comments:

“You need to kick him out and then block/cut him out.

This is a horrendous situation for good mental health to develop. He’s not respectful of you, is using substances, is much less respectful when on substances, thinks very little of your opinions, feelings and boundaries, and is generally a tax to your mental health with unpredictability and bringing up old feelings. The subconscious self-harming decision to keep him in your life even with that is something best worked through with a therapist. You owe him nothing, not even an explanation. Remove him, his influence and his presence as much as you can.” The_Ally_Cat

Another User Comments:

“ESH, you for being so silly as to let him back knowing he is drinking and affecting you when behaving intoxicated.

You for still behaving like his wife and telling him to slow down with drinking. You for getting upset when he did act within the rules of the game (any impersonation is usually exaggerating a trait and somehow unpleasant, so people who can’t laugh about themselves shouldn’t play it). Him for choosing to impersonate a sensitive trait of yours, but then he was intoxicated so his decision-making control centre was inhibited. So generally, you are more at fault than him in this situation.” Impossible-Most-366

“Just got to my dad’s house and discovered my little sis had a friend over for the night before, but not only had she used my tablet, she installed games without asking me. The kid installed 10 games and used all the other stuff on my tablet like Minecraft, Roblox, YouTube, Disney, Netflix, and this slide game. Now this kid installed an LOL game and those BBC Kid Channel games and quite a few more.

Now, I’m fine with the kid using YouTube, but all the others and installing stuff really set me off.

It set me off even more when I found out my step mum thought it was okay and didn’t care. The kid didn’t even apologize or say thanks for using my tablet; they didn’t even tell me! So, am I the jerk for having a go at my stepmum and telling her to tell that kid’s mum to get that kid some manners?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. While there’s no damage done, the time taken cleaning up your tablet is a pain. It’s like getting in your car and finding all the mirrors and controls have been messed with. Password-protect apps that allow software to be downloaded, or you don’t want the kids to use, especially if there’s no child lock on Netflix or the rest.” Physical-Bear2156

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Children should be taught not to touch other people’s stuff, especially electronics, without asking. What if they deleted something important or messed with your account settings, sent an embarrassing message to someone, or posted on your social media? Not to mention the possibility of acquiring some malware or having a data leakage. Protect your tablet for the future with a password or pin or even a fingerprint if it’s possible.” NoxiousAlchemy

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But I’m a little confused at the direction of your anger. It would make sense for you to be angry at someone using your stuff without asking and for the blatant invasion of privacy. People have all sorts of private things on their devices.

But that doesn’t appear to be what you’re angry about. Installed apps can easily be deleted. It takes like 2 seconds. That is the least of your worries.” AriasK

“I (21F) live with my mom (51F), dad, and my 2 siblings plus their kids (they are not really relevant to the story).

I grew up pretty skinny, and when I turned 19, I gained a small amount of weight. I was forced to babysit my newborn niece for 7 months, and I got very depressed during that time, so naturally, I started gaining even more weight. I also gained even more weight because I turned 20+.

My mother berates everything I eat. I have been super insecure about my weight, and I have been trying to lose weight, but my family is dysfunctional and I lose motivation really quickly.

I went to cook a small portion of rice, and she got upset with me. She began calling me names and saying that that’s why I’d never lose weight because I’m eating like a pig. I am also really insecure about my chest, and she brought that up as well. I tried not to care, but it honestly really hurt me. I told her, “Let me worry about my own weight and you can worry about yours.” She got even more upset and told me even worse things. I got frustrated, and I told her that I don’t tell her those kinds of things when she feels like she has gained weight. She called me disrespectful. I am so confused. She told my siblings that she is done with me and that she is no longer going to “help” me again and that she is so happy that we are not on speaking terms anymore.

For context, she has done absolutely nothing to help me. I’ve been struggling to get a job for ages because you need experience for everything, and the last job I finally got, she told me to leave it. She’s been focused on my two other sisters, who have done so much worse than I’ve done. One lied about going to college that my mom paid for (she doesn’t know), stole money, called her a jerk, prayed to God that she’d die, and so much more.

I have never done any of that, yet she still hates me this much. I’m starting to feel gaslit.

Was I wrong? Am I the jerk for telling her this? I can give more context if needed.”

Another User Comments:

“Your family is full of toxic abusers. Good luck getting out. “One lied about going to college that my mom paid for (she doesn’t know). So tell her. If you’re stuck with the narcissist, you might as well make her rage at someone who deserves it. My mum called me “fat” my whole life when I was really thin, and I started telling her she had a saggy butt.

Then I moved and didn’t tell her where at 21. What you need to work on is saving up to get out. You need to babysit whoever’s kids? Well, you’re not available and leave the house whether you’ve got something going on or not. See if there’s any welfare or financial help you can get where you live; you can hit up Citizens Advice.” Friendly_Fall_

Another User Comments:

“Being super harsh, even about things you need to improve, does not help you improve those things and is generally just bad for your mental health. I wouldn’t be surprised if your mother’s unloving criticism is the biggest cause of your depression.

If you hadn’t pushed back at some point, you would have much worse mental health now. If your mother does ever try speaking to you again, make it very clear that she does not have the right to criticize you in any way. There is a way to give constructive criticism that’s helpful, but she does not know how. Also, try to go easier on yourself while still working on your goals. We often end up emulating the worst of our parents when we’re not paying attention.” navv210

Another User Comments:

“From what you’re saying, you didn’t even tell her she gained weight. You only said that whenever SHE THINKS she gained weight, you have the courtesy not to comment on it.

Nothing you said sounds disrespectful to me, and even if it was, good riddance because I know EXACTLY what you feel. I went through the same nonsense with my (now deceased) mom. Constant policing of my plate and then also my fridge after I moved out, ridiculous food-centric rules, constant jabs at my weight and body (she was once talking to my fiance about her shoes and somehow managed to sneak a comment on MY ankles), constant spamming with low-calorie recipes and my personal favourite, the “I know it makes you angry when I bring it up but I just need to say…” The frustration one feels after being constantly, relentlessly criticized by their own parent, any attempts at peacefully building boundaries getting ignored – the anger grows so thick you could ram a knife into it. NTJ but brace yourself, your mom probably can’t be reasoned with.” Still-Setting-8070

“My (25f) partner (24f) is working on a really important assignment for university. She studies full-time, and I work full-time. Because of bad habits that we’ve tried unsuccessfully to correct, we end up going to sleep very late every night, between 4-5 am on average.

Seeing as I work full time, I wake up at 09:30 am every weekday morning. This leaves me with, on average, 5 hours of sleep a night. Her university is a strange one, where all studies and assignments are done independently. This usually means that because we went to sleep so late, she will wake up late, usually around my lunchtime, which is 1 pm.

I’ve been worn down by not getting enough sleep night after night.

It leads to small fights over nothing—usually miscommunication and just irritability over stress and lack of sleep. I know I’m definitely a lot more irritable when I’m sleep-deprived. I go to sleep at the same time she does because she asks me to be there to support her while she works. If I don’t, she starts either to panic and spiral or she just procrastinates for the night. So I stay with her for as long as I can, and then we get ready for bed. She takes a long time to get ready for bed—usually an hour or two—while I take about 30 minutes. So often, I’m left waiting in bed for her to come before I go to sleep. We then have a routine where I read her AITJ stories before going to sleep because it helps her fall asleep.

That’s all the context, anyway. Her assignment is due on Wednesday. She was given a week-long extension but confessed to not really making any progress due to procrastination. Now she needs to do an all-nighter to have a hope of finishing. She asked me to stay up with her, and I said I can’t. I have a lot on my plate with work, and I will not be able to do it if I am this sleep-deprived, on top of pulling an all-nighter. She started to panic and said she couldn’t do it on her own, and now she is going to fail.

I stayed firm and said I couldn’t do an all-nighter, but I’m honestly not sure.

If she fails this, I think she will fail uni, but at the same time, I don’t think this is sustainable, and I’m not sure what to do.

AITJ for not doing an all-nighter with her?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. As a procrastinator who was constantly unable to get assignments in on time, I would have never dreamed of imposing on anyone like this. Tell her to look up the Pomodoro method. You work for 10 minutes and break for 2, over and over. Having the work broken down into 10-minute chunks makes it less intimidating to start.

You get a longer break at the hour mark. You HAVE to restart working after the break timer is done, though. She’s got, what, 36 hours before it’s due? If this one assignment is the difference between failing or passing, she can cancel all other commitments between now and then. If you want to do her a favor during this time (which you are not obligated to do because she’s a grown-up), bring her meals, drinks, and snacks to her during your waking hours. Encourage her to stand up and move around during her breaks. If she thinks her phone distracts her, offer to hide it from her. Again, this is you doing her a favor; you don’t have to do it. I’m just naming the things that have helped me when deadlines are fast approaching. Also, she needs therapy. You not sitting up with her shouldn’t cause a ton of anxiety. She may also want to get checked out for ADHD. Extreme procrastination is a common symptom of it.” always-so-exhausted

Another User Comments:

“Are you kidding?? Your partner is using you as a human replacement for anxiety and ADHD treatment, and you’ve been slowly co-opted into thinking that this is okay. Honey, this isn’t sustainable. 1) You’re eventually going to screw your job by failing to get a decent night’s sleep. 2) This level of sleep deprivation is an enormous trigger for a whole range of health problems.

3) If you drive a car, this has been found to be more dangerous than driving intoxicated. 4) This is actually preventing your partner from getting treatment by placating her symptoms at your expense. Show her this thread. Tell her you now start getting 8 hours of sleep. Help her arrange for emergency anxiety treatment – her school clinic should have a mental health care clinic, but her primary care doc can start. If she hasn’t found an alternate coping method such that you’re getting 8 hours of sleep within 2 weeks, you need to move out so you can preserve your sleep environment.” capmanor1755

Another User Comments:

“So she studies and you work? I’m going to assume you’re paying a lot of crap and she doesn’t.

She gets sleep, you don’t. She gets a degree, you don’t. She gets help, you don’t. She gets bedtime stories and is waited on, you don’t. You can see where I’m going here. When people are USERS, they take as much as they can until there’s either nothing left to take, they achieve what they wanted, or they find a more useful source. Do you think she will stop being a user once her work is done? How long do you want to be used for? The resentment, heartbreak, and betrayal you will feel when/if she leaves will be soul-destroying. This is toxic AF. She probably doesn’t know she’s being such an awful person because her ADHD has crippled and shaped her into a bad and grabbing person. You seem a lot more put together and caring. I hope you find someone better.” eddy_ertang

“My MIL, who has a dog, had a medical emergency related to booze addiction, and she’s been sent to rehab for a minimum of one month.

I’ve never been a dog person; I don’t like them, I’m scared of them, and I find them dirty. But since there was a medical emergency and we couldn’t find another person to take care of the dog, we had to take the dog.

We both work, but I have a more flexible schedule because I hold a management position. Since the beginning, I declared that I didn’t want the responsibility of having a dog, taking care of it, taking it out for walks, etc., and I even proposed to pay for a dog sitter as long as it’s not in our home.

But my partner didn’t agree because it’s his mom’s dog.

Now, he’s starting to say that I’m cruel because I don’t want to take it out for walks and I don’t pet it lovingly, and he even said that he found my dislike disgusting.

Nonetheless, my partner had a business trip for three days; I took care of it, took it out for walks and things, but when he’s there, I don’t want to because I tolerate its presence due to the situation, and I made it clear that it’s not my responsibility.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“It’s not your dog, yet you’ve allowed it to be in your home despite your very valid feelings.

You’ve stepped up and taken basic care of MIL’s pet, but that doesn’t seem to be enough for your partner. You don’t lovingly pet the dog? Why would you if you don’t love the dog? If he thinks the dog needs affection, let him have it, but he’s disrespecting your feelings and expecting you to just do a 180 to suit the situation. I would imagine his emotions are all over the place with his mom’s addiction, but that doesn’t give him the right to fixate on her dog’s care and expect you to just take it. I don’t have any words of wisdom for you other than to say I think you’ve been more than accommodating in this situation and deserve some credit from your partner. NTJ.” forgetregret1day

Another User Comments:

“Honestly, take this as a sign to move on. Having a heavy-drinker relative is hard and messy, and you’re already struggling with setting limits in your relationship. Imagine the day you have kids and MIL starts demanding time with them. Is your partner the kind of person who would have your back if you felt it would be unsafe? The dog is just a harbinger. Let this one go and find someone with less baggage.” inDIvisible-doc

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – He can pay for a dog walker during the day. I would think long and hard if you want to stay with him. Please examine how you all split household duties and what he thinks your life would look like if you have kids.

Would he expect you to work from home while watching the kids and still expect an even split of chores? Nothing prevents him from taking long morning and evening walks when he gets off work. Nothing stops him from staying at his mom’s place with the dog for a short period. Maybe suggest he stay over there for a weekend and see how much work it really is – but make sure he has other things to do those days. Also, I have seen dog people pet dogs, and it looks painful for the dog.” Shiel009

“I (30F) have never really been close with my younger sister (28F). We have lived in different states for a decade now.

I often visit my family for holidays, and almost every visit, my sister has had an emotional breakdown of some sort or has started an argument. The last time, during Easter last year, I mentioned to our mum (61F) that it was tiring to have to deal with her dramatic outbursts over something minor every single time.

I should also mention that my sister is a notorious gossip and has shared several very personal things about other people, including telling our dad that our younger brother (23M) was bisexual, something our brother had specifically not wanted to share with him.

This has been a pattern with her when she shares sensitive information and becomes defensive when called out on it.

Fast forward to now: my sister and I had a brief discussion about someone she was seeing, who is a trans man. I mentioned them seeing in passing to my mum, thinking that my sister had talked about the relationship with her (my mum was aware of this person being a trans man). My sister messaged me completely irate, went on to call me pathetic and sad, implied that I was jealous of her, said she only hears from me when I have “complaints” (a reference to my engagement breaking down), and said we never had a sibling relationship because she can’t trust me.

A lot of what she said was really vicious and hurtful.

I reminded her that she’s renowned as the family gossip, so it’s a bit hypocritical, to which she responded that I must be trying to “get even.” The conversation ended after a few more terse exchanges, and neither of us has spoken since.

My mum said that my sister called her later and went on an angry tirade about me, which my mum shut down and said had been very hurtful and unfair. I told my mum that I wouldn’t be speaking to my sister again until I got an apology for the way she spoke to me. My mum is a bit on the fence, as she understands my side. My dad is the biggest advocate for “just get over it; you’re siblings.” AITJ for standing my ground on this?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

It’ll be a cold day in heck before you get an apology from your sister. She sounds like a REAL piece of work. Go ahead and tell your parents that you’re not interested in being around her or hearing about her. You’ll have to decide if family gatherings will be totally off the table for you, or if you’ll just go and ignore her presence (which would probably be hilarious and drive her up the proverbial wall). Good luck. You’ll have a lot less drama without her, I think.” CrazyOldBag

Another User Comments:

“You’re perfectly within your rights not to talk to a sister who lashes out at you on a regular basis.

However, you did inadvertently share private information she didn’t want shared. Don’t you think that’s a misstep on your part? I’m not a fan of demanding apologies, but you certainly do owe her one. Also, my two-year-younger sister had a pattern of regularly lashing out and was later diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I’m not suggesting you mention that to your sister, but keep it in mind as a possibility. Mild YTJ.” Regular_Boot_3540

“My apartmentmate called me at 8:30 PM (the liquor store closes at 9 PM) to arrange some drinks for his friend’s birthday party that he invited me to at the last minute and that he would take care of the expense.

I ran through the snow trying to get to the nearest liquor store.

His friends brought 2 XL pizzas, 9 dips, 2 four-packs of Red Bull (250 ml), a single bottle of Budweiser, and 3 packs of chips to our apartment.

We enjoyed the night, and after 2 days he asked me to pay my contribution for the party.

I asked him, “Why would I contribute to his friend’s birthday party, and why wasn’t I informed beforehand if that was the case?”

He told me that it should be common knowledge to contribute to a party and that by asking this question, I’m showing how pitiful I am.

(I didn’t get any shifts this week, and he knew about it.)

I told him that I have also hosted a birthday party for him and our other apartmentmate, yet I never asked for a contribution.

After he had successfully emotionally blackmailed me into paying my contribution for the party, he told me that even after subtracting the cost of drinks, the total cost of the snacks was over $200.

Let’s think about this for a second: 2 XL pizzas, 9 dips, 2 four-packs of Red Bull (250 ml), a single bottle of Budweiser, and 3 packs of chips—how much could it really cost?

Realistically, it was below $90.

When I approached him about it, he said that his friends might have bought the snacks from a convenience store, which could be expensive.

(The pizzas and dips were from a fast-food chain.)

And when I asked him to call his friends to inquire about the exact amount he spent on each item, he declined.

Am I the jerk in this situation?

P.S.

He still hasn’t paid me back for the drinks.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ…”My contribution was the liquor you asked me to pick up at the last minute. And there is no way that any one person in this group would owe $200 for the food and snacks that were provided. You are a crappy person for trying to get me to pay for your whole party that I was only included in because you brought it to our house. And I think I can live with a mooch like you by never partying with me again.”” Worth-Season3645

Another User Comments:

“Don’t pay him. You can point out again that when there’s a required contribution for a party, the guests know in advance.

If he doesn’t accept that again, insist on seeing the receipts for the purchases his friends made, and offer your receipt for the drinks (I hope you have them). Point out that since he hasn’t paid for the drinks, they count as your contribution. If the other people’s contributions come to less than the cost of the drinks, he owes you money. It rather sounds like he’s trying to make a profit out of the party from you. If he’d hosted a potluck, or asked everyone (but you) to donate a fixed amount, the contributions would have been more equal.” SavingsRhubarb8746

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Tell him that now that you know the math, the money that you owe him exactly matches the money he owes you for the party you paid for.

And if they overspent and bought things at an expensive place, that sounds like they’re just idiots spending money inefficiently. This is not somebody you want to connect your financial information with. Stop talking to him about money. Keep your belongings separate from his, don’t share food, treat this like a business arrangement, and act like a friendship. If he invites you to something, just say thanks, but not at the apartment. You have some work to do, because you’re not going to pay for an apartment party at your own apartment that you don’t want to attend.” R0ck3tSc13nc3

“There’s been two times recently when we’ve been in the middle of eating dinner and either her parents or her sister have called at our house.

Not to be rude and turn them away, we invite them in each time, and each visitor has seen we’ve been eating dinner and has not acknowledged it. (If it was me, I’d insist on leaving and calling back.) But they didn’t seem to have a problem. Each time I’ve continued to eat my dinner while chatting with her family, but my wife doesn’t and waits until they’ve left.

We got into an argument the other day about it, and she thinks I’m incredibly rude by continuing to eat while her parents or sister have been in the house.

My point is, when they arrive they clearly see we’re in the middle of eating and don’t suggest calling back another time, so why should I have to stop eating and be inconvenienced? I just don’t get how I’m the rude person in this situation. I definitely feel it’s her family!

Am I just a greedy, hungry, impatient jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. What’s rude to me is to come to someone else without calling first. What’s rude to me is coming at dinner time. What’s rude to me is the two sentences before AND not leaving when you see you came at the wrong time!

Her family is rude, and your wife is not able to see it because she was raised by those people! You were eating a hot meal and you’re supposed to wait until they are ready to leave and then eat cold? They are disrespectful and it’s time for your wife to open her eyes and realize that they are considering your house as theirs, and they have no respect for you as adults. Would they do that to friends or neighbors? Probably not. But it’s their daughter so she has nothing to say! Well, next time, speak first: “I’m sorry but I’m just beginning dinner and I don’t like to eat cold. Please next time, call before coming to our house and try to avoid dinner time. Thank you.”” Lyzab77

Another User Comments:

“Info: Did your wife bring this up because they said something to her? Because if so, it makes them even more insufferable than before. If they didn’t appear uncomfortable and never said anything, she’s probably just trying to redirect and excuse their rude behavior by dropping by unexpectedly and not immediately turning around to leave once they saw you were in the middle of dinner. Either way, NTJ.” Sorsha4564

Another User Comments:

“They are incredibly rude arriving at mealtime and expecting you to wait to finish your meal until they leave.

I’d be really inclined to tell them they’ve arrived at a bad time – you just sat down to a meal, and can they come back later. Or, if you grew up with the same hospitality customs as I did, say that, insist they sit down at the table, and since you obviously don’t have enough food prepared, offer them bread and butter or something similar. It is, actually, rude to continue eating while even uninvited guests aren’t eating, but you can get around that by offering them whatever you can easily offer, make it clear (but not too obvious) that you have to move everyone around to sit down and eat, and apologize profusely, but not entirely honestly, about how badly your feel that they came so unexpectedly that you didn’t have enough food for them, and how much you wish that they’d at least called first so you’d have had time to prepare, and so on and so forth. It’s probably easier to just not open the door, or turn them away at the door, but you might not be able to get away with that since it’s your wife’s home too and she doesn’t see anything wrong with their manners. I think more and more that my parents were right in deciding that meal times were sacrosanct. No visitors (unless invited to eat), no phone calls.” SavingsRhubarb8746

“My partner and I live together in the same apartment complex with his mom and share a carport.

His mom has been having issues because my partner is supposed to keep his belongings covered in the carport because management doesn’t want them out.

This time around, it was his brother, who also lives with us, who had his stuff out, and his mom called my partner upset that stuff was out after asking them many times to keep it covered.

On the phone, my partner listened to his mom upset and when it was his turn to talk, he said with attitude, “Are you done???

Are you done??? That’s my brother’s fault, not mine. Why don’t you call him???” then hung up on her.

After the call, I asked my partner, “Can you please talk to your mom nicer?” Then all heck broke loose.

I understand his frustrations of being accused, but he didn’t have to give her attitude and could have said what he did in a healthier way: “Okay, Mom, I hear you, but this isn’t my fault the stuff isn’t covered. It’s not mine this time, so please go call my brother instead.”

Instead, he got triggered by her and my question, got up, stood in front of me, and started yelling, ranting about how his mom was in the wrong and should have called his brother, not him, and how I don’t defend him when he is right.

When I tried to explain that I just wanted him to talk to his mom in a nicer tone, he wouldn’t have it, got more upset, said I never have his back, and told me to move out.

I understand maybe he was triggered and it wasn’t the right time for me to ask, but I feel he took it to a level ten times worse when all he could have said was, “Not right now.

I’m not in the mood to talk about being nicer to my mom.”

Instead, he told me I should have known to stay out of it and not said anything at all, and in my defense, at least I asked him nicely.

AITJ for asking him to talk nicer to his mom?”

Another User Comments:

“Mostly NTJ – but if you stay in this situation, you know what you’re getting. There is an old saying, “Watch how a guy treats his mom to understand how he’ll treat you.” Not 100% perfect, but it seems pretty accurate here. You’re right to ask your partner to be respectful, but he’s not obligated to be so.

You have a red flag. Are you going to observe it or let it slide? Fast forward 5 years, will he be talking to you like that? Sounds like he already does.” RandomizedNameSystem

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but, um, did you move out? Because you should. Look, no, you should probably not step into the middle of your partner’s relationship with his mom. But this guy was a rude jerk to her, then he was a ruder jerk to you, and then he told you to move out. Here is what’s going to happen if you don’t move out: he’ll know that he can scream at you and threaten to kick you out and you won’t leave him over it.

If you think that discovery is going to make his behavior better, you are very, very wrong.” writinwater

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your partner doesn’t know how to regulate his emotions like a mature adult with healthy coping skills, and more importantly, he doesn’t seem interested in learning to do better or recognizing his own toxic behavior. I’d lose all respect for him immediately after witnessing both the way he spoke to her, and then to you. And then not acknowledging or sincerely immediately apologizing. You apologized for your timing, as you should have. People get upset. We don’t get to explode all over others, especially people that love you that you supposedly care about, too.

He needs therapy to learn better communication skills. Don’t make any kids with this guy. Red flags. I’d be 100% gone, or understand you’re teaching him you tolerate this behavior, too. It is not your job to parent him; he needs to want to do better on his own.” Antelope_31

“I (20F) have chronic neck pain and a diagnosed panic disorder. As part of my pain management and coping skills, I lie down in the bathtub and use the showerhead against my chest. This is relevant because it helps with both my pain and my panic attacks. Additionally, I’m currently sick, and showering has been helping with that, too.

Tonight, I took a shower around 11 PM. Suddenly, I heard a knock on the bathroom door, and my roommate’s (28F) partner (29M) started yelling at me. He demanded to know what I was doing, called me horrible for taking a shower at 11 PM, and accused me of waking him up.

This was especially upsetting because he knows about my pain and panic disorder.

When I got out of the shower, he started the argument again. He brought up that we’re supposed to be quiet after 10 PM (something discussed during a house meeting) as his justification. However, during that meeting, I specifically stated that I might need to take showers after 10 PM due to my health issues, and everyone—including him—agreed. He dismissed this, accusing me of lying because it wasn’t explicitly written in the house rules.

Throughout the argument, he kept interrupting me and became upset when I interrupted him once. Eventually, I lost patience and told him to be quiet. At that point, he began mocking me, making fun of my dyslexia by calling me names and saying I probably can’t read, which is why I’m “breaking the rules.” He also accused me of lying again, claiming I wasn’t taking a shower but actually taking a bath.

He insisted he could hear me lying in the tub. I tried explaining how I shower, but he interrupted me again. (Why does this matter to him?)

The argument became very heated. He accused me of bothering him with my problems and said that other people in the house need to sleep because “some people need to go to school or work tomorrow.” This was a clear jab at me since I’m not currently working or in school due to my poor mental health following a traumatic event.

None of my actual roommates have ever complained about my late showers. In fact, they’ve encouraged it because they understand how severe my pain and panic attacks can be.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Why was he even involved in the meeting where you and your roommates set house rules? And does he realize how creepy he was being? Not to mention ableist and so off-the-charts rude?! And where was your actual roommate while all this was going on? Time for another meeting. Just actual roommates. First item on the agenda: a reminder and acceptance that non-roommates have NO SAY in the household rules and NO ROLE to play in enforcing their interpretation of them. Second item on the agenda: ableism gets you an instant ban from the house. No exceptions. Goodbye, partner.” embopbopbopdoowop

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but you’re still being pretty naive. In your comments, you said that you have a roommate contract and allowed him to have input because he was there so often.

That is completely inappropriate. All of y’all paying roommates reduce your rights in order to accommodate him. Nope. He doesn’t have the right to have complaints unless he is paying. Also, all of my years of watching Judge Judy with my grandma have taught me that a verbal contract does not exist IF you have a written contract. Your contract is those four corners of the page. If your showers aren’t written down on that contract, you need to update it ASAP (especially since we don’t know what your contract has for penalties). I’m also super curious to find out what complaints he had.” Minute-Set-4931

Another User Comments:

“Quiet hours mean no major appliances (washing machine, dryer, dishwasher) or vacuuming.

It means keeping the TV at a reasonable volume, and don’t yell or, if there are people on the floor below you, stomp or move furniture. Bathrooms are available for all of their uses 24/7. If that’s disturbing to him, he can wear earplugs, noise-cancelling headphones or get a white noise machine. But also this yahoo has used up his free ride. He doesn’t get to keep coming over if he’s going to interfere with your reasonable use of your living space like this, and your roommate can get over it. He doesn’t have rights to your space, and your right to use and enjoy your apartment trumps any right of your roommate to have guests over. NTJ.” hexagon_heist

“We are not a wealthy family. We live with a roommate and have 2 children to provide for, and my income covers us, and we fit into the tax bracket for food stamps and Medicaid.

Over the past three years, we’d talked about if we were ever to get married; the price of the ring doesn’t matter—it’s the thought and meaningfulness that counts. She directly pointed out a couple of “On Sale” rings from some websites, and they were all really pretty and in the under $100 range. I bought one.

An $80 ring is not going to turn fingers green, but it also doesn’t have a flashy diamond. I got into a car accident and am basically immobile, so I couldn’t do the whole elaborate proposal that I would have wanted to, but she seemed really eager for a ring, so on New Year’s, I asked, and she seemed surprised, but not in an excited way.

Yesterday, she confronted me about how the ring was only $80—not even $100—and how it made her feel as if she wasn’t worth spending a full paycheck ($700) on. I’m very confused about whether I’m in the wrong here or what exactly happened.”

Another User Comments:

“When I got married, we exchanged gold bands.

We couldn’t afford more. We were so broke at one point that we had to hock his for 5 days until payday. ... Click here to continue reading